I know, I realized I kind of left this fanfiction dropping out into space, but I finally opened up a blank Word document and told myself to write! And the result was what I think is the best chapter in this fanfiction!
I worked on it forever tonight, so be happy with it! xD
Also, I'll be busy debating whether to keep going with more deaths (like I know there are a FEW more, maybe I can even do Rem's death, THAT would be fun) or to end with now with Light's death. I'm going to force myself to make that one TEH BEST EVER.
So tell me what you think, and have fun reading this chapter! It's my favorite. :)
I love you Matt and Mello! (And Near...I love you very much, too)
--
Mello closed his eyes.
He was going to die. As he drove on, he knew it in his bones. The girl was in his truck and everything was moving smoothly, it seemed as if it would work out, but Mello knew it would not. Mello felt it under his skin that he was going to die tonight. Maybe now, maybe in five minutes; the time meant nothing. The only feeling he had was Death running His finger slowly up his skin, making Mello shudder…
And then Mello heard that Matt was dead. Matt, his only friend…his friend since…no, not Matt, anyone but his Matt…. And he apologized out loud to Matt but it didn't help…he had killed Matt. No matter what anyone said, it was his fault, Mello's.
Maybe Mello deserved to die.
--
Mihael was eight.
Running around the streets of nowhere, grinning and giggling as he ate his bread that the priest had given him. "Now don't eat it too fast," the priest had advised, "or you'll give yourself a big ole tummy ache."
Mihael hadn't cared much about getting sick. He got sick all the time. Puking, sneezing; stuff like that didn't matter to him anymore. So he chewed the bread quickly, swallowed it, and ran around the cobblestone streets, laughing at the top of his lungs like the little boy he was. He enjoyed being a little boy. He never wanted to grow up. Growing up meant getting more responsibilities. He wasn't ready for responsibilities.
Mihael didn't even know if he could spell 'responsible.'
Mihael felt his stomach tighten up. He needed to go to the bathroom, but he didn't see one around here. He could go in a shop, maybe. Maybe while he was in the shop he could steal some more food. That would be good. Mihael was hungry, and the priest had said growing boys needed food…
So Mihael hopped inside a shop and put his hands in his pockets, looking innocent. The cashier didn't even bother to look up. Even if the kid did steal something, it probably wouldn't be important. A sucker, maybe, or some stupid meaningless candy like that. The shop's candy was all old anyways.
Mihael walked down the isle, looking at stuff as if he was going to purchase it, and went in the back to where the bathrooms were. He did his business quickly, feeling a little better, but a lot hungrier.
Whistling, Mihael zipped his pants back up and looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was dirty and his face was smudged with mud, but he thought it made him look more boyish. His mom always scolded him on how his features were too girlish and how he needed to look more like a little boy. But Mihael liked the way he looked. Just not when other boys chuckled at him and called him "Miss Mihael Mack." But then Mihael just retorted by sticking his middle finger up at the kids and grimacing. He liked to think of himself as a badass, even at eight years old.
Mihael walked back out to the shop and looked around the candy section, just like the cashier thought he would. The cashier eyed him lazily, looked back down as Mihael looked up at him, and watched the boy look down again from the corner of his glazed eye. He flipped through his magazine. Kids, the cashier snorted in his mind, do they really think we're this stupid?
And yes, of course they did. The cashier watched the boy with the ripped clothing on and the dirty mud-caked face slip a chocolate bar in his pocket, all while glancing around the shop still. Maybe I should ask him if he wants advice, the cashier mused. I could teach him a few tricks on shoplifting.
Mihael stepped back from the wall of glorious candy and looked at it as if debating what he wanted. Then he turned, glancing at the cashier and biting his lip. He forced himself to put one foot in front of the other, not saying a word, heart beating fast.
As the scared little boy pushed the shop door open, the cashier chuckled, "Enjoy that chocolate bar."
Mihael ran from the shop, one hand in his pocket, protecting the candy bar with his life.
He never went into that shop again.
--
Where was his mom?
It was eight in the afternoon, and the sun streamed lazily inside the house, giving off a drowsy, calm feeling. Mihael probably could let this feeling soak in his bones and take a nap, but needed to find his mother first. He had no idea where she went.
When Mihael was a little boy, he didn't to grow up. He wanted to beg his mother for money so he could buy some more chocolate- his tongue had grown accustomed to the taste ever since he stole the chocolate, even though he had never again in his life tasted a chocolate so sweet- all the time, and not worry about the fact that his mother had no money to give. But as Mihael grew up and saw they really had no money, they really had no anything, he stopped asking her for money. As much.
"Mom?"
Mihael was eleven, and he was searching his home for his mother. He had grown his blonde hair out because he did not trust his mother to cut it, and they had no money to get it cut professionally. The hair sometimes bugged him and it stuck to his neck when he got sweaty, but he liked the look.
Although, it did make boys call him a girl more often.
Mihael grimaced as he remembered Lillie Vignt joke about how she thought he was one of her girlfriends from the back of his head. Linda doesn't even have the same hair color as me. Same length, maybe, but she has a more blonde color…
Mihael shook his head. People could be cruel. That was life.
"Mom!"
His shouts became more urgent. Where was she? She was always here when he got home after school. Something about the situation started to make him nervous, and because he felt like he was nervous, he got even more nervous…and soon he was calling out "MOTHER!" over and over again, to no end, his voice becoming raw in his throat, the veins on his neck popping out…
But she never replied.
His mother wasn't home.
When Mihael ran to her room, still screaming her name out, he saw that her closet was completely empty, her dresser bare. The only thing that remained was a simple necklace with a cross at the end, sitting on her pillow, looking like a piece of gold in the middle of a desert.
Mihael picked it up, pressed it to his chest, and sobbed with all his might.
He was alone.
--
It was why he was so cold.
At twelve, still unknowing of what was happening in his life, he was shipped off to Wammy's House.
Mihael barely knew what Wammy's House was, only that the cops were forcing him to move there. He had made it five months in his house without his mother, until one of his stupid teachers noticed that his lunch consisted of chocolate, everyday, just chocolate, and she knew something had to be up. She followed him home from school one day, noticed there was no adult there, and enquired about it. It was then that Mihael broke down and sobbed into her blouse, telling her all that had happened since his mother left him.
The next day Mihael was taken from school to tell the police what had happened. They asked Mihael if he wanted to track down his mother, since they could do that, and they could also put her away for leaving her child. But the thought of seeing her again made him shudder, so he shook his head. He didn't want to see her. He didn't even want to know if she was alive.
Now he was hugging the teacher that found him out. He didn't know whether to have angry feelings toward her or thank her, because he wasn't sure what he should be feeling right now. Should he be angry that the life he was living- the life he hated- was going to change? Or should he be glad that he could finally have a better one?
"'Bye Mihael." The teacher kissed his head, and suddenly Mihael felt his face heat up. The teacher hugged him again and held him out at arms length. "You be a good boy, okay? I heard the man who runs Wammy's House is a real nice man…"
"What's a good boy act like?"
The teacher smiled lightly, running her fingers through his dirty hair. "Just follow the orders you're given and be nice to your roommates. That's what a good boy does. Oh, and a good boy also stays in touch with his teacher. You can do that, can't you?"
Mihael nodded, but in the back of his head he figured that he probably wouldn't stay in touch with her. He didn't want to make bonds with anyone, really. The last person he had loved was his mother, and look what good that did him. So he didn't want to ever love this teacher who seemed like a good person. It would just be easier that way.
"See you around," the little boy, scared and small, said to his teacher as he turned and walked on the train. She blew a kiss to him and clutched at her stomach, remembering the baby she had lost and thinking that he would have been a lot like that one.
--
What was that little boy doing?
Rage flipped in Mello's stomach. THAT WAS HIS FREAKING CHOCOLATE BAR! Who did this boy think he was? Honestly?
"Near, that boy is stealing my chocolate."
Near, the boy with the white hair and the glazed over eyes, who seemed to really love L and want to be exactly like him (to the point that he even sat like him) turned to Mello with an exasperated look on his face. He seemed so much older than he really was, which was probably the reason Mello picked on him so much. But L had picked the two of them to be his successors, so Mello figured they had to stick together somehow. Near was really the only friend he had in this house. And besides L, Mello was the only friend Near had, too.
"Mello, that boy just has some chocolate. You don't know if it's 'yours' or not," Near said in his cool, reasonable voice. It made Mello grimace and press his hands into fists.
"I'm twelve freaking years old, Near. I'm old enough to know when someone's taking something that's mine!"
He had lived in Wammy's house for more than five months now, and the place was finally staring to feel like home. The people here- Watari, whom he met quite frequently, who was also still morning the loss of his sister- were nice and gave him chocolate so much he was going to get lots of cavities if he wasn't careful. He liked it here just fine. It was better than 'home.'
Mello marched over to the red headed boy and growled. The boy looked innocently back up at him, the chocolate bar hanging out of his mouth loosely. There were stains around his lips from it.
"You're eating my chocolate," Mello said now, his voice tight.
The boy only blinked at him, one eyebrow raised. "Ginger! You're eating my chocolate!" Mello repeated. The cruel name- "Ginger" a word that Mello heard used around the adults as they joked about this red head that worked in the kitchen- didn't affect the other boy in the least. He probably didn't even know what it meant.
"This is my chocolate. The nice ladies gave it to me."
"What's your name?" Near was beside him now. Mello could see the bright white from the corner of his eye. He wanted to growl and tell him to get away, he wanted to grab the chocolate out of this boy's grimy hand and eat it himself, but he could only stare at the boy, who regarded Near coolly. His eyes roamed over both of the boys, giving them the up and the down.
"The name's Matt. And you two?"
"I'm Near."
"Mello."
"Is that the name they gave you?"
"Yeah. My real name is-"
"Don't tell me it. I don't wanna know."
The urgency of his tone made Mello cut off real quick. He shrunk back. His earlier characterization of this boy who was eating his chocolate quickly disappeared. Suddenly he found himself wanting to be friends with him. And he didn't know why.
"Matt's not your real name either?"
"No, but I didn't want to go with something that would be obvious that it wasn't a real name, like Mello."
"L-"
"Yes, I figured that. And I figured that you were proud of it, too. So good for you, really. I'm glad that you're happy with that silly name." Matt took another bite of the chocolate and put it down beside him, pressing his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs. "What's there to do for fun around this place?"
Mello stared at him, in shock. He had no idea that this boy and him would become best friends.
--
It was nearing Christmas, and Mello was thirteen.
Near ticked him off, really. But he still wanted to get him a good Christmas present. He didn't know what it was about Near that kept him being his friend, since he barely ever talked and when he did he wanted to talk about L, and if he was safe, and he was always worried about him since they barely heard from him now that he took on the Kira case. But nevertheless, Near was always there for him when Matt wasn't, and Mello let him tag along. Matt would stand in the middle of the two of them, his arms outstretched and wrapped around each of their shoulders.
And what to get Matt?
Matt liked video games, but Mello didn't have enough money to get him any of those. Maybe he'd tell Watari the game that Matt had wanted and been talking about forever, and maybe he could get it for him. As far as what Mello himself would get Matt…
Mello walked in the store and looked around. This time he had money and he wouldn't be stealing anything. Twenty dollars. Twenty dollars he had collected from sweating and asking Watari for work, if he could trim the shrubs so he could get his friends good Christmas presents…
Coming into Wammy's House, he told himself he would not make attachments. But it seemed as if fate brought the three kids together. The three kids who were all L's successors, who were all destined to bring down Kira if L were to fail or…die. The three of them had to stick together. It was just that simple.
And Mello loved both of them.
Even Near, who had become like a little (annoying, but nevertheless) brother to him. Even he loved Near. If Near was to suddenly die the next day, Mello would weep and weep. He would weep more for Matt, of course, this was just a fact that his thirteen year old self didn't feel the need to hold back. But he would weep for both of them.
"Hello young man." The lady who worked at the register said, grinning and leaning over to look at him better. Mello couldn't help but thinking about the night he stole the candy bar. The differences were that he was older, smarter, and he was more presentable looking. And he was coming in here for a good reason, for his friends. Not just to steal.
"Do you have any toys?"
"Toys? Of course we do young man. Buying for yourself?"
Mello shook his head. "A Christmas present, for my two friends."
The lady grinned and her face lit up. Mello felt his soul feel a bit lighter. He knew he was doing something nice- this was the first Christmas all three boys were spending together, and he had to make it special- but he felt like he wanted to do this. He wasn't just going to do it to better himself. He wanted to see Matt and Near's face light up as they opened their presents.
"That's a mighty nice cross you have hanging on your neck."
"It was my mom's."
He said no more on the subject. He had been wearing this cross without thought since he found it on his mother's pillowcase the day she left. The day that changed his whole life. At first he thought it was kind of ironic, like his mother was leaving him but giving him God at the same time. But now he thought that the cross was just a reminder from God, telling him that God was making Mello's mom leave so that he could go to Wammy's house and meet Matt and Near. That's why she left, right? So he could start a new life with his amazing friends?
So he could experience what love was like.
"Here's the toy isle. Anything specific in mind?"
Mello found a puzzle with 1,000 pieces in it. He had never seen Near play with a puzzle before, but he thought that would be the type of thing he'd like. Figuring out which piece fit next to which. He held it tight to his chest as he looked around for Matt's present.
And then he saw it. Sitting there, in a simple plastic case, were a pair of brilliant goggles. They were silver, and the lenses were orange. Mello had no idea why he thought Matt would like them, but he figured they would look good on him. So he pointed to them and watched the lady take them down for him, giving him it with a smile. Mello cradled the presents in his arms, grinning.
--
And finally, it was Christmas.
The boy had run down to meet his two friends. Grinning, he accepted Matt's hand and they ran in front of Near, who tailed behind without a word. They both knew that Near was sad that L would not be here this Christmas, but he would just have to suck it up and be happy for the people that were here today.
They all sat around a big tree, with Watari sitting near the circle, grinning. He passed each of them a special present. Mello watched Matt open his first; it was the video game that Mello recommended to Watari. Matt squealed and got up to hug Watari, who chuckled and hugged him back. Then Matt went back to his spot next to Mello, hugging him gently.
"Why are you hugging me?" Mello whispered into his ear, confused but very glad for the hug. He liked when Matt would show him affection.
"You're the reason for this gift, I'm sure." So Matt knew. They both laughed and hugged each other once more, until they broke off.
Near got a "Japanese to English" dictionary, which he seemed to love very much, and Mello opened his present to find a pair of leather gloves. He put them on right away.
Then all the kids handed Watari their presents. Mello didn't have any money to give him a present, so he made him a card, but he seemed to love it all the same. Watari got up and hugged each of the kids separately. Mello felt his soul dance.
Then the boys gave their individual presents to each other. Near gave Matt a pillow that looked like the mushroom from Mario Brothers. He really loved that, and gave Near a tight hug. Near grinned and hugged him back. Then Near gave Mello his present, which was a huge chocolate bear. Mello laughed and thanked Near, who nodded and shrugged at the same time.
Matt grinned and squealed, "Me next!" and handed each of the boys his present. Matt had given him a "Who Done It?" book (which Near solved that day) to which Near was very excited about.
And then the boys turned to Mello as he fingered the wrapping paper. Mello opened his present from Matt very carefully and looked inside. There was nothing but a tiny piece of paper. Mello took it out and read it to himself.
I love you.
"I'm sorry Mello. I had no money to buy any gifts, even Near's gift was actually something that I had gotten a while ago from my-"
But Mello didn't care. Suddenly he felt himself jumping onto Matt, hugging him to his chest in a wild rollercoaster of emotion. He didn't know what he was feeling (he didn't know it bordered on romantic feelings) but he just knew that this note meant the world to him. Matt said nothing, but only hugged him back. Mello even felt him kiss his cheek.
A little while later (Mello wasn't sure how long they sat hugging each other, but it didn't feel that long) Mello and Matt separated and Mello pocketed the note, hoping he'd never lose it. He wanted it with him when he died.
"My gifts."
Near gave him a hug (which was very unlike him, he didn't like affection of any sort) and said how he was anxious to try it, and that he's never done a puzzle before.
When Matt opened his gift, his eyes widened and he stared at the goggles. Then he slowly, deliberately, turned to Mello and his mouth opened. "How did you know these were the pair I wanted?"
"I…I didn't know." Mello's head spun and he remembered how the goggles just stood out to him, and how he just felt like they were right for Matt. He knew why, now. He didn't understand it, but he knew.
"I love you, Mello." Hearing it aloud made all the difference. Mello shivered and threw his arms around Matt for the third time, not caring that they were hugging more than they had hugged in their lifetime on this one Christmas day.
"I love you too, Matt." And they cried together, for no reason, except for the reason they knew that they would have to part at some time.
--
And now Mello was fourteen.
Fourteen.
And L was dead.
Dead, gone, non-existent anymore.
He would not longer breathe this air.
And Watari.
Where was Watari?
Where…where was anyone?
Mello was so angry, he ripped apart his room, screaming at the top of his lungs. Matt tried to calm him down, but nothing would work. Near sat in the corner of the room, Near, who was going to be L's first successor, seeming to mock him with the calm stare. Mello screamed again.
"I HATE YOU, NEAR!"
He meant it.
"Mello, stop, you don't mean it, Mello-" Matt's reasoning meant nothing.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!"
Mello ripped away from Matt, sobbing and running down the stairs. He ripped his cross necklace off and flung it behind him. The note that he had taped to the back of the cross landed on the floor next to where the cross was. Mello didn't see Matt pick it up.
Mello flew through the doors of Wammy's House, screaming at the top of his lungs.
--
Mello sat with the envelope Matt sent him, sobbing again.
It had only been a couple months since he left Wammy's House in such a state. Had it only been a couple months? Mello didn't know. He should get a hold of Near, though, whom he hated, whom he really, honestly, really hated, and see if he was making progress on the Kira case.
Mello gritted his teeth. Stupid Near. Stupid Near and his cool, calm stare. And when he learned his precious L was dead! It was like it didn't phase him. He didn't care.
That is why he hated Near.
Tears dripped on the paper as Mello read over the letter Matt sent him. The letter and the necklace, with the note that said "I love you" still taped onto the back, intact. He held it to his heart as he read.
Mello,
I miss you, Mello. So much. It's like half of my heart- or all of it, I can't really tell; once one part of your heart is gone it feels like all of it- Mello knew how this felt, for he felt it too just split off when you left like that. I need you back with me. I need you, Mello.
I love you.
-Matt
Mello pocketed the paper and wiped his tears away. He was going to find Matt, now. He needed him, too.
Putting on the cross, he took out another chocolate bar and took a bite. He felt like crap.
--
And now Mello was sitting with Matt, and they were discussing their death.
Well, not their death. But each of them figured that this was not going to end well. Neither of them voiced this, but each of them felt the cold stir in the air as they talked about how the kidnapping would go down.
Matt was wearing his goggles as he always was and Mello was wearing his cross. The message Mello sent to him all those years ago was in his pocket, too. The wrapper that held the chocolate bear- which Mello had eaten fast, resulting in a stomach ache- that Near had gotten him for Christmas laying next to it. He still didn't like Near, but having that near him made him feel better.
"Are you ready?"
"No." Matt grinned, but the grin was off, uneasy. "Let's do this."
They hugged each other once more and parted. Mello clutched his cross and prayed for strength.
--
Matt.
I don't deserve to live…no, no, I killed Matt…there's no reason to live anymore, no, not really…never…
Matt!
Mello turned off the radio and pressed the gas pedal harder. He was going to die now. Whether that lady killed him, Kira killed him, or the paint of the heartbreak itself killed him, he didn't care. Matt was dead. What was there to live for anymore? What was the point?
Images ran through his mind. Matt, standing there, grinning. Matt, holding out his hand. Matt…Matt was his best friend, and now he was gone.
I love you.
What was love?
His heart beat faster. He wondered how it could still be beating when Matt was dead. Shouldn't it stop too? Shouldn't it…shouldn't it…
And then he felt it. He clutched his hand to his chest, and laughed.
Yes. Yes. Finally. Stop, oh stupid heart, stop so I can be with Matt…
Before his heart stopped completely, Mello wrapped his fingers around his cross and dug in his pocket to find the note and the wrapper and held them tight in his fist. The only thing he wanted to be with him when he crossed over, if he couldn't have Matt.
Oh, he'd be seeing Matt. If he didn't, he'd try his best to find him.
Matt…I…I…oh, Matt…
His heart gave another jerk. He felt his brain go numb.
I…love…
What was love? Love was Matt.
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned-
Where had that come from? The thought entered his mind quickly and was gone just as fast as it came-
Oh, Matt, please help me, it hurts-
Did Matt go through this hurt? Did he feel this pain when he-
Please Matt, please let me know you're okay, I need to know now-
The car smashed into the building. The car crumbled and building shattered around him; the woman screamed. He heard none of it. Nothing mattered.
Oh, Matt, please, please Matt, I'm scared, I-
Love you.
--
Wow, that was amazing.
Thank you for reading it! Review and such if it's not too much of a hassle!