A prelude to a storm
- Hiroki -
XX
"The director's brat will be staying around your place, won't he?" I say as I enter the literature office, swinging my bag onto the table. Too much force. It slides along the table and skids over the other end with a soft 'whump.'
"It's a huge pain," he sighs and snuffs out the cigarette he was smoking. My eyes narrow at the overflowing ashtray. At the rate he's going, he'll be sending himself to an early grave. I don't think he cares though.
"What do you think? Want me to steer clear of your place for a while?" I offer because I know he's going to have it tough, and me being there isn't going to help the slightest. Even though I'd rather stay with him, even though I don't really want to return to my gapingly empty apartment, I offer to take back my overnight things instead of imposing on him.
"If you wouldn't mind. Sorry, Kamijou."
"I don't really care," I shrug, "at least he's not staying around my place."
I don't say, 'but what am I supposed to do then?' or 'so you're just going to push me aside to make room for this brat?' and he doesn't say 'screw it, Shinobu's gonna have to deal with it' or 'don't worry, I'll work something out for both of us.' We're adults. We know that we have to compromise. Some things just have to take precedence over our relationship. There's nothing anyone can do about it.
Miyagi finishes another cigarette and pulls the last one from his pack.
I wrinkle my nose. I'm used to the smell of smoke because of Akihiko, but that does not mean I like it all that much. "You look like you're gonna die," I mutter.
"Why, thank you, Kamijou," Miyagi chuckles. "Honestly, the kid goes on about Fate this and Fate that, how I should take responsibility and stuff like that. I wonder if it's Australia that's done this to him. He's got some twisted logic."
Maybe. If Australia gives you twisted logic, then America turns you into a promise-breaking, never-calling, insensitive idiot.
"Responsibility?" I ask. This makes Miyagi freeze. He looks like a deer caught in the head-lights.
"Uh, it's nothing!" he says hastily and quickly returns to his paper work. How suspicious.
I don't call him on it though, I just shrug and say nonchalantly; "Whatever. If you need a break you can always drop by my place."
This, of course, sends Miyagi spiralling back to playful-mode. "Oh Kamijou!" he suddenly wails and throws himself on top of me, rubbing his cheek against mine like some damn animal. "You are my one source of solace in this crazy, uncontrollable world!" he sighs melodramatically. I push him back but the onslaught continues.
"Miyagi!"
The door to the literature office bursts open. I can tell straight away that it's not one of our students even without looking at that light hair and eyes. Our students would be too afraid to do anything more than knock and wait for half an hour.
Shinobu freezes as he stares down at us, our clothes ruffled and on top of each other, sprawled across the office floor. Ah, now this is a compromising position.
"I…I'll just excuse myself now," I cough and untangle myself from under Miyagi in order to quickly make a clean exit.
Miyagi calls me back as if I'm betraying his trust by leaving him at the mercy of the director's brat but I don't care. As I pass, Shinobu glares at me. I don't bother glaring back.
XX
"We saw that guy you usually hang out with. What was his name?" Akihiko told me when he came round to drop off some books. It caught me by surprise. Trust Akihiko to be so damn blunt.
"Kusama-san," his little boy-toy supplied. "Kusama Nowaki."
Honestly, I didn't know Akihiko had those kind of tastes. Even though Takahiro was a total air-head, I could somewhat understand the attraction but this new development has me completely baffled. Sure, Takahashi is a little cute, but he's nothing like his brother. They don't even look alike! Besides, how could he get over Takahiro just to move on to the brother? That's - that's…not normal! It's not normal, is it?
Well, whatever makes Akihiko happy I guess. That obsession over Takahiro was definitely no good for him. Huh, at least someone's happy here.
"Oh, you saw Nowaki? I see…" My pride would not allow me to ask after his health. He's a doctor anyway, he knows how to take care of himself.
Akihiko glanced over to Takahashi. "Misaki, could you give us a minute?"
Misaki. He calls him by his first name…whilst Takahashi refers to Akihiko by that ridiculous rabbit nickname. It reminded me a little of myself and Nowaki. Miyagi still calls me Kamijou. I still call him Miyagi. It doesn't really matter, a name is just a name after all.
"S- sure," Takashi looked a little hurt but he did not protest. What does Akihiko see in him anyway?
Once alone, Akihiko placed a hand on my arm. "Hey, what's up with you?" he asked, in that same soft, caring voice that I fell in love with. Akihiko is unbearably kind. I wished that he would not be so concerned, it makes me feel even more pathetic. It was almost crushing; both that arm and his voice.
"What are you talking about? Listen to people when they're talking, Bakahiko! I'm fine!" I laughed but I did not look at him.
His hand reached out for my hair. It was so familiar, for a moment it sent my head reeling back to the past when everything was so damn simple and I was just some wide-eyed, clueless kid grasping at dreams.
"Idiot. Don't make me worry about you. I'm busy enough as it is."
"You're the idiot, Bakahiko."
XX
It's been weeks yet wonder I what he's up to. How pathetic is that? Even though I was the one who broke it off, even though I told him that I didn't want to see him again, I can't keep my mind from wandering back those six years. I tell myself, even if I saw him again, I wouldn't take him back. I don't need him anymore.
Why do I keep lying? Even to myself. I can never say what I really feel, I can't handle anything too truthful. If I tell the truth, I'll commit myself, and I don't want to get too involved in anything as uncertain as that. I want to keep at a safe distance from everyone at all times.
Thinking about it, what was I so scared of? I just got hurt anyway so that obviously did not work.
The door bell rings. I forget that I'm supposed to be reading; there's a book in my hand which I haven't so much as looked at. I hold it open at the page I'm supposed to be at and get up to answer the door.
My first thought is Nowaki, but he doesn't know where I live now so that's impossible. I think it's probably Akihiko come back to pester me again. Except it's neither.
It's Miyagi. And he looks totally serious. He paints an odd picture, standing in front of my door in a casual suit with the setting sun to his back and a sour look on his face. He looks a little pissed off too.
"Miyagi?"
The last time I saw him, he was struggling with the director's brat. Before I can invite him in, however, he opens his mouth and says; "Hey, Kamijou, put me up here for a while, will you?"
I admit, I'm a little stunned. I think that's why he looks so damn sour. I know that I did make the offer before, but we don't normally intrude on each other's life like this; it's become something of an unspoken rule. I open the door wide for him and he steps into the front room. He's crossing a line and I'm not really sure what to make of it. Then again, he's probably just as baffled as well. Probably.
He takes a glance around my apartment, at the mess of books and paper that I haven't bothered to clear away since I officially broke up with Nowaki. His eyes are full of disinterest. I told him my apartment was like a library so he should not be surprised.
"I didn't think you'd actually take me up on my offer so soon," I close the door behind him. "And? Has the great Professor Miyagi run out of steam so soon? Can't even baby-sit a little brat?" I try smiling.
That smile is probably wiped off my face in a second. I wonder what I must look like. He's holding me. Too tight. Is he trying to squeeze me to death?
"M - Miyagi!" I wheeze. What's gotten into him all of a sudden? He's acting strange.
"Kamijou, can you kiss me for a minute?" his voice is breathless and hoarse. Is this really Miyagi?
"Well, I'm not sure if I can be that precise about time but - "
Again, his kiss silences me, but there's something so desperate about it that it knocks my breath away, something strangely lonely even though I am with him right now and we're kissing. I'm seriously worried right now. What could have happened to him?
I lean forward to deepen the kiss. Maybe if I do, it won't seem so lonely. I don't want to admit it, but whilst the brat has been staying at Miyagi's place, I've come to realise how empty my apartment is despite the clutter of books.
His hands fumble at my buttons and he peels off my shirt but, though I like the feel of his rough hands against my bare skin, I push him back before he can work his way further down.
"M - Miyagi!" I begin to protest. He wraps his arms all the way around me and pulls me closer without a word. I'm worried. This isn't how he usually acts. "Seriously, what's wrong with you?" I ask as we both sink to the floor, my hands holding on to his shoulders to guide him down.
"Nothing. I'm just tired," he kneels down. I too sit with my back against the wall and he rests his head against my shoulder, slowly closing his eyes.
It's weird. He always seems so lively and amiable in public. Don't become jaded, stupid Miyagi, don't become like me. Or are you already there?
"Huh, you're such a baby," I murmur and, a little awkwardly, ruffle his hair. He makes a faint grunting sound, which seems to be an acknowledgment but I'm not sure.
With my book in my hands, I flip the page and stare at the characters without taking anything in. We sit in silence, I listening to the soft sound of Miyagi's breathing, and Miyagi trying to forget whatever it is that's going on in his life so that he can sleep.
We sit in perfectly balanced silence and, for a moment at least, everything seems so peaceful.
I flip the page without so much as looking at it.
I remember reading a book a long time ago. I forgot the title. I've read a lot of books over the years but this one was special. It was stupid and cliché and had a crap ending and I absolutely hated it. I was a university student back then so I was always strapped for cash and that purchase felt so bitter to me because it seemed like a phenomenal waste of money.
Yet I remember it so clearly, as clearly as one of Akihiko's books, which I always take the time to read slowly, letting every word sink in before turning the page. It was about a tribe of people. When the summer solstice comes, the men return from the plains and stay there with the women until the winter solstice when they leave again to hunt until summer.
It was about this woman who was promised to marry the head of the tribe upon the summer solstice, yet she fell in love with another man and planned to marry him instead. Such a stupid, mushy cliché.
Except, when the summer solstice came, and the men returned, she did not marry the one she loved and chose the other man instead.
I thought that she was a coward, and unbearably stupid to boot. I hate weak characters like that, and she was exceptionally weak, too afraid of losing happiness to try and grasp it, too scared of committing her heart that she would throw it to someone she did not love instead.
But Miyagi presses against me as he sleeps on my shoulder, his brow slightly furrowed - maybe he's having a bad dream - and I am well aware that I too am a coward.
XX
I wanted to skip today. After what happened yesterday, I was afraid that things would be awkward between Miyagi and me. I don't want other things changing in my already unstable life, at least with Miyagi I can predict what he's going to do and say. No, that's not right, a man does not run away!
"Ka-mi-jou! Did you make me a bento full of love?" Miyagi catches up to me as I make my way to M university. Oh, good, I'm secretly relieved that he's back to his usual self, though I think he may have just become ten times as annoying.
"Like hell I would!" I snap back. My usual response. Let's try to restore normality here, shall we?
"Oh, don't be such a stranger, Kamijou, not after all we've been through!" he catches me in a bear hug, trying to press his lips against my cheek.
No, things aren't back to normal. He's overcompensating. If only I had gone out yesterday instead of staying at home.
"I don't care about that stuff!" I growl and pry him off of me. I don't want to be groped here, in front of all the other students who pass us by on their way to university.
"Miyagi!"
We both stop and turn. The sudden interruption makes Miyagi relinquish his grip and I manage to stumble free. The director's kid is there, storming towards us without a care. I sigh and think of it as an annoyance but Miyagi is obviously much more irked about this turn of events.
"Shinobu," Miyagi's teasing tone has suddenly shifted to a serious one. He frowns humourlessly at the kid. "I thought I told you not to interfere with my work."
Ah. That's another thing Miyagi and I have in common; we're both totally dedicated to our work. Everything else, comes second to our jobs. Everything.
The kid looks a little hurt but he does not let his insecurities get to him. Brave kid. He's still weird though.
"I know. I know that, but I can't leave you be until you act like a man and take responsibility!" he demands.
Now this is news to me. "Oh? What, did you do something naughty, Professor? What did you do? Steal this boy's chastity?" I laugh. Shinobu swiftly looks away, glaring at the ground and Miyagi suddenly tenses and avoids my gaze.
Oh, crap! What's this? I was only joking about the chastity part!
"It's nothing like that!" Miyagi quickly jumps in to assure me of his upstanding citizenship. Yeah right, I know just what kind of pervert he really is. "Shinobu," he turns to the boy, forcing a smile, "is just a little delusional."
"Don't call me delusional!" the boy snaps. "I know you said you're in a relationship but I would love you ten times more than anyone else could possibly love you!"
Um…is this a love confession I'm hearing? From a guy seventeen years younger than Miyagi no less! This can't be legal.
"Besides, if you don't try something new, how will you know what's right for you? You should just sleep with me, even if it's just a try-out!" he continues angrily. Miyagi was right; that's some twisted logic right there. "Anyway, what's so great about that person?"
"Shinobu!" Miyagi snaps, earning him and irritated; "What?" from Shinobu, who glares at him as heatedly as Miyagi is glaring back.
He jabs a thumb in my direction. Great, he just had to drag me into this stupid affair. I don't really want to get involved in something like this. "'That person' happens to be right in front of you!" he declares, glancing sideways at me. I try to suppress my groan.
For most part, it shuts the kid up. I've never seen such an incredulous expression.
"N - No way! What?" he looks as though he cannot believe it. Those strangely blue eyes are wide with disbelief. Maybe he was not expecting Miyagi to be dating another man.
"Yes, really," he replies tersely, his patience wearing thin. There must be something special about the brat after all because I've rarely seen Miyagi like this. "I told you, I don't date brats and I'm in a relationship already. Give it up."
The kid still has that dumb, surprised look on his face He glances from Miyagi to me and then back again. Then he says it.
"You two don't look like you're in love."
"Shinobu!" Miyagi quickly scolds him but it doesn't really matter.
At any other time, at any other place, if it had been any other person, I would have yelled at them, or at least bitten back with some scathing retort. Now, in this time, at this place, in front of this person, I can do neither. His words cut right through me. Because I know that they're true.
I am not in love with Miyagi. Not at all.
It's a Miyagi chapter next and we get to find out what happened between him and Shinobu. Please look forward to it!