Part one of Light's fantastic amazing part. I hope you enjoy it!

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The colors in the ceiling danced above him, mocked him.

Maybe if his lungs could work, he would laugh. But his lungs didn't seem to be able to work, nor was his heart working properly either. Each beat was as cut off as the next, each thump a painful stabbing in his useless chest. He wanted it all to end but he didn't know how to make it end quicker. So he just sat there and let the blood spill out of his body at a slow, agonizing pace…let his heart slowly come to a stop and his lungs collapse in his ribcage. He could take this…he could…

Another painful thump, then five seconds, another. He wondered how long he could take the pain. Not very long, he imagined.

At least he would leave nothing behind. Nothing of importance, anyhow.

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The first memory Light Yagami ever had took place when he was four.

He was sitting in a sled and his father was pulling him by a rope. Light remembered yelling and screaming with joy, and oh, how the memory always made him feel nostalgic for childhood again. The feeling of being free, feeling the snow lightly drift into his face and the bright sun shining down on his back- that was peace. Even though it was thirty degrees outside, the sun made it feel fifty. It was a perfect day for sledding. For being a kid.

His father was laughing at Light's insane laughter as he ran up the hill with Light trailing behind on his makeshift sled. They had made it - Light and his father - just that morning, laughing and gluing together cardboard parts and writing "Light's Rocket" on the bottom. Light thought that was the coolest title for a sled ever. Light's Rocket. Light decorated it with a bunch of stickers he had collected from his preschool and a bunch of glitter his mother had borrowed from the lady next door. It glittered exceptionally well in the light of the sun. Light couldn't imagine any other day as perfect as this one.

Once at the top of the hill, Light's father went behind him and kneeled down. He kissed his son's head once before asking, his breath coming out in a white cloud, "Are you ready, son?"

Light wasn't sure whether to shake his head or nod, because the hill below him looked both exciting and scary at the same time. Light was only about three feet six inches at the time, and the hill had to be at least three times his height. To a meek little kid, nine feet is a bunch. Nine feet is like the shadows in the closet.

"Y-yes," Light finally said, because he wanted to seem old in front of his father. He braced himself when his father tensed up and placed his hands on the back of the sled, moving his legs to get ready to push Light's sled down the hill. Light's breathing became funny. It was the very first time he had felt genuine fright

"One," his father began, tensing up to push, "two……….THREE!"

And before Light could shout stop, or that he was scared, or he wanted his father to go with him, he was flying down the hill, and instead of screams rupturing from his throat, it was giggles. He was having fun. Light's hair- long even when he was a little boy; he never cut it short- flew back behind his head and his face was constantly being whipped with cold wind. And he was enjoying it! It was the most fun thing he had ever experienced!

Once he got to the bottom of the hill, he could feel his father call down to him and make sure he was okay. After replying, the weirdest thought came to his mind: A moment of fear is worth any enjoyment.

Light was grinning. The sun bounced off his white teeth.

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"Mom?"

Light was writing his graduation speech. He was top of his kindergarten class, and everyone in the school was more hyped up about it than he, himself, was. He was more excited about being able to get in the front of the room and talking to the parents. He loved controlling a room.

"Yes, Light dear?" His mother came around the corner, holding a basket full of clothes on her hip. She was a good mother, Light thought absently. He had no idea why he used the past tense, nor did he recognize he did. He was focusing on the words he had written in his big boy handwriting, which was elegant for even a kindergartner, and not on what he was thinking about.

"What's another word for 'moving forward'?"

"Progressing." Light's mother smiled at him, and started walking forward again. "Using that word and you'll have your audience captured."

Light went back to his room and used the word many, many times.

As he wrote the rest of his speech, he thought about what he had heard his father talking about with his mother, about them moving to Japan because they had the best accelerated schooling there. Light is accelerating too fast, dear; we have to take him out of America and move him to a place where they can help him instead of hurt.

Light supposed, in a way, his father was right. The kindergarten class he was in made him feel like a newborn baby. How to write your name; how to sing the ABCs; how to color in the lines. All the things one learned in kindergarten, Light could do with his eyes closed and his hands tied behind his back. That made him a little worried, but at the same time he felt special; all the other kids were just learning, struggling, but Light, he was doing it effortlessly. It made him feel like…like he was superior. And he liked that feeling.

But Japan? In an accelerated school? There he wouldn't feel superior. What if he had the lowest IQ in the class? What if he was the one struggling to learn something while the other kids laughed and mocked him, calling him things like, "Slow Boy" and "Dumb Pants"? He couldn't handle that. He'd rather be bored in regular classes than be called Slow Boy.

But he noticed a visible air of excitement around his father, and he couldn't bring himself to tell him that he really didn't want to leave America. Even though the fear of being called "Slow Boy" was crawling on his spine, he couldn't even mention the new moving situation. He just couldn't do it.

Maybe it won't be so bad, Light thought. Maybe I'll like it in Japan.

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Light was ten, and he was experiencing his first crush.

Living in Japan was new. Everything was new. The girls- although pretty- had not captured his interest as a young boy developing hormones. But, one day as he tapped his pencil against his desk, bored even in the highly accelerated classes, the door opened and a little mousy girl stepped in (stepped or stumbled, take your pick) and Light's whole world seemed to flip.

Hair done up in a pony, eyes glittering and wide; she was cute and sweet looking at the same time. She glanced over the room and muttered a greeting to the teacher, handing her a note. The teacher said to sit down and the girl replied in almost perfect Japanese, although she was clearly from America. Light was envious of her talents; he was still struggling just a tad bit with the language, although he knew enough to survive, and the teachers spoke English.

The girl who came into the room so randomly went to the second row of desks and sat right down. Of course, she picked the desk next to Light. Light opened his book and pretended to be reading it, for a lack of anything better to do. It was study time, but he had nothing to study.

"Whatchya reading?" the girl asked, her voice high and polite. Light held off turning red and held up the cover for the girl to see. Her face cleared and she nodded her head.

"A History of Japan," she read, raising her eyebrows. "You read about the history of Japan often?"

Light turned red, placing the book back down on the desk and looking away. "I…I moved here from America, so it's…interesting to me."

"I'm from America too. Well, I was born there. My parents taught me English so that's how I learned it. I'm not that great." The girl relaxed in her seat and crossed her arms over her stomach. Then her perfect voice rang out again. "What's your name?"

"Light. Light Yagami."

"Hello Light-kun. My name is Lillie. It's a very American name."

At the use of the honorific, Light's face turned a violent shade of red and his eyes widened to baseball-size. Gradually, he found his voice again, and found himself trying her name out on his tongue. "Lillie. I like that name."

The girl grinned, closing her eyes and resting on her desk. "School is so boring," she sighed. "I hate it…"

But Light now had a reason to love school. Everyday, Lillie sat next to him and they asked each other questions that seemed silly but, in reality, were great tools to get to know each other. Light used his questions slyly; he asked her things that would make him better know what she looked for in a guy. One time Lillie even asked him if he would marry her and Light found his face break out into a shade of red that wasn't even on the color spectrum. He only found himself asking what the meaning behind that question was, and Lillie averted the answer, looking very disappointed.

And then one day something happened.

Lillie came to school, as usual, and sat down beside Light, as usual. But she did not turn to him, grin, and say, "Hello, Light-kun!" as usual. Nor did she turn to him at all.

Eventually, Light tapped her on the shoulder. She didn't turn toward him. She didn't acknowledge the tap. Light found his heart sinking into his stomach, and he felt rather sick. But he couldn't say anything. He couldn't ask her why she wasn't talking to him. He was afraid to open his mouth.

Eventually, when it was time for lunch, he took Lillie's hand and pulled her away from the crowd. He watched Lillie's face- surprised and guarded- watch him carefully.

"What?" Her tone was impatient and snappy.

"Why are you acting like this?"

"What, exactly, am I acting like?"

"You're ignoring me and…being cold."

Lillie said nothing, again. As Light blinked at her, he felt his stomach turn into a pit of ice; he felt nothing. As she said nothing, his heart stopped feeling anything, and his stomach, his soul, his everything stopped feeling, too. Light wondered for a second if this is what it felt to have your heart break. Is this what his mommy felt whenever she cried over his father not coming home? Is this what all those stupid girls on those stupid television shows felt when they cried over their exes? Light had no idea, but if it was, he suddenly felt like he could sympathize with the crying women. They had every reason in the world to cry.

"I hate you."

The words were not Lillie's. They belonged to Light. It was not (no, not really) Light who said it, but it was Light's voice, Light's mouth that let the words escape. It was some deeper part of Light that he had not known had been developing. His inhumanity. It was as if another vessel was inside his body and was now controlling his mouth, his heart, and what he was feeling. Because first he felt hurt, and then he felt nothing, and now he was angry. And he never felt so many emotions before in such a short time.

"You don't hate me."

"Oh, I do!"

"No, you don't. You really don't." And there it was again! The anger in his stomach had simmered down and now he felt empty again. As if he was pregnant with the hate and had a miscarriage. He felt his face flush back to normal, felt his hands unclench from when he had them in tight fists. Now he was staring at Lillie, who was looking at him with sadness in her eyes.

"I don't. But you hate me," Light finally said, bowing his head and feeling tears produce in his eyes. Now he was crying? Why was he feeling so many things in so short a time? Should he be worried? Should he go to nurse?

Oh, Lordy Lord, this must be heartbreak.

"I don't hate you, Light, I just…" She broke off there, looking away at all the kids passing by the couple and going to the lunchroom. They were all carrying some sort of food. Light felt his stomach growl and he knew that Lillie must be hungry, too, but he didn't want to let her go yet. Not just yet.

"Just what, Lillie? What?!"

"My friends told me you're a bad person, Light Yagami." Before answering, Light let these words drift around him, let his stomach fade back into the nothingness he felt now. Bad person. Like the criminals his daddy caught? Light wasn't bad, not like them. Light was good. Light was going to grow up to catch those criminals that made Daddy's work so hard. Light wasn't like them one bit, he was good. Or at least, he thought, but…

"You cheat on your tests, I heard. That's why you're the top of the class. You couldn't make it otherwise, they say. They say-"

"Screw your friends," Light said, grimacing at Lillie. "You know me better than any of your stupid friends ever could. Do you think I could cheat on tests? Have you ever seen me cheat on tests?"

Lillie's face became unsure. She shifted her weight from one foot to the next, holding her backpack up with both her hands. Her eyes kept moving to and from the busy students, longing to leave Light and join them. Probably join her friends, the no good icky gross STUPID friends of hers that say I cheat on my tests. She probably wants to tell them all about the meeting she had with LIGHT YAGAMI, TEST CHEATER.

"I've got to go, Light."

"No, you don't, you really-"

"I really do. I'll see you around, okay?"

"I really like you, Lillie!"

I really like you and I really like everything about you even now if you wanted to me my friend again I WOULD and I wish you would ask me this but look, you're walking away now and there's nothing I can say to stop you. You don't want to be stopped. You won't see me around because you don't like me and you never will like me again but…I really like you, still, even if all the rest of that is true.

Lillie smiled sadly, touching Light's shoulder for one instance, then turning around. "I really liked you too, Light Yagami."

"No," Light whispered. Somehow, Lillie heard. "You hate me."

Then she was walking away, but somehow she still called over her shoulder, "I don't hate Light. I hate cheaters."

And then she was down the hall, turning the corner. Light felt his heart give one giant thud and then he felt nothing again. Cheaters. Bad men. Bad Light. Bad, cheating, terrible Light.

Light bowed his head and felt raw tears run down his cheek. Saltwater. That meant that seas tasted like tears. How odd was that to think about?

His lips stung with the taste of tears. But he managed to say, even though the burning sensation, "I'm…I'm not a cheater."

And that was the last time Light Yagami ever talked to Lillie.

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And now Light was thirteen, and he was going through what most would call 'puberty'.

It was a horrid thing, that monster. It ripped his voice apart so it cracked every time he talked, it made hairs grow in unearthly places. He found himself sweating during gym and other things he would rather not think about. Puberty was what his sister would call a "beach."

It also made girls ten times harder to talk to.

Not that Light was that into girls nowadays, but he was a very handsome boy and girls liked him a lot. His top grades and his long brown hair made every passing girl swoon. But he didn't really care. Girls were like…pencils. Some needed to be sharpened, some were too sharpened, and some broke easily. Some didn't even have an eraser. And he could always use one and toss it away for another one if he preferred.

Light was good at analogies.

One day, Light stayed after school to work on an art project, which made Lisa Yang (a girl who was quite obviously crushing on the boy) stay after, also. They sat in the room, darkness closed around them, with music playing in the background. Light was both uncomfortable and amused; Lisa was trying far too hard. Light didn't want her. She was one of those girls who were too sharp, too…pointy. She needed to be dulled or broken completely.

"Lisa?"

At the sound of her name, Lisa's head shot up and she grinned at Light expectantly. What does she expect me to say? 'I love you, Lisa'? Ha, she's such a girl…

"Could you grab me a paintbrush?"

If Lisa was disappointed one bit, she didn't let it show. Which made Light wonder if she didn't care what he said, as long as he said something to her. Light thought about this, still amused. Maybe if I say her name over and over again she'll faint.

He felt like some famous rock star that all the girls swooned over.

Lisa came back to hand Light the paintbrush, still grinning. He thought about telling her that if she kept grinning like that, her face could get permanently stuck. But he didn't. He only smiled and muttered a thanks. She nodded (now she was visibly dissatisfied) and walked back to her seat. They were working on paintings. Lisa went back to mix colors together and when she came back, Light saw they were dark, icky colors. He smiled to himself. So now she was depressed.

She had been dulled a little.

"Lisa?"

When she looked up again, she wasn't as excited, but she did have a hopeful gleam in her eyes. Light wanted to crush that hope (would you be the same after or would you be different?) but another part of him did want Lisa to like him. No part of him liked Lisa back, though.

"What?"

"Why do you like me?"

Surprise etched out on her face. She opened her mouth and closed it again. Light knew she was going to ask who told him, but then she figure it out. He could almost see the wheels in her brain working. Light went to a smart school, so everyone around him was a genius. Even Lisa could figure out the square root of any number without a calculator.

"It's that obvious, huh?"

"Well…yeah." "Duh."

Light laughed. "Duh."

"Why do I like you? Hmm. Let me see." Lisa walked over to Light and sat across from him at the table, resting her head on her chin and squinting her eyes at him, examining him as if he was a piece of art. He sat there, blinking. Should he say something?

"Your hair is amazing. So brown and just…brilliant. Your eyes and a perfect color. You speak fluidly and you never stutter. I'm envious of your grades and the way everything comes to easy to you. And you're gorgeous."

Despite himself, Light felt his cheeks redden. He was gorgeous…?

"I like you a lot."

I liked you too.

Lillie?

I hate cheaters.

"I'm not a cheater!" When Lisa's face became confused, Light realized he had said that out loud. Suddenly, Light got up and collected his things, maneuvering around the room, not saying another word. He barely heard Lisa call after him. Tears were running down his face again.

I HATE YOU, LILLIE. I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I-

Shouldn't care anymore I really don't care I promise

I care.

"Yagami? Are you crying?" Light walked on, not turning toward the person asking him if he was okay, not acknowledging anything. He kept walking. Tears stung his lips again.

When's the last time I cried? The last time I

Talked to her.

Light flew out of the school, sobbing.

He hated girls.

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"Dad?"

No one answered. Was the voice outside not his father's? As soon as Light spoke up, the voice shut up. The shadows shifted. Bushes made noises. Light's skin broke out in cold goosebumps.

Light was fifteen, and someone was breaking in.

"Mom?" he called upstairs. But no sound replied to him. She was probably very tired. He was the only one up.

And Dad is at work. Of course he is.

Light walked over to the umbrella holder and picked one up. He held it high above his head as the doorknob jiggled uncontrollably. He had to protect his mother. He was the only man in the house, he had to…

The door opened and a shadow stepped in. Light's heart stopped but his natural survival instinct kept him on top of the game. He stabbed the umbrella (pointy tip first) into the guy. Light felt pleasured as the guy gave a loud moan, stepping back out of the door. When in the proper light, he could see what the intruder looked like.

It was his father.

"DAD!"

The umbrella fell to the snowy ground, making the little specks on the ground turn red. His father was bleeding. Where had Light stabbed him? His father was holding his stomach, so he just have gotten him there. And oh, how he moaned…

Light almost wanted to throw up, but the sudden panicked look on his father's face stopped him in his tracks.

"Call…ambulance…"

He fell over, into the cold pure snow, shaking.

"FATHER!"

"I'm calling someone right now." His mother's voice was unearthly calm from behind him. Light heard the buttons. "Don't worry, I understand what happened."

"M-mom, I-I k-k-k… s-s-t-a-"

"Shh. Quiet now."

Light sobbed, kneeling down by his father and doing the best he could to tend to him. His father was pale; his eyes were closed. Light felt terrible, but at the same time, he had done what he was supposed to. He felt a little proud on top of his terrified manner…

"L-Light…"

His father was moaning words Light couldn't understand.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

I did it though I really actually managed to do it if that was a real robber-

"It's okay, Light. You didn't know."

You didn't know.

I did it.

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It was called a Death Note.

The contents of the Death Note were still a mystery. He didn't want to look in it quite yet. Light, being the smart and cunning almost-adult he was, was intelligent about things like this. He would take it home and look at it. Something like this would be bad to wave around in public.

What are you? he wondered to himself.

Light imagined it answering him. Something that will change your life.