Chapter 2

Back on Atlantis Rodney had talked to Dr Weir for just ten minutes when he realised that her eyes seemed to have glazed over. "Am I boring you?" he asked pointedly.

She snapped up quickly and smiled encouragingly. "No Rodney of course not. Please, continue."

Rodney sighed angrily but carried on. "So Carson and I have been a couple for three years, but when Carson asked to meet me today it ended in an argument. Then Carson suddenly he asked me to marry him! He's never… we've never talked about marriage, I didn't even realise it even was on his mind. Except I think he actually asked me by mistake; it's not like him to bolt from anything. I mean he managed okay after Hoff and after Michael, why would this be any worse than them?"

"I don't know Rodney," she said calmly. "You are right, this is unlike Carson. Give him time and I'm sure he'll be fine, but I have to accept that Carson didn't want any of us to follow him and he didn't tell me where he would go."

"Elizabeth he would have to tell the SGC of his plans, he can't just disappear! I can't just sit here for a month and wait for him to decide whether to come home or not. You have to send me back to Earth, there must be a mission or something I can do. Just anything to get me back on Earth… anything!" He rubbed his temples with his hand. "I have to see him Elizabeth," he said earnestly. "You thought I was bad without coffee… I'm that times infinity without him."

"Rodney," despite the seriousness of the situation, Elizabeth couldn't hold back a small smirk, "you can't be that bad. I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do for now, just give him a little space."

Rodney pouted. "Fine if you don't send me home soon I'll strike, I swear, I'll strike or… or… I'll quit! Yeah I'll quit then you would have to send me home." He folded his arms in deviance as he watched Elizabeth's smirk morph into a stern look.

"Rodney be serious, they're harsh actions even for you. You'd miss this place too much and you know it." Despite his dejected expression Elizabeth wasn't sure she's brought the scientist to his senses yet. "Promise me you're not going to do anything stupid Rodney."

Rodney didn't answer. Instead he rose from the chair and left without being dismissed. He ignored everybody as he marched passed and even ignored Elizabeth on the comm. As she called after him, "Rodney Rodney! Answer me now, that is an order."

Rodney scrambled for his headpiece and threw it at the wall. "No! I want him, I need to be with him now!" he said aloud, not caring who heard him. He continued towards his room; his anger had hit extreme as, when he finally reached his quarters, he began to rip apart his room. He cleared his desk of paper before throwing his precious doctorates across the room, causing the protective glass to smash. "Damn you Carson! Damn you!" he screamed. He walked across the broken glass, his boots crunching and pushing the glass further into the floor; he entered the bathroom and starred at himself in the mirror. His forehead was pale and creased his eyes bloodshot and his mouth was curled in anger. Finally, his fists clenched, he hit the mirror in frustration. It shattered; the pieces of the mirror causing Rodney's knuckles to bleed as the skin covering them were torn. Rodney's destructive path continued unabated as he threw his laptop across the room and he overturned his table and chair.

Footsteps could be heard as John Sheppard arrived to try and calm down his friend, but in his rage Rodney could see nothing but Carson's pale face. Finally John realised action had to be taken:

"Infirmary this is Sheppard, medical attention required urgently and security to send two men to Dr McKay's room."

John stepped closer to Rodney, holding his hands out to try and calm him down. "Rodney, come on, I know you're unhappy he's gone but what you think he'll do when he hears about this?"

Rodney just glared at John. "Don't you dare mention him," he spat, "I want him back but… no, and he has to run away and left me! I knew it would happen someday but not yet."

John could not believe what he was hearing. "You think he'll come back if you destroy yourself? Way to lay the guilt on him Rodney, that is low," he said, shaking his head.

Rodney grabbed his chair and looked ready to throw it at John. "Rodney!" John enunciated his name. By now the guards and the nurse with the sedative had arrived. John took the needle off her. "I'll do it," he said quietly, "I don't want you to get hurt." He didn't think he'd ever have to say that about his friend. He motioned the guards to move closer to Rodney. Before the scientist realised what was going on the guards had a hold of his arms, forcing him to drop the chair. Then John edged forward.

"No John please, I'll stop… see good Rodney. I don't want to be alone, please plea…" Rodney's head fell forward as the sedative took effect. They carried him on a gurney to the infirmary and strapped him down in a private area; Rodney was hopefully knocked out for a few hours.

"Sheppard to Weir."

"Go on John."

"Rodney is in the infirmary. He's sedated and secured so hopefully he won't be any more trouble. Have we heard from major General Landry?"

"Yes John, he reported a few minutes ago. Carson is leaving the base to go to Scotland and then to some conference in West Wales."

"West Wales?" Scotland he could understand, but why Wales?

"Yes some Astrobiology conference," Weir answered. "I have explained Rodney's situation and if he is any more trouble Major General Landry wants him sent to Earth where he will be placed under house arrest; not that he doesn't trust us or anything," she added quickly, although she didn't sound to happy about it.

"No of course not. Maybe Rodney should try meditation with Teyla or anger management with Heightmeyer."

"John I know Rodney's temper can flare but anger management? He wouldn't hurt anyone, but I'm worried he will hurt himself, and what will he do just so he can go and see Carson?"

"Whatever happens I'll check on Rodney later and keep an eye on him. Sheppard out."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As Rodney lay there, heavily sedated, his thoughts spiralled. Did Carson really care? Was he better off alone? Why did he let someone in behind the barriers he had formed so carefully around himself? Memories of what Carson and he had shared reeled through his dreams. He recalled when they first met, watching the Scottish doctor make his way through Antarctica. He loved the way his accent emphasised words and remembered how the hairs stood on his neck every time the man spoke. Rodney believed he was insane; surely Carson Beckett would not be interested? His reluctance to sit in the chair, his annoyed tone towards Rodney; how did he fall for me? Rodney didn't believe it back then, and he still couldn't accept the doctor's feelings for him.

His memory merged into the next: his first date in some random science lab he'd discovered a few weeks previously. Their first night together was spent curled up in one another; the soft touch of the doctor's hand dancing along Rodney's body, and ended with them both falling asleep together. Rodney had been embarrassed that he just wanted the company rather than the sex, but Carson seemed to acknowledge that and didn't mind.

Rodney's body tossed and turned and a light sweat began to appear. In a short space of time it had spiralled into a fever. The nurse looked confused as she took his temperature: 102.5 and rising. How could he have developed something so fast? It was times like these that she wished Carson were back.

"Dr Jacobs to Dr Weir."

"Yes Dr Jacobs?"

"We have a problem; Dr McKay has developed a strong fever in the space of an hour. He must have already had the pathogen in his system when he was sedated."

"Do what you can. Report back if he gets worse."

"Yes Doctor."

The nurse injected McKay with a mild painkiller, began an IV just in case, and repeatedly checked his vitals every half hour.