Thank you everyone for reviewing. Finally, Hiroki ets his own chapter again.

Let there be lightning

- Hiroki -

XX

Who was it that said the strangest things are at your very own doorstep?

For instance, the letter I found when I returned from Akihiko's apartment. It was from Nowaki. At first I thought it was odd that he knew my new address but when I opened it and realised just what it was about my confusion doubled.

A letter about his time in America. It looked as though he had written it whilst he was still in America and it was definitely Nowaki's handwriting but he told me that he never sent any letters, he apologised for it. My theory that there had been some freak accident at the post office had been totally shot down.

Then it hit me. I don't know why I didn't realise it straight away but if Nowaki sent me a letter during his stay in America then it would have been addressed to my old apartment. I looked at the envelope and, sure enough, my new address had been typed, printed and stuck on top. Does Nowaki even own a computer?

There was no airmail stamp either. The postage was paid in Japanese stamps. It was sent from somewhere in Japan. It pissed me off! What the hell is he trying to pull anyway? Surely, he doesn't think I'm stupid enough to fall for something like that! What is he trying to do? What is he thinking?

I wish I knew. I wish I could talk to him again.

XX

By the middle of the week, I feel as if I'm running out of steam. Being cramped in this too-small office is trying on my patience. It's a mess. Books and paper everywhere. I keep telling the Dean we need a bigger office.

"Sorry about all this, Kamijou," Miyagi's suddenly apologises as we're in the middle of sorting out the reference material for the next few classes.

This suddenness catches me by surprise. I wonder what he's apologising for. Has he been sneaking food out of my bento box and replacing it with that burnt cabbage stuff he gets from the director's brat?

He might be, but that's not what he apologises for. "It's Shinobu-chin," he explains, "I know he can be quite difficult."

Ah, I see, that's it. Maybe he heard about how I was stalked all the way to Akihiko's place. Despite the fact that I stick by my conviction when I say the kid's definitely not completely right in the head, I understand. Brats will be brats after all. It's a fact of life that I have come to accept.

"It's okay, Professor," I laugh, or try to anyway, "besides, you've been spending a lot of time with the kid. Keep a rein on him!"

Miyagi laughs uncomfortably and begins to fidget in his chair. He busies himself with the papers to hide his unease but this time I continue to press him about it. An uncertain Miyagi? This happens so rarely that I would be a fool to just let it go. Consider it pay-back for all the times he's tormented me.

"Well," he clears his throat, "Shinobu-chin's a good kid really. I mean, his cooking sucks and he seems to have a strange fascination with cabbage but he's not all the bad."

"Shinobu-chin? Cabbage?" I can't help but laugh a little. I need something to laugh at these days, or someone even. "That doesn't sound very romantic."

I keep poking at him for more information causing him to redden just a bit. I'm sure he'll have his revenge so I'm making every effort to cause as much discomfort as possible.

"So?" I mercilessly continue. "Don't tell me you're falling for the boy. That can't be legal. Oh, but don't worry, I'm sure that the Dean will only curse you on his death bed if he finds out!"

This causes Miyagi to sink further into the sea of paper. What? I was just poking fun at him but don't tell me he's actually serious about the brat!

"Ah, no," he mumbles as though he can read my thoughts. "It's not that I'm in love with him or anything and I think I'm always looking annoyed whenever he's around it just that, well, he's passionate but…he's not such a bad kid…" he trails away, quickly turning his gaze to the papers that I'm sure he's not reading.

"Ah, the affections of youth are ever fickle!" I sigh melodramatically, purposefully parroting the lines Miyagi spouted to me not so long ago.

"You're no fun, Kamijou," he replied sourly.

The grin probably plastered to my face must be a big give away. "Don't blame me!" I retort. "Besides, it's your fault since you're such a pervert. Even with me, you - "

I stop suddenly because I realise that I've hit a mine. We've both hit a mine. How could we have been this stupid? Without realising it, we've been spinning towards this demise all along.

I stare at him as if I can't believe what I've been saying. He stares back too, shocked. We must be idiots.

This conversation, this sort of talk, isn't the kind of thing you discuss with your partner, is it? You don't have a friendly chat about the other's potential love interest like this. At least, not without some jealousy and a murderous gleam in your eyes.

Miyagi realises this too. Slowly, he rises and comes to my desk. He puts a hand on my shoulder and lifts my chin so that I'm staring directly into his eyes.

My heart is pounding, but it's not with anticipation. I don't really know what it is.

He looks at me with all seriousness and leans down to place his lips near my ear. His breath is clearer than usual. Has he been smoking less?

"Kiss me, Kamijou," he orders, looking at me intently.

Like a soldier given a mission, I press a hand against his face and slowly lean forward. Our lips brush together for a second. I pull back. He's not moving at all. A second passes and then I press my lips against his, hard enough as if I want to crush him. My tongue finds a way into his mouth, a familiar mouth, flicks against the roof of his mouth, withdraws.

I don't think I've closed my eyes at any time during this but when he moves away I find it's already too late.

"What was that for?" I ask, pretending to be particularly unconcerned, although in truth I'm shaken. No, it's not the kiss that's affecting me like this. Miyagi just shrugs.

Though neither of us say anything, we both understand, we know what this means. Like adults we appreciate that some things just happen, they just turn out this way; it's not something that you can change, there's no helping it really. Only children cry and cling on to something that's already gone. It's just one of those things you have to accept.

In the distance, I think I hear a piano. Just a piano. It's playing Satie's Gymnopedie at a slow, solemn tempo. Then it breaks into Chopin's Raindrop Prelude; light and melancholic, growing darker, growing lighter, then fading away…

XX

Just like that, our relationship is over. Pathetically fading away without ceremony, as imperceptibly as the disappearing summer. Before you realise it's dying, it's already gone without a trace. No big end, no line to separate when we were 'together' from when we stopped. We just sort of drifted sleepily into the land of 'no longer a couple.'

A relationship that no one will bother fighting for is better left to die, right?

I don't know what I prefer; going out with a bang or just quietly fading away. I suppose it's sort of ironic when you consider my record.

Miyagi touches my shoulder and I flinch.

He sighs and says, "That's what I don't like about you, Kamijou."

"Well, I'm sorry for being who I am," I snap.

He sighs again. "It's not my fault really. You didn't really love me to begin with."

I refrain from saying that he should have known. I don't tell him 'but you didn't really love me either.' It makes me wonder why we ever got involved. Because I was lonely? Because he wanted someone to comfort? Because I thought a relationship where we knew how to keep each other at a distance would be better for us both?

Despite this, I don't hate Miyagi. I still think that he is an excellent professor, if a little crazy. Ah well, it's just one of those things. We blame it on an uncharacteristic fit of passion and move on.

Even if it is lonely.

This is for the best, right? Since I wasn't too fussed about holding on. I don't really know what I want anymore. It's a little pathetic; Kamijou Hiroki, twenty-eight years old, and I don't even know what I'm aiming for. It's that high school mid-teen crisis all over again, except I'm not a teen, I'm twenty-eight.

XX

I add two spoons of sugar to my coffee as I mull over my now non-existent relationship with both Miyagi and Nowaki. I don't have a sweet tooth but this stuff is really bitter. Since I'm avoiding all the coffee shops and family restaurants that I used to go to with Nowaki, the choice of places that I can frequent has grown slim.

I got a call from Akihiko about him. Why the hell Akihiko's been hanging around Nowaki, I'll never know. Neither do I care.

He simply called me to bitch and moan about how his little boy-toy has been spending too much time with Nowaki, as if I care what the hell they're doing. They can go screw each other for all I care. Well, if they did that, I suppose I would care…

"Just get back together with him already! I don't want Misaki sucked in by that guy and my readers are complaining about the latest pairing," Akihiko's voice crackled down the phone.

"Screw you, Akihiko! Since when did I give you permission to broadcast my life in every library and book shop across Japan?"

"You're impossible! Why can't you just lower that pride of yours a little and go see him? Or do you prefer that university professor you were dating?"

I don't have an answer to give him. The truth is, I do miss Nowaki a little, but I don't want it just to be because I'm in the rebound stage of my life. Dumped Nowaki, dumped by Miyagi - though it was a consensual thing - and left spinning and trying to cling on to the closest person I can reach. No, that's too pathetic.

Akihiko is wrong though. It's not my pride that's stopping me from seeing him, in fact my curiosity over that letter almost makes me want to go. Yet I'm afraid that he'll sweep me up again, make my head and heart spin and, before I can recover, drop me somewhere and disappear.

We're both adults so we know that these things happen. It's not like people stay together forever. It's not as if there's a special someone out there just for you.

The coffee still tastes black even though I'm pretty sure there are at least five lumps in there now. Despite the awfulness of the coffee, I think I might come to this place regularly - I just won't buy the coffee.

The atmosphere is cozy, the lights are always dim and warm, glowing orange like lots of tiny sunsets. All the tables and chairs are mahogany so there's always a thin red glow as the light catches the wood.

Even though the place is small, there's a certain ambience that agrees with me. They're playing Chopin's Raindrop Prelude on the overhead system. It puts me in mind of the end of summer and fireworks and stupid tribal girls dreading the end of the summer solstice.

It makes me think of Nowaki, topless, his hair all damp and skin shining with sweat.

"Don't hug me, idiot. You're all sticky! Take a shower!"

"If I'm sticky, I'll just stick to Hiro-san."

"That's gross! Take a shower dammit!"

"Take one with me. Because we need to get unstuck, so Hiro-san has to take one with me."

I wonder why these memories are all so bitter, more bitter than this cup of crap they call coffee.

I get up because I need more sugar if I'm going to drink this stuff. My chair scrapes back against the wooden floor and I turn around to get some sugar packets from the counter…

…Only to see Nowaki's surprised face.

Not much of a cliff hanger, I know but next it's Nowaki and many things happen!