------- [Selfish]

No matter how much we lied to our self, we are all selfish. We used and abuse till the point where we damage our self along the way. He stayed and I allowed him, I hold onto him till both he and I could no longer come up. We were both drowning in each other's own selfishness. It no longer was a matter of healing, of forgetting the wrongs we committed; it simply came down to the fact that we were each other safety net. Surely both he and I was going to fall eventually, our nets never truly existed.

It was all pretend. Emotions that decided to act out its part were a simple decoy to trick our make-believe audience into believing this was real. The underlying theme was that selfishness can cause us to do harmful things to one another. The irony was that we were too selfish to realize that. Let's laugh at the fool who started to believe this was real. Let's pretend that the endless bottles of booze, blond hair Madison look alike, and late nights partying never really bother her. He never said that he was committed to his part in the play; we all just pretend he did. I did anyway. But who was I to kid, I was never truly committed to this play either which did not explain why I allow him to drag me across the room from the random stranger I was getting to know.

His blue eyes light up in anger as he twisted my body to face his. I wanted to laugh which seems to be happening quite a lot lately now that I thought about it. Everything was moving too fast, it was all to surreal. "What are you doing Dick?" I asked him, slightly drunk. He wasn't the only one who's room was lined up in empty beer bottles. It was a nasty habit I was developing.

"I should asked the same for you?" He lead me outside the hotel room, upstairs, I hate him for leading me there. It was a place I avoided. Just because it was where he seek solace did not mean I was going to find it there too. I was getting over the nightmare of his face, of his voice, and of his broken body all bloody and distorted for the world to hate.

I laugh...I let go and I was ready to truly fall, it's time I pull myself up. I was letting go, but he held on. What happen to us being selfish, what happen to the used and abuse policy we had on one another. He wasn't supposed to hold on, he was supposed to push me farther down so that it was he who came on top. This was the prime time for him to get a little enjoyment out of his tragic younger brother pathetic girlfriend's, who has yet to learn how to move on, pain.

"Let go." He held on tighter.

"We've been through this before," and it was always the same story that was played out for us. "I'm tired of this game." Dick being serious was almost laughable, but its never as amusing as it should be when you're involved.

"I said let go. Dick I know you're dense but you cannot be this stupid to not comprehend, Let go!" I shouted at him and still he refused to let me go.

"It's easier to give up," he simply said, I stopped my struggle. "We're fucked up and there's nothing you can do about, so just accept the fact that you, Mackie, is as screw up as I am."

This scene, this part of the play, its been done. But despite the changes in setting, changes in plot, it always ended the same no matter how many times I tried to change things around. Selfish as both he and I were, we were willing to hurt our self for one another. Yes we are fucked up people. The idea of anyone of us helping one another out sounds all too outrageous. I could laugh, this whole thing, whatever it is doesn't exist. Stupid, even I know that sounds like the lies of a self deluding insane human being.

"Admit it Mac," his large hand clasp my face, forcing me to stare into his eyes. "You need me as much as I need you."

Yes, we were selfish, selfish people…and somewhere along the line it manifest itself into something I do not want to admit to myself. Because last time, it took a part of me that I could never repair. And damn him for trying, because it was slowly working.

Need, this was all this was, need.

------------------- A/N

My somewhat companion piece to free fall and I think I just made Mac a little crazier than before. Last time she was just a masochist now she's a selfish self-deluding drunk. Thank god for Dick, huh? I think most stories have it the other way around, I think I missed the memo somewhere when this pairing became the what-not. Anyway, minus the lack of character progression, I hoped you enjoy.