Chapter five

Carson sat in the mess hall; it was almost night time again and he had heard nothing from Woolsey or anyone else about Colonel Sheppard's team. The only good news he had was that Major Lorne and the others where on the mend. The major had insisted on getting out of the bed and the infirmary to search for his CO but Woolsey wouldn't allow it. Then again Major Evan Lorne wasn't a man to give in.

"You seem very far away." The concerned voice belonged to Jennifer Keller.

She sat down in front of him.

Carson smiled faintly at her. "I was thinking about the days events."

"Not just that Carson."

He sighed. "No not just that."

She gave him a fresh cup of coffee and looked at him. "I have waited for them too…" She trailed off but then spoke up again. "I know how it is and I know what you meant."

Carson frowned. "What I meant?"

Keller made a face. "Perhaps now is not the right time to tell you but I found your recording."

Carson snorted. "Then ye have seen their best sides."

"At first I wondered if that was a one time thing but then…let's just say I have gotten to know them." She said giving him a mischievous smile.

"Sometimes they are…unnerving to say at least." Carson said a twinkle in his eyes.

He was wearing the same expression that he had on the recording. Keller couldn't help but laugh.

"What?" Carson asked innocently.

"Nothing." She said taking a zip of her coffee.

"I am sorry for not telling you earlier but with everything that was going on…" Keller said.

"It's quite okay although I never expected anyone to find it."

"It actually helped me a lot in the beginning; you really are a lifesaver Carson."

He laughed then fixated her with his eyes. "Tell me Jennifer what really happened while I was…gone?"

She sighed. "I better go get us a refill first because explaining all that would take some time."

Carson rose from the chair. "Cookies?"

oooooooooo

Major Lorne sighed heavily as the head nurse literally tucked him in and rolled his eyes.

"Look Marie I am fine I don't need to be here."

"With all due respect major you have had surgery remember?"

"I am…" He was about to say painfully aware of that but stopped himself. "…aware of that."

"Listen I know you want to go and search for the colonel and his team but perhaps you should gather some strength back first?" She said softly.

"What did Doctor Keller say to me before?" Evan said triumphantly.

"That you could go up…" She watched him smile. "…oh no that doesn't mean you can gate to another planet."

"Please give me my radio I need to talk with Mr. Woolsey."

"He will not send another team in harms way."

"He just needs a bit of persuasion."

oooooooooo

"I first arrived here a couple of days after your funeral by then it was total chaos."

Carson chuckled. "I can imagine."

"Everyone was trying to cope with your death…forgive me."

"It's okay." Carson said reassuringly.

"Everyone tried to handle it on their own." She locked eyes with him.

"Rodney buried himself in work snapping at his staff. It took at least a week for colonel Sheppard to get Rodney out of his lab. He was angry at you, at himself well he was angry at everyone."

Jennifer glanced down in her cup as if reliving the memories.

"He blamed himself for not seeing the disaster coming; believing that he could have somehow prevented it from happening."

She looked directly at Carson with sadness in her eyes.

"Ronon…not that he talked a lot otherwise either became very quiet. He chose to use every second of his spare time in the gym getting rid of his anger and sorrow. Teyla felt terrible for being alive and not…well you."

"It's all right I know I wasn't there…that it was the real me."

Jennifer took his hand and squeezing it tightly. "We don't like you less just because of what you are. For them you are their second chance. For me you are a wonderful mentor to have in the infirmary. Please Carson don't go around with those feelings of not being wanted or afraid to not fit in anymore." She said softly.

"Thank ye love. What did ye say was Teyla hurt?" He asked shifting the focus from himself.

"Yes she was close to the explosion and you operated on her for hours. Marie said you where afraid you would lose her. She wasn't quite herself after she heard about what happened. When John came to visit her before your funeral she asked him to help her there. It took a lot of meditating for her and she spent a lot of time for herself."

Jennifer sighed. "Colonel Sheppard tried not to let it show but he also blamed himself for not being able to protect you. He was a lot off world with greener teams teaching them how to take care of themselves. He kept distance from Teyla, Ronon and Rodney trying to detach himself from them because it hurt so much to lose you."

Carson suddenly felt very guilty for causing his friends pain.

Jennifer watched him sadly as she continued.

"Elizabeth tried to keep up the spirit but as the rest of them she missed you. She welcomed me and said she would trust her life into my hands and I was terrified. I was terrified at first; the workload and the crisis thrown at me were too much and I even tried to have Elizabeth to replace me."

She smiled at the thought. She had been so green, so out of it. "After a few weeks I started to get my bearings and when I started to relax somewhat the next major crisis arrived."

The Replicators? Carson asked.

"Yes but in the middle of everything I learned what teamwork in Atlantis meant and how much everyone here really cared about one another. For example at first I thought Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay hated each other. Of course I couldn't have been more wrong."

Carson laughed imagining how they must have acted. "And Ronon?"

"Well you where right, he was not so dangerous after getting to know him a little bit more. I have to admit that he was intimidating at times but I have learned how to handle it. He…sometimes he gets over protective."

Carson nodded. "Especially when it comes to his team mates."

"Anyway…" Keller took a deep breath. "…The Replicators closed in on our position and their stupid satellite…"

She blinked as she relieved the memories she had tried so hard to put away. They hurt her then and still did today over a year later.

"I am sorry." She said.

Carson smiled reassuringly. "It's okay lassie."

"John and Rodney came up with this idea of flying the city to where we are now." She looked towards a window.

"We had almost made it up in the air when the central spire was hit by the beam from the satellite…Elizabeth stood too close. When we got her down to the infirmary there wasn't much I could do and I felt so useless."

Carson leaned forward. "Ye let Rodney play with the Replicators to fix her." He said seriously.

Jennifer nodded. "Yes colonel Sheppard was mad and Elizabeth told me it was a bad idea."

"If it helps I would have done the same thing." Carson said reassuringly.

"Thanks. Anyway they took off to stop the Replicators once and for all; that was the last time I saw the real Elizabeth Weir alive."

Jennifer was about to say something more when a call came over the communications system for Major Lorne and Dr. Zelenka.

Carson rose from his chair and looked at his colleague. "Come on."

oooooooooo

To be continued…