Just a Shell
Chapter Two
That night, Donatello did not fall into bed until five-thirty in the morning, exhausted. He was able to keep from waking up his family during training by creating a sound barrier, but making the barrier took up a half-hour of his time. He still trained for three hours, and as a result he was exhausted when he finally did allow himself some time to rest. He didn't even bother taking off his protectors, he was so tired.
The next morning, Don woke up at almost eleven-thirty. He wondered, for a brief moment, why no one had woken him up for breakfast, but then shook it off. He didn't need breakfast, anyway. He'd eaten enough yesterday, and he wasn't hungry.
'They probably just figured I was being lazy, sleeping in.' he thought dejectedly. He didn't want his brothers to think of him as the indolent one. 'No wonder they didn't wake me'
He sighed and sat up, but didn't turn the lights on. He wasn't sure how he could face his brothers after what had happened yesterday. They didn't know he'd heard, but that didn't matter, he was still embarrassed. He stood up and flicked on the lights, he didn't want to just sit in the dark all day. As he stood up Donnie realized he'd been so tired he had never taken off his protectors from training and took them off before anyone saw. If it wasn't bad enough that he was so embarrassed, what would his brothers say if they knew he was trying to lose weight? They'd probably laugh at him for acting like a girl about it. He stretched out a bit and stepped from his room, straight into the living room where all of his brothers were.
Leo and Mikey were playing a video game, but Raph was nowhere in sight. He looked around and came up behind his brothers.
"Where's Raphael?" he asked.
"Training with Splinter." Leo said. "In the dojo, why?"
"No reason." Donatello said.
He tried to sound like he really didn't care, but he was disappointed. He wanted to use the dojo while his brothers were busy, but not if Raphael was there. He wasn't angry at his brother for what he said, but he knew Raph was better then him at anything physical. If he messed up, he didn't want to get laughed at.
"Wanna play?" Mikey offered, holding out the controller.
"No thanks." Donatello said, shaking his head. "I'm gonna go to the lab for a bit."
He shrugged off his brothers and went into his lab, not knowing what else to do. He promised himself he wouldn't be in his lab so much, since that seemed to bother his brothers, but what else was he supposed to do? He didn't belong with them, really.
Sure, every once in awhile Michelangelo would come in and offer to play games with him, but besides that, ever since Donatello started spending more time in the lab, no one really cared that he was gone. He didn't really mean to do it on purpose, he just had a lot to do in the lab for about two weeks, and he was constantly busy. Once he had finished everything and was just sitting there, he realized that his brothers didn't really notice he wasn't around, so he kept hanging around in his lab. He didn't feel really comfortable around his brothers anymore. Whenever they hung out, he felt out of the loop, like he was intruding.
He never felt that way before, and he didn't really know when it started. From his lab he heard is brothers talking, and he wanted to join in, but couldn't make himself leave. He got nervous and started working on something else, using it as an excuse not to socialize with the people he cared about most. After none of his brothers seemed to notice, it somehow became the norm. He spent all of his time in the lab, if not training or eating.
At first, he just thought that it was because he seemed to busy. His brothers didn't want to bother him while he was working. He thought they were being considerate.
But now different thoughts occurred.
As he sat down in this computer, he let out a breath. What if they didn't want him around at all? What if it was all about his weight, how he wasn't as strong as they were? He never had been, really. He tried to keep up with his brothers, but they were all so brilliant at what they did, they had such… 'natural talent', he guessed. Every one of them where perfect at what they did, and they all had that fire inside of them.
Leo of course had the passion, he loved ninjutsu and he was their leader. Michelangelo had his raw energy, and his want to always keep moving. Raphael had his drive from his anger, and he had such a competitive nature… What did he have? He wanted to protect his brothers, of course, but the same could be said for all three of his brothers. Donatello lowered his head.
'I don't have any fire in me… I don't have any real drive… So I got out of shape, I guess.' he thought. He flipped on his computer and stared at the blank monitor for a bit. 'But I can just train harder from now on, and they won't even notice.'
He sighed, looking at the clock. It was noon now, they didn't train until about eight, but he figured he'd go in right after Raphael was done. He'd just tell the guys that he was making up for yesterday, since they didn't hear him training last night. He didn't like lying to his brothers, but he'd have to if he didn't want to get humiliated.
"Hey Donnie!"
It was Michel, standing at the door to the lab and hanging off the side. He was hyper, it was obvious because he was talking fast.
"We're gonna grab some grub, you want some?" he asked, smiling through his orange headband.
Donatello didn't have to think for a moment, not after hearing what Raph had said last night. Knowing full well that Michelangelo agreed completely made it hundreds of times worse.
"I'm not really hungry, but thanks." he said, smiling over.
"Okay, but if you get hungry come out and grab somethin'." his brother offered. Donnie just nodded and turned back to his computer. "Hey Donnie?"
Donatello turned back around to face his brother.
"Yeah?"
"Uh… Don't skip practice again today, okay?" he asked, sheepishly. "Raphael got kinda mad."
"I won't." Don promised, trying to sound normal. Mikey smiled and left the lab, and Donatello opened a folder on his computer, the blueprints for Raphael's bike engine, he was trying to make it faster.
'Ouch.' he thought, half sarcastically and half actually hurt. It was laying on kind of thick, not Mikey himself, but the whole situation. He tried to ignore the hurt and went back to work. 'Well, at least he wasn't as blunt as Raph, but jeez…'
About an hour later he heard Raphael's voice in the living room and checked the surveillance in the dojo. It was empty, and ready to be used. He smiled and stood up, stretching upwards. He had been trying to keep his mind completely clear while he worked, ignoring Mikey's salt in the wound. He knew his little brother hadn't meant it in a bad way, he didn't know that he'd eavesdropped on their conversation. If he had, he wouldn't have said anything, because Donatello had already gotten the point.
He started to the dojo, and wasn't stopped on his way through the living room. No one really saw him, since their focus was on a video game they were playing. When he got to the dojo he closed the door and locked it, he didn't want anyone coming in and startling him.
The next two and a half hours were filled with stretching and exercises, hitting punching bags, and practicing his moves. He would have kept going, but there was a knock on the dojo door, and he stopped instantly. He wasn't supposed to lock the door, he knew that. He stopped what he was doing and ran over, wiping the sweat from his forehead. He opened the door and saw Splinter standing there.
"My son, you know the dojo must stay open for anyone." he said.
"I'm sorry sensei. I must have locked the door out of habit." He lied, feeling guilt build up in his stomach. He didn't like lying to his brothers, he hated lying to his father.
"It is okay, Donatello." he said, looking around, obviously wondering what his son had been doing but he didn't ask. "You're brothers were worried when you were not in the lab, they are looking for you now."
Donnie blinked, but didn't say what he was thinking, which was: 'If their eyes were even open, they would have seen me walk by…' But he held it back and smiled.
"I'll go find them, then." he said. "Thank you."
He hurried away, hoping his father hadn't noticed anything, and went to find his brothers. They were in the living room still, but they didn't really seem worried like Splinter had said.
"Hey guys." he said, smiling at them. They all looked over and smiled, except for Raphael, but he really didn't expect him too. "Splinter said you were looking for me?"
"Yeah, where were you?" Leo asked.
"I was in the dojo, sorry." He said, shrugging. He didn't see any problem telling his brothers he was training, as long as they didn't watch him. "What's up?"
"We were thinking of going topside to visit April and Casey, wanna come?" Raphael said, he was smiling now which made Donnie feel a bit better.
"Sure." he said. "Just let me take off my protectors, I'll be right out."
He ran into his bedroom and took off his protectors, putting them away. He did it pretty slowly, thinking. If they were going to April's, it probably meant they were gonna eat at some point, it occurred to him.
'Raph probably thinks I only agreed because of that…' he thought. 'But he smiled when I said I was training… I'll just prove that it's not for the food, I just won't have any of it.'
Donatello smiled and walked out to his brothers. He didn't looked directly at any of them, however. He wondered if that's what they really thought, that he was just going to eat. They headed out, telling splinter they'd be back before practice. Donatello tried to keep his mind off it, but every time his brothers looked at him, he felt like he was being laughed at. They reached April's house and let themselves inside, greeting their friends. April was standing to greet them, Casey was on the couch, eating some Chinese, which made Donatello look away quickly. He'd skipped breakfast, and lunch, so he was extremely hungry.
"Hey Donnie." April said when she got to him. He just waved a bit, wondering if he should have come anyway. He could have said he had other things to do, or he wanted to keep training. That would have been better. He could have asked Splinter to go through yesterdays training with him. Splinter is kind, he would have.
"We got enough for everyone." Casey said.
Donatello tried to turn it down nicely, without bringing attention to himself. It worked, no one asked. Mikey looked at him, but didn't say anything. Don just shrugged back and said he wasn't hungry, hoping Michael would buy that even though he was actually starving.
While his brothers ate, Donatello leaned against the couch and watched television. He pretended not to smell the food, and secretly hoped his brothers noticed he didn't eat. He wanted them to know he didn't come for the food. After awhile he excused himself. He needed some air, without the smell of Chinese food in it. He couldn't leave the house, but he walked to the farthest room from the food, which was April's.
He sighed and walked around, making sure not to touch anything, he didn't want to be caught in a bad circumstance. Then he looked across the room. There was a full-length mirror hanging off the wall, and he could see himself.
He never really looked in mirrors, he always figured he looked the same. But this time he tried to see it, what his brothers must be seeing. Okay, so his legs where a bit thicker, and so were his arms, but that didn't make him a 'pig', did it? He sighed and sat down on the bed, looking away from his reflection. Maybe he could see what his brothers were seeing, but he didn't want too.
'If I just keep this up for a few weeks, I can win them back, I know it.' he thought, cradling his hand in his hands. He was tired. He didn't get much sleep last night.
A/N: Well, this chapter is longer, but I actually had much more that was supposed to happen, but that'll be NEXT chapter. Leo still has to have his say, and training. I hope this is still realistic, and not going to fast! Please R&R if you like it!