I didn't see or talk to anyone for three days. I only left my brothers' room to sneak down to the kitchen at night and to use the toilet. I barely ate; I didn't change my clothes or bathe. The bathroom mirror showed a girl I didn't know, so I didn't look. Occasionally my aunt would shout from behind the door announcing that there was a friend or relative there to see, but I never answered her. They weren't my friends; they were my family's friends. My friends would call, but I didn't want to talk to them. The fact that they didn't come to see me personally hurt, and besides, I knew what they would say. I realized I wasn't being sensible, but I couldn't bear to face them. They would only talk about my family; I didn't want to talk to them. I wanted them back.
During those three days I had nothing to do but think. I thought about the woman I had become, and I found that I didn't like her at all. I remembered the time when my best friends had been Pete, Ed and Lu. That hadn't changed when they died; it had changed long before that.
I began to drift from my family the first year that Lucy went to St. Finbars with me. The first couple months we stayed close. It was hard for both of us, but Lucy really struggled because it was her first time at boarding school. I looked after her a lot and though we were in different rooms, she often snuck into mine at night. We would talk about Narnia, the imaginary country the four of us used to play in. She had a hard time making friends; she seemed so much older than the other girls, yet younger at the same time. She just didn't fit in. I didn't fit in either.
I was very lonely and hungry to be loved and popular. This was the real reason for the change I suppose. I stopped spending as much time with Lucy and began trying to fit in with Abigail, the most popular girl at our school. Although we all wore uniforms, she seemed to wear hers more stylishly. Her hair was always flawless and she always wore the latest style of makeup. She was always surrounded by a large clique of girls who idolized and followed her. The teachers even loved her. She appeared to be not only beautiful, but kind and warm. One morning I decided to do my hair just like she had done the day before. In my mathematics class, she complemented me on it and smiled warmly. From that day on I sat with her at lunch and spent as much time with her as I could. The need to be liked was even more intense. I spent my money on make up and jewelry instead of books as I used to do. Lucy began making friends as well, although they were misfits and outcasts. She seemed to be happier however, so I didn't say anything about it.
Every Sunday the girl's from St. Finbars and the boys from Hendon house just down the street, met together for church. I would always sit with Pete, Ed, and Lu until Abigail asked me to sit with her. I glanced at Peter and I could tell that he didn't want me to go with her, but I went anyway. I was worried that if I refused her once, she would never ask again. We sat in the back with other girls and looked at the boys. We would whisper in each other's ears and giggle. Abigail told me that she thought Peter was the handsomest and that she would like to go to the dance we had every year at Christmas with him. I giggled and said I would tell him. At that moment, Peter turned and gave me a reproachful look. I didn't like Peter being upset with me, and I knew I was being disrespectful, but I kept talking with Abigail. I was afraid of losing the friendship that was beginning to blossom between the two of us.
It only continued to get worse from there. The day of the Christmas dance I was in Lucy's room helping her get ready. She was very excited and talked non stop to me and her new best friend, Martha.
"Of course," Lucy said cheerfully, "It will be nothing compared to our balls at Cair Paravel, but-"
"Lucy?" I said surprised. Martha was smiling broadly; she didn't seem surprised to hear the name of the castle mentioned.
"Oh, don't worry Susan. Peter said it was all right for me to tell Martha about Narnia. She promised not to tell anyone, and I trust her." Lucy was Martha's only friend and I knew that she would never tell a soul. I found myself smiling. It had felt so wonderful to be able to talk about Narnia.
"The dresses were certainly more comfortable weren't they? And prettier. Speaking of which, I had better go get ready. I'll meet you back here after I'm done." I said as I finished curling Lucy's beautiful hair.
"Thank you Susan." Lucy said as I left her room. As I headed back to my room I thought about Lucy and Martha. I was happy for her, and I envied her that she had someone else that knew about Narnia. I suddenly wanted to tell the whole world. After all, it was my favorite place, a place I had been queen of for 15 years. I opened the door to my room and was delighted to see Abigail primping in front of my mirror.
"Hello Susan," she said, not taking her eyes of the mirror. She had been even nicer to me since the day I sat by her in church. "Your room mate has already left, so I thought I would come help you." She looked at me. "Why, you haven't even started!" I still wasn't used to the hours of Abigail and her friends spent on their features. She let me borrow one of her dresses because she said that mine were out of style. She also did my hair and makeup, I looked beautiful.
"I haven't been this dressed up since…" I trailed off.
"Since when?" Abigail asked, carefully sitting on my bed so as not to crease her dress.
"Never mind. You won't believe me." But the desire to tell her about the wonder of Narnia was more than I could control.
"Try me." She said. I took a deep breath. I knew that after I told her, I would be her best friend. Who wouldn't love to know such a wonderful secret?
"Do you believe in other worlds?"