Just a Shell

Chapter Nine

Donatello got home almost a full day later, he had spent nearly seveneen hours just walking around the sewers, until he got dizzy and decided to head back to the base, even though he dreaded what would happen when he did return home. He spent another few hours slowly trudging back home, taking his time. He walked through the front door nervously, hoping his return would go unnoticed, but it didn't. Leonardo was already at the door, leaning against the side. He looked exhausted.

"Donnie! Thank goodness…" he said, sighing.

Donatello just nodded and shrugged.

"Look, I'm really… well, sorry. About this morning. I don't know what--"

"It's fine." Leonardo interrupted. "You're back now, that's all that matters."

Leo wrapped an arm around Donatello's shoulder, holding his brother next to him.

"We shouldn't have forced it on you like that." Leo said, looking down. "You just have to remember… You know… You have to eat, or you'll die. You know that…"

Donatello was worried for his older brother, he looked so strained. But Leo smiled at him either way, optimistic in the face of darkness. When Donatello left the lair, after speaking with Splinter, Leonardo went online to try to find ways to help his brother. The most advice said that he should get professional help, but… That was out of the question.

"When you're ready to try again, we're here, okay? We want to help you."

"Yeah…" Donatello said, biting his lip. He knew that already. That's why he felt so damn bad for running away. But.. How could he honestly eat that? He looked down at the ground and felt Leonardo pull his arm away.

"Seriously, Don. We're here for you. All of us."

Donatello nodded, but he still looked straight down at the ground. How was he supposed to react to all of this? His brother was trying to comfort him, but he knew that it wasn't over. They were all confused and didn't know what to do about their brother. Leonardo put his hand on Donnie's back.

"Could you… Like… Tell me why you ran out so fast? Was it us?" Leo asked. Don could hear the fear in his brothers voice.

"Well… everyone was staring at me." Donatello admitted, feeling bad while doing so. It wasn't his brothers fault, not really. He looked down. "Not that it mattered that much… I-I mean, I probably wouldn't have been able to eat… You know, either way."

Leo nodded sadly and sighed. He might as well have sliced open his brothers heart by even hinting that he was the cause of all of this. Donatello bit his lip.

"I wouldn't have… eaten either way." he repeated. "Really."

"That's… not very comforting, Donnie." Leo told him, recognizing that his brother was really trying to make him feel better. "It would have been better if it was just us…"

Donatello nodded. He kept his head tilted down and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." he said quietly. "Really, I am…"

Leonardo shook his head.

"Don't apologize for his." he said, walking towards the kitchen. "Do you… Want to try something for lunch? Something light? I don't know…"

Donatello just shook his head.

"I can't right now, Leo. I really just… can't." he said. He looked away and started towards his lab.

"Donnie wait." Leonardo's commanding voice echoed. Donatello turned to look at him, and frowned at what he saw. Leonardo looked torn. One half of him felt the greatest sympathy for his brother, and only wanted to make him happy. The other half, the leader, was ready to order Donatello to eat if it came to that. The purple-sashed turtle did not doubt his brother's leader side. "You know eventually one of us has to watch you eat. Sometime soon."

"Yeah… I know that." Donatello told him. "I just can't handle that right now. Later. I promise I'll eat later. In front of you."

"Just me, if that's what you want." Leo promised. Donatello knew his elder brother was trying to make him feel comfortable.

"Yeah. That'd be… easier, I guess." Donnie said, rubbing the back of his head. "I wanna check on Mikey, do you know where he is?"

Leonardo nodded, sighing. The last time he had seen his youngest brother the orange ninja had been grabbing yet another helping of cold pizza. He wasn't even attempting to heat it up, which was odd. Mikey didn't like cold pizza at all. When Leonardo tried to talk to him about how he was eating too much it didn't go over well. Mikey hadn't slept since Don had left, but really none of them had. Raphael had attempted, but even though he spent five hours in his room, Leo heard him pacing. Splinter had been meditating for twenty hours straight, but Leo's thoughts where too muddled to meditate properly. Instead, he had been checking out Don's lab. There were some disturbing websites, but beyond that nothing very helpful.

"I think he's in his room." He said. "Probably eating cold pizza."

"Cold pizza? Why?" Donatello asked, more amused then perplexed. He didn't understand what Mikey was doing, but Leonardo understood perfectly.

"I don't know." Leo lied. He didn't want to put anymore pressure on his brother's shoulders. "Maybe it would be a good idea if you played vide games with him or something. Take both of your minds off of things."

"Like meditation, but for idiots." Donatello said, smirking. "I'll go ask him."

Leo nodded and hoped Donnie wouldn't be too smart in this case. But really, telling Donatello not to be smart was like telling a computer not to compute. Don would probably figure out what Leonardo had, and it wouldn't take him very long at all.

Later that day he ate a bit of toast while Leonardo sat on the couch beside him. It really was better, he was able to keep it down this time. They just watched television while he ate, which made Donatello feel safer. When Donatello had gone to see if Mikey wanted to play a video game, his younger brother was asleep. His room was a mess, with at least a weeks worth of wrappers built up. What he didn't know was that those wrappers where from the last 20 hours.

When he went to bed that night, Donatello tossed and turned, his bed feeling hard as rock…

Yes I know I know this chapter is a gyp! BUT! This is a twofer deal, so just click 'next chapter'. =D I love you guys to much to leave you with just this cruddy chapter...