A/N: I have no rights or affiliation with the characters presented within this piece
Asked and Answered
Jason's POV:
He had heard it-the question-he just couldn't believe that Sonny had asked it, that he seemed to think the answer would be the one he wanted rather than the one Jason would give. As usual, it was all about Sonny-whatever the fuck he needed, whatever the fuck he wanted. He couldn't see, didn't want to see what this was costing Jason. It would have been simple, preferable, hell-highly desirable-if the FBI had said-you or Spinelli or you or Sonny. Easiest thing in the world, he would have held out his wrists and they would have put the metal bracelets on and taken him away and that would have been that.
That isn't what happened though. Instead they had taken his boy, his boy! They had put him in a cage and hadn't even let Jason talk to him. He wouldn't survive a day, a week, never mind the rest of his life in jail, in prison. He cringed just thinking about it-Spinelli in jail. He couldn't get through a meeting with Sonny without crumbling what would happen when he was surrounded by nothing but Sonny clones?
Then there was the selfish part of Jason, the part that knew he wouldn't survive without Spinelli either. He would drink too much, ride his motorcycle too fast, and sink into an endless depression generated by guilt and grief that would end badly, end Jason prematurely that was for sure.
The answer to the question was simple, it was yes. It was an unadulterated, unequivocal, un-put your choice of absolutely only one way adjective here and call it good yes. Spinelli was worth it, he couldn't think of one person of his acquaintance except for possibly Elizabeth or Robin and most children under the age of ten that were worth it as much-none were worth more.
He never thought that he would be in this position. As usual Sonny thought he understood things that Jason didn't grasp, that he still had to help the poor brain damaged simpleton comprehend the intricacies of the situation. Well, in reality there weren't any-intricacies that is-Jason knew you didn't snitch, kids wet behind the ears knew you didn't snitch. They had Spinelli and they said inform on Sonny. Jason didn't care what you did or didn't do, he only cared about Spinelli. So, snitching became the new thing he did because he didn't have a goddamn fucking choice. It was Sonny that didn't grasp the simplicity of the situation-you did whatever you had to for your family, for the ones you loved.
Hell, Sonny let his own son catch a bullet and end up in a coma because he didn't understand that basic rule of being human which superseded any code ever devised. He couldn't even be a man about it. Instead he whined and complained and talked about how misunderstood he was and how he wished so heartily that there could have been any other outcome as though it had nothing to do with him or his choices. Then he went merrily on with his life-wanting out of the business that had 'cost' him so much and that would clear the way to him being able to marry Kate.
Michael had spent the first year of his life in Jason's care. He loved that boy like he was his own and he had only agreed to let him live with Carly and Sonny because he thought it was best for Michael. If Jason could have seen into the future, if he had possessed a crystal ball-he would have fought tooth and nail to have anyone else raise him. The Quartermaines, Jason, an adoptive family-anybody would have been better than the circus that living with Sonny and Carly became. The danger had been around all through the years. Jason had lost track of how many times Michael had been kidnapped or run away from home. He was emotionally damaged by all that he was witness to-the violence, his parents' fighting and selfishness, the restrictions on his life. Jason would have done everything in his power to make things different for Michael if he had but known.
Well, that was Michael and he was past Jason's reach, past anything but his guilt and his regret. It would be a cold day in hell before he let Spinelli down in the same way he had betrayed Michael and all because he had always put Sonny first. What Sonny wanted, Jason went and got for him. Sonny had asked him for his time, his life and his very soul and Jason had complied.
He wasn't going to hide behind the excuse that people liked to offer up for him that he had been brain damaged and hadn't known what he was doing before it was all too late. He had made choices and decisions driven by an inner rage and a need to impress Sonny. Still, that didn't excuse him from the culpability of all the deeds he had performed, all the violence he was embroiled in. He had paid dearly for his hero worship of Sonny, for the partnership and brotherhood they had shared. He was damaged beyond salvation and he couldn't even claim his own son.
Yet, two years ago without his awareness, a young man had walked into his life and had offered Jason a fresh chance to get it right-to be a mentor, a brother, maybe even a parent. He didn't recognize Spinelli as anything more than a goofy and geeky inconvenience in the beginning. He really couldn't say when he started to care about the kid, when his irritated responses began to be tempered with affection.
He had never met someone that could talk so much! He wore his every emotion on his face and it was like reading a map to the boy's happiness, sorrow, pain, humor and intense loyalty. His heart, Jason had only met a few people that even came close to having a heart like Spinelli's-his sister Emily, maybe Michael-so full of compassion and understanding. He revered Jason and tried to emulate him while Jason slowly began to appreciate what an invaluable soul Spinelli possessed.
He learned without conscious thought to interpret Spinelli-speak, to read his body language. He found himself wanting to fix things for him and to protect him from all the people that inconceivably seemed to want hurt him both emotionally and physically. Somewhere along the way the kid had burrowed his way into Jason's heart and he was entirely content with the arrangement.
As far as Jason was concerned he had benefited far more from their relationship than Spinelli ever had. He had gained a friend, a confidant, a trusted ally and a kid brother. Spinelli never mistook his gruffness or his abrupt temper for a lack of caring. Somehow he saw into Jason in a way few could and loved him unconditionally. Jason went from disliking the kid's naked hero worship of him to fearing the inevitable when his feet of clay would be revealed. Yet, he had slowly come to recognize that Spinelli would never feel differently about him and it wasn't because he saw him through rose colored glasses. It was actually the opposite, at some level inside himself Spinelli was crystal clear about what his mentor did for a living. Yet, it didn't matter to him because it was counterbalanced by all the worthwhile things Jason did, all the times he put his time, his freedom and his life on the line to help countless other people.
Jason knew he should have long since set the young man free from his sphere of influence. He went around being so noble, so self-sacrificing as he pushed away everyone that was vulnerable to the darkness pervading his world. He freely forfeited their happiness and his hope but not when it came to Spinelli. Monica had pleaded to be let into his life and he had refused. Robin wanted him around more often and he adamantly denied her. Elizabeth and he had engaged in a more complex dance of coming together and splitting apart because he was unable to entirely sever connections with her. Jake's kidnapping had been a rude awakening for both of them and they were now entirely in accord that they could no longer see one another. He had even restricted Maxie's access to the penthouse.
Jason had done all that with people he cared about along the continuum of mild affection to out right paternal love. Yet, when it came to Spinelli, he couldn't do it. He wouldn't have prevented Spinelli from leaving and he sporadically halfheartedly encouraged him to do so. Spinelli wouldn't go, not unless Jason made him but Jason, the unreachable, the unmovable, refused to bring out the big guns and forcibly move Spinelli onto the road to a better and safer future. The plain fact was that Jason needed Spinelli in his life. He needed him to keep his demons at bay to show him that there was indeed light and purpose in life-specifically in Jason's existence.
The absence of light in Jason's life, that was a legacy which began with his head injury and culminated in him becoming Sonny's protégé and eventually his stone cold enforcer. Their relationship was about a lot of things-anger, fear, intimidation and violence. Jason didn't have any other standard to measure it by, he didn't know what else was out there and by the time he began to question that there might be another way-he was in too deep.
Jason looked at Sonny as his adoptive father, his older brother, his best friend and his literal partner in crime. They had stood shoulder to shoulder untold times with guns blazing and death coming for them with every returned shot. Oftentimes, one or the other or both of them had taken a round, had gone down for the count. Those were the days when Jason felt a total and complete fierce loyalty to Sonny. He would do anything for him and surrendering his life wasn't even that high up on the list. He gave up relationships, Michael, his chance to have a different life and not once did he think it an unfair trade, that Sonny perhaps shouldn't have asked it of him. No, Jason was grateful for the opportunity to pay back a small part of all that had been given to him.
Over time, their relationship shifted slowly at first and then more quickly and more cosmically. More and more Jason found himself the sole person facing the hail of bullets while Sonny sat safely back in the office or at his home dictating the action, controlling the players from afar. He trusted that his enforcer, his creation would come through for him-get him more territory, eradicate the enemy, rescue his son or his wife, and time and time again that is exactly what happened. Sonny picked up a phone and on the other end would be Jason ready and willing to do his bidding to discard whatever he was doing in thrall to his mentor's service.
It had been like that for years until the stress fractures began to appear. Eventually, a more world weary and wiser Jason slowly began to recognize that Sonny was a deeply flawed man-selfish, arrogant, ruthless. Sonny began to treat Jason merely as a tool as a sharp implement meant to cut him free of all the dangers and inconveniences that being a mob kingpin entailed. After all, Sonny owned him and he was his to do with as he wished.
Yet, when Jason began to rebel it wasn't on his own behalf. He would go up against Sonny for Carly's sake, or Michael's. Frequently, he saw things more clearly and without emotion and would try to stop Sonny from making irrevocable choices that would seriously damage him and all those in his orbit. He didn't fight for himself, he carried his hurt inside when Sonny berated him for not understanding how things worked. Even when Sonny would accuse him of the worse crime in their world-disloyalty-Jason swallowed his misery and took it because he wasn't capable of fighting Sonny not the man who had saved him and given him a purpose in life.
The first time Jason came to Sonny and asked him to do something for him, for their history, for their brotherhood-Sonny refused him. He wouldn't give up his burgeoning relationship with Emily because it was what he wanted at the moment and no one, certainly not Jason, had the right to naysay what Sonny wanted. That had created a rift that had seemed destined never to be healed.
Somehow they had come back from the edge that time but things had never quite been the same. More and more, Jason started to see what he had lost in his life because of his choices. Unlike Sonny, he was affected by his deeds, his actions. They could both kill with apparent ease but the difference for Jason was that every time he did it took away a piece of his soul. Sonny disposed of people like they were possessions and it was his birthright to do as he would with them. The world existed at Sonny Corinthos' pleasure, not the other way around and when that concept was challenged there was always hell to pay.
Over time, Jason found himself resenting Sonny's continuous and arbitrary demands on his life and on his time. He treated him less like a friend, never mind a brother, and more like an enforcer-a dangerous errand boy in fact. He wouldn't brook any interference on Jason's part in his plans for the business or his disposal of his enemies. It was Sonny's way or the highway was the implication and it never crossed Sonny's mind that he would defy him in any large or lasting way. It crossed Jason's mind to do so but he seemed entrapped in an endless loop of Sonny says-Jason does with no idea of how to get out of it. His loyalty and his debt to Sonny were so ingrained in him that he literally couldn't see ever going against him. Whenever he did argue with him or displease him, Sonny immediately would play either the respect or the betrayal card or, in extreme situations, both. Then Jason would unwillingly come to heel and things would rub along uneasily until the next confrontation emerged.
When Jason found out about Jake, that he was his and not Lucky's, he went along with Elizabeth's desire to give his son a stable, normal, two parent home. It was a case of déjà vu, harkening back to when he gave up Michael for what he perceived as being a decision in his best interests. He thought Elizabeth was probably right about it being the correct choice, the right thing to do. It was surprising how often Jason, an assassin by trade, worried about that very idea-what was the right thing to do?
He knew instinctively to keep his parentage of Jake a secret from Sonny. He probably would have kept it a secret from Spinelli as well if he hadn't stumbled across it. Jason understood that the minute more than one person knew a secret it wasn't really a secret anymore and that certainly applied in Jake's case. Yet, surprisingly, Spinelli had kept the information about Jake's paternity to himself, he had even resisted Sonny's grilling pf him concerning what was bothering Jason.
Jason didn't want to have a discussion with Sonny about what he ought to do with regard to his child, while Jason knew Sonny loved Michael and Morgan he also knew that he regarded them somewhat as possessions as viable emblems of his virility and his legacy. Sonny Corinthos could never have an unclaimed child of his loose in the world. He tried to couch it in terms of parenting and love but in reality it was something more akin to control. He certainly didn't seem to truly understand the dangers that surrounded him and those, even the most innocent of them, who he loved. Sonny seemed incapable of sacrificing his own aspirations in the face of his child's wants and needs. If he had been more interested in Michael as a child in need of protection and less interested in posing for him as father of the year-Michael might still be an awake and alert teenager.
Jason never wanted his son to be in that same situation and he wasn't selfish or delusional enough to think he could unilaterally protect him against all comers. So, he had chosen to push Elizabeth and Jake out of his life but he had kept a tiny flicker of hope burning in one small corner of his heart. Perhaps someday he could claim Jake and maybe even be with Elizabeth.
Then Jason had made the biggest sacrifice of his life for Sonny. It was much more difficult than taking a bullet or risking his life uncountable times and he did it for a child that wasn't even his. Jason took the business over for Morgan. The only way that Sonny would agree to relinquish his parental rights to Michael and Morgan was if Jason took over the organization leaving Sonny free to move on and live a non mob connected life. Nothing was less appealing to Jason than becoming a mob boss-nothing.
He knew that it meant the destruction of his dream of someday having his own family. He didn't want to be in charge, to carry more burdens in the shape of life and death decisions. Yet, to save Morgan and to keep Carly in his life he agreed and instantly became persona non grata to Sonny who felt immensely hurt and betrayed by both Jason and Carly. He took it personally, just as he had never truly seemed to accept his culpability in Michael's shooting, he was convinced that Carly and Jason conspired to punish him by taking his sons away.
Jason thought that payback, that hurting Sonny might have indeed been part of Carly's motivation along with a very real fear of losing her younger son to further mob violence. Jason knew his reasons for taking over the business were exactly as he stated them. He felt that he was just as culpable in Michael's shooting as Carly and Sonny and so it made no sense for him to punish them when he had an equal share in the blame. His martyrdom was already laid out for him as he unwillingly took up running the organization.
Jason tried, he really did, to keep his anger from Sonny erupting and further eroding their already close to non-existent relationship. Time and again he had explained away Sonny's poor behavior as a manifestation of his suppressed grief. He tolerated Sonny trying to bull his way back into the business though he also blocked him because a deal was a deal and Jason was going to see his part through. He was heart sick when he found proof that Sonny was colluding with the newly arrived head of the Russian mob. Still, he tried to accept at face value Sonny's rationalizations that he was actually only doing it to protect Jason. He came to Sonny's wedding to Kate and he immediately responded to his call for help and support when she was shot. He put all the resources of his operation to work trying to determine who had shot her while at the same time resisting Sonny's enraged demands that he go after the Russians based on the evidence of a single shell casing.
Then Sonny went rogue, furious that Jason would not do as he asked. He went after the Russians and was almost killed. He retaliated by killing the head of the Russian organization thereby initiating a full blown mob war. The war didn't involve Sonny, the Russians struck at Jason-his physical plants, his people, and ultimately his son. Jake's kidnapping would never have occurred if Sonny hadn't gone off the rails. Then, as though nothing that had happened had any linkage to him-Sonny up and married Claudia Zacchara and took over running the Zacchara family business. His explanation was simple and crystal clear-at least to Sonny-Jason had blocked him from reacquiring his own business, the one he had built and wanted to run again. So, Sonny was through being nice and was going to make his own necessary allegiances.
Through everything, Spinelli had tried to mediate between Sonny and Jason. He had actively tried to get them to make peace. He did it for one reason and one reason only-because he thought it was what Jason wanted. Jason knew the appalling way Sonny treated Spinelli. He had seen it from the beginning. At best Sonny tolerated Spinelli because of his undeniable computer skills and maybe, at first, because Jason cared about him. Over time though, Sonny grew to dislike and perhaps even hate Spinelli.
Jason knew that Sonny was jealous of his relationship with Spinelli. As their friendship withered it was clear that the bond between the Jackal and Stone Cold was strengthening. Sonny couldn't stand that Spinelli had known about Jake pretty much all along and that he had managed to keep the secret. He despised that Jason stood up for Spinelli and wouldn't cut him loose which Sonny had urged him to do on more than one occasion. He felt displaced, replaced even, and he couldn't stand it-that wasn't how things went in a Sonny-centric world.
If anyone else had dared to treat Spinelli the way Sonny did they would have answered to Jason. Instead, Jason tried to tell Spinelli that Sonny was hurting and that he couldn't take the things he said personally because they were coming from a place of grief of anger. He knew vaguely that there had been confrontations between the two that had been severe, where Sonny had lost control. Somehow though Jason managed to convince himself that they hadn't been that bad because Spinelli hadn't come to him and so he could turn a blind eye. Even on the day when Sonny burst into the office and tore into Spinelli like a mad dog Jason hadn't intervened. Afterward, he had tried to take Sonny to task for his actions but Sonny had brushed him off, had arrogantly refused to see that he had done anything remotely cruel.
Jason and Spinelli's relationship wasn't a replacement friendship or a surrogacy for what Sonny and Jason had shared. He hadn't gone looking for this connection but he wouldn't trade it for anything. He knew that it was his last link with humanity, with being more than a criminal, a mob boss. Spinelli saw him as a champion for justice, righting wrongs and going to bat for the underdog. Some days Jason even let himself have the luxury of seeing himself through Spinelli's eyes. He could be open with his roommate-tell him about his feelings, his pain. He shared strategy and plans with him because besides keenly respecting his input he was the only person he knew that actively had his best interests at heart. Jason trusted Spinelli utterly.
Jason vigorously tried to keep Spinelli out of danger. He had no illusions about the romance of violence, of a life lived by and through a gun. He wanted better things for Spinelli-sometime in the future-that was the only vision that Jason could manage to wrap his mind around, the only way he could make peace with the idea of Spinelli not always being by his side. When he got sick or injured Jason died a little inside, just as he did when Jake was kidnapped. If it had anything to do with his lifestyle or his choices that only made it that much worse. Those were the times that Jason tried to reach Spinelli, tried to get him to see the tarnish on the glamour that he associated with Jason and his lifestyle. It never worked and Jason was relieved and frustrated at the same time.
Jason had neutralized the Russian threat in Port Charles. There couldn't have been any other outcome, not after they kidnapped Jake. He had to exact retribution but more than that he had to confirm his stance as an alpha male it was the only way to stay in the business. Yet, he wasn't allowed to rest on his victory, to lick his wounds and to evaluate how close he had come to losing Jake.
Instead, he had simultaneously been attacked on two fronts. On one side he had the FBI nipping at his heels. They wanted Sonny and the Zacchara-Corinthos organization and Jason was going to get their prize for them. They started with the carrot which was an offer of blanket immunity for him in exchange for giving sub rosa testimony. He could continue on with business as usual with the Feds' blessing and with no one the wiser. Jason had refused the offer.
Then Sonny, after asking Jason once again to let him have his organization back, decided to play hardball. In front of Jason, he had ordered a Zacchara-Corinthos shipment landed on a Morgan pier. Jason's face was expressionless but the hurt and betrayal was clearly evident in his eyes. Jason gave him a one time pass and a warning. Then Sonny had done it again and Jason was ready for him-he blew the shipment out of the water.
While he was confronting Sonny and Claudia on the docks at his pier, he got a phone call. The FBI had found Jason's Achilles heel-Spinelli. They had arrested his roommate for treasonous acts. When Jason got to the station he wasn't allowed to see Spinelli. Diane Miller had no luck in getting him free. It was anything but business as usual at the Port Charles Police Station.
Jason stared in frustrated agony at Spinelli-he was only feet away from him and as unreachable as he would have been on the moon. His lost expression of bewilderment, and guilt broke Jason's heart. Agent Raynor came in and told Jason flatly that they had enough evidence to put Spinelli away in a federal prison for life.
Jason knew that everything that had led to this moment, to this trapping of his boy had been his fault. He had used Spinelli's cyber skills time and again to get what he needed in the moment. Sometimes it was business, sometimes it was personal. At Jason's request or behest or sometimes without his input at all, Spinelli had hacked into every possible type of information available on the internet. He had gotten into Department of Defense records, countless video feeds, and bank information. He had Jason released from jail by falsifying Interpol records and that had enabled Jason to go after Jake and his kidnappers.
He knew that Spinelli hadn't betrayed him, that instead Spinelli had been betrayed by Jason, by the feds, by life at large. Spinelli treated hacking as a game as an example of his cyber-dominance but he also used his skills to help people, to help Jason. They had solved crimes and found people and saved hostages because of Spinelli's skills. Yet, none of that mattered. Spinelli had broken the law, it was his fingerprints on the keyboard, his assault on the sanctity of national security. Jason knew that Agent Raynor was making no idle threat.
So, the choice was Spinelli or Sonny. The balance was so obviously tipped in one direction that anyone-except Sonny Corinthos-who had observed Jason's and Spinelli's relationship would know what the upshot would be. Hell, Agent Raynor knew what the outcome would be. He just needed the words of agreement to spill forth from Jason's mouth and they had.
Now, Jason stood in front of Sonny trying desperately one last time to get him to understand, to see why Jason made the choice that he did. More than that, he wanted him to work with him, this one last time. He wanted to reestablish their partnership-the magic that had been Sonny and Jason when it seemed they could conquer the world-so that they could figure a way out of this mess. Jason wanted a resolution wherein neither Sonny nor Spinelli were prosecuted or went to jail. He didn't see why Sonny couldn't understand that he had to save Spinelli but he didn't want to sacrifice Sonny.
Jason knew that his decision would have far reaching reverberations. He would have to rebuild Spinelli, somehow get him to have faith in their bond and understand that Jason had made the choice willingly. He knew that he would be wracked by guilt and remorse and even worse, he would doubt his own computer skills and abilities which had always been the unparalleled definition of who Damian Spinelli was.
It would become common knowledge in the underworld that Jason Morgan had sold out his mentor, his boss, his comrade, hell-it could be his worst enemy-and it wouldn't matter if the code applied. Jason's own life might be forfeit unless he made Port Charles such a secure stronghold so that no one could challenge him.. Spinelli's life would be in constant danger because it would be clear to everyone how much he mattered to Jason Morgan and he would become instant leverage.
It was a mess of epic proportions and Jason did not comprehend how Sonny could stand there and look at it from one perspective only-his. How could he possibly think he would choose to be in this situation if there had been any other option that he could see implementing? The thing was that every last vestige of respect, caring, and affection that Jason had managed to hold onto with regard to Sonny had begun to dissipate the minute he had asked the question: "Was Spinelli worth it?"
Now, after an uncomfortable interlude of several minutes as each man stayed in their own space with a no-man territory of open carpet between them, staring at each other in stubborn silence, Sonny repeated the question.
Jason sighed internally, he had to relinquish all his hopes for any kind of pact between the two of them, any hope that they might come together and work as a team this one last time. It was obvious that Sonny would ditch Spinelli in a New York minute and he fully expected Jason to do the same.
So, he did what he had to. He returned Sonny's gaze with his own disillusioned and exhausted one. "Maybe you're asking the wrong question, Sonny." Jason said each word distinctly and with precision, he wanted there to be no misunderstanding. "Are you worth it?" He never took his eyes from Sonny's as realization began to dawn in them, as he absorbed the unthinkable question that Jason had responded with. "Tell you what," Jason wanted this to be over, he had tried and failed and now it was time to concentrate on doing what he had to in order to save Spinelli. "I'll answer them both for you, kind of a twofer. Yes and no."
Jason turned on his heel and strode away from a slack jawed Sonny who was slowly being consumed by an internal furnace of fury. It was done, the line was drawn and there was no going back.