I woke up and felt the warmth of Jacob's body pressed up lightly against mine. I was on my side, and he was curled around me, our legs had somehow become intertwined through the night.
I didn't know if he was awake yet, or if he was asleep, and either way I didn't want to break the moment. It was just Jake and me. Alone. It didn't matter that he didn't want me the way I wanted him, the fact that he wanted me at all was enough.
I felt a slight shifting behind me and Jake's arm moved to my waist.
"Jake?" I whispered still not wanting to wake him.
"Mmm?" he mumbled.
I still didn't know if this meant that he was awake yet or still in that phase between dreaming and walking so I kept quiet. I could have stayed like this forever.
Again I felt a slight shifting behind me.
"Morning" he said, a smile in his voice.
Before I had a chance to reply he reached up with his other arm and pushed my hair over my shoulder and kissed my neck. Twice.
Oh. I thought, it must be a dream .I knew I should try to wake up before the dream could continue; I would feel the inevitable disappointment when I did wake up, but it just felt so nice, so right, and there really was nothing to stop at the moment anyway.
"I love you," he whispered and I felt his hot breath tickle the back of my neck and send shivers down my spine. Then he started kissing me again. Slowly, he moved down my neck and then across my shoulder leaving my skin burning everywhere his lips touched.
I felt him prop himself up on his elbow and then lean over me as he continued to kiss along my collar bone then started up the front of my neck, feeling his breath was over the skin that was so sensitive beneath his lips and finger tips.
"I like this dream" he chuckled. I felt my eyelids flutter closed as I sighed and lifted my head slightly so he could continue kissing under my jaw, up to my chin. I had to agree with him; this was a very, very nice dream. I was going to pay for this in the morning, so I might as well make the most of it.
The hand that had been resting on my waist was now tracing the contours of my body, from the bottom of my ribs to the curve of my hip and back again. This time, as his hand reached my hip he grabbed it and pulled it closer against him, my body moved with him as he rolled slightly away so that I had enough space to turn over.
Now we were facing each other. He was still kissing along my jaw, one hand pressed against my back, the other back on my hip, his fingers tracing circles on my skin through my skirt. I felt myself shudder as he rolled us over again, this time so his body was pressed lightly on mine from above.
He sighed as he pulled my chin down gently with his own and pressed his warm lips against mine. There was a huge ache building inside my chest and the only way I could think of quashing it was to press myself closer to him, but every time I did it only flared up inside me more, forcing me to press up against him harder.
He groaned as I slid my hands up his t-shirt moving them up to his chest. As his kisses grew deeper and more desperate I explored further with my tongue, relishing in the taste of him, in his scent.
This time it was me who rolled us, so now I was the one on top, legs still intertwined, kisses getting deeper still. I continued to move my hands up his torso, dragging his top off too, exposing his bare chest. His arms were still wrapped around me and I didn't want him to let go, so, instead of pulling his top over his head I ripped it down the middle and tore it off him.
Now it was his turn. I felt his warm hands pulling against my top before he too slid them underneath, pressing firmly against my hips, my waist as he ran his hands up my sides. I lifted my arms above my head as he continued to kiss me. I pressed myself closer against him as he whipped my top off over my head, only tucking my chin for the briefest of moments before clamping my lips back down on his. He grasped both my wrists, still above my head, in just one of his.
Then he rolled us again chuckling. I felt his lips brush mine as he breathed, "this is going to hurt in the morning" before he continued kissing me, releasing my arms.
"Yes, it is a very nice dream isn't it?"
He groaned again as he fought to bring my lips back to his as he hands toyed with my bra. We both gasped as it snapped beneath his hand before he tore it off me. I shuddered against him, very aware that I had Jake's body pressed against me and we were both half naked.
"I've got an idea," I murmured as he kissed me again, one hand moving to my chest. "I'll just never wake up, then I'll never be disappointed and we can stay like this forever, avoid the hurt that way."
"That's my plan too" he sighed, lips grazing mine. Somewhere in the back of my brain I wondered why Jake thought he was dreaming too, when it was clearly my dream. I'd had these fantasies for weeks now, admittedly none as good as this one, but surely this way my dream, I mean, I was thinking right? That means it had to be my dream.
Unconsciously, still kissing Jake I had managed to tug at my skirt until it was down over my hips, but I couldn't get my legs free. I felt him chuckle again, and caught a flash of a grin as he moved down and pulled it off, his fingers brushing my thighs.
I was still lying on my back; him now crouched on his hands and knees above me. There was too much space between us; I needed to feel his skin against mine, the ache in my chest flared. Without any conscious thought I found myself kneeling upright on the bed. Pulling Jake up with me. His body was longer than mine and I couldn't reach his lips. Desperation flared inside me as I pushed against him. I felt him groan again as he grabbed me round the waist and lifted me up as he slid us backwards onto the bed.
Relief rushed through me as our lips found each other, working furiously in time.
"It feels so real" my voice cracked as blood rushed to my cheeks and a tear escaped my eyes. Jake gasped and broke his lips away, eyes boring into mine.
"Oh my god" he said, fire in his eyes. He broke his hold on me and pushed me away, onto the bed beside him.
"This is wrong" he almost sobbed, "I thought it was a dream, I got carried away. Oh, I'm so, so sorry Nessie, please forgive me. I can't believe I did this." He launched himself off the bed, away from my reaching hands.
"Jake!" I cried, crashing against him as I leapt after him. "Jake, don't go, please, I love you, don't make me wake up" I pleaded. He hugged me to him and tucked my head under his chin.
"Don't you see, Nessie? You are awake. This is real. I'm a monster. I'm so sorry" he whimpered.
"No" I growled, wrestling free. "I love you Jake" I sobbed my eyes locked on his. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing him fiercely.
"You do want me" I sighed, as he parted his lips with mine. He shook his head slightly as if to clear it.
"Please, Jake" I pleaded as I pulled myself closer to him. He shuddered beneath me and gently placed me back on the bed. Before he could push me away, I pushed against him, rolling us until I lay atop him.
"Nessie, please - " he murmured and his hands locked firmly on my hips, holding me against him. I kissed him deeper, my breath coming faster as he kissed me back. I couldn't believe what I was doing. What am I doing? His lips pushed fiercely against mine, parting them wider as he slid his tongue in and entwined it with mine.
I gasped as I felt his erection sliding slowly up my inner thigh, tracing the path of the shivers racking through my body. Without thinking I parted my legs slightly and tugged at his boxers, trying to tear them free, but his hand clamped down on mine.
"Nessie, not that. We just can't," he pleaded. But why not? I wanted to, God I knew I wanted to, and his body clearly did.
"I love you Jake," I breathed as I changed tack and grabbed at my own underwear instead.
"No" he growled, yanking my hand away. We both shuddered as we felt my pants come away too, torn in his hands.
I kissed him harder, absorbing everything, the feel of his warm lips burning against mine, the fire in his eyes as he looked at me, the feel of his bare skin rubbing against mine, and the feel of his boxers beneath my hands as I ripped them off him.
Jake groaned and his lips broke free, his gaze still locked on mine, he hadn't broken eye contact.
"Are you sure?" he breathed against my neck, whispering in my ear.
"Please" I pleaded, reaching up to put my hand against his cheek to show him how I felt. He gasped and snapped his eyes back to mine, kissing me once, twice as he rolled us over.
"I love you Nessie", he said, shutting his eyes.
My whole body shuddered as he slid inside me, a moan escaping from my lips. He opened his eyes and stared at me, not moving. I shuddered against him again gasping. Pain flitted across his face and he started to pull himself away; my body protested before I could, my hips rising to meet his as I arched against him.
Jake groaned then too and thrust into me. Gasping, we shuddered against each other. I pulled his lips back to mine as I felt start to move inside me, moaning at the sensations coursing through my body. He moaned too, repeating my name again and again, I heard myself answer him as the first waves of pleasure engulfed me.
Afterwards I curled against him, and he wrapped me in his arms, kissing me. We murmured, "I loved you" again and again, and then we fell asleep, still naked, entwined in each other's arms.