I could feel myself slowly surfacing through the haze of sleep but tried to fight against it; it felt so nice, just to stay here in the warmth of the bed enveloping me. I kept my eyes resolutely shut as I shifted my head to a more comfortable position and tried to slip into slumber once again. I didn't want to let the dream go, I couldn't remember all the details, I just knew that it was a pleasant one, and that it was slipping away.
"Are you awake?" I heard someone whisper. I mumbled an indistinct sound in reply.
"Ness?" came the voice again.
"Let me sleep" I murmured, hearing a soft chuckle that gently shook the mattress beneath me. "Stop it" I scolded half-heartedly, "I want to sleep."
"Okay, okay", the voice held a smile. I felt something gently brush back the hair from my face and stroke the top of my head; it felt really nice and I wandered at the touch.
It was no good; I was losing the battle with myself and was becoming more conscious by the second. I could hear sounds now, the chirping of birds in the trees outside my bedroom window, the faint gurgle of a stream running underneath a thick covering of ice, and, much closer a steady breathing accompanying my own. I sighed.
That's when I became aware of the slight hardness to the mattress beneath me, it wasn't unpleasant, just different and the covers felt heavier as they draped over my back. My eyelids fluttered open and shut briefly before my lids could hold themselves up. As my eyes focused I heard the soft voice again.
"Morning."
I glanced up, lifting my chin slightly, to see Jake gazing back at me, his lips pulling up at the corners. That's when I became aware of my limbs. My arms reached up above me draping around Jake's neck, my torso was resting across his chest and my legs sprawled out behind me.
"Oh. Sorry" I gasped starting to pull my arms back so I could shift myself away. Before I had managed to lift myself more than an inch, however, he squeezed his own arms around me tighter, pressing me up against him.
"You look beautiful" he said eyes roaming my face.
"How do you feel?" he questioned, a sheepish look on his face.
My mouth opened silently so that I was gaping up at him as my brain finally kicked in. Jake was still gazing at me, his face still sheepish, but with a different look in his eye now. I took me a moment to describe it to myself…tender; Jake was looking at me tenderly, and with a hint of anxiety too. I gasped as the dream flooded through me again, but it wasn't a dream – it was a memory.
"Oh," I smiled, moving my hands to rest against his bare chest as I lifted my chin up and moved my face closer to his. "Wonderful," I sighed, smiling again, before pressing my lips gently against his. He smiled his lopsided smile back at me and kissed me back.
Tweny minutes later I found myself laughing as I looked down at Jake lying on his back in the snow, his expression a mixture of annoyance, exacerbation and confusion.
"That's the third time you've tripped me in the last five minutes!" he growled. It was true; me and Jake had been walking along hand in hand laughing and joking, but every so often his eyes would cloud over and he would look as if he were in pain, withdrawing into himself - which is when I would promptly decide to trip him again - I didn't like it when Jake was sad.
"You love me really" I teased, dancing away from him as he tried to pounce on me. He landed in the snow heavily and turned to face me again, nearly stumbling as his foot became wedged in a snowdrift.
"Yes, I do" he chuckled as he darted his hands out once more to catch me around the waist when I tried to skip past him again. He pulled me closer to him and planted a kiss on my lips.
"I do believe I am completely and utterly in love with you."
My breath caught in my throat at the casual way in which he had just declared himself, and I gazed at him silently for a second. Me and Jake always said that we loved each other, had done for years - but recently the meaning of those simple words had changed for me, as I had recently discovered they had for him too. But now he had just said he was in love with me, and his words echoed around in my head causing me to smile up at him.
"So, I'm forgiven then?" i asked innocently, arching an eyebrow.
"Maybe," he laughed pulling me in close again. This time as he kissed me I reached up to wrap my arms around his neck.
"Aargh!" he exclaimed in surprise. "Oh my God, that's cold!" I had just dropped a large handful of icy snow down the back of his t-shirt. Jake naturally had a very high body temperature - part of being a wolf. He could stand in a blizzard for hours and not get ill, but he still hated the feel of snow up against his skin. A short bark of laughter burst from my lips and he snapped his eyes up to mine, smirking.
Before I could react he was already sailing through the air. He knocked into me, pushing me over so that I landed on my back in the snowdrift, him ontop of me. It was a very strange sensation, the warmth of Jake's body pressed up against my front, the coolness of the snow on my back.
Jake bent his head and mock growled in my ear, then softly nibbled on the side of my neck.
"Gotcha" he breathed against me.
As he lifted his head I darted mine upwards and kissed him, lips parting at his touch. We shared a long kiss for several minutes, soft yet passionate, tongues massaging each other, as he continued to press his body up against mine, pinning me beneath him on the snow.
"I'm in love with you too" I whispered as we broke apart, my lips grazing his as I spoke.
He made a low sound of contentment in the back of his throat and tugged at my lower lip with his teeth before kissing me again. He gently lifted me up to my feet as he did so, one arm held tight against my back, ensuring that I stayed pressed up to him as we rose, no space allowed to come between us.
He broke away from me saying, "You are the most breathtakingly beautiful and deadliest creature in the entire of existence." He glanced away, taking me by the hand again, and pulled me forward.
I just looked at him questioningly my lips pursing together in a pout as we started walking. I could tell Jake wanted to talk, and I knew we probably had to eventually, but I didn't want to break the peace of being with him even for a moment. He chuckled as he finally glanced back at me, reaching out to run a finger over my lips.
"I love it when you do that" he smiled, then he quickly glanced away from me as I raised my eyes to his, letting his hand fall back to his side.
We walked in relative silence, Jake slightly ahead of me, his thumb absently tracing circles on the back of my hand before we finally came to a stop in a small clearing. This was our place - mine and Jake's - we had discovered it nearly two years ago, shortly after we moved away from Forks to Alaska, I had been about five years old in apperance then.
It was amazing here; a line of trees behind us - which led to a forest; the site of most of our hunting and playing, the direction we had just come from a gentle winding expanse of path through hills, blocking the horizon from view, and to our other side and our front was a huge expanse of multicoloured ice, which was the frozen lake stretching out for several miles in front of us.
Jake pulled me down so that I was sat between his legs, leaning against his chest.
"We need to talk, Nessie." His voice had aquired a hard edge since he had last spoken. I just sat there silently my head resting on his shoulder and waited for him to begin.
"Nessie, we can't - I mean, - I, - It's not-" he broke of sighing, I was suprised; Jake never struggled for words. "I love you so much Nessie, but I just don't think we should be together " he rushed out, voice cracking.
I snapped my head up to stare at him, turning my body so I was knelt in front of him, my hand grabbing at him and squeezing hard.
"But, - but you love me, you're in love with me, and I am with you too, - I don't understand!"
"Ness, these last two days have been wonderful, the best in my life - being with you - but we're deluding ourselves. What do you think you're family's reaction will be when they find out, hey?" he had been toying with a loose strand of my hair and suddenly realised, he once again dropped his hand, pulling his other one from my grip too, eyes burning.
"What do you think you're dad will do to me now I've broken my promise? We've got to stop this Ness, try and keep it as platonic as possible. And we definitely can't think about what happened last night, ever, he'd kill me."
"But-"was all i could choke out - I'd thought he'd wanted me, wanted this. I did. I wanted him so badly, I needed him, and he was slipping away, I could feel it.
"Ness" he said, seeing the hurt in my eyes. He bent his head to kiss me briefly on the cheek. "Nessie, we can be together, eventually, but not yet. I'm so sorry." He almost sobbed, pain evident in his face. He was hurting too, and I didn't like that.
"But, ... the imprinting," I started, "they knew. They must have known this would happen Jake." His eyes widened and he gaped at me in shock. I'd forgotten he didn't know I knew about that - but I didn't care. I needed him to understand.
"I made a promise Ness, to your dad," he told me. "I had to keep away from you - like that - like this-" he said hugging me tight against him briefly and brushing his mouth against mine before pulling back again. "I had to wait until you were sure how you felt yourself. I had to let you come to me"
"You did. I did"
"Yes, but he told me to wait until you were an adult."
"I am"
"No, Ness. He meant in literal years, - until you have existed for atleast eighteen years."
"But-" This was ridiculus. I didn't know what to say - he was trying to leave me. I should make it easier on him - let him go - I could see he was hurting, but I was so sure, I wanted him and was way to selfish to give him up without a fight.
"I've had to deny what I was thinking, what I was feeling towards you for months, Nessie. It was hard, but I was coping. Then in one day you turned my world upside down - I never knew, I didn't even hope to imagine, - I tried, I tried when you first kissed me. But last night, last night, I just - I - I just couldn't stop myself." He blurted out in a rush, a single tear escaping before he roughly brushed it away.
All I could do was stare up at him. Months? He had just described how I had felt too. All this time, all this time and I had never known he had felt the same - I had thought I was crazy, alone with these feelings.
"Jake, Jake it's okay" I was shocked into saying, "we can be together - be together and just not think about last night, can't we? They'll understand. We can keep it secret. If all we're doing is kissing and being together - hanging out like before - just acting like a new boyfriend and girlfriend, just kissing - nothing more - they can't stop us. We won't let them, I won't let them. " I gushed grabbing at his shoulders. All he did was stare at me, shaking his head sadly.
"I'll get mum to make dad understand - I'll,- "
"No" he shouted jumping to his feet and out of my reach.
"I'm sorry Ness. We just can't. It would never work." He half sobbed, half growled. He dropped his eyes to meet mine for a second and I could see a well of fear, anger, pain and frustration roaring inside him.
And then for the second time in two days Jake ran away. I watched as he dissapeared into the forest, his body shuddering with the oncoming of a imminent change, and then I dropped to ground sobbing.
Hiya guys.
Sorry, it will probably be a while before I post again - exams!!! GRR!
Feel free to review and suggest any ideas you have that you might like to share, - I have encountered a huge wall of writer's block! What will happen with Jake and Nessie? etc etc.
Constructive criticism welcome too - I'm always very paranoid that I'm waffling (like I'm beginning to now) and that I'm ruining the idea you have in your head of the future after Breaking Dawn.