Afraid to Forget Chapter 3, a twilight fanfic

DO NOT OWN ANY CHARACTERS!

If you've already read the first two chapters before I edited and added more chapters just double check that you re-read ch. 2 again cause I did edit it a little bit to make a better pull towards the story. Remember REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!!!

B-POV

Just a few hours ago I thought I was getting my life back, but I forgot to account for the one person in my life that tried to put the pieces back together again. For the most part Jacob has helped me go on with my life, he taught me how to smile, laugh and for the most part be happy again. I would've never thought that Edward would ever come back into my life again. So I tried to move on with my life and Jacob helped me with that, I was never the same again because my heart and mind were altered in so many ways already since Edward. But, there was a sense of normalcy with Jacob and happiness, that I felt mentally happy again and decided that if Edward was not the person I was going to end up with then Jacob was it for me.

So why I waited in Forks for Jacob to graduate I turned my heart into music and started writing and even taught myself how to play the guitar. I wrote my thoughts and my emotions into my songs, and decided that that was the best medicine for my broken heart and the best remedy to move on but to never truly forget. So when I decided to leave Forks for NYC, I would've never thought that Jacob would've left everything that he has ever known and the responsibility and loyalty he had with the pack behind him. So he packed his life up and moved with me. His father and Sam and the rest of the pack were very upset with him for a little while, but when they finally cooled down they understood but never really accepted it. Charlie found it comforting of course that Jacob was with me; since I was now living in a big city he loved the fact that Jacob would be there to watch over and protect me. Of course with my luck I need all the protecting I can get.

Jacob and I formed this bond between us, yes I loved him but he knew that I could not love him or give all of my heart the way he wanted me to. He knew how broken I was and that it would never be mended back to the way it was. So, he accepted that and embraced every moment he was able to get. He helped me stitch my heart back up again and put as many of the puzzle pieces back together again. Now what do I do?

"Bella, are you okay you look catatonic just sitting there staring out the window," Jacob said with urgency and heartache. I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at him and what I saw in his eyes was heart breaking, they were hallowing with tears at the surface. I could tell he was trying to hold back all his anger and sadness. "Jacob, I think I need to be alone to collect my thoughts," "Bella, you have been sitting there for hours since he left just staring and not saying anything," Jacob replied with intensity.

A few minutes after Jacob came running through the door Edward had given me his number, whispered he loved me in my ear and that he wouldn't be far, and he left. It took all of my strength to not fallow him and run into his arms. But I knew I had to think about what I wanted, did I want to be with Edward, and was I mad at him? Yes, I wanted to be with him and yes I was mad at him. He hurt me, but after I looked into his eyes I felt happiness like I've never felt before, I felt refreshed, renewed, I felt like Bella. But, then I looked into Jakes eyes and how could I hurt him after all I've put him through after all he's helped me with? I remember how I felt after Edward left, and sometimes I still feel it, so how could I put Jake through the same emotions. "Bella, I love you and you know that, I've been here for you for the past three years, he left you Bella, he left and now all of a sudden he is back and I still don't know how by the way you must still explain that to me."

So I went on explaining to him how I was at work just up on stage singing a song when I opened my eyes and I thought that my mind was playing tricks on me and that he was there, so I left work early and then he found Edward and I. Wow, I haven't put Edward and myself in the same sentence in so long that a smile crept up on me, but as soon as I looked at Jake, the smile faded. Jacob never really came to the club he was usually at work at the shop, when he did come to the club though I knew what songs to sing and what song I shouldn't. Jake didn't know that I sung about Edward, there was only one time he heard me sing about Edward, but it was also about him too. I decided to sing a cover that night because of the type of mood I was in, it was the first night that Jacob told me he was in-love with me. I knew he loved me and I loved him too, but loving someone and being in-love was two different emotions.

"Bella, before you go on stage there is something that I want to tell you."

"Okay Jake but you're going to have to hurry up I go on in five,"

"Bella, I love you!"

"I know that Jake I love you too."

"No, Bella I am in-love with you, I've always have been, I love you more than you know."

I was stunned I didn't know what to stay, so I smiled kissed him on the cheek and walked onto the stage. I was going to play a different song, but for what just happened I only had one song in mind, so I told the band we were going to change things up and for the first song I was going to play acoustic and they were to relax. I wasn't sure if Jake was going to be happy or hurt by the song I chose but I knew I had to sing it. Jake sat up front and I just stared at him while I began to play.

"Hey, how is everyone doing tonight?" The audience was screaming and raising they're glasses to me. "That's great, so I decided to open up with a song that I felt was appropriate for the way I feel at this moment, it's going to two people, one I am letting go and the other I am holding onto. So Jake I am going to hold on, so here we go this is Leona Lewis, Better in time!"

" It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: X2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time"

When I first started that song, Jake wasn't smiling like he had been, but by the end of the song he couldn't stop smiling. He knew the meaning behind it and that's why I decided to play that particular song.

That night had been one of the happiest in a long time; I couldn't stop smiling after that song. I thought that I had finally started to move on from Edward, I might have moved on, but I was afraid to forget. So I still sang about him time after time, there was at least one song a night that was about Edward and how I felt about him or towards him, I couldn't forget about him I would never allow myself to do that.

"Bella, look I think you need to sleep, so why don't you go to bed and I will sleep on the couch tonight," Jake had me snap back to reality once again. "OK, um, I think I will take a shower first to calm myself down." Even though I wasn't crying, I felt like I was dying on the inside. The shower felt nice, very hot it was what I needed for my body to stop shaking. When I got out Jake was already asleep on the couch, so I kissed him on the cheek and went to my bedroom. I wasn't sure if I was even going to be able to fall asleep, I was too afraid that my old nightmares would haunt me again. So I lay down on my bed and before I knew it I was waking up to the bright sun shining through my window.

I laid there in bed for awhile, but after a half hour I really needed to go to the bathroom, so I got up when I walked into the living room, Jake wasn't there, he wasn't in the kitchen either. I looked out the window and his car was gone, I wonder where he went he didn't need to work for another few hours. I walked into the bathroom and a note had caught my eye that was taped to the mirror. It was from Jake.

Bella,

Went to go get some fresh air and Breakfast, be back soon.

I Love You,

Jake

I cringed after I read the "I love you," after a night's sleep I didn't know really know how to respond to that. Did I love Jake, was I in-love with him, what about Edward? Ugh, there were too many thoughts in my head to comprehend anything. Right now there was only one person I wanted to talk to, but how would I get a hold of her without having to call Edward, I wasn't sure if I really wanted to talk to him. I knew if I heard his voice it would be like an electric pull that I must go to. But, I still just wasn't sure what I wanted yet.

At that moment my phone rang, I ran to it hoping it was Edward and then hitting myself for thinking that. I looked down at the caller I.D. and seen that it was a weird number that I didn't recognize. "Hello?" I answered with a sore throat, I needed something to drink. "Bella, you needed me to call," it was the silver, high pitched voice I was hoping to hear. "Alice, I need you, I need to talk to you, and will you come over?" "Of course Bella, let me just talk to Jasper and I will be on my way, um…Bella?" "Yes Alice?" "Do you want me to tell Edward I am coming over?" She asked unwillingly, "you might as well; he will eventually find out anyways, you Cullens can't keep secrets between each other!" I told her the address and we said our goodbyes. I quickly called Jake and told him Alice would be over so we wouldn't have another incident like last night with Jake freaking out and Alice trying to protect us both. He seemed okay with it, but I am sure he was dying on the inside.

Before Alice came over I took a quick shower and started cleaning up a little but, I didn't want her to think I turned into a slob or anything. As I was washing the dishes there was quick knocking on the door, but before I could get it Alice flew through the door and embraced me with a too tight hug. "Oh, Bella I've missed you so much, are you okay I heard about last night," "Alice. Can't. Breath." I tried to squeeze out of her tight grip. "Oh, sorry sometimes I forget how human and fragile you are, so Bella is everything okay Edward is a wreck, I mean he has been a wreck for the past 3 yrs. But this is the worst that I've seen him."

"What do you mean, he is a wreck and he has been for the past 3 years, he was the one who left me, he was the one who didn't want me or love me anymore," I sort of yelled at Alice with a little too much enthusiasm. "Oh silly Bella, do you truly believe he doesn't want you or love you, let me explain what he truly meant by everything he really did and does have the best of intentions." Alice retorted back.

Alice went on to explain to me why he really left me, and what he has been up to and how no one can stand to be around him anymore. "Sometimes he gets that flicker of life back into his eyes, but when he notices what's going on it quickly goes away and he disappears into his room or the woods for a few days I was really surprised that he wanted to go to the club last night, cause he never wants to go out, but I guess there was this pull that was making him go." "He doesn't play his piano anymore, actually one night in a fit of rage he threw it out the window and started really tearing it apart, and saying how worthless and how he couldn't go on anymore, I think that was the worst he has been till now , cause see at least then he chose to leave and not be with you and he always knew in his head you still loved him, but now he feels he made the worst mistake of his life and that it's hard for him to process that you don't want him anymore, he is taking it pretty hard, he won't talk to anymore, he won't come out of his room, he finally let me talk to him right before I came over, that's why it took me longer than expected." Alice was talking so fast it was a little hard to process it all.

"Now Bella, you need to tell me about Jacob and why for the past three years I've only gotten flickers of your life, that's the only reason why I knew you were still alive." Alice urged me to tell her about Jacob and what I have been doing for the past few years. So I continued to tell her about Jake being a werewolf and that I did love him, how he helped me with coping that they left, why we moved to NYC, why I worked at the club and my music. "So the real question is how do you feel about Edward?" I didn't even know how to respond to that question, I whispered "I don't know," with tears filling my eyes.

Alice and I just sat in the living room and talked about everything from Rosalie and Emmett, to everything that has happened to all of us, except for Edward, since they left Forks.

It was starting to get late and I realized I had a message from work; I excused myself from Alice and listened to the message. When I came walking back into the room, Alice said "Sorry, you have to go into work, would you like me to come with you?" "Actually, yes I would love for you to come, maybe you can hear some of my songs and understand what I feel about everything, plus it would be nice to have you close by." I was actually smiling now and it felt good to be with her again, I missed her so much, she was my best friend. And even though I didn't know if I wanted to be around Edward right now, at least if I was with Alice I knew he was still out there, and I knew he was close by and that gave me a sense of comfort that I haven't felt in a very long time.

I quickly sent Jake a message to let him know that I was called into work, I didn't want him to come home and realize I wasn't there and that I had returned in awhile and jump to some weird conclusion. I let Alice drive, because if she drove then I knew that I would get there a little quicker, and I knew she couldn't leave without me. When we finally got to the club Joe was so grateful that he forgot about my little stint last night. I told Alice she could sit back stage and watch me if she would like, or she could sit in my dressing room whichever she preferred. She decided to sit right up front where I could see her.

I sang three songs before I took a break, all three were about Edward of course and I think if Alice could cry she would've been crying. But, in between the second song she quickly looked behind her and had a mean scowl on her face. I tried to look to see what she saw but I couldn't really see anything with the lights blinding my eyes. But then she sat there looking content again. During the break Alice appraised me for music and she loved every moment of it. "I really think Edward would love to hear these songs Bella, he would understand how you feel," "Alice, I just don't think I am ready yet, I am not sure if I am ready to face him yet, anyways break is over I have to go, I will be singing about 6 more songs then it will be time to go, do you mind." "Of course not Bella, I will stay with you as long as you want me to!" That gave me a great sense of comfort and relief, and gave me confidence to sing my heart out some more about the love of my existence.

After the last set was over, Alice said she would wait for me in the car and then she would take me home or wherever I would like to go. I went back to my dressing room, so refresh myself a little bit and relax, I sang a lot about Edward tonight more than I ever have and I didn't know I would break away from this feeling. When I walked into the room, I was caught off guard by Jacob standing there with tears running down his face. "So Bella, is that really how you feel, cause I know you weren't singing about me," I didn't even know what to say, I wanted to run away from this room and avoid this situation. Why did he have to come walking back into my life like that, I was content, I was happy, broken, but I was still happy. Now look, I've hurt Jake, just like I didn't want to. But, I wanted Edward, I loved Edward.