FAMILY

CHAPTER 12

I'm sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. This is the final Mike and Sarah chapter for this story. But they will be showing up in future stories. There will be one more chapter for Bobby and Annie and season 3 will be done.

Thank you, as always, to my beta Spook.

Mike chuckled as Sarah joined him at the bar and took off her coat. She was wearing jeans, black high-top Nikes, and a long-sleeve navy blue tee-shirt with the New England Patriots logo on the front. Her dark hair was pulled back in a pony tail and topped with a gray wool baseball cap, also with the Pats logo. She grinned at him as she leaned over to kiss him before sitting down on the stool next to him.

"What's so funny, Detective? You know I like to dress appropriately for a date."

"Oh, Phil is gonna love you," he laughed. "Do you want a drink before we go?"

"Just a soda, thanks."

Mike had invited Sarah to a Superbowl Party at the home of his friend and former partner, Phil Cerreta. There would be several cops and their wives or girlfriends. This had become a tradition for Mike over the years and he always enjoyed himself. But he had never brought a date before and he knew that both Phil and his wife, Elaine, were curious. Among the other cops who would be there today were another former partner of Mike's, Lennie Briscoe, and Lennie's current partner, Ed Green. He knew that bringing Sarah was going to cause him to be the subject of a lot of female gossip and male kidding. He smiled again as he watched her sipping her soda. He decided she was worth it.

If Sarah was nervous, she didn't show it as they walked up the sidewalk to Phil and Elaine's house. She was carrying two plastic containers with her offerings for the party: Teriyaki Wings and Lemon Bars. Mike's contribution was beer. After depositing the food and beer in the kitchen, Mike made the introductions. Phil had the grill going on the covered patio and Mike joined him out there while Sarah stayed in the warm kitchen with Elaine.

She liked Elaine immensely. She was warmhearted and friendly; her beatific and indulgent smile as she watched her husband reign over the barbeque in the manner of a benevolent overlord spoke volumes about the depth of their relationship. Elaine quizzed Sarah about herself and when she heard that she had a daughter, she grumbled good-naturedly about Mike.

"Honestly! That boy! He should have told you that there would be children here and to bring Jia Li. I don't know what he was thinking."

"Oh, it's OK," Sarah told her. "Jia Li is with my husband's family today. I'm sure Mike would have suggested bringing her, but…well…he's never met her." At Elaine's surprised look she added quickly, "We haven't been dating all that long. I just….I mean, I don't want…." She trailed off. "It just hasn't been the right time."

Elaine smiled sympathetically and let the subject drop. Sarah helped with preparations and other women drifted into the kitchen, their laughter and conversation a pleasant hum. There were indeed children present and they ran in and out of the kitchen, laughing and squealing. Mike came in just in time to greet the last arrival. Sarah watched as he greeted Lennie Briscoe with an affectionate punch to the shoulder, and then greeted Lennie's date with incredulity.

"Rodgers?" He smiled at the redheaded M.E. She didn't smile back, but looked at him evenly.

"Just keep your remarks to yourself, Logan," she warned. Mike laughed and introduced the two women.

"Sarah Johnson, this is Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers, NYPD Medical Examiner. Rodgers, this is Sarah Johnson. My date."

As they shook hands, Elizabeth Rodgers said with a smile, "Well you don't look like a brain-dead bimbo. How did you end up with lover-boy here?"

Sarah laughed and replied, "Actually he rescued me one night from a very drunk, very disastrous blind date."

"Mike Logan a knight in shining armor? Well, wonders never cease, do they?"

Sarah greeted Lennie, who gave her an affectionate hug. They had met once before when Mike invited Lennie to have a drink with them before one of their dates. She liked the older, slightly rumpled detective with the sarcastic sense of humor.

Phil announced the food was ready and everyone filled their plates and found somewhere to sit in the large living room, just as the game began. There were good-natured arguments about the two teams. Sarah settled in a chair and Mike sat on the floor next to her, leaning back against her chair, his arm casually thrown across her lap. She was enjoying the easy camaraderie, the laughter, the cheering, the children running in and out of the room, and most of all the dark-haired man sitting at her feet.

When half-time came she reached down and ran her fingers lightly through Mike's hair and asked if he wanted another beer and plate of food. He leaned his head back on her lap and smiled up at her.

"That would be great. Thank you," he said, pulling her down for a quick kiss.

"Save my seat," she said as she got up.

Mike moved to sit in the chair and Sarah made her way to the kitchen. She filled a plate with finger foods to share and opened two beers. As she made her way back across the living room Janet Jackson appeared on the TV screen, singing "All For You". She laughed to see the children dancing and stopped briefly to dance with Phil and Elaine's ten year old grandson, who seemed to have developed a crush on her. She glanced at Mike and found that he was watching her with a smile. She continued across to him, holding the plate in one hand and the two beers in the other. She swayed her hips in time to the music and danced the rest of the way. When she reached him, he pulled her onto his lap, laughing.

"Yeah, Baby!" He laughed as she struggled to keep from spilling the food and the beer. Mike took advantage of her full hands to pull her against him and capture her mouth in a deep kiss. When he released her, she was breathless. Sarah glanced around to see if the others were watching them but discovered everyone was busy with their own conversations and runs to the kitchen for more food and drinks. But she did see Elaine smiling indulgently at them from across the room. Embarrassed, Sarah blushed. Which made Mike laugh and kiss her again briefly. Then he helped her set down the plate and beer bottles. They repositioned themselves so they were both squeezed into the chair and Sarah held the plate of food on her lap while they ate.

"Having a good time?" he said softly in her ear.

"Yeah, I am. I like Phil and Elaine a lot. I like all your friends."

He brushed his lips against her forehead, then they turned their attention to their food. They both looked back at the half-time show on the TV just in time to see Justin Timberlake come out and begin singing "Rock Your Body" with Janet Jackson. At the final line, "I'm gonna have you naked by the end of this song", Timberlake ripped Jackson's top, revealing her right breast. There was a moment of silence among the adults in the room before they reacted. The children continued dancing, unaware of what had just happened. Then a roar of laughter erupted, with Elaine's shocked voice rising above.

"I cannot believe they did that! There are children watching this! Mike Logan, this is NOT funny!"

Mike's laugh had been particularly boisterous and now he tried unsuccessfully to stop, hiding his face against Sarah's shoulder. But he couldn't manage to quell the shaking of his shoulders. Sarah was still staring in shock at the TV, although Jackson and Timberlake were no longer even onscreen. With Mike gripping her waist and laughing against her shoulder, she began to giggle. She understood Elaine's outrage, and might have felt the same way if Jia Li had seen it. But looking around the room, she doubted that any of the children even understood what had just happened.

The second half of the game began and the "wardrobe malfunction" was forgotten. The ending was exciting, with New England and Carolina tied 29-29 in the fourth quarter, and only 1:08 left to play. The men began betting on whether this would be the first Superbowl game to go into overtime, when the Patriots scored a 41-yard field goal with only four seconds left, giving them the win at 32-29. Mike raised both fists in the air and cheered; the whole room erupting in cheers from the Patriot fans and groans from the Panthers fans.

As people began taking their leave, Sarah stayed and helped Elaine clean up the kitchen. There were three other women in the kitchen, all old friends of Elaine's and all cops' wives. As they put away food and washed dishes, the talk turned to the special challenges of being married to a police officer. When Sarah heard one of the women mention Phil being shot, she stopped in surprise.

"Phil was shot? Mike didn't tell me that. He just said that his first partner had been shot."

"Max Greevey," Elaine nodded sadly. "He and his wife were friends of ours. That was a terrible, terrible time. Max was a good cop and a good man. When Phil was shot, thank God he was only wounded. But it put him on desk duty until he retired."

"I didn't know. How frightening that must have been for you to hear that your husband had been shot," Sarah told her.

Elaine nodded. "It comes with being a cop's wife. You always know that it could happen at any time, and you think you're prepared. But when you actually get that call you realize that you aren't. You just never really believe that it could happen to your husband."

Sarah was quiet and lost in thought while they finished cleaning up. As she and Mike were leaving, Elaine hugged her and told her she hoped to see her again soon. Sarah hugged her back and thanked her, telling her that she had really enjoyed the day. She was quiet on the way back to Peter J's.

"You never told me that Phil had been shot," she said finally.

"I didn't? I thought I had. Well," Mike smiled at her, "I guess I'm just not very good luck for my partners, huh?"

"Does it ever bother you? Knowing that you could be….well, that you could…."she trailed off.

"That I could be the next one shot? The next NYPD funeral?" Mike looked over at her. She looked back at him and didn't answer. Mike reached over and took her hand. "Sure, it's always there, y' know? Every cop knows he could be the one with the target on his back every time he goes out on the street. But if you dwell on it, worry about it, you can't do your job. You just have to push it from your mind."

"I don't know if I could do that," she said softly, lacing her fingers through his.

They were silent for the rest of the drive. Saying goodbye outside the bar, Mike pulled her close and kissed her. The warmth of his body against hers in the cold, dark winter evening and the faint scent of his aftershave mixing with the scent of the beer he had drunk all combined to leave Sarah feeling a little light-headed. It was familiar feeling whenever she was with Mike Logan and she decided she liked it very much. Mike lifted his head and gazed into her eyes, his hand coming up to brush a stray wisp of hair off her face.

"Valentine's Day is in a couple of weeks. Can I take you dancing?"

"Yes," she breathed; the thought of dancing with him again making her feel even more light-headed.

Leaving Peter J's, Sarah drove to her in-laws' home to pick up her sleeping daughter. As she tucked her into her own bed and kissed her chubby cheek, Sarah thought about the day and all the children running around Phil and Elaine's house. Maybe she should have taken Jia Li, she thought. Maybe she should introduce Jia Li to Mike. But they had only been dating for three months and it seemed too soon. Sarah sighed, thinking how clueless she felt about the whole ritual of dating. She wondered if Miss Manners had any advice on the etiquette of dating for the single parent.

Two weeks later, Sarah celebrated her 36th birthday. Her birthday was the day before Valentine's Day and this year fell on a Sunday. Her parents had a birthday dinner at their house, with her brother and sister and their families. Being the baby of the family, there were a lot of jokes about her age. They had birthday cake and Sarah opened her presents. The clay impression of her handprints that Jia Li gave her was her favorite.

Mike was disappointed not to be able to see her on her birthday, but understood that her family expected her to spend it with them. And he knew he would be seeing her the next day for their Valentine's Day date. Sarah had briefly considered inviting him to her parents', but felt like she couldn't face the introductions and questions. Her parents knew she was dating Mike, but realizing she didn't want to talk about it, they didn't press for details. Her sister was not so inhibited and had peppered her with questions about the mysterious man she was going out with. But Sarah refused to talk about him, insisting they had only been dating a short time. She promised to tell her sister all about him if and when the relationship became serious.

She was working the next day, so she took the dress she wanted to wear on her date to work with her. Rather than driving all the way home and then back to Peter J's to meet Mike, she would change at the library and go directly from there. Penny whistled as she came out of the bathroom wearing a red dress, with her hair pulled up on her head in soft waves. Mike also let out a soft whistle of appreciation when he saw her.

It was the ultimate in romantic evenings. Mike took her to an Italian restaurant for dinner and they exchanged gifts. She gave him a biography of Scatman Crothers.

"I know, not very original, considering I gave you his record for Christmas. But I thought you would like it."

He assured her that he did like it very much. Mike had insisted on giving her two presents; a birthday gift and a Valentine's gift. He gave her a box of her favorite chocolates ("I know, not very original," he said, making her laugh), and a delicate gold necklace that caused her to blush with pleasure. She insisted on putting it on right then, commenting that it went perfectly with her dress.

After dinner Mike took her to a club. Dinner had been wonderful, but dancing was better. He held her close during the slow dances and managed to keep at least one hand in contact with her during the fast ones. She wasn't sure which made her heart beat the fastest.

He pulled her into his arms for another slow dance; his hand on the small of her back and his other hand holding hers lightly. With her heels on she was only a few inches shorter than he and his lips brushed her ear; she shivered at the wisp of his breath against her skin. She rested her head on his shoulder; he pulled her hand against his chest and covered it with his. She closed her eyes, reveling in the feel of his body against hers.

He kissed her cheek softly and whispered, "You look beautiful tonight."

"So do you," she whispered back.

He gently squeezed her hand in response. She felt it then, the ring on her left ring finger. She realized that she had forgotten to take it off before meeting Mike. Changing her clothes at work had disrupted her usual routine for getting ready and she had not thought to remove the ring as she would have done at home, placing it in the small jewelry box on her dresser. Her heart sped up a bit as she realized with embarrassment that she had been wearing her wedding ring all evening. Had Mike noticed? She wasn't sure what to do. She felt she should take it off, but to do it now might be awkward; might require a discussion. That was last thing she wanted to do on Valentine's Day. Her mind raced, casting about for a discreet way to remove the ring.

Mike felt her stiffen ever so slightly and then felt her left hand move against his chest; almost as though she wanted to snatch her hand away but restrained herself. So she had forgotten, and just now realized she was wearing the ring. Mike noticed it the moment he saw her at Peter J's. He was used to seeing it on her finger when he dropped in to take her to lunch while she was working, but this was the first time she had worn it on a date. He wondered if it was simply an oversight because she had dressed for the date at work rather than at home, or if there was a deeper meaning to wearing her wedding ring on Valentine's Day. He considered whether to say something or let it go. He decided to say nothing and wait to see if she brought it up.

But now, as he felt the reaction she was trying to conceal, he realized it had been an oversight and now she was uncomfortable but unsure what to do about it. Mike tightened his hold on her a bit as the revelation came to him that this wedding ring was a bigger problem than he had wanted to see. He had ignored it until now, hoping that it wasn't really a big deal that she wore the ring in her "real life" and only took it off when she was planning to be with him. It was clear to him now that he wasn't a part of that real life. She hadn't introduced him to any of her family, not even her daughter. She wouldn't let him come to her home; she hadn't even wanted him to know where she lived. Even the Cadillac that he loved to drive on their dates was a reminder of her husband.

For three months, Mike had been pushing his doubts away because he very much wanted to continue to see her—and to see where it might lead. It wasn't just that he was attracted to her and wanted to make love to her. He had allowed himself to think that something deeper might develop between them. There hadn't been very many times in Mike Logan's life that he thought seriously about a long-term commitment to one woman, but this was one of those times. Sarah was someone he could imagine himself living with, share his life with. But it was clear to him now that she wasn't ready to share her life with him. In fact, she was keeping him as far away from her life as she could.

The song ended and she pulled away from him, avoiding looking up at him. Mike held onto her left hand as they walked back to the dark corner booth where they had left their drinks. Once back at the table, Sarah reached down to pick up her purse.

"Mike…I….will you excuse me, please? I need to go to the ladies room."

She tried to pull her hand out of his, but he tightened his grip a little and did not let go. She looked up at him questioningly. He smiled down at her, and then slid into the booth, still holding her hand. He gently tugged her hand to pull her down to the seat next to him.

"Before you do that, can you sit down with me for just a minute?"

Sarah slid into the seat next to him. Mike continued to hold her hand, but transferred it to his left as he draped his right arm across the back of the seat behind Sarah. He turned slightly so that he was facing her.

"Sarah, I'm not sure you realize just how amazing I think you are. You're beautiful and smart and funny. You already know how much I want to make love to you." He watched her blush and thought again how pretty she was when she did that. "I know you aren't ready for that yet, and I told you that I'm willing to wait until you are. You are worth waiting for because I think it could be more than just sex. There haven't been very many women that I've wanted to explore something more with." He leaned forward and brushed his lips across her temple. "I wanted to explore that possibility with you."

She didn't know what to say. Her breath caught in her throat when he lifted her left hand and placed a kiss on her wedding ring.

"I think we need to talk about this," he said softly.

"Mike…I'm sorry, I forgot. I got dressed at work and I just forgot."

"Yeah, I guessed that," Mike said slowly. "The question is why are you still wearing it?"

She was surprised at the question and shifted in her seat, but Mike held onto her hand.

"I told you before, it's habit."

"But not so much a habit that you can't remember—usually—to take it off before a date. And it seems like it would be an easy habit to break. You just take the ring off and put it away somewhere."

"Are you saying you want me to stop wearing my wedding ring—ever?" she asked defensively.

Mike shook his head. "No, I've made it clear that I don't want you to do anything you aren't ready for. But there is a difference between wearing this ring out of habit and wearing it because you aren't ready to stop. If you aren't ready to take off your wedding ring, then maybe you aren't ready to move onto another relationship."

"Mike…" she said softly, close to tears.

"Sarah," he pulled his right arm from behind her, placed his fingers under her chin, and tilted her head up to look at him. "Tell me what Valentine's Day was like with Tony."

"W..what?" she stammered.

"Tell me what you and Tony did on Valentine's Day."

She took a deep breath. "We…uh…we always went ice skating in Central Park. That was what we did when we were fifteen, our first Valentine's Day as boyfriend and girlfriend." Her voice softened with the memories and Mike returned his arm to rest on the seat behind her as she continued. "That first time, Tony's parents took us and then we went for hot chocolate afterwards. The next year, Tony had his driver's license and we went alone—in the Cadillac. It became a tradition for us. Every year we went ice skating in Central Park and then we would go and have hot chocolate and exchange gifts. When we were older, we substituted Irish coffee for the hot chocolate. That last year, he was so sick, so weak. But he insisted on going to Central Park anyway. I drove the Cadillac. And Tony sat in his wheelchair and watched me skate. Then we went for Irish coffee. He couldn't take more than a few sips, but he had to have his Irish coffee. And he gave me a picture in a silver frame of him and Jia Li. His mother had helped him; she took a picture of them one day when I was at work. It was taken on a good day and Tony looked…almost…as though he weren't sick. After our coffee, we went home. And we…" Her voice broke and tears were running down her cheeks. "We…made love. That was the last time." She looked up at Mike. "Tony died two months later."

Mike let go of her left hand, pulled her against his chest, and wrapped his arms around her as she cried softly. He laid his cheek against her hair and just held her. When she was out of tears, he handed her a napkin from the table to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. She looked up at him and he wiped his thumb across her cheek.

"This wasn't what I planned for tonight," she sniffed.

"I know," he told her softly, "and I'm sorry for making you dredge up painful memories." He took a deep breath. "Look, Sarah, I think wearing that wedding ring is more than just a habit. I think you wear it because you still feel like you are married to Tony."

"Mike…." She didn't know how to argue this point because she wasn't sure he was wrong.

"You were married for a long time, to your high school sweetheart. I get that you had a happy marriage and that you loved your husband very much. It sounds to me like Valentine's Day was a special day for you and Tony, and this is only the second one since he died. Don't you think you might be rushing things a bit?"

"But someone told me that it takes going through two years of holidays to get over the death of a loved one. And I read that when a marriage is really happy and a spouse dies, the surviving spouse usually remarries or finds a long-term relationship right away. Mike, I like you a lot and I just thought…I wanted…"

"You wanted me to help you get over the pain of losing your husband?"

Sarah looked down, unable to meet his eyes. Was that really what she was doing? Was she using Mike to ease her own pain?

"Hey…" He gently turned her face towards him. "I know you like me. I can see it. I can feel it when we are together. But tell me the truth, Sarah. When you are with me, do you feel like you're cheating on Tony?"

Tears filled her eyes again, but she held his gaze and nodded her head slightly. He smiled sadly at her and leaned over to lightly kiss each eyelid. He put his arms around her and again held her against his chest, his cheek resting on the top of her head.

"It's OK. I think I knew it all along. I just didn't want to see it. Because," he kissed her hair, "I like you a lot, too. Maybe things would be different if we had met a year from now. But…" He pulled away and looked in her eyes. "I don't date married women. And Sweetheart, you are still married."

She looked up at him and wanted to argue, to tell him that he was wrong. But she knew he was right. That wedding ring was more than a habit. It was the symbol of her marriage to Tony, and in her heart she still felt like a married woman. She liked Mike very, very much; she was immensely attracted to him; she could probably fall in love with him quite easily. Except for Tony. She couldn't ask Mike to hang around and watch her pine for her dead husband and hope that she might get over him eventually. Finally she sighed and nodded her head in agreement.

"I'm sorry, Mike. It hasn't been fair to you."

"Hey, don't apologize," he said softly. "I've enjoyed every minute we've spent together."

"So now what?" she asked.

"So now I walk you to your car. I kiss you goodbye, wish you a happy life, and I take a cab back to my apartment."

Mike paid for their drinks. He helped her on with her coat and held her hand as they walked out into the cold evening. Standing next to the Cadillac, Sarah looked up at him. He smiled down at her and held her face between his hands, lightly tracing her features with his thumb. He leaned down and kissed her.

"Good bye Sarah," he whispered.

"Good bye Mike," she whispered back.

He kissed her again, then opened the car door and helped her in. He closed the car door and walked away down the street, watching for a cab. Sarah watched him for a moment in the rear-view mirror, and then she started the car and headed home.

End chapter 12

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