I would like to take this time out to apologize for my delay on "A Silent Twilight"...now that this is out of my system, the next chapter should be posted in the next two or three weeks (though I usually give a larger time frame than is needed so that I don't set the bar too high, haha)

I barely even noticed the cold when we moved to Alaska. Carlisle assured me that the move was for our best, and that living in such an isolated area would train me to get used to the taste of animal blood. It took only about a year to train me, and in time my eyes were as golden as his. Nothing quite replaced the taste of the blood of the humans I had killed ten years ago, but the substitute that Carlisle had discovered curbed my thirst enough for me to eventually get used to it. In time, I was even able to walk amongst humans without the thirst taking me over.

When that time came, I requested-nay, begged-that I be taken back to my hometown to find out how the people I had left behind had fared. Even after a decade, I still wanted to know whether or not my girlfriend-now ex-girlfriend, I suppose it was implied-was alive. Even if she was with someone else, even if she had not lived...I could not go on with the curiosity. Though my human memories, I soon discovered, were nowhere near as clear as the memories I was creating as a vampire, still the echo of them was there.

Carlisle hesitated when I asked him about the visit. "Are you sure you can handle that? What if you lost control and attack one of your loved ones?"

"I have been around the humans in town and I have been perfectly fine. And I have not attacked anyone since I left Chicago."

"I see it in your eyes sometimes. You think about it."

"But I haven't acted upon it."

"Chicago is much more densely populated than this town. It would be more difficult..."

"If I could just see Mary Ann."

"You don't even know that she is alive."

"Please."

"I have doubts about my ability to hold you back if you were to begin to attack someone." Seeing the determined look my face, he said, "Alright. We'll go to the city today. I'll see how you fare. If you even make the wrong move..."

"Thank you," I muttered. He nodded stiffly, walking away from me.

We performed many checks before leaving for Illinois, going to the nearest city and being around as many people as possible to ensure that I would not attack any of them. I learned that by holding my breath, it was much easier, if only a tad uncomfortable. I had never realized how large of a role that scent played in my life until I tried to live without it. That would be fine, though, if I could finally find out what happened to my Mary Ann.

A month later, I was finally back in the city that I loved. It had changed in the ways that one would expect a city to change in ten years: it was a bit more developed than I had left it. The changes did not render it unrecognizable, though. Although businesses had moved and buildings had appeared, these changes seemed even welcoming. The flu was gone, and the city was recovering. There was a light air of moving on about it. It was refreshing.

Carlisle followed closely behind me on my walk to Mary Ann's house. We arrived on the rainiest day of the year so that the cloud cover would disguise our skin. A step into the Alaskan sun had shown to my horror that my skin shimmered in the sun like a million shattered diamonds when light shone upon it. The phenomenon was obviously not something that we could allow humans to witness, unless they had no hope of surviving an encounter with us, anyway.

Elation washed over me when I reached the doorstep and read the minds of the people inside. One of these mess of thoughts belonged to my Mary Ann. I was almost in too much disbelief to knock on the door. She was alive. She was healthy and...I listened to one of her thoughts-she was with someone else. Of course. I could hardly expect her to not move on after all this time. It was natural for her to find someone else, after I disappeared. And after all, her happiness was the important thing. I could not be in love with her in this state, with this secret. I listened to the love that she was feeling towards this new boy, and willed myself not to be heartbroken. Finally, I knocked on the door. It was not enough just to know she was alive. I wanted to see her face one last time.

The brown hair framed her face the same way it had ten years ago, back when we were happy and in love together. Her bright eyes had the same sparkle of passion that I had gazed into that night when we sat in the tree together. In fact, her features were even more beautiful than they had been when I had left her, making me want her even more. I longed to reach out and touch her soft lips, caress her face with my hand, kiss her again, but that was an impossibility. Even the action of knocking on her door and allowing her to see me was going too far. Speaking to her was a step even further that I knew I should not take, but decided to anyway.

"Mary Ann." My voice cracked with happiness.

"Edward!" Her hand flew to her mouth in shock and her eyes were brimmed with tears. "I thought you were dead," she choked out. "All these years-" She extended her arms and advanced toward me. I backed away.

"What's the matter? I haven't seen you in ten years."

Mary Ann, you don't know how much it kills me that I can't hold you after all this time. "How are you?" I asked instead of voicing my thoughts. She was thinking about what she had done wrong, why I wasn't willing to even hug her. So now I was causing her guilt...

"I...No, how have you been? I was so sure that you were dead. I went to your house and everything was gone. Not a trace. I was sure you had been robbed, and if you were alive, you never would have let that happen."

Carlisle must have cleaned the house up well if no one noticed that two people had had their blood sucked from their bodies. That was on the list of things that were not to be discussed. "I left quickly. I am sorry. I...I thought you were dead, too. I figured, there was no point staying here..."

"Have you been back to your house?"

I took in a breath of air; Mary Ann had a scent that was a sweet fusion of apples and lilacs. I managed to turn that sense off quickly enough that her aroma did not affect me much. "No, I haven't been. I just wanted to see you."

"Really?" She smiled and our eyes locked. She was wondering how she would possibly have the heart to introduce me to her new beau. Instead of bringing him outside, though, she cocked her head and made an observation. "Weren't your eyes green? I know they were...I could never forget those emerald eyes..."

I felt a smile twitch across my face, but did not allow it to fully form. How I wished that those green eyes she spoke of were still mine...that it was possible for me to be the one in her house, laughing with her and enjoying her company. Put your heart back together, Edward. She's not yours anymore.

"It was so wonderful to see you again. I wish the best for your happiness, but I must be leaving now. I will miss you."

"You-"

"I can't stay, and I can't explain why not," I interjected.

She reached for my hand, and again I backed away. "You really are the most beautiful person I have ever met, Edward. We have to depart again?"

This was going to lead down a road that I did not want to travel on.

"At least this time we get to say goodbye," I told her. I leaned toward her to kiss her goodbye, but thought better of it. I longed to give her some sort of clue as to how I had been living all these years, but it would break our kind's secrets. And I could not have some other vampire come after her if I was going to be unable to defend her. There was more to it than, that of course-how would I control myself if my lips touched her warm skin? How would she react to the ice cold feeling? No, it was best to minimize contact.

"Good bye, Mary Ann," I said, lips close to hers but not touching them.

"Good bye, Edward," she responded, voice cracking. She yearned for at least a hug, but I turned away. My life in this city was now over, and I would never return to this place again.