Clipped Wings - Part 3
"Hey man, you okay?"
Tommy lifted looked up dazedly, the echo of the words warring with the memory of the last time he'd heard them in conjunction with Kimberly resounding in his head. Jason's concerned expression swam before his eyes for a heartbeat before coming back into sharp focus, the worry clear in his eyes. "Yeah... yeah..."
Behind Jason, Kat's expression fell and her shoulders slumped. She'd recognized the same look Tommy had been wearing when Kimberly's letter had come and it didn't take a genius to figure out who he'd been talking to. Steeling herself for a confrontation, she stood and moved to Jason's side, placing a gentle hand on his forearm when he would have called Tommy on the lie. A subtle shake of her head directed him away, leaving her with Tommy, alone at the juice bar counter beside the phone.
"Tommy?"
"I can't do it, Kat." Bleak eyes lifted to hers, pleading for understanding. "I can't pretend I'm happy she's with him - like she never hurt me."
"No one is asking you to." Darting a glance around, Kat motioned towards the exit. "Want to go for a walk and talk about it?"
Tommy, in the time since Kimberly had gone, had found her presence a soothing reminder of his friends and how much they cared for him. Katherine's determination to ensure he didn't end up sliding down into the pit of despair and self pity that had initially threatened him had built a bond between them. In some ways she was closer to him than Jason and she knew things about his relationship with Kimberly no one else did; she'd filled a gap Kimberly's absence had left.
Walking with her wasn't as appealing as going to walk the shoreline of the lake as he'd done the last time he'd received a communiqué from Kimberly was, but he also knew from experience that Katherine was a good sounding board. She could listen - and listen well - and maybe that was what he more right now needed than bottling everything up to let it fester. If nothing else, he knew from recent experience it would make him feel somewhat better and it would help him understand things he otherwise wouldn't.
Katherine's ability to offer a different point of view - a female point of view - was invaluable.
"Yeah, let's get out of here."
Tommy rose to his feet and headed for the exit, unaware that his tortured expression was well visible to Jason and the others who'd come in while he'd been talking to Kim. He hadn't noticed them enter and barely registered their presence now as he brushed passed, failing to notice the sympathetic look Tanya shot Katherine.
Outside, away from prying eyes, Tommy stopped and inhaled deeply, struggling against the overwhelming urge to simply scream his feeling of injustice at the sky. That kind of release would only make things worse, driving away the control he knew he was going to need for this discussion.
"Tommy?"
Katherine's hand on his shoulder made him jump as he turned to face her. "Sorry, Kat."
"It's okay. Shall we?"
Tommy set out, noting she fell into step beside him easily enough. Katherine was tall for a girl and kept pace with him like any of his guy friends. It was a good thing too since the pace he set was quicker than normal - anything to get away from the Youth Center and juice bar.
He was really starting to hate the place.
"So... what did Kimberly have to say?"
Kicking at a rock in the pathway, Tommy turned the conversation over in his mind. Where to start? He hadn't told the others he'd called Kimberly after her Pan Globals performance, though they'd noticed his distraction, and he hadn't inform them of her signed message and what it meant. Sure, they'd seen it - and Billy might even have understood it - but none of them had commented on it. In fact, none of them spoke about Kim except Jason and Kat, almost as if they were afraid to bring her up. Not that he could blame them - he wasn't exactly communicative when it came to Kimberly as a topic.
Still, Katherine deserved the truth but to give her that truth, he was going to have to talk about having seen Kim perform and what affect she'd had on him. He would have to touch on how he'd felt, what he'd seen - Kim's leotard - and her eventual message and use of her once nickname for him. Opening up to Katherine about the hurt he still felt, the pride at Kimberly's accomplishments that were interlaced with an acute ache twined together into the jumble of his broken heart wasn't going to be easy.
He'd been healing - badly and slowly - but healing none the less until her little Pan Globals performance. Everything he'd tried to accomplish seemed to have gone out the window once he'd seen her little secret message and made that blasted phone call; the call that had allowed him to hear her voice once again - and her tears.
His heart squeezed painfully with the memory.
Beside him, he barely took notice of the fact that Kat waited patiently for an answer to her question, giving him the time and space to reply in his own time. Thankfully she was used to his brooding silences after several months of them and when he finally found where to start - in answering her question - she was ready to listen.
"She called to thank me."
"Oh?" The surprise in Katherine's voice was genuine. "What for?"
Tommy shoved his hands deep into his pockets, his gaze on the pathway as they stepped onto one of the myriad of paved routes leading through Angel Grove Park. "I left her a message after her performance at the games." They walked together for a distance, Tommy mulling over the message he'd left and Kimberly's call. "You saw her perform, right?"
"Of course; we all did. She was something else, wasn't she?"
"Yeah," Tommy didn't dare look at Katherine, but he knew she caught his softly spoken confirmation. "She was. Her floor routine especially - I'd never seen it before... or the little look she gave the camera afterwards."
"The sign language?"
Katherine nodded - he only knew because her shadow did the same where it fell across the path before them. "Do you know what she said, Kat?"
"Billy mumbled it, but he turned red and wouldn't repeat it when we asked him to. Do you know what she said, Tommy?"
"Yeah. Yeah I do." Tommy fell silent, wondering if he should tell her. Kat had spent so much time trying to get him to move on, to heal, and with four little signed words Kimberly had destroyed her hard work and given him hope - hope she'd crushed just minutes before back at the juice bar over the phone. He sighed resignedly. If nothing else, Kimberly's letter had taught him he couldn't hide things from his friends and this was something that would eventually eat him alive if he let it. "She... she said..." he stopped and made the motions slowly so Kat wouldn't misunderstand him. "I miss you, Handsome."
Katherine was quiet, continuing to match him step for step as they continued as a slower pace about the lake, Tommy's audible admission to those words - and the obvious hope behind them - seemed to weigh him down. As if the weight of the words were resting on his shoulders and a part of him realized how hopeless they really seemed in the light of the evidence. But what evidence did he really have?
Stopping by one of the benches that lined the pathway, he slumped down into it and braced his elbows on his knees as he stared at the tips of his shoes. He was so confused. "I don't know what to think, or feel Kat. It's like... like she's deliberately toying with me, but the Kimberly I knew would never have done that."
Settling beside him, Katherine didn't move close enough to touch him, just be near. "What do you feel, Tommy?"
"I..." weeks ago that would have been an easy enough question to answer but right now he just didn't know. Rather than put her off, he simply opened his mouth and spoke without thinking about it. "Hurt. Confused. Hopeful... but wary. I don't want her to hurt me again and... she could, Kat - she really could."
"Of course she could, but I don't think she will."
"I wish I had your optimism." He clasped his hands together, squeezing the fingers together tightly. "She... she said competing at Pan Globals wasn't enough - that she's been offered a chance at the Olympic team."
"Did she say she was going?"
A frown crossed his face as he stared sightlessly at his hands.
"She didn't, did she?"
Slowly, almost disbelievingly, Tommy shook his head. Katherine was right - Kimberly hadn't said she was taking the appointment. Kimberly had simply said she'd been asked, not that she'd accepted the position - he'd simply assumed she would take it as an extension of the dream she'd left to follow. "No... she didn't. But she will; it's what she always wanted."
"Are you sure about that, Tommy?"
He wasn't sure about anything anymore. "No, Kat, I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything anymore. This whole mess is tearing me apart and I don't know what I should be thinking or feeling anymore. Watching Kim compete was awesome and despite what she did to me, I can't regret letting her go to follow her dream. I mean, how could I when she was probably the best athlete at the Pan Globals? Encouraging her to go and train was the best thing for her career - and it was a long time dream. I couldn't hold her back; I didn't have the right."
"But?"
He exhaled deeply, slumping down further in the bench, his head hanging dejectedly lower. "She shouldn't have left. If she'd stayed, we'd still be together and none of this would have happened!"
"You can't know that."
Lifting his head, Tommy stared straight into Katherine's compassionate blue eyes. "Can't I? If Kimberly hadn't left, she'd be sitting beside me instead of you, Kat. You're wonderful and you've come a long way as a Ranger, but every time I see you, every time I watch you transform or fight, I see her. I remember what it was like having her as a part of the team - and I miss her. I miss her so much a part of me resents you for being able to take over for her. I know you didn't ask to and I know it's not your fault she left, but I can't help it. And I hate myself for that."
She remained silent as Tommy dropped his gaze back to his hands, unable to look at her.
"You've done nothing but work your hardest - both as a Ranger and to keep me from going crazy - and I can't thank you enough for that..."
"But I'm not Kimberly. I know that Tommy, and I do understand."
"You shouldn't have to."
"No, I shouldn't," the blonde agreed. "I did Kimberly a favor to help her follow a dream you all encouraged her to chase - especially you - but that is neither here nor there. Emotions don't always make sense when you're hurt, do they?"
"You said it. This should be easier than it is, shouldn't it?"
"It's not easy letting someone you care about go."
"I sure screwed that up, didn't I?"
"Only if you've really given up. They say that anything worth having is worth fighting for. Kimberly didn't say she was going on to the Olympic trials so how do you know she'll accept? She's important to you, Tommy and frankly you're not the same without her. If you're going to recover from this, you're going to have to make a decision instead of wallow in self pity."
"Ouch, Kat." He winced. "Sheath the claws."
"Would you rather I lie about it?"
"Of course not, it's just... just..." Tommy sighed. "She doesn't need me anymore; she's found someone else."
Soft fingers curled about his forearm. "You're lying to yourself again."
"You didn't hear her, Kat. The way she sounded..." his throat closed, remembering how good it had felt to hear her voice after such an extended absence. It was like walking through fog after living in the sunlight... and suddenly the sunlight had returned; acutely painful, but pleasurable; not unlike being blinded after walking in darkness. It hurt… but it was a good hurt. "She sounds so..."
It took him a moment to realize what he wanted to say and what he'd actually heard were two different things. Oh, he wanted to say she sounded fine, that Kimberly was the same, peppy, energetic Kim he remembered, but he couldn't. There had been almost none of that old spark and the way her voice had shaken...
Kimberly had sounded nervous, almost uncertain of his reception on the phone.
A frown crossed his face. Why would Kimberly be nervous about talking to him? She had dumped him - and in the worst possible way. Despite her message at the end of her floor routine, he still didn't think she had the right to be antsy about talking to him. If anyone had a right to be nervous, it was him. Of course, he wasn't and hadn't been the moment he'd heard her voice. He'd simply been happy she'd called - and she'd sounded anything but.
"So?"
Katherine's gentle prompt brought him out of his reverie. "She didn't sound like Kim... but she did. She sounded so... I haven't heard her sound that nervous since we first met."
"Maybe she has a reason to be nervous."
"I don't see why - I'm not the one who broke up with her."
"Don't be dense, Tommy." Her hand dropped away with the gentle chide, leaving him bereft for a moment. "Kimberly has every right to be as nervous as you."
"I wasn't nervous."
"No? Then why were you sitting instead of standing? Jason and I both saw your face the moment she spoke - and don't try to tell me you didn't need the support of the bar because I saw you sag against it."
He didn't even try to deny it; hearing her voice again was like getting bagged with a ton of bricks. He hadn't been prepared for it. Sure, at home he'd been on pins and needles, jumping to scoop up the phone every time it rang, his hopes as high as the ceiling - only to be disappointed when it was never Kim. He hadn't expected her to call him at the Youth Center.
But then, he hadn't expected her to write him at the Youth Center and look how that had turned out.
"Tommy, look at me."
"I don't deserve your friendship, Kat."
"Probably not."
His head came up at her wry, amused tone and the sparkle in her eyes told him he'd fallen for her ploy. "That's not fighting fair."
"I was supposed to?" She arched her eyebrows at him as if to say 'in your dreams' and continued. "If know if I was in your place, I would have been nervous about talking to the ex that dumped me - especially if I didn't know why."
"I know why," Tommy bit out the words defensively, the sting of Kimberly's rejection never having really faded - only glossed over. "She wrote me, remember? You were there; you listened while Adam read the words that shattered my world. You heard when she penned, saw it was in her handwriting... heard those four awful words... heard..."
"That letter didn't really explain anything, did it?"
"It was supposed to?" Self derision colored his tone. "It was plain enough; even I couldn't miss the fact she was breaking up with me."
Katherine didn't dignify his comment with one of her own and simply waited once more, as if she knew he wasn't finished yet.
Leaning back on the bench, Tommy tilted his head back to stare at the cloudy blue sky, a part of him wishing he could turn back the clock to before Kimberly's departure. To before Katherine's arrival and the upheaval her presence had caused. Yet, he couldn't blame Kat for being Rita's pawn, couldn't hate her for that no matter how much he wanted to. It hit too close to home, reminded him of his own roots as a Ranger and - in some ways - he understood her need to prove herself better than anyone.
But his initiation into the Rangers hadn't been at the expense of another's.
Still, if he could go back, it would cost him what he had now.
Jason's return.
Katherine's friendship.
Months of slow, torturous snippets of contact which had only left him desperate for more - until Christmas.
Christmas - the memories of Kimberly's return and their time spent together.
The Letter.
And he knew he'd give every last part of those memories up - even that electric kiss under the mistletoe - if he could go back in time to before Kimberly had left and found some way to get her to stay. Find some way to convince her that what they had was special, eternal...unique. To imprint upon her the rightness of their relationship and wipe away any last lingering doubts in her mind that they were anything but meant for one another.
Despite the power at his fingertips, he was powerless to change what had been and had to make do with what was.
"Why do you think she tried to get in touch with me at the Pan Globals, Kat?"
"What I think doesn't matter."
"Sure it does. You're her friend; you're my friend. Do you think I'm being foolish?"
"Dense, maybe."
"Thanks."
"You asked." Katherine shifted in her seat. "Tommy, Kimberly didn't just try and get in touch with you at Pan Globals. We all saw her; we know what she did and what she wore."
"But why? Why the leotard? Why the routines... why... why that song?"
"Isn't the better question why she gave up a medal position?"
"What?!" Tommy's head snapped forward incredulously. "What do you mean she didn't medal?"
"Did you watch the same games we did?"
"Sure; and Kim was practically flawless throughout!"
"Practically, yes. She took a point deduction on her vault, another point seven on the bars and another point three on the floor routine."
"She got deducted on her floor routine? But... why?"
"Her song choice had lyrics - not just the lyrical line."
"Oh man..."
"You didn't notice she never made it to the podium?"
A blush crept into Tommy's cheeks, staining them a guilty pink. "I never watched that part."
"Tommy!"
"I was too busy on the phone trying to leave her a message. I don't even remember what her scores were."
"Nine point sevens; if she hadn't chosen the music she had, she'd have won gold."
"Why would she... how could she... it was her dream, she had to know she was throwing it away by doing that!" Tommy was on his feet pacing back and forth in front of the bench seconds later, barely conscious of the fact. "She had no right to give up her dream like that, no right! I... we sacrificed so much so she would have that chance and she just threw it away like it meant nothing!"
"Or everything."
Rounding on Kat, his eyes narrowed dangerously. "Kimberly wouldn't throw away her dreams on a whim!"
"Then maybe she had another dream; one she wanted more than the one she was chasing." Katherine deliberately got to her feet and, to Tommy's stunned amazement, signed Kimberly's last message to him - the one that had broken the silence between them and made him call her. "If you think about it Tommy, you might just realize what that dream is."
Gaping at her, he couldn't find anything to say as she stared at him hard, nodded, and walked away, leaving him to his thoughts. It was a full minute before he regained any kind of motor control and another before he found his voice. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
Katherine stopped at the edge of the park and looked back over her shoulder at him with a slightly sad smile he couldn't interpret. "What do you think... handsome?"
She disappeared out of sight swiftly after her last parting shot and Tommy silently cheered her decision. If she'd stayed, he might have been tempted to give into violence. Not that Kat couldn't defend herself, but she wouldn't have withstood this and she knew it. She was an intelligent young woman who knew how to pick her battles - and knew this battle was one he'd have to fight on his own.
What was she thinking planting ideas in his head like that? She'd all but come out and said that Kimberly had given up her dream deliberately. Sabotaged herself to make a point and reach for him in a fashion he'd never have missed. In a way she had; he'd never been able to stand her distress and had always tried to help in some small fashion. Even if it was just to make her smile.
Was that what this was - another way to make her smile? Her tears had torn through him when she'd been on the phone with him and at the time all he'd been thinking about was how good it felt to hear her voice - and how bad. How each word, each syllable was like a knife twisting in his gut because of the breathless way she'd said them, until he'd forced himself to ask about her new beau. It hadn't been easy and he'd almost choked on the words, but he'd needed to know.
The flat way she'd denied there being anything wrong had struck a chord within him he hadn't known was still attuned to her. Something had happened between her and her new beau, something awful and Kimberly was avoiding it. Had he hurt her? She'd said he hadn't, but Tommy suspected otherwise.
The way she's collapsed - practically shattering when he'd told her he missed her too - still weighed heavily on his heart, like a burden he didn't need but couldn't avoid. She'd broken like a woman badly in need of a friend - perhaps if he hadn't said anything about her beau, or mentioned his nickname for her...
He collapsed back onto the bench and cradled his head in his hands, his elbows braced forward on his knees as he forced himself to confront his feelings. No matter how much it hurt, he wouldn't shy from the truth of it, from the reality of the situation.
His own dreams had been detonated, vanishing in a puff of smoke when Kimberly's letter had been read. When he'd snatched it and - thoroughly disbelieving - read the words in her hand writing, he'd been unable to fathom their meaning at first. Reading it aloud had been what he'd needed to solidify the very abstract idea of Kimberly breaking up with him in his mind.
Despite it all... despite the pain and suffering he'd been subject to, the difficulty of his recovery to the point he was now at - if indeed he'd ever recovered at all - it had felt so right to call her Beautiful. It had felt good... better than he had in a long time to speak with her so honestly, to pretend like she cared.
Kim's reaction non-withstanding, that conversation had been one of the most satisfying events he'd experienced since receiving her letter and while it had been short and indistinct - leaving more questions than answers - he'd felt complete for the first time in a long time. Talking to Kim - being with her - had always had that effect on him and it was something that hadn't changed apparently. Not that he minded; he just wished he had other outlets beyond his Karate and being a Power Ranger that gave him a similar feeling.
Was that why she'd contacted him? Because she'd needed his support? He had told her before she'd left that she'd always have him; that she could rely on him - and he'd meant it. No matter what had happened between them in the interlude, he would always count her among his best friends. She'd been his first real friend when he'd moved to Angel Grove, she'd stood by him through the loss of his Green Ranger powers and backed him up as the Leader in White. Their history wasn't something he could easily overlook, no matter the fact that she'd appeared to.
No, she wasn't his in the way he wanted anymore, but their conversation had reinforced that she was his in the ways that counted. Kimberly had sounded as if she'd been reaching out to a friend. Of all the people she'd reached out to, she still wanted his help more than anyone. It was a telling revelation and one that eased the heartbreak and pain of the long weeks. Sure, he wasn't considered hers in a romantic fashion, but she was still special to him - and her silent cry for help his way proved in some way she he was special to her too.
Beautiful...
It was not only her nickname from him, but the way he truly viewed her. It was everything she was, everything she wanted to be and, most importantly, it was who she was inside. What Kimberly had never understood - what no one had ever understood - was that he hadn't nicknamed her Beautiful for her physical beauty. They wouldn't have blamed him if he had, but he'd never been that shallow.
Kimberly had gone out of her way to ensure he'd felt welcome, to befriend him, to make him feel comfortable. She'd seen him at his worst and never given up on him; seen him at his best and stood beside him and she'd always been the first one to jump in to try and cheer him up when he was blue... barring the one circumstance where it had been her fault.
Regardless of that and the fallout surrounding it, she was still Beautiful. His Beautiful no matter to whom she claimed to belong. Perhaps that was why it hurt so much; it had taken her leaving - really leaving - for him to realize what he felt for her. It had been a bittersweet, agonizing moment when he'd realized what he'd truly lost.
His first love.
There was no other explanation, no other reason why it would have hurt so much and yet held so many good memories he couldn't be mad at her after all this time. She was his weakness, had always been the chink in his armor and still was. He'd gone to great lengths to make her smile through their years together and even now he wanted nothing more than to make things right, to banish the sorrow he heard in her voice.
To bring back his Beautiful.
Except she didn't believe she was his anymore.
"You really are an idiot."
Tommy's head snapped up. "What?"
Jason was standing off to the side, his arms folded acorss his chest, leaning against a nearby tree. "I said, you really are an idiot."
Unable to help himself, Tommy laughed. "No kidding."
Arching his eyebrows, Jason straightened. "You're admitting it?"
"What, did I steal all your fun?"
"No, it just normally takes you longer to admit when you've done something stupid."
Tommy sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. "Which part are you talking about, bro?" Kat couldn't have had the time to spill everything so Jason must have followed them - and overhead everything. "The part where I called her or the part where I made her cry?"
"Neither."
That surprised him. "Really?"
Jason nodded. "I was thinking about the part where you hung up the phone."
"You didn't hear her, bro; you didn't listen to her break." Tommy's throat closed, but he pushed past it. "She didn't want to talk to me."
"Then why'd she call?"
"Ernie just handed the phone over, I doubt-"
"Come off it, Tommy." Shaking his head, Jason settled himself on the bench next to his best pal, his expression searching. "Not even you are that dense. Kimberly could have simply hung up, I mean, after everything that's happened, hanging up the phone on you should be child's play."
"She's too polite-"
"To an ex she dumped by Letter?"
Tommy winced, looking away. Despite the deliberately blunt way Jason had put it, he had a point; if Kimberly hadn't wanted to talk to him, she could have simply let him speak with dead air. He'd have never have known it was Kim and he doubted Ernie would have betrayed her trust. The old softie had always been protective of her.
"Bro, how do you know if she wanted to talk or not? It's not like you guys had a marathon conversation."
"It was... very uncomfortable."
"Did you expect it to be something else?" Jason's amusement was tempered with consideration. Tommy wouldn't appreciate being laughed at. "You can't expect to just jump in and pick up where you left off. Kim's been gone for over a year; both of you have changed."
"And not for the better, is that it?"
"I didn't say that." Leaning back on the bench, Jason stretched his legs out before him. "I'm the last person to be giving relationship advice, but I know Kimberly and I know you. Kimberly would never have sent the message she did at the end of her floor routine is she didn't mean it."
"Did everyone understand that?" Growling his displeasure, a part of Tommy couldn't help but be amused.
"Only those of us closest to Kim. Who do you think she practiced on?"
Conceding the point, Tommy shook his head. "Even if she meant it, what did she mean by it, bro? That's what's killing me here."
Jason shook his head. "I may know Kimberly, but that doesn't mean I understand her thought process. Besides, if I did know and I told you, it'd kill your excuse to call her again."
"Again? Just how much did you hear?"
"Enough." The mischievous smile on Jason's face was amused. "I didn't think Kat could kick your ass, but she sure let you have it."
"She does that on occasion," Tommy hung his head. "I guess I need it, huh?"
"No kidding. You could have been nicer though."
"I can't help how I feel, Jason."
"And neither can she. Neither can Kim." Jason placed a comforting hand on Tommy's shoulder. "Bro, I heard what you told Kat and... I think you're wrong."
"You'll have to be more specific; I've been wrong a lot lately."
"At least you can admit it."
"One of the less glorified aspects of being a Ranger – you have to know your limits." Tommy straightened fractionally and stared out across the park, memories of both good times and bad ever present. They'd always spent a lot of time at the Park – in Ranger form or otherwise. "And this is mine, bro. I can't do it. I can't pretend that knowing Kimberly's got a new flame isn't eating away at my insides. I can't pretend to be her friend, to listen to her cry over some wackjob she met only weeks ago; I can't pretend to be happy she thinks she belongs with him and not me."
"Are you so sure there is another guy?"
"Aren't you?"
Jason didn't dignify his quiet question with an answer – it was absurd. "Why are you so sure, Tommy?"
That was a good question. Just why was he? Because it had been from Kim – the Kim who'd been the Pink Ranger and never let him down before? Or because she'd written him and never lied? No – that wasn't right. She had lied – but she's always done it to protect him. Was that what Jason meant? Or was it just he was so positive because... – he swallowed hard, pushing through the thought - because he'd always felt she deserved better? Was that it? No matter what he'd done, no matter how many good deeds he did as a good Ranger, part of him was always counting the good against the bad – and the bad always won.
Was it any surprise Kimberly had left him?
Sadly, he couldn't say he'd been overly surprised. Shocked, yes – it had come out of nowhere – but a part of him had always expected this someday. Kimberly would leave him because it was what he deserved. It was Karma. He'd deserved to lose her after everything he'd done. It wasn't because Kimberly, or because the letter had come from her, but because he'd always believed she'd find someone better. Anyone was better than what he'd been and struggled daily to outpace.
No one knew the darkness within him as well as Kimberly – it only followed that one day she'd leave to prevent being tainted by it.
"She could always do better."
Jason stared at him – gawked really – speechless, looking a little like a fish out of water. Not that Tommy noticed.
"I never deserved her, bro. Kimberly was always too good, too pure – I knew it and yet I pretended I deserved her anyway. I always knew she could do better than me, that she would someday leave me for someone who was worthy of her. It doesn't matter anymore, I-"
"Bullshit!"
Jason's sudden exclamation stopped him cold.
"That's a load and you know it, Tommy. Sitting here trying to justify giving up on her when you got that letter isn't going to change the fact that you and Kim had something special. You'd have to be blind not to see it. She couldn't do better than you, don't you get it? Not because you're a black belt in a dozen karate types, or because you're a Power Ranger – but because of how you treated her, man! No one – and I mean no one – ever treated her like you did. You made her feel special because that's how you viewed her."
"She is special."
"Then don't feed me that load of crap, okay?"
"What does it matter anyway?" Tommy settled back against the bench, slumping downwards. "Kim's in Florida with some guy..."
"Some guy who's not you?"
"Yeah." Tommy shook his head. "No. That's not it."
"Give it up bro. Ever since you got her letter you've been heartbroken – seeing her little performance and message gave you hope. Whatever Kim said on the phone obviously didn't help."
"She didn't say anything..."
"Then what'd she do?"
Tommy swallowed hard. "She cried when I told her I missed her."
Jason smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand. "You really are an idiot, bro."
"You keep saying that."
"And it's as true now as it was five minutes ago. Don't you get it?"
"Get what?"
"Even you can't be that dense." Jason looked him full in the face. "Girl's don't burst randomly into tears when their ex-boyfriends tell them they miss them, Tommy. Most of them, Kimberly included, would probably laugh in their face."
"So?"
"If they'd laugh and Kim did the opposite..." Tommy started at him blankly. Shaking his head, Jason rose to his feet. "Figure it out for yourself, bro... just don't take too long - it's getting late in Florida and Kim won't wait by the phone all night."
"Why would she wait?"
"For the love of-" Jason turned back exasperated. "Women don't tell their exes they miss them Tommy, they don't cry when they're told they're missed too and they don't call in the middle of a crowded restaurant just to cry on their shoulder."
"Then why..." Tommy stopped, staring at Jason and his eyes suddenly widened as he got what Jason was trying to tell him. When the denial left his lips, it was barely a breath. "No way."
Jason arched his eyebrows as if to ask him why he was still sitting on the bench.
Scrambling to his feet, Tommy was off like a shot – heading for home instead of the Youth Center – the revelation running circles in his head. Jason has opened Pandora's Box and the possibilities of why Kimberly had broken down spiraled through his mind as he ran.
There was no way. No way. But, with Kimberly's own denial of anything wrong between her and her Florida flame, he wondered how he could have been so blind. He had told her he'd missed her and used his special nickname for her. The only reason Kimberly – the Kimberly he'd known so well and missed – would have done so was for one reason and one reason only.
She'd missed hearing it.
Not just hearing it, but hearing it from him; which in turn - if one followed the logic of the thought through - meant she missed him. How he'd misinterpreted it as anything else he didn't know. All he knew was that he had to get to a phone and quick.
His Beautiful was waiting.