Disclaimer: Me no own, you no sue.
Note: Mrs. Lovett singing will be expressed by this: 'L' if the bold doesn't work. Sweeney will be indicated by an 'S'.
Chapter Three: He's In The Pies!
L: "A customer!"
S: "You'd think she'd never seen a man walk through a door…"
L: "Wait! What's yer rush? What's yer hurry?"
S: "Um…"
L: "You gave me such a – fright, I thought you was a ghost!"
S: "I am kinda pale…maybe I need to tan…"
L: "Half a minute, can'tcher?"
S: "Actually, I need to get told my life story and sing a song about my razors, but I've got a second."
L: "Sit! Sit ye down! Sit!"
S: "You're kinda pushy…"
L: "All I meant is that I haven't seen a costumer in weeks!"
S: "This place smells like dead cat! Oh wait…that's Mrs. Mooney's, never mind!"
L: "Did you come in for a pie, sir?"
S: "No, not really…"
L: "Do forgive me if me head's a little vague-"S: "Are you losing it or something?"
L: "What was that?"
S: "That, my dear children, was a cockroach. They inhabit dirty places and make a nasty crunching noise when you smack them with a rolling pin…"
L: "But you'd think we had the plague…"S: "WHAT?! THE PLAGUE?!"
L: "From the way that people keep avoiding…"S: "No wonder they avoid it here…"
L: "No you don't!"S: "Maybe you should get an exterminator…"
L: "Heaven knows I try, sir!"S: "How hard?"
L: "But there's no one comes in even to inhale-"S: "Why, do you not have any crack anymore?"
L: "Right you are sir, would you like a drop of ale?"S: "Yum, alcohol!"
L: "Mind you, I can't hardly blame them. These are probably the worst pies in London…"
S: "What was your first guess?"
L: "I know why nobody cares to take them…"S: "Because they taste like road kill?"
L: "I should know, I make them."
S: "Ew. That's why they taste so bad…"
L: "But good?"S: "No."
L: "No."
S: "Thank you, Captain Obvious."
L: "The worst pies in London-"S: "Obviously. Even the dead cat pie over there tastes better than this!"
L: "Even that's polite. The worst pies in London. If you doubt it, take a bite!"S: "I just did. I gagged on it. I just threw it up on your floor. Where were you this whole time?"
L: "Is that just disgusting?"S: "Yes. Yes it is."
L: "You have to concede it. It's nothing but crusting."
S: "You mean crusty."
L: "Here drink this, you'll need it."
S: "You mean you have Pepto Dismal?"
L: "The worst pies in London!"S: "I think we've been over this already."
L: "And no wonder with the price of meat what it is-"S: "I really, really don't care…"
L: "When you get it. Never thought I'd live to see the day-"S: "Why, were you afraid of getting food poisoning from your own pies? Because that's quite possible."
L: "Men'd think it was a treat finding poor animals wot are dying in the street!"S: "Yummy…meat pancake from the road!"
L: "Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop."
S: "Yes. I know. It's right across from yours, see?"
L: "Does a business, but I've noticed something weird."
S: "Your face?"
L: "Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared."
S: "Poor Mrs. BoJangles! So that's what happened to her…"
L: "Have to hand it to her. Wot I calls enterprise, popping pussies into pies."
S: "They're not that bad, really. Compared to yours, at least…"
L: "Wouldn't do in my shop – Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick!"S: "Well, if you're hungry enough…"
L: "And I'm telling you them pussy cats is quick!"S: "Your grammer is deteriorating at a rapid pace…"
L: "No denying times is hard, sir. Even harder then the worst pies in London!"S: "No, the pies are harder. You could bludgeon someone to death with one of these things!"
L: "Only lard and nothing more!"S: "Ew…I think I'm gonna hurl…"
L: "Is that just revolting?"
S: "Duh."
L: "All greasy and gritty. It looks like it's molting and tastes like-"S: "Even thought this is an R movie, keep it PG!"
L: "Well, pity a woman alone…"S: "What happened to Mr. Lovett?"
L: "With limited wind…"S: "He's in the pies, isn't he?"
L: "And the worst pies in London! Ah sir, times is hard. Times is hard."
S: "HELP ME!"
Review, maybe? Oh, and the Pepto Bismal thing- Totally stole that from someone, I know. If they hate me forever and tell me to remove it, I will.