Chapter 5
Even on the cusp of victory, in the throes of tortured rage, Xanxus still- as he always will- finds the time to be a pissy little bitch.
"What the fuck are you wearing?" he demands, eyes heating over- he won't allow himself to think it, but judging from the way her trash friends are staring, they've never seen that much of her legs either.
Natsumi colors. "I-it's my school uniform, " she says defensively. She pulls at the hem, which only makes things worse.
"You don't wear that uniform to school," says Xanxus without thinking.
"It's supposed to give me room to maneuver and anyway I have short underneath and wait, wait, whaat, how do you know I don't wear this to-"
"Bitch!" Xanxus calls to the Cervello, turning quickly away. "Let's get started already."
.0.
The mafia poisons her friends, and it. Is. On.
Natsu sees everything, knows everything. She can count the seconds till the first of her friends must fall. She can read the twitch Xanxus's hands make that means that another blast is forthcoming and she knows what must come next.
She won't be able to take more than one or two of those hits head-on, but she can damn well get out of the way.
And then Xanxus draws. She's seen them before, slung low on his hips within easy reach even in his own house. Natsu has never seen them used before, and now they're going to be used on her. He looses the Varia on her helpless friends, but Natsu has to keep fighting.
Xanxus doesn't let up, and Natsu doesn't let go. Fighting comes easier than ever before. It's easy, so easy, to bury herself into the power and the thrill and forget about those below them. But it isn't forgetfulness. Xanxus could care less, but the cloud ring has fallen. Hibari-san has won. Natsu will not forget about those below her. It's not mercy or charity or weakness. It's trust, and it makes her strong.
Your friend is gone, she asks Xanxus inside her head. And you have driven away all those who would have loved you without question, supported you without fail. Who will you trust now?
No one, she reads in his rage. Nothing and no one but bitterness and anger and rage. Love makes you weak, and trust makes you weaker. There is nothing but power, to rage and rage and despair.
And Natsu sees that all he has is rage, and all she can do is take it away.
.0.
And the ice seeps up his arms like poison, and the dread trickles down his spine like fear.
Xanxus lunges for rage like a lifeline. The ice splinters and he almost goes dizzy with relief, but he can't falter now.
"You're wrong," he shouts at her, screams at her, rages. You're wrong and you're stupid and bitch you deserve to die!
No. And she touches him gently, gently, pulling the ring from his neck with agony on her face. But you don't deserve to live.
Xanxus stares into Natsumi's eyes and the ice won't melt.
.0.
Her hands linger on the old familiar curve of his neck, slide to cup his face with the mercy of an executioner. He's changed so much and hasn't changed at all. "Good-bye," she whispers, and takes one kiss in lieu of the tears she can't cry.
Then she takes the ring away from him, and turns away as her work closes over his head.
It's done and she falls to her knees. Over. At last, it's over. What happened then, and what's happened now- she's done with Xanxus.
Natsumi is on her knees and doesn't cry.
And then the world implodes around her because Squalo is alive and Xanxus is defrosted and Xanxus is not the ninth's son.
.0.
He wakes with terror in his eyes and the blood roaring through his veins, imagining he can taste Natsumi on his lips. Then the world reconciles itself, and there is the ring. His ring. Viper, the damnable little mercenary, has come through. It's his at last, at last-
It burns. Burns and burns. Blood washes out the taste of everything else, imagined or otherwise, hard and coppery and common in his mouth.
Squalo doesn't shut up, because he never learned how to. Things Xanxus has never told anyone spill out of his trash mouth, secrets and lies.
Natsumi 's face changes. He can see it. Xanxus wants to rip the shock from her face, beat in the revulsion, the disgust sure to follow-
And Natsumi moves faster than she should be able to, puts her arms around him. Presses up against Xanxus and murmurs, "Oh god."
And he breathes. What is she doing- what the fuck is she doing, why is she hugging him, he's almost killed her and she still- she still. She can still do this.
He's missed the feel of her in his arms. Xanxus scrabbles over her back but his hands are too damaged to pull her away.
"He loved you anyway," she said, pulled away to stare at him with harrowing unworldly eyes of love and peace for everyone. "Even if you weren't his son. Uncle still-"
"Don't give me that!" he shouts. "Don't give me that shit about love. I don't care anything about it! All I wanted was the seat of the tenth boss! What use," and he spat the word, looking to hurt her now, again. "What use is love?"
"I love you," she said, and the rawness of it cracked her voice. "I've always loved you, I- you know that. You knew. Xanxus, I-"
"And what good did it do you?" he shouts again. "What fucking good did it do you, I hurt you anyway!" And he's going too far, but what's too far to go? He went too far four years ago, on that night with her. What happened afterwards is nearly a cake walk in comparison. "I raped you, you stupid little bitch! That's what your love got you!"
And Natsumi says, "You did." And her hands fisted in his bloody shirt, grip stronger than he would ever have imagined. "You did. But I-" and she falters, lifts teary eyes to his face. "I still love you. Even now. Xanxus- that night, were you in pain? All that time- it must have hurt you so badly. I'm sorry." Her eyes spill over with tears. He used to not care when she cried; he'd thought she'd forgotten how to. But she cries for him.
"You-" he says. Chokes out. "You- what the hell are you sorry for, I was the one who-"
"All that time," she says, "All that time- I only made things worse, didn't I? I never noticed that you'd been hurt so badly. I- I'm so sorry, Xanxus-"
"No," he says. "No. Why are you so stupid, bitch? You didn't do anything! It wasn't your fault! I was the one who-" he chokes in a ragged breath. Something in Xanxus lurches and it drives the ice from his heart, makes him say things he's never even allowed himself to think. "Why do you still care?" he said. "How can you still care? What's wrong with you?"
It feels like the world is listening, and finally he's talking to her.
"I don't know," wails Natsumi, and the world goes all sharp and bright and simple, more simple than ambition, or rage. "I don't know why I still care. I just- I just do. I still do. Even after all this."
And it is that simple in the end, to know what he wants. To know what must be done. Xanxus's head droops down at last, and he closes his eyes over Bel's posturing.
"Enough," he says, commands. "It's over." And he looks at Natsumi one last time, burns the image of her in battle and fire and blood on his brain. "We're done."
It's ended, but Xanxus knows this isn't the end of it; in a lot of very tiresome ways, it has only just begun.