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ACT III
INTERIOR - BOBBY'S PLACE - HALLWAY OUTSIDE BATHROOM
SAM is inside bathroom, crouching over heap of bloodied clothes and limbs. DEAN is outside room, looking up and down hallway, spooked. DEAN steps in and shuts door quickly.
Camera on SAM. He has right hand on the bathroom floor tiles, his left holding a pencil to poke at or move blood-matted hair and flaps of clothing.
Cut up to DEAN. He scratches his head and peers down at the corpse.
DEAN
They dead?
Camera on SAM. He ceases poking and withdraws hand and pencil. Looks up at DEAN, who is out of shot above.
SAM
[deliberately]
Yes, Dean. She's dead.
DEAN [off-screen]
She? Who is it, anyway?
SAM
It appears to be our ticket-winning fangirl.
SAM gets to his feet slowly. He is apologetic, sad. Camera keeps both boys in shot.
DEAN
The screamer?
SAM
Holly, I think her name was. She came up and spoke to me not half an hour ago. Well… when I say 'spoke' she just kinda--
DEAN
[interrupting]
Let me guess, she just made this keening, kettle whistling squeeeing kinda noise?
SAM
Yeah. You too?
DEAN
Pamela saved me.
SAM bends down again, looking confused. Camera follows.
SAM
[mystified]
Out of everyone here, why her? She wasn't even on the show once.
DEAN crouches to look the corpse over, bringing him into shot.
DEAN
Maybe it was her. Maybe she got too excited meeting us all and her head really did explode.
SAM
[indignant]
Dude. Not funny.
[Pause]
And anyways, her head is still intact. I checked.
DEAN looks at him using Patented 'Seriously?' Expression Number Five: too-wide eyes coupled with slightly open mouth. SAM shrugs and stands again. Camera closes on SAM.
SAM
So we need a motive, a means, and a murderer.
Cut to DEAN. He puts hands on his knees, pushes to his feet. Both boys in shot. DEAN sniffs and folds arms, thinking. SAM scratches his head as he looks at the ceiling.
It's silent as their faces look baffled and tasked for a long moment.
DEAN
Well?
SAM
Nah, I got nothing.
DEAN
Right. How about this… She met someone tonight and they ganked her just for scoring a perfect ten on the annoyance meter. It could be anyone here tonight. Including you and me.
Pause. DEAN swivels eyes to look at SAM. Turns head to make it obvious he's looking at him.
DEAN
[deadpan]
Was it you?
SAM looks at DEAN, using Patented My Brother Is Dumber Than A Hamster Expression Number Two: mouth open more than halfway, eyebrows rammed down, mystified eyes.
SAM
Do you realise what's gonna happen? When we go out there and tell people we found a dead fangirl in the bathroom? How the Hell are we supposed to-
DEAN snaps fingers. SAM stops short.
DEAN
She's the only fangirl. Everyone else is a semi-regular cast member or a guest star. Right?
SAM
[cautious]
Right.
DEAN
So someone wanted a dead fangirl. Someone literally wants to kill off our audience.
SAM
How do you figure?
DEAN
Can you imagine what the papers will make of this? The press is gonna go nuts - 'Supernatural fan killed at episode party bash'. We'll get cancelled quicker than a Nathan Fillion series on Fox.
SAM
[thoughtful]
Good point. So then…
Silence as SAM and DEAN go back to looking baffled and tasked. One minute. Two.
DEAN
Who'd wanna ruin the show, man? I mean, seriously. We had to fight to get a fourth season, why would anyone want to kill it off now?
SAM
Must be some real whack-job who doesn't care about further guest spots or residuals.
DEAN
Yeah. I'm guessing it's some selfish son of a bitch we killed once already.
SAM
[dismissive]
We can't have dead characters in this episode.
DEAN
Why not?
SAM
It would jeopardise an already precarious juxtapositioning of intra-universe credibility and a knowing yet cautiously delicate messing with a parody-style pushing-the-fourth-wall farce. And it would bring up the whole 'why don't we get John or Mary in here too?' can of worms - and that would bring on accusations of us 'jumping the shark', so prevalent in modern-day series. And anyway, we need something non-arcy right now, as some people are already worried that the show's reson d'être has become so obvious and cliche'd that even the audience is becoming tired of dove-tailed arc episodes that bang them over the head with the ongoing struggle to reach the end of the series with everything in place, much like Jackson Pollock trying to design his own Rubik's-style jigsaw puzzle.
Pause. DEAN is confused: eyebrows quirked up in small triangles, mouth a small 'o' shape.
SAM
[with deliberate clarity]
It would be stoopid.
DEAN's face clears abruptly.
DEAN
Oh.
Sudden banging on bathroom door. Camera has both boys in shot.
SAM and DEAN together
Minute!
They freeze and stare at each other, horrified at what they've just done.
SARAH BLAKE [behind door]
Wow, you boys really do do everything together.
DEAN lifts a hand and points at door.
DEAN
[whispers]
She said 'do-do'.
SAM
[scowling]
Dean.
DEAN shrugs, then looks down at corpse.
DEAN
I got it: we hide her, pretend nothing's happened, go from there.
SAM
Why?
DEAN
Ah… How about: the less people that know the better? Right now, the only people who know are you, me, the murderer and Little Miss Squee-A-Lot currently checking the tiles for cracks.
SAM tuts loudly.
SAM
Dean, she's dead. Try to be nice.
DEAN
[indignant]
Hey, I'm being nice.
SAM
You're being an ass.
DEAN
[apologetic]
Well she was a bit… screamy.
SAM rolls his eyes and huffs as well, for good measure. DEAN pushes at his arm and then gestures to corpse.
DEAN
Come on then, we gotta get her out of here without anyone seeing.
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CUT TO--
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Outside bathroom door. Camera on doorknob. It moves and turns. Door opens and SAM'S head pops out. He checks up and down hallway. He swings door open wide and pulls on large, bulky item rolled up in shower curtain, tucked under his arm.
He begins to walk down hallway and DEAN appears at other end of corpse wrapped in plastic shower curtain. They exit shot screen right. Camera stays fixed on empty, clean bathroom.
SOUNDS of scuffling, grunting and doorknobs rattling out of shot further on down hallway.
SAM [off-screen]
Move to your left.
DEAN [off-screen]
You move to your left.
SAM [off-screen]
Turn that way.
DEAN [off-screen]
I am doing.
SAM [off-screen]
Right. Got it. Close the door.
DEAN [off-screen]
Dude, I've only got four limbs, know what I mean?
Sounds of muttering and doors closing. Then footsteps.
SAM and DEAN walk back into shot and go into bathroom. They look around, checking room is clean. They both nod and exit room.
Camera pulls back and widens. Dollies backwards to watch them walk down hallway toward stairs.
DEAN
So when's the stripper gettin' here?
SAM
[surprised]
What?
DEAN
The stripper. Don't tell me you planned a surprise party and didn't book a stripper!
SAM
[defensive]
I didn't have that much time! And anyway, for the third time, I thought it was just gonna be Bobby, Missouri and Pamela. How was I to know those two would invite anyone who's ever been on the payroll?
DEAN
[grumpy]
Typical. Y'know, if Henrickson had survived season three - four - three - whatever - and he was here tonight, you can bet your ass he woulda got me a stripper.
SAM sighs.
New fixed camera watches two boys at top of staircase. SAM is ahead. He pauses on top step. A girl is coming up the stairs. SAM waits for her to bounce up the stairs. She pauses next to him on top step.
SAM
[surprised]
Holly!
HOLLY
Hey! It's just like all so exciting, and can you imagine I had to ask Bobby for the washroom! Me! Asking Bobby where the washroom is! How embarrassing is that? And like--
DEAN leans forward and stares at her meaningfully. He stretches his right hand out to point at bathroom without looking at it.
DEAN
[slowly, clearly]
It's right over there.
HOLLY freezes at his head close to hers. Her eyes go wide. She begins to emit her high-pitched, keening squeee noise.
DEAN
[firmly, growling]
Go. Now.
HOLLY slides past them, still squeeeing, and dashes for bathroom.
SAM looks at DEAN fearfully. DEAN watches her shut the door. He turns to SAM and whispers hoarsely:
DEAN
That was the dead chick!
SAM
I saw!
DEAN
Explain the dead chick walkin' around like--.
DEAN stops short. SAM eyes him, then looks at ceiling as he gasps in realisation. SAM looks down at DEAN.
SAM and DEAN together
Looks like we got ourselves a shapeshifter.
END OF SCENE
MUSIC CHORD SLAMS TO BLACK SCREEN.
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INTERIOR - BOBBY'S PLACE - UPSTAIRS LANDING
SAM and DEAN are standing nervously against opposite walls of hallway near top of stairs. Wide shot of them both watching, ostensibly looking at the camera. They are watching bathroom door beyond.
SAM
[whispers]
Are we sure she's a shapeshifter?
DEAN does not look at him, but watches the hallway.
DEAN
Well the dead girl on the floor was real human skin and blood, Sam. Which means that one ain't.
SAM
Right. But… if she was the 'shifter, why would she come back up to the bathroom? If the body was still in there?
DEAN
I don't know. Maybe she wanted to plant the body for someone to find - and you did but it didn't go how she wanted. Maybe she wanted whoever found it to start screaming the place down. Then everyone would go batshit crazy and she could do what she came to do.
SAM looks at his brother, confused. He looks at ceiling, then around landing. Finally back at DEAN.
SAM
And what's that?
DEAN
Whut's whut?
SAM
What did she come here to do?
DEAN
How the hell should I know? Why don't we wait here and ask her when she comes back!
Silence as boys wait.
DEAN
[thoughtful]
How many 'shifters do we know?
SAM
What? Why?
DEAN
Cos this could be one coming back for revenge.
SAM
Ok, hold on… There was the first one in… ah… St. Louis, right? Are we sure he's dead?
DEAN
[grumpy]
Well I shot him. With silver. Face-stealin' amulet-pinchin' psycho.
SAM looks amused.
SAM
And then… er… Milwaukee, the bank, right?
DEAN
And we got him. Didn't we?
SAM
Ah…
SAM scratches head, thinking.
SAM
Yeah. You pinned her to the wall with a silver knife, I think.
DEAN smiles slightly.
DEAN
Oh yeah.
SAM clears his throat, slightly awkward.
SAM
And then… none for season three, right?
DEAN
Right. Not enough time.
SAM
So… just our friend from the monster movie set-up, season four, then.
DEAN
Yeah… kinda felt sorry for that dude, really.
SAM looks surprised.
SAM
Yeah, well, it's moot anyway cos Jamie shot him. We watched him die, right?
DEAN
Yeah.
[Pause]
Yeah.
SAM looks at him, sees reluctance.
SAM
What?
DEAN
Well… if any of the 'shifters we seen so far could have survived, I'd woulda liked it to be him.
SAM
[snorts, amused]
Freak.
DEAN turns to look at him.
DEAN
I'm a freak? I'm not the one who organises a party without a stripper.
SAM huffs loudly. DEAN turns back to watch.
DEAN
Ok, she ain't coming. She's clocked the body's gone and she knows we moved it.
SAM
Cos she saw us on the stairs?
DEAN
Cos we were the last people near the room 'fore she checked it. Same-same.
SAM
So…
SAM gasps and exits screen right, running down hallway. DEAN appears confused but exits screen right to run after him.
Long camera follows them down the hallway. SAM grabs doorknob and wrenches door open.
New camera over his shoulder to see into room. DEAN pokes head round jamb to see in too.
DEAN
She's not here!
SAM looks up across bathroom. Camera on SAM.
SAM
Crap!
Camera on DEAN; he looks up at window too. Camera cuts to window shot: it's open.
DEAN
Crap!
Camera back on both boys in doorway. SAM lets go and turns. He runs out of shot to the stairs. Camera turns as DEAN follows.
New camera long-shot to see boys reach top of the stairs and fly down them.
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CUT TO--
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Boys jump down last step. Camera pans back to show they find themselves in the middle of the guests. They look around but it's hopeless. Wide angle shot of full room. We can see DEAN in the middle. DEAN runs back up a few steps to see out over crowd. SAM follows.
SAM
[quietly]
She could be anyone in here, man.
DEAN
Yeah. So… There must be a double in here somewhere.
SAM
How's that?
DEAN
She wouldn't have time to knock someone off before she could take their place, right? She's runnin', so she's hiding temporary-like till she can get rid of the original.
SAM
Right. Now all we have to figure out is what she's really doing here.
Camera pans over crowd as boys in bottom of frame search the heads. Music playing in background is 'PEACE OF MIND' by BOSTON.
A voice calls out from crowd.
BOBBY
[shouting]
There he is!
Wide angle on room sees everyone turn to see the boys stood a few steps up the stairs. Cut to BOBBY, in the middle, near the music system.
BOBBY
You comin' down so we can cut this cake?
Cut to DEAN. He puts innocent finger to his chest. Cut to BOBBY.
BOBBY
Well of course you! I don't see anyone else here with a birthday today!
Camera on both boys, looking worried.
SAM
[mutters]
Do we tell him?
DEAN
[whispers]
He could be the 'shifter.
SAM pushes DEAN in the back. DEAN stumbles down one step then catches his balance. Camera follows them through crowd. DEAN is cheered and clapped on back as he pushes through people politely.
DEAN reaches music player in centre of room. Camera over his shoulder. Something rectangular and nearly two feet long is lying obscured by a white tea cloth.
DEAN
[nervous]
Whut's this?
BOBBY puts heavy hand on his shoulder nearest camera, shaking it with clear affection. Cut to BOBBY. It appears BOBBY is slightly drunk.
BOBBY
Got you a special cake. Go on, lift it.
Camera on DEAN. He looks round until SAM appears from his left. Camera zooms on cloth. DEAN'S hand reaches out and lifts cloth slowly.
Crowd cheer and clap as an eighteen-inch 3D cake in the shape of the Impala is revealed. It's at least five inches high, looks like a close copy of the real one. In the centre of the roof are large white letters that read 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAN! BITE ME'.
Camera on DEAN'S back. Hands appear and push or pat at his free shoulder, people wishing him happy birthday.
Cut to BOBBY. He lets DEAN'S shoulder go, picking up a long knife. New camera on both DEAN and BOBBY in shot. BOBBY flourishes knife at DEAN. DEAN jumps slightly and stands back, bracing himself.
People laugh but camera cuts to SAM, who looks on nervously. Cut to BOBBY. He reverses knife and shoves handle at DEAN.
BOBBY
Well, go on then. Cut it.
Camera on DEAN. He takes knife, looks at blade and finds it's silver.
DEAN
I get the fancy cutlery?
BOBBY
[smiling]
Tell the truth, silver hunting knives are all I have.
DEAN
Right. Great.
Camera closes in on cake. Knife goes to slide into roof. From screen right mystery hand comes in and grabs his wrist, stopping him.
MAN'S VOICE [off-screen]
Not yet. There's something first.
Camera follows hand and arm to stop on TRICKSTER'S smiling face. Cut to DEAN. He looks understandably apprehensive.
DEAN
Whut's that?
Camera on TRICKSTER.
TRICKSTER
Sing 'Happy Birthday', dumbass!
Cut to wide shot of TRICKSTER and DEAN. TRICKSTER lets go of wrist. DEAN looks relieved. Cut to SAM behind them in shot. SAM'S eyes are shifting round room quickly.
TRICKSTER turns to room, lifting his hands.
TRICKSTER
Come on then everyone--
[waves hands to count down]
2, 1 -- Happy birthday to you!
Crowd begins to sing.
PAMELA pushes through crowd. Camera sees her put her hands out and enclose DEAN'S. Her nail polish is clear. We see her push on DEAN'S hand to help him cut the cake. Knife slides through to base underneath.
DEAN lets go of knife to stand back. Wide camera on room: everyone cheering. Camera on top of cake. PAMELA pulls knife from cake slowly. Camera on DEAN. He turns to stack of plates nearby.
DEAN
Who's for a piece then?
Camera on PAMELA. She turns knife in her hand and raises it at DEAN'S shoulder.
A female screams. DEAN jumps and looks. Camera sees knife in PAMELA'S hand come down. DEAN's hand grabs wrist.
Camera pans to room. People jump back quickly, panicked.
BOBBY [off-screen]
Pamela! What the hell!
Crowd scatter backwards. DEAN has hold of her wrist. PAMELA shouts angrily and pushes hard on knife hand. DEAN and PAMELA fall to floor. Camera on both as they roll and struggle.
SAM's legs in shot behind rolling. DEAN elbows PAMELA in the gut, gets on top. Gets hand round her throat. Camera on PAMELA'S face. DEAN's free hand rips off her black glasses.
Close-up of PAMELA'S face - she has normal eyes.
DEAN [off-screen]
Where's the real Pamela?
SHAPESHIFTER (as PAMELA)
Not far away.
SHIFTER struggles against DEAN'S grip. Grunts with effort. Camera pulls back to bring DEAN into shot as well as SHIFTER.
SAM [legs only in shot]
Why are you doing this?
SHIFTER
Cos it's the perfect opportunity to kill you both!
SAM [legs only in shot]
Why?
SHIFTER
Cos you're both hunters, you dumbass! What other reason is there?
Camera closes to bring tight shot of DEAN and SHIFTER.
DEAN
What about the fangirl, Holly?
SHIFTER
[grunting, struggling]
What about her?
DEAN
Why'd you kill her?
SHIFTER
I wasn't going to but - but - but she was just so goddamn annoying!
Camera on DEAN'S face. He lifts head and raises vindicated eyebrows at SAM, still off-screen.
SOUND OF BANGING ON FRONT DOOR.
The crowd either ignore it or don't hear it. Except for THE TRICKSTER, who looks around. He disappears from crowd.
Cut to DEAN'S face.
DEAN
Why kill us? What'd we ever do to you?
SHIFTER
You're hunters!
DEAN
Whut, no revenge? We haven't killed your family, your friend, your dog, nuthin'?
Camera on shifter.
SHIFTER
[angry]
Do you actually watch the show? Of course not!
[Pause]
And I'm not waiting around for someone to finally get round to finding me and wasting me, especially not on some second-rate TV show!
Camera on DEAN.
DEAN
[indignant]
Hey! We pulled in nearly four million viewers for the mid-season finale!
FEMALE VOICE
Ta-daaa!
Camera sees DEAN'S head as it comes up. New camera on crowd. They turn to archway to room.
A young woman is standing there, arms up to show herself off. She's dressed as a policewoman, grinning at the room.
She sees everyone is looking at her. She takes off her hat and skims it across the room rakishly. She pulls her tie free quickly and loops it round her finger. Her free hand goes to poppers on her shirt to wrench them open one by one. She takes a deep breath.
STRIPPER
[sing-song poem]
It's your birthday Deanie,
You must be chuffed to bits!
Have a drink, eat your cake,
Then I'll get out my--
Camera on her face. Her grin turns to horror. Camera pans back to see she is looking at DEAN with his hand round the throat of someone who looks like a dark-haired woman. In his hand is a long silver knife, poised to strike.
Stripper screams.
Room begins to move, swarm, panic.
Camera on SAM. He is shouting and waving hands to calm crowd. Running and screaming starts. Camera closes in on SAM. He looks resigned. Closes mouth.
We hear DEAN grunt in surprise. SAM looks down and gasps.
Camera falls quickly to follow SAM dropping down in a crouch. He grabs at something out of shot.
BOBBY and another pair of legs appear behind SAM. He doesn't see, he's still looking down at something out of shot.
SAM
[fearful]
Don't move, Dean, let me look!
Camera pans down; close-up on DEAN's face. He is on his back looking up, SAM'S hand under his neck. He looks pained.
Camera pans down along DEAN'S side to see large bloody patch spreading under his shirt on right side, closest to camera.
DEAN
[pained]
Bitch stabbed me!
SAM
I know! Just hold still.
Camera closes on SAM's hand. SAM lifts DEAN'S shirt and looks under: camera close-up on two-inch slice, about an inch above jeans and belt.
SAM [out of shot]
You're lucky: it's not too bad.
DEAN [out of shot]
Let me up.
SAM [out of shot]
Hang on, let me--
DEAN's hand knocks at SAM's. Camera pulls back as DEAN struggles to his feet, grabbing at SAM to help him. Once up he pushes SAM back and lifts shirt and t-shirt at the side to look at it. Camera closes to see the stab wound bleeding freely.
Camera on BOBBY and THE TRICKSTER, over SAM's shoulder.
BOBBY
Get that stoppered before you get after her, boy.
TRICKSTER
She stabbed you! On your birthday!
Camera on DEAN'S face. He looks at TRICKSTER using Patented Angry Face Number One: jaw stuck out, muscles either side taut, eyes flaming green. TRICKSTER lands heavy hand on DEAN'S shoulder.
TRICKSTER
Dude, this is the best birthday party ever!
END OF ACT III
MUSIC CHORD SLAMS TO BLACK SCREEN.
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Thanks for reading! Hope you're still enjoying it.