God! This chapter was so great to write! I'm actually rather pleased with how this turned out, but it's up to you all to decide it's fate - so to speak.

hope you all like it, and i'd like to say thanks to everyone who has been reviewing so far. Especially those of you like 'EclipsingHarmony' and 'Harlequin Jade' who've given their opinions and encouragement on almost every chapter!

Thanx!!

And I might not update again for about a week, depending on whether tomorrow's a snow day or not. (fingers crossed!)

Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight

JPOV

I remember meeting a man in Texas. His name was Stephen Baker.

I met him shortly after leaving the Cullens, outside of a bar in Addison. I had passed straight through Oregon, Nevada, Arizona and New Mexico on my way back to the place I had once known to be my home.

When I first saw him he was sitting on the roadside, staring into the window of the empty building opposite him. I knew immediately that he wasn't human, but not from his scent. It was when he heard me approaching him along the sidewalk, my footsteps making almost no sound. He looked around, his amber eyes reflecting the harsh light of the street lamps, and he smiled.

No human had smiled at me in over a century.

He was part of a small clan of two others. There was his mate, a small and slim woman called Melanie; and then there was another girl, maybe in her late teens who looked much like Melanie, called Rebecca.

I won't go into details of my time with them, for it wasn't long anyway. But Stephen was a very intelligent man and in many ways he reminded me of Carlisle. He was compassionate, but fierce when protecting his clan. I told him of the Cullen family, mostly of Edward and Alice. He had smiled at the separate times I mentioned them both, but said nothing to interrupt me while I spoke. He had attempted to convince me to return to them, telling me that they were my family.

"Family is something very few vampires will ever find," he told me. "Do not let such luck go to waste."

But for a long time I did - even when I was with them.

But there was one thing that Stephen Baker told me, that I know I won't ever forget. Although I also know I will never repeat it to anybody else:

"Something you can be waiting for your entire existence, Jasper; it might come when you least wish it to. If that happens, you can only hope you make the right decision for you and those you love."

I won't ever forget him. If his words hadn't repeated themselves in my head that day in Ohio, I might not have gone back to Forks.

I would remember him again later, and I when that happens, I'll smile.

"Jasper?"

I looked up at the sound of Alice's voice, forcing my lips to break into smile. A wide smile spread across her face immediately and she skipped towards me, promptly wrapping her tiny arms around my waist. I had quickly gotten used to her surges of affection and I returned her embrace, although without much of an effort.

I knew Alice had been talking with Carlisle and Esme for the last few hours, although I hadn't tried to listen in on their conversation. This had resulted in me being left alone in the room which had once been ours.

But Alice had changed it.

Our bed was now decorated with laced light blue and white sheets, with a midnight blue throw-over. The curtains and carpet matched the throw-over, and the once cream coloured walls were now a dull shade of yellow. A similar shade of yellow rug sat perfectly between the entrance to the walk-in closet and the foot of the bed.

I didn't understand, at first, the relevance of redecorating the room when they would only remain in Forks for another year, at most.

I didn't take me very much longer to realise why, though.

Alice pulled away, beaming up at me from under her long eyelashes. "I'm still waiting for you to tell me about where you've been," she playfully scolded me, moving up onto her tiptoes.

I chuckled briefly, running a hand through my hair. "I thought you heard most of it while I was talking to Esme earlier," I pointed out, my eyes drifting to the window and the forest outside. Thinking of Esme brought me back to worrying about Edward. She and I seemed to be the only two actually concerned about him. Even Carlisle seemed too interested in my return to dwell on his adoptive son. He assured me that Edward would come back, but it didn't ease me anxiety.

Alice laughed happily, her little voice like wind chimes. "I want to hear the rest of it, all about where you've been and the people you met. And remember," her completely unthreatening face attempted to turn dark, "I will know if you have left anything out."

I shook my head in delighted disbelief and moved backwards to sit on the bed, gesturing for her to join me. She did so in her usual graceful and energetic fashion, tucking her feet underneath her and watching me with an expression of both interest and adoration. That last look was what worried me.

I took an unnecessary breath before I started my story, starting straight from when I left Forks.

I ran the entire night and found myself in Texas shortly before sunrise. I had managed to cross about five states lines undetected by humans, all the while resisting killing anything, human or animal, in my fury over losing Alice. Her visions were subjective, that's what we all knew. They didn't always come true. It made no sense.

Me and Edward?

I loved Alice more than my own existence. She was the reason for my existence. She saved me from depression, showed me a life with so much more than I had. How could she abandon me after everything? She showed me this life. That, in my eyes, made her my life.

I told Alice a little about my time with Stephen Baker and his clan. She was interested in him, but she didn't push me for information about him when she sensed I was not willing to give much more. She seemed even more interested about whether I tried to find any of my family while I was in Texas.

"If you find someone, a great-great-nephew, or something, you might be able to recover some of your old memories that you've forgotten."

I loved how she tried to sugarcoat the situation of my two year 'disappearance' with the subject of my family. But I wasn't letting her.

"I'm not interested in remembering my life as a human, Alice. So far, I'm aware that I have enough issues as a vampire."

She didn't push the matter after that.

After leaving the Baker Clan I moved on to Oklahoma, and then Kansas. During my brief stays in each of the states I attempted to develop my self-control. It wasn't any easier than in Forks, or anywhere else I had been beforehand. But something about knowing I was now doing it for myself and that I wouldn't be treated with disgust by anybody else if I faltered, it somehow helped me. I'm not sure how, but I slowly learnt how to control myself around humans. In those years as a nomad, I didn't kill a single human.

"I'm so proud of you, Jazz," Alice announced happily, although I could feel and see her edge of sadness through her façade of joy.

I frowned. "Something's wrong." I wasn't asking.

Alice sighed and shook her head slowly. "I can't pretend I'm OK," she muttered. "I made you leave, and you're all the better for it. I suppose I never actually deserved to have you, and you never actually needed me. You needed to be trusted, but I couldn't even do that half of the time. I'm sorry I-"

"Alice." I cut her off gently and took her hand in mine. I managed to make her relax, without the use of my empathy. "You're rambling," I chuckled.

Alice smiled softly, her eyes slowly drifting from mine to travel along my face. I knew every inch of my features that she leisurely took in: she glanced over my hair first, her smile widening slightly as she lightly ran her fingers through it; her hand glided along my cheek as she studied it also, then moved along to my jaw line. And then she slowly withdrew her hand as her eyes came to rest on my lips.

I knew I should stop her; but in that moment I suddenly felt more human than I had in decades. I was frozen as Alice swiftly moved forward and caught my lips with hers.

I didn't move for what felt like much longer than the reality of several seconds, but then my eyes gradually drifted closed and I shuffled closer to her. My instant reaction afterwards was to lean forward and deepen the kiss, which took me little more than another few moments. I could feel Alice's delight at my response straight away, hitting me in strong waves. She pulled me closer to her, knotting one hand in my hair while the other held my neck tightly, pulling my head down to hers a little more. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me still…

And then quickly let go.

I was across the room faster than even Alice could realise. One moment I was beside her, and then I was gone.

"Why did you do that, Alice?" I gasped, squeezing my eyes shut so I wouldn't look at her.

I heard her shuffling along the bed, but she didn't stand up. "I'm not sorry," she said quietly, determined but loving.

I shook my head and turned around. I pulled open the bedroom window and rested one foot on the ledge, staring straight ahead while I slowly leant out. I couldn't watch anything other than the trees as I spoke to her - anything really; just not her hurt, but forever caring face. "I am," I whispered. And then I jumped.

That was the last time I ever saw her.

EDPOV

He laughed viciously as I crouched down into a defensive position, after leaping out of the hole only seconds after hearing him hiss my name.

"Well, if it isn't Mr Wonderful!" James chuckled without a hint of warmth or amusement, striding through the forest towards me. His rapid movements caused a stir in the fallen leaves, blowing them up into a torrent of deformed foliage behind him.

I edged back slightly and let a low growl rip through my chest. My fingers curled round into claw-like mutated fists, similar to those of a lion.

He would not kill Jasper.

James stopped several metres away from me, smirking sadistically. "How's the whole rip off of 'steal from the rich, give to the poor' going? Still killing us blood-suckers to save your precious humans?!" The two words tripped from his tongue, laced with contempt.

I stepped forward and roared furiously, once again causing the surrounding area to shudder. "Get the fuck out of my town!" I demanded. I couldn't recognise the dark tone to my voice. The threatening edge was not something I was used to.

James raised his hands in mock surrender, regaining his cool composure which had momentarily slipped in his anger. "I'm not here to terrorise your precious town. No, I've definitely had my fill of them." He grinned. "But I'm sure, with little miss psychic at home, you know what I'm here for - Or rather…who I'm here for."

I roared once again, the noise impossibly ferocious and menacing. "Stay away from him!" I growled, crouching lower in case the need to leap arose.

James rubbed his hands together in sick anticipation, flashing me his white teeth. "Let's see who's faster then; shall we, Bambi?"

And then he turned and ran, heading straight for the manor.

Well, that was angsty! real fun to write, though. Even if slightly depressing at times...

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