"Heath! I'm home," I said, entering my home.
"I'm the living room,"
Walking into the living room I saw Heath sprawled on the sofa, several magazines surrounding him.
"Hey,"
"My God, Jessica Simpson has gotten fat," Heath said.
"Nu uh! It was the jeans...that woman needs to fire her stylist," I said, taking off my coat.
"How was dinner?" Heath asked, putting down his magazine, "Correction, why are you wearing dinner?".
"It's a long story,"
"Shane?"
"How did you know?" I asked.
"I had a hunch," Heath said.
"And that was?"
"MTV Breaking News, Mitchie it's Shane Gray we're talking about. When he sneezes it ends up in People mag,"
"Well...that was fast," I said, taking a seat on the couch.
"Get off the sofa, it was expensive. And you smell like...Bogracs Gulyas soup, from Alba's,".
How the hell did he know that? Ugh, no more question.
"Mitch...I must tell you right now, that soup has four tablespoons of bacon fat. Shower. Now. For the mercy of your roots, do it," Heath said.
"I'll be back...and I won't smell like Hungarian soup," I replied, getting up and walking down the hallway.
"Hey Mitchie,"
"Yeah," I said, turning back to the living room.
"I'm not sure if right now is the right time to tell you this but, Claire called. You must, I quote, have your cooking ass in that office before ten tomorrow morning or your cooking ass is fired, end quote,"
Oh. Fuck. Hell. Damn.
"What else did she say?" I asked not really wanting a reply.
Claire is psycho. I'm so fired. What else am I going to do?!
"She called me phone messenger boy,"
"Important, I mean,"
"Nothing really,"
"I'm gonna go shower now. You go back to reading about...Jessica or whatever,"
--
Today..is the last day of my life. Claire is going to fire me. I'd rather walk Death Row than this hallway, Claire's office at the end.
"Mitchie, just relax. Maybe its just that she has some idea for the show or something. You don't know if she is going to fire you," Caitlyn said
"Mitchie!" someone shouted from behind.
I turned to see Sandra running towards me.
"It was so wonderful working with you Mitchie," she said giving me a hug.
I shot Caitlyn a knowing look and she shrugged.
Sandra pulled away, "I'm just glad I got to you before Claire turned you into a pair of cheap, knock off pumps,".
Sandra sniffled a bit. Oh God, people just relax.
"Sandra, in the words of the Olsen twins before anorexia: Don't be sad, be happy," Caitlyn said with a grin.
"Right," Sandra agreed, "Well I hope you don't die,"
I rolled my eyes, "Thanks,"
I made my way down the hallway into Claire's office.
"Uh, hey Claire. You needed to see me," I said.
"Yes, I did,"
She turned around in her chair. I kind of, half expected for a disfigured face or a creature to be in the chair. That's how much this woman scares me..at this moment. She may seem nice but at any moment she could pull an Other Mother, Coraline move on you.
Whoa! Clarie looked like a mess. Her usual strawberry-blond hair was greasy and...its like a goat was eating it or something. And her usual designer duds were switched with a hoodie and matching sweatpants. Twilight Zone! Clarie never wears sweatpants. Claire is going crazy, there would be one thing to confirm that she has. I bent down a little bit to see her feet under the desk.
Oh my gosh.
Claire is wearing flip-flops.
"Claire are you ok?!" I blurted.
"No!" she cried.
More like bawled, tears started running down her face. She whimpered and moaned things I couldn't understand over her blubbering.
I slowly crossed the room and went to the side of her desk, standing next to the hunched over woman. I patted her back and shushed her. Cuz I have no clue what I am supposed to do.
"What's wrong?"
"Eddie dumped me," she sobbed.
Are you serious. She's crying cuz some sleaze ball dumped her fickle ass?
"Oh Claire..you don't need a man in your life. You're a strong, independent, successful woman. You're witty and charming,"
Lie.
"And you're graceful and beautiful,"
I'll give her beautiful, but graceful? We'll talk. Christmas party of '07. A few cups of egg nog and the coffee table. Long story. No one is allowed to talk about it, trust me it's that humiliating for the drunken soul of Claire's.
"And he'll die when he remembers that any guy would kill to be with you," I finished.
Yeah, themselves.
"Yeah. I don't need some thirty-seven year old man, who still calls himself Eddie at my side. I'm young, sexy, and successful. You know what, I'm going to the spa. And after that, I'm hitting the clubs to find myself some new arm candy," Claire said, grabbing her bag and heading for the door.
I sat in her desk chair, satisfied with my work. Until...
"Oh, if you pull any of those stunts again with Connect 3, I'm canning you're ass, kay? Bye hun,"
And with that she left.
Okay, well bad news:
I'm everywhere with Shane Gray scandals...Not as bad as a Lohan or anything, but either way.
Good news:
If I get fired I could always start my own self-help books and motivational speaking.
Ugh. Kill me why don't you.
I ain't never met a man like that, noo. Never fell so far so fast, noo.
I looked at my phone and the ID said Nate.
"Hey Nate," I answered.
"Hi Mitchie, how have you been,"
"You saw the magazines, didn't you," I joked.
"I might have skimmed one," Nate laughed.
"Yeah, my boss is threatening to cancel the show if anything else happens,"
"Mitchie, I'm so sorry,"
"Don't be, Claire's a psycho,"
"Well, hey. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go out for dinner this Friday,"
"L-like a date?" I asked.
"Well, yeah,"
No way! This is like...better than when I got my cookware line. Oh what the hell! This is that and sooo much better. It's Nate effing Gray for crying out loud.
"Yes! Sure, yeah,"
"Great, Friday at seven?"
"That's great,"
"I'll see you then, bye,"
"Bye,"
Without knowing, I had thrown my phone across the room because I had started happy dancing around Claire's office
I ain't never met a man like that, noo
Where's my phone?
I ain't never met a man like that, noo. Never fell so far so fast, noo.
I followed the ringing and found my phone wedged between the wall and the daybed.
"Hello?"
"Umm, hey Mitchie. It's Shane,"
Say what?
"Uh, hey?"
"I called to apologize. I figured I owed you one for acting like such an asshole,"
"Apology accepted?"
What the hell is going on? Why can't I tell him to screw off hang up my phone.
"I want to make it up to you, by asking you to have dinner with me this Friday night,"
"I sorta of have other plans that ni-,"
"Great, I'll see you then, bye,"
-Click-
...What the hell just happened?
Is it just me or have I been on the LameTrain for several days? Whatever. Sorry it took so long to update, half of the chapter has been written since forever. But the rest was like..urgh. So, I'll try to update sooner. Review?