The Kind and Queen of Clueless: Valen-FAIL Day

By MadnessinmyMethod

Author's Note: Hey there, everyone! So I suppose you've probably been wondering where the hell I've been and why I haven't updated. Well the very unsatisfactory answer is that I've been around getting addicted to new animes and mangas and generally slacking off. Just to make a note, I am aware of Japanese Valentine's Day and White Day traditions, but I decided to do something else instead. At any rate I figured I should at least update in honor of Valentine's Day so without further ado I give you a haphazard oneshot composed while listening to R.E.M. and Hole. What a combination!

When Tsukimori Len did things, he did not slack off. Anything worth doing was worth doing to excess or so he theorized. He was currently seated at a desk with a large stack of paper—and an equally large pile of crumpled paper on the floor—and a pen in his hand. He made a few marks on the sheet in front of him, frowned and crushed it in his fist so it could join its friends on the floor. "No, no," he muttered absently to himself. "That will never work. She'll hate it."

A sharp knock bounced off his door. "Len, it's dinnertime," his mother called.

"I'll be there in a few minutes," he called absently and began sucking on the end of his pen as if that might just help him think properly. It usually didn't, but he thought he'd give it a try…. It didn't.

Frustrated, he got up from his desk and thumped down the stairs. Perhaps some food was what he needed, but he was desperately running out of time. He had promised Kahoko that she would never forget Valentine's Day this year and that White Day would be even better, but he had said that without thinking. He had only a few hours left before Valentine's Day and the best he could think of was flowers. Flowers! Everyone did that!

He sat down at the table with his family and gazed glumly at his plate.

"What's with the long face, Lenny?" Grandpa Tsukimori said, his large white eyebrows bouncing all over his forehead with amusement. "Shouldn't you be excited about all the chocolate Kahoko-chan will give you tomorrow, hm?"

If it was possibly Len's frown deepened.

"You didn't break up did you?" his grandmother asked with concern.

"No," Len said firmly.

"Oh good. I like Kaho-chan."

Len sighed. His grandparents were intensely fascinated by his love life and they wouldn't leave him alone until they heard the whole story about his troubles and woes and dilemmas and… and…

Len looked over at Kahoko when he realized she had stopped playing with him. She was staring at the floor like she was studying something incredibly interesting.

"Kahoko?"

She looked up. "Um, I was just thinking," she said. "What kind of chocolate do you want tomorrow, Len?"

He took the few steps that brought her closer to him. "I want anything made by these hands," he said—rather suavely in his opinion—taking her hands up in his. Kahoko blushed and smiled at him.

"Then I'll surprise you," she said.

Len grinned. "Then I'll surprise you too," he replied. "It will be a Valentine's Day to remember."

"But you're not supposed to do anything until White Day," she said, pouting.

"Then White Day will be even better," he said grandly.

"What are you going to do?" Kahoko asked, smiling broadly.

Len leaned closer so his mouth was right next to her ear. "It's a secret," he whispered, sending a shiver down Kahoko's spine. She laughed and pressed a kiss on his cheek.

He wavered for a moment. Len had been planning to go back to playing with Kahoko, but she had just reminded him that he liked kissing her very much. A quick kiss wouldn't hurt. Well, that was what he had told himself ten minutes ago.

Grandpa Tsukimori chuckled for a long time. "Ah-ha-ha. So what are you going to do, Lenny?"

"Idiot," his wife muttered at him, "that's the boy's trouble!"

Realization flickered over the old man's face. "Ah right. Of course. Well after such a bold declaration, Lenny, it better be something good."

Len wallowed. "You aren't helping," Granny scolded. "Len, you should play her a song."

"I thought of that too, but it doesn't seem like enough," Len said.

"Take her a fancy restaurant!" Grandpa said. "Women love that!" he added, ignoring his wife's glares. "Oh, I know, you can get her name tattooed on your arm—woah!"

It took the old man a moment to realize that Granny had shoved him onto the floor.

"Hey, I'm old!"

"And crazy too. Don't you dare get a tattoo, Len—" Granny looked around to see that her grandson was mysteriously missing. She rounded back on her husband. "I swear, if he gets a tattoo, I'll skin you alive."

Grandpa smiled knowingly and picked himself back up. "Say, am I getting chocolate tomorrow?"

"Do you want to be on the floor again?"

"No."

"Good boy."

Len went to Seiso Academy the next day feeling like a fool. A large bandage wrapped around his upper arm was noticeably bulky under his pristine white blazer. The beaming smile on Kahoko's face as she strode to greet him that morning quickly fell into worried concern.

"What happened to your arm, Len?" she asked, dropping her bag of chocolates on the floor to put her hand over the lump.

Len winced at her touch. "I blame my grandfather," he muttered sulkily.

"What did Grandpa Tsukimori do to your arm?" she asked.

Len sighed, now that much like his grandparents, Kahoko would demand a full explanation from him as well. He sat down. "Can I have some chocolate first?" he asked pitifully. Wordlessly Kahoko handed him the sweets. He took a bite and the soothing taste made him feel a bit better. "These are wonderful, you know," he said. "You're wonderful."

"Thank you, Len. But what about your arm," Kahoko prodded, not to be deterred.

"The truth is I had a hard time trying to figure out what to do for you today, Kahoko. And then my grandparents tried to help. I think I went insane for a moment because when my grandfather suggested I tattoo your name on my arm, I took him seriously."

"You got my name tattooed on your arm?" Kahoko said, trying to keep her voice down. She managed to do a pretty good job of it too.

Len threw his head into his hands. "I got as far as the K and then I couldn't handle the needle. It sort of snapped me out of it and I ran."

Much to his shock and confusion, Kahoko threw her arms around his neck and held him tightly. "You are such an idiot," she mumbled into his chest.

Len patted her head awkwardly and realized his jacket was starting to get moist. "Are you crying, Kahoko? Wait, why are you crying?" He was panicking because this was not how things were supposed to happen.

"You have a K on your arm because of me!" she wailed.

"I can get it removed?" Len was really starting to freak out.

"No! I mean not unless you want to," Kahoko corrected. She pulled back a moment so she could look at Len. He was horribly confused. One look at his face made her laugh.

"First you're crying, now you're laughing! What the hell did I do?"

Kahoko put a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles. "Nothing. You're just being you." Len raised an eyebrow. "Adorable," she elaborated.

Len frowned. "I wasn't really going for adorable," he admitted.

"That's true," Kahoko conceded. "You do have a tattoo now. I guess that means you're a stud." Len grinned.

"Am I a sex god?" he asked, recalling how he had ended up with this red-head girl who was trying and failing not to laugh at him.

"Don't push it."

By the way, I'd just like to take a minute to thank all of my readers and reviewers, those who favorited and alerted. You guys have made this my favorite bunch of drabbles ever. You rock at life. And if it wasn't completely stalkerish I would show and hug each and every one of you. But it's stalkerish and creepy so I won't. You have my e-love. _Madness