The Probie had a Date with Abby, and Kate, the best friend, had been forced to go with him to a quaint strip of shops deep in the city. Really. Gibbs had left two fifty bills under her coffee. She silently reminded herself that she'd never rush into a house and accidentally say CSI over NCIS. If this was the first offense...well, the risks were just too big.
'Hey, Kate, how's this?', Tim asked, holding up a piece of lingerie beyond description. They were in Sears now, just a couple blocks from the Navy Yard, both McGee and Kate giving up on the shops after they'd been chased out of a Future Shop and told not to harass the Geek Squad. Kate knew McGee couldn't help it.
Sighing, she shrugged. 'Tell me what it is, McGee, I'll tell you if Abby already has one.' McGee frowned. 'Jesus. We're girls. We go through each others closets. Hanging with Tony?', she replied with a slight smile.
He considered it for a moment, then returned the thing to a rack. 'How about-' He was cut off by Kate raising a hand. 'I see Starbucks in the future. Coffee, Now.'
Kate just about pushed him out of the store and into the familiar coffee shop. She ordered the necessary Caffeine of course and a bag of Brownies. She needed the chocolate.
'Abby's gonna be mad.', Tim groaned, breathing in steam. Kate munched through a couple brownies. 'Y'know, Tim, maybe you don't need to give her a thing.', she said through Chocolate dough.
She was convinced Jesse McDonald was the best thing since sliced bread. Or at least peanut butter and jelly. The boy was mysterious in that way that a dark forest was, never speaking and silently drifting through life, yet she'd always felt like she'd known him.
He did something to his hair that made it stick up in all the right places, tousled, yet still clean. And his eyes won her over. They were sharp when he looked on from far away, but when you looked Jesse straight in the face, his eyes were soft pools of blue light.
Jesse loved music, and he would spend hours on the shore, sitting on a barrel, hunched over a guitar. She would watch him, but only passing glances. Any more would scream stalker. Eventually, on a gloomy overcast afternoon, she did get the courage to approach that barrel. She stood silently beside him, letting the chords vibrate through the sand in her toes.
Jesse's song finished and he tilted his head up to look at her. He blinked, but didn't speak. Instead, he opened his case and passed her a single piece of paper, with the lyrics to a song on the reverse. She took it, the paper still heavy with...him. His touch and scent.
Wordlessly, Jesse Put the guitar back in the case and turned up the beach, his footprints washed away by the late surf.
She studied those lyrics in her room, running over the title on her tongue. ' If I could Say'. It was about a boy wishing he had the power to change things and people, yet knew he never could. It was strangely bittersweet and slightly even heartbreaking.
The next week, she'd snatched a song about Sunshine from a songbook at school and folded it into her pocket.
It was almost like the first time. He played, she waited, and then he reached into the case. She tapped his shoulder and held up the paper in front of that beautiful face. Jesse paused, then took it from her.
He laid it out in his lap and stuck a hand back into the open case. He offered her another sheet and nodded.
Just like the first time though, he was gone, his trail vanishing underwater.
It was like that for weeks, months, years. They exchanged the lyrics on that shore, then later by mail when they were in school, and email when she joined the CIA and he moved to the UK. They never really spoke beyond those words on the page. There were no formalities, no hi-hello's on the headers.
He had her number, yet never called. Somehow though, he gave her more every week than any king could have tried to.
'It's sweet, Kate, but Abby. I mean, what do I do, Google Android Lust?', Tim sighed. Kate shook her head. 'Give her what you can, Tim. Show her yourself. Make sure she knows that you can be right beside her forever, if that's what she wants.' McGee considered this. 'I'll make her my Mom's famous meatloaf. I mean, Women love guys who cook, right?' Kate groaned.
Much, much later, Jesse did call. It was, to Kate, any other morning, she pulled a light brown sweater over her head, brushed her hair, and was right in the middle of pulling on a pair of matching slacks when the phone rung. 'Caitlin Todd speaking,', she said, on leg in her pants. '
'Hey, Kate. This is, uh, it's Jesse McDonald.', his voice sounded like honey on gravel. Even all these years later, her mind called up the image of his face and made her flush. 'Oh, God. Jesse. Hi. Hello. I'm sorry. I was just going to work.' There was a laugh on the other side.
'Is this a bad time?'
'Oh. No, no, my boss can wait.'
'You tell federal agents to wait for you? Nice, Kate'
'The guy lives in his Basement on Coffee and Bourbon. He Can wait'
'Uh-huh. Not to keep you on, I just gotta tell you something'
'Shoot'
'Kate, I was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Got two months to live. I.. My parents are dead. The wife and I broke up years ago. My kids don't know me. I just wanted to tell you to...y'know, live your life fully. You gotta just stare death in the face and say well, here I am. Y'know what I mean? You can't live scared, okay, Kate? You can't lie down and expect thing to come for you. So, Fight hard, girl. The nurse is coming, so I gotta...well, bye. Kate.'
She can't even say goodbye when the phone clicks off.
Later, his words ring in her head when her heart is pounding, right after she's saved Gibbs from a bullet. She's grinning, between Tony and the boss, joking, telling herself to breathe when the next shot comes.
'You've just gotta stare death in the face and say here I am.'