A/N: I have the weirdest sense of humor…this was inspired by Breaking Dawn but it's not really a spoiler. Bella is a vampire in this one-shot.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
Smells
"You smell awful Jake," I wrinkled my nose. "Have you tried taking a shower? Maybe bathe in perfume."
Light laughs were coming from Alice and Edward. When I was human Jacob smelled nice. Now that I'm a vampire it was completely different. It was like being stuck in a car with someone that had just eaten a bowl of beans.
"Seriously Jake," I didn't let the subject drop. "It's like smelling melted molded cheese stuck in the bottom of a gym bag filled with sweaty used gym socks and sour eggs." I put my hand over my nose so he would get the idea that he really smelled.
"I get it Bella," Jake snapped at me. "I smell. You can drop the subject now." He put his arms over his chest and grimaced silently at the TV screen.
"Did I mention that the sour eggs were somehow cracked open when the owner of the gym bag threw his bag against the wall because-"
"I get it Bella," Jake threw his arms in the air and jumped off the couch. "You don't smell that great either." He snapped back at me before stalking up stairs, hopefully to take a shower.
"Then after he threw the gym bag against the wall it kind of just stood in the sun for a little while so it all started to heat up and melt together." I continued to describe the smell that was coming from Jacob.
"Shut up Bella!" Jake slammed the door shut.
End.
A/N: I thought it was funny. I've been going crazy with writing lately. Now that Breaking Dawn is over with I don't want to give up on the characters. I miss them. Please don't talk about Breaking Dawn in my reviews. One it gives away spoilers (people actually do read reviews) and second I'm so tired of talking about that book. I know that it's like a huge shocker and you want someone to talk to but please don't talk about it with me. I did it read and that's all I'm saying.
Daddy's Little Cannibal