"For my loins are filled with burning, and there is no soundness in my flesh."
Psalm 38:7
Senior Year, Fall Semester
Alex claims they've been dating or whatever since February, but Justin is always disagreeing, saying they didn't get together until they kissed in May.
But Alex is pretty sure she's right.
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Justin enjoys the summer at home. Alex sneaks into his room most nights and even though they're not having sex or anything (yet), he's pretty pleased with everything.
Especially the whole holding her while she's asleep thing.
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Jerry and Teresa have never had a more relaxing summer. Usually they're reprimanding their daughter for teasing Justin, and while she still teases him, it's in a much nicer way; well they assume anyway, it seems much nicer. Especially since Justin is usually smiling at whatever his sister has just said.
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Justin uses just a little bit of magic to guarantee himself a studio apartment in Watt.
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Max is a little suspicious. His older siblings have a secret and he's pretty determined to figure out whatever the hell it is.
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So they're down in the lair fooling around one night, Alex's bra and t-shirt having disappeared some time ago when they hear a light gasp and something clatter.
Justin hurries to cover his sister's naked torso and mentally prepares himself for the yelling that's about to occur.
But then Max emerges from his hiding spot and says, "It's okay guys. I won't tell. I just wanted to know what the two of you were hiding. But…I know now. And, yeah, you can keep it to yourselves."
It's all very awkward.
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Max keeps his promise.
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Alex stops briefly at NYU. Tells her roommate she'll be spending most of her time at her boyfriend's apartment.
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September is amazing. Alex doesn't go to many classes and at first Justin is upset and they fight about it. But he finally shuts up because spending time with her is slowly becoming more important than anything else.
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She revels in the small things.
Holding his hand in public. Arguing with him in the grocery store over what cereal to buy. Watching old DVDs with him in bed. Doing the dishes with him. Kissing him in the morning, kissing him goodbye, kissing him goodnight. Kissing him.
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She sees Harper once. She and Justin are out with a bunch of their friends, leaving the restaurant that they just had dinner at.
Harper watches her from across the street. Alex follows her gaze and sees Justin's arm wrapped securely around her waist. She looks up at Harper, who offers her a small smile and walks away.
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They still haven't, well, you know, done it. Not that he doesn't want to. Because he does. He just knows that it's probably going to hurt her and he doesn't want that.
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They come home from a friend's Halloween party, Justin's a little buzzed, so Alex uses it to her advantage and straddles him in their bed.
She gets pretty far when he grabs her wrist and tells her to stop. She groans in frustration and tears her hands away from him. "Just stop cockblocking me! God!" She removes herself from the bed and storms off to their tiny kitchen and starts to wash the few dishes that are in the sink.
Justin sighs, follows her and wraps his arms around her small waist.
She ignores him and remains stiff in his embrace until he starts to plant small kisses down her neck. She sighs and leans against him, "I know you don't want to cause me any pain. But you're going to have to. It won't be that bad. We're going to have to, Justin."
He sighs heavily and nuzzles her neck, "I know."
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They finally do.
It hurts like a bitch. And she cries. And she never wants to do it again.
But then it gets a little bit better.
And she starts to think it's not so bad.
Senior Year, Spring Semester
Everything's pretty great. Alex managed a 3.0 even though she rarely went to class. Justin is doing really well (of course). They're relationship is stable, all things considered.
And they're finally having sex, or making love, or whatever.
They're together.
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Yes, she's sexually active.
Her last period? Oh, God. Uhh, December?
A blood sample? Yeah, sure.
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"What do we do?" Justin asks hoarsely. He leans back against the couch and runs a hand tiredly over his face.
"What do you think, Justin? God, you're so stupid sometimes."
His eyes widen and he glances up at her, "Alex?"
She wipes her cheeks roughly and looks away, "I have to, Justin. We can't keep it. Do you need reasons? Let's see: I'm nineteen. In college. I have no money. Oh yeah, and there's that whole my brother is the father of my bastard, inbred child."
He flinches at her words. "Alex." He whispers softly. "I'm sorry."
And then she's in his arms. And her small frame is shaking and she's sobbing into his shirt. He kisses her head. "I'm so sorry."
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She doesn't have to get the abortion.
She miscarries a couple of days later.
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She won't touch him anymore.
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He hears her crying one night in March. So he warily wraps an arm around her and she finally accepts his embrace.
He kisses her bottom lip gently and tucks her hair behind her ear. "It's okay." He whispers against her lips.
She starts to respond and kisses him harder, traces his lip with her tongue. She fists his wife beater and struggles to bring his weight on top of her.
He pulls away and kisses her gently down her neck and collarbone. But she's too impatient for that and hurries to take her top off. He gets the idea and takes off her underwear and then his boxers.
She grabs his chin and kisses him pulls him down for a deep, urgent kiss. He thrusts into her and groans. She sighs softly and throws her head back.
It's all very fast and it kind of hurts her but she doesn't care. She missed this. She missed him.
When their done, half of her body lays across his and she plants a small kiss on his chest. "I love you." She whispers.
And since she isn't one for apologizing, he takes this as one, he smiles and replies, "I love you, too."
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They talk about it often. The whole, "what do we do after" thing. And it's hard.
What do they do?
Do they stop after he graduates? Go back to being just brother and sister? Or do they give their family up for each other?
It's the night before his graduation and they still haven't decided.
Justin's sitting at the foot of their bed, thinking hard about what to do, Alex sits behind him, with her head resting against his back. "Do we runaway?" She asks quietly.
He just sighs and doesn't say anything.
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When they go to bed that night, he holds her especially close.
She barely sleeps.
He barely sleeps.
But by morning they've come to a decision.
He whispers what he wants into her ear. She doesn't say anything, just nods.
Well, they have a plan now.
A/N: Sorry for the delay. Thanks again for all the reviews. I really appreciate it. Just the epilogue after this, folks. Which should hopefully be up in the next few days.