Chapter 5 – Thank you
After she calmed her breath down, she looked at the face of the boy that had just made her lose her virginity. She couldn't believe her first guy was a witch. She couldn't believe she let herself into that. She quickly stood up and collected her clothes leaving the naked guy on her couch walking in her bedroom - where she got dressed - without laying one single glance on him. After she got dressed, she sat on her bed putting her head in her hands. What the hell had she done and why? Why she never felt ready with anyone before but him? She sighed wondering what would come next and even caught herself wondering what if he had regretted it. Why did she care about it that much?
Chris felt like he was in heaven, okay maybe not heaven but very close to it, he opened his eyes and he saw her get off him getting her clothes together. He felt damn confused about it, she even walked out of the room. He started to panic in his mind. Had he done something wrong? Had he hurt her? or her feelings? Or maybe he wasn't good enough....Or she just liked to play guys...and he was just one of the many she had...He didn't know but he wanted to find out. He got up and put on his boxers and walked to her bedroom door giving it a knock. "Bianca? are..you ok?
The knock on her door pulled her out of her thoughts. She lifted her head and saw the boy through the slightly opened door. A slight smile appeared on her lips at the view of his beautiful face. She pushed the door open before she replied "I am okay, yeah" she replied what she guess was the truth "are you?" she asked uneasily not really knowing what else to say. For the very first time in her life she was in a serious loss of words.
He looked at her and smiled "I am great..." he said looking her over he saw she was already dressed again. "only a bit confused...why did you ran off?" He thought it was best for him to just ask right away he didn't want to wait until the moment was over he wanted to know right now.
Bianca looked down and then back at him not knowing what answer would represent the truth so she decided to play it in an other way "can we not talk about this?" she half asked and walked over to her window and opened the blinds "the night is over anyway" she said glancing at him and the looking away, slightly down again.
He walked over to her and closed the blinds again "No...the night isn't over yet....we have to talk about this....please...If we don't it feels to me like it didn't mean anything..." He moved his hand under her chin moving her head up to look at him. "Did it mean nothing?"
A deep sigh came out of her as he asked if it meant nothing and looked at him "What did it mean for you?" she asked not sure what it meant for her but what was certain was that it DID mean something but she couldn't figure out what. Should she let loose the bitch inside her and cut this off right that moment? Maybe it would hurt a little now but no one would get hurt later and later it would just be too late or maybe should she go with the flow and let her feelings take over for a change?
He had to think about that for a moment before he could give her an honest answer "I don't really know...but right at the moment it meant that I shared a feeling with you and I wanted to hold onto that...I care for you...I don't even know you but I do...and I like you a lot...and I never felt this feeling I have right now before in my life...and you can't tell me you don't share one of these feelings I just let out...because I know you feel something too...else we wouldn't have done what we did...so now tell me...did it mean something to you?" He look her in the eye wanting to know the truth.
Looking back into his jade eyes, his word were filling her soul and even her heart. She knew, she knew he was right and he knew it too "It did.." she said but that wasn't all she had to say but she needed a deep breath before she continued "..but I am not sure what that was. Besides what happened and whatever it did mean has to be forgotten now.. It's over" she tried to sound emotionless but she guessed she had failed.
He couldn't believe what she was saying "So your saying...That it did mean something but you want me to forget about it...so you actually don't want it to mean anything..." He looked away from her not wanting to hear if what he just said was right "that's why you walked out on me?"
Bianca watched him closely. No, of course that wasn't the reason, but he was going to go back to him home. 5 years in the past and she would stay there in this time. It could never work, but she couldn't say that to him. It would just hurt him more and it would hurt herself too. Thinking about losing him was hurting enough, let alone saying it and hearing it. She didn't reply. She didn't want to lie to him nor tell him the truth that would hurt him later when he'd leave. So she just let another sigh not daring to look at him.
He couldn't stand it any more turning away from her he closed his eyes. He couldn't believe he walked into this one she had just used him to get what she wanted and she didn't even care. He felt like crying but he couldn't he didn't want to sound like a baby. So he fought back his tears and swallowed a bit too loud."Tell me to go..." He needed to hear that he needed her to say she didn't want him she didn't like him that she didn't want him to be there so they could move on and forget about this...but he knew he would never forget about this.
She couldn't.. She couldn't let him go.. She couldn't lose him.. not now, not ever.. She needed him... She didn't know what it was about him but it had sure captured her. She felt tears welling up in her eyes but she couldn't cry, she wasn't weak but here she was feeling weaker than ever her voice cracking as she spoke "I can't..." her voice barely audible "...I can't let you go" she said truthfully as she looked at him but he had his back turned on her not able to see his face.
He smiled slightly for himself then he turned around and looked at her "Then why did you walk out on me?" He still wanted to know the reason behind that. Not only that he wanted to know more about her more about who she was because he didn't know much about her now.
She pressed her lips together as she didn't speak for a while. Then she guessed she would have to "I can't get attached... and you shouldn't either. You 're leaving soon anyway and even if you weren't leaving I 'm the last person you should get attached to.." That was true. Bianca was not the nicest person on Earth and she knew it. Everyone knew it, in the Underworld she had the 'bitch' reputation and she WAS living up to it. She wouldn't ruin that now, or would she?
He laughed slightly how could she think like that? "You are kidding me right? Bianca you're amazing. You know how wonderful you look. Ok you have bitchy moments I have to admit but even then you look great and you just reflect a lot of power. And when you're here like this you're just even more the person I like. God I think your smile can lighten up the whole world if only they could see you." When he was done speaking he lay his hand on her cheek and stroked it slightly with his thumb.
The Phoenix bitch was nothing more than any other girl in this world who felt her heart warming up by the words of one guy. Was he telling the truth? But then again why wouldn't he? A slight smile played on her lips as he said all these beautiful things about her. Was she really that beautiful? In more ways than one? No one had ever spoke to her like that. No one had ever told her such things. All they cared about was power and how well-trained she was... not she herself. The smile settled on her lips as she felt his hand on her cheek, fighting with the tears in her eyes not to fall. She moved one step closer to him and leaned in kissing his lips softly and spoke, her voice slightly above a whisper "Thank you.."
He smiled wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly. "No..thank you..." He was very thankful for whatever power brought him to her. He didn't even care about being in a different time any more at this moment all he wanted to be with was her.
She reluctantly put her arms around him too hugging him back. As she felt him holding her tight, she let go of any inhibitions losing herself in his arms resting her head in his upper bare chest. She heard him thanking her and she didn't know what was he thanking her for but she stayed in silence. His arms was granting her more safety she had ever felt in any place and with any person.
"Could you just promise me one thing? Next time after we you know...could you like not walk away because I don't like freaking out that much" He tried to make it sound like a joke to make her laugh while he laughed slightly.
She slightly pulled away and looked in his eyes "N--Next time?". Maybe that was the first time she had ever stuttered. Not that she hadn't liked it or hadn't enjoyed it or that she wouldn't want it to happen again. It just caught her off guard. Too stunned from what he said she just looked at him blinking her eyes, a hopeful slight smile on her lips. She realized that this was the most times she had smiled through half day. She had met him a few hours ago and still he had managed to make her smile more times than she had ever smiled her whole life altogether. Plus he was the only person she had trusted that easily. She wasn't trusting that easily not even her fellow Phoenixes.
His eyes widened a bit realising what he had said "erm I mean next time as in...if there will ever be a next time...if you ever want there to be a next time...ermmm yeah something like that... " He bit on his lip for a moment "erm yeah I'll stop talking now..." He started blushing a bit and tried to hide but couldn't find a way to do it.
Bianca laughed slightly at his attempt to explain what he had just said and saw him blushing "You're so cute" she told him for the second time during the few hours she knew him but this time it felt kinda different. She put her hand on his cheek "I would.." she said with a slight nod and kissed his lips softly letting him know he didn't say anything wrong or anything she didn't want to hear. By now, she had let herself go completely, letting the bitch inside her fall into lethargy.
He kissed her back smiling widely he got an idea. He bended a little and got a good hold of her lifting her up and making a spin with her. He laughed and set her back to the ground.
She caught herself laughing or even maybe giggling like a little girl as he lifted her up and spin around. She looked at him as he put her down on her feet with a smile on her lips and a spark in her eyes. She felt like a schoolgirl who was in love.. but was she 'in love'? could she be? "Now what was that for?" she asked as her hand stroke down his arm..
He was still smiling and he felt like he couldn't stop it. "erm just to hear your laugh" He liked it when she was happy it made him happy just to see her smile or laugh she always sounded like an angel when she laughed.
She was still smiling "It almost feels like you 're too good to be true" she told him. No one ever made her feel like that and now she was feeling more like herself than she had been feeling all these years she was just following orders. She thought she knew herself to the fullest but she couldn't be more wrong.. she actually liked this new side of her.. It made her feel nice and it made Chris feel nice too and that was making her feel even better. She didn't know why but she knew she wanted him to be al right but one thing she knew was that it was going to hurt a whole damn much when he would have to go.
"Too good to be true?" He laughed slightly "You just made that sound like I'm a freaking fairytale but I'm far from that more like a nightmare from hell my mom sometimes says." There he done it again. He made himself think about his home...his time...He didn't want to think about it but when sometimes things slipped he didn't have another choice then to go with it.
Hearing that her hands slipped off him and took a step back, her smile failing her and a cold and sad look took its place now. She looked down. She didn't mean to look pathetic but she couldn't help but feel all that sad when he was mentioning his home. She sighed slightly "Chris.." she started but she didn't know how to continue it. She felt selfish but she knew she didn't want him to go but she knew he would have to and she couldn't go with him. Although she would go anywhere with him.. even hell.. except that.. she couldn't change time lines.. that would screw things up, big time! but weren't things already screwed up enough?
He looked at her seeing the sadness on her face hurt him. "Don't...I'm here right now right...and I'm not going anywhere...and I don't want to yet..." And that was true he didn't want to leave her not ever if he could. There had to be a way to be with her. He would find a way.
She nodded "yet.." she repeated his last word and looked up at him. She felt the need to hold him. Cause she was feeling like she was going to lose him soon and she wanted to get as much of him as she could so she threw herself at him wrapping her arms around his neck holding him tight closing her eyes trying to block the tears in her eyes from falling.
He held her tightly afraid to let go of her "Bianca...I will do whatever it takes to be with you.." He stroked her hair trying to comfort her "your not crying now are you?"
"I don't think we have any options here, Chris.." she said half-heartedly with her voice slightly shaking, it hurt so much!! She never thought she would get herself in that position. See that's why she was never letting anyone in. She was always getting hurt in the end and she was hurting others too and usually she didn't care about others but him he was different in so many ways. She opened her eyes and slightly shook her head as a reply, a tear did roll down her cheek but she didn't want him to know. She just kept holding him.
He didn't believe she just said that. Did it mean she didn't have hope or any kind of faith in the words he just said to her? "Of course we have options! We have magic on our sides..." He got a hold of her arm and pulled her a bit away from him so he could look at her. He saw the tears in her eyes and that hurt him. He didn't want her to cry over this, they would find a way to be together because now they were he didn't want to be apart from her any more.
Over the years, Bianca had learned that good things don't 'just happen'.. especially not to her.. optimist? she was far from that but Chris seemed to have faith and he looked determined to find a way. That made her calm down a bit but still she didn't know if they would find a way to be together. She nodded and run her fingers down his cheek stroking it gently "Okay.." was all she said. She believed he would try the best he could to find a way to be together but she didn't believe that there was something to be found but she needed so badly to believe in something so she believed in his will, his will to find a way to be with each other.
He smiled at her then leaned in and kissed her lips "good..." He whispered against her lips. He stroked her arm smiling at her and looking into her eyes. "Now let's do something fun because this tension is killing me" He laughed slightly.
She smiled back at him as she felt his kiss on her lips. This familiarity was making her feel good and these emotions was warming her once frozen heart and that smile was lightening up her once steel cold expression. She laughed slightly as he did too "Something fun?" she asked looking at him with a smile "I don't do many fun things 'cept killing that is" she tried to joke but it didn't come out that funny. She slightly shook her head to move on from that moment. "What you suggest?" she asked and smiled again.
He thought for a while but couldn't come up with something "Let's go outside...I don't know..I think we need air..." He laughed slightly "well at least...If you can go...I mean I don't know anything about your job...so well I wouldn't know if you can...actually I don't know a lot of things about you which I would want to know..." He frowned slightly thinking about what he said and if it even made any sense.
Bianca let a slight laugh escape her throat as she was trying to connect his sentences to make sense "As long as I don't wear leather, I am fine" she smiled "Besides the job is done.. They won't look for me for a little while" she looked him up and down and smirked slightly watching his almost completely naked body biting her lower lip "are you sure you 're just 16?" she said, as his body was definitely not an average teenager's body, and she laughed slightly. "Omg! You 're 16 " he was like 3 years younger than her but she guessed that was the least of their problems right now and she shook her head laughing "Get dressed " she told him "..if you want to go out that is" she said giving him a wink.
He shrugged his shoulders. "What's so wrong with me being 16?" She only just realized that? come on he had been with her the whole time they had slept together of course it was obvious.
She smiled and stroked his cheek "Nothing... And I thought I was taking life too seriously.." she took a step back and tilted her head to the side. "Get dressed and let's take a walk" she smiled in a sweet way, she didn't even knew she could do that. He shook his head a bit laughing slightly as he turned around and went back to the living room.