Disclaimer- New Moon does not belong to me, or else I wouldn't be broke
Warnings for this chap- None really! This chap isn't bad actually, it's rated T : D
Songs for this chap- All Around Me by Flyleaf (I LUV FLYLEAF!)
THANKS TO Gothic Saku-chan, Scarves, and Katering THIS ONE'S TO YOU CUZ YOU REVIEWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks to all those who favorited and/or added this story to their story alerts! Imaginary Cookies to thy!
Chapter 5: Dreams of Death
Bella
~*~
And in that darkness
I found where I had hid him,
And I was happy.
~*~
Are dreams like death, or is death like a dream? I'd enough experiences with both of them to notice how similar they are to each other. The same detachment from your body, the way you still feel everything around you but it seems surreal. It's the same as a dream in the way that you know it's a dream; you know you're dieing but you can't really figure out how to stop it, if you can at all.
The last time I'd been this close to death was when I'd been in the ballet studio. Then I was sure I was on the edge of death, but unlike now I had already given up and was letting the reaper claim my soul. Maybe I should just give up now. I'd been struggling to figure out what was happening, having lost consciousness but not my subconscious.
As if in time with my thoughts, the darkness changed around me.
I thought briefly of clichés, about how you were suppose to see your life flash before your eyes. I was so much luckier. Who wanted to see a rerun, anyway? ¹
Instead, I saw my Greek God. Clearer than he'd ever been, my Edward stood in front of me, clearly visible despite the darkness that surrounded his figure taunting to swallow him into it's depths.
Mere steps in front of me, I could almost feel the chill of his body against mine. His pale skin was only illuminated by the same darkness that was my subconscious. After all, that had to be where we were. Here was where I had stored every precious bit of my Adonis. Here I remembered the very structure of his nose, the curve of his eyebrows, the smallest details.
He was angry of course for breaking my promise. I'd been both stupid and dangerous, and now I was paying for it by dying. His eyes were darker than I usually remembered them, only a shade lighter than onyx. The perfect lips I urged to kiss were twisted, and a soft growl came from the slight part between them. I waited for the yelling to start, for him to be telling me how stupid I'd been, just like the other times he'd spoken to me.
…but nothing came. Other than the small growl, we were both silent. It was as if we both knew this was the end. Unless Charlie came to check up on me, which had about little to no chance of happening, I was going to die.
Even disconnected from my real body, I could feel my heart ache. I'd survived countless accidents, almost getting hit by a car, being tracked and tricked by a vampire, being raped, and more surprisingly, Edward's departure. I had survived more than I had thought was possible, and now I was going to die. By my own hand nonetheless.
I had killed myself. The one thing I had thought I was above of, I had done. Guilt overtook me. If I had just kept my promise to Edward…
Edward. Despite him believing he was eternally damned, I'm certain he'll make it to heaven, or wherever the good hearted souls went after death. I had assumed that if a time ever came that I died, or he died, we'd meet each other there. But I committed the worst sin you could commit. No longer would I be able to see him in the afterlife.
I had no idea you could cry in your subconscious, but it seems you can. Tears started to fall down my face, and I held in my sobs so they barely made a sound. Edward heard them anyway. Faster than I could see, I was in his arms just like old times. With my head pressed against his hard chest, I let myself cry. In my ear, my angel spoke softly, and comfortingly.
"Shush, it's okay. Shush, everything will be okay."
With another pang, I realized this may be the last time I ever saw Edward, though this was just a memory of him. I jerked away, though his arms didn't let me get far. A small sob came from my throat.
He wasn't clear anymore. Unlike earlier when he'd been a solid figure in front of me seemed like a mist in my arms. The edges around his perfect structure seemed blurred, and the colors began to blend into each other, reminding me of the rain washing away chalk. As if this wasn't bad enough, I was acutely aware that he'd become more transparent as I stared at him. My mouth was hanging open in surprise and horror, and I wanted to scream. He couldn't leave me! Not again!
But he did. Still in his arms, the memory faded, leaving me in the darkness alone again. I could feel the tears running down my face, I could feel myself shaking, but my insides were empty.
"Edward…"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The darkness seemed to go on forever. After being left alone, I'd spent some time withering in self-pity, and loneliness. Then, I decided to walk around. Time wasn't an issue here. Every once in a while, I thought about how much time had passed, but since I was going to die anyway, why did it matter?
But what if I was dead already? I stopped walking for a second, pondering that thought, but then kept walking. Maybe I was dead, maybe this was what the afterlife is like: nothing. No heaven, no hell, no reincarnation, no volcanoes of beer² or whatever the afterlife was suppose to be like. Perhaps I was doomed to be alone in the darkness for all eternity. Or maybe I wasn't.
Did it really matter? Time sure didn't matter, it feels as if I've been walking for days. There was no point on dwelling on the afterlife, I was sure to find out eventually. All I could do is walk, so walk I did.
When I ran into a wall, I was more than shocked, I was ecstatic. Finally, I'd found something other than blackness! With a renewed spirit, I searched for a door, a window, a crack even.
My spirit fell that much harder when there was none. At a loss as to what else I could do, I rammed myself against the wall. Not surprisingly, that did nothing. But the act hadn't been for nothing. Pain stung the shoulder I'd used as a battering ram. Well, I knew this wasn't a dream now. Preparing myself to ram the wall again, I heard something.
Voices! Once again, my spirit flew. No longer would I be alone, as long as I broke down the invisible wall in front of me. Without worrying about the pain, I ran against the wall only to have similar results. A gasp of pain escaped my mouth as I steadied myself to go again.
After the fifth try, I remember something I was told once when I was a kid. "The definition of crazy is someone who tries something over and over again, expecting different results."
But what choice did I have? I had no tools, nothing to help me through. Again, I rammed the wall, fueled by anger: anger at myself, at my situation, and at everything that had happened to me when I had been alive.
When I heard the loud crack, I thought I'd broken my shoulder. The pain was excruciating enough, but as I shifted it, it didn't feel broken. I heard the crack again, and my head snapped to the wall.
A large crack ran right through the middle, a bright light shining from behind it. Without think, I rammed the crack.
This "crack!" was louder than the first one. Around the crack, smaller ones spread out, until the top began to fall in on itself. The product was a hole, just big enough for me to climb through, and a blinding white light.
~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~**~(ha! I messed it up!)*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Beep. Beep. Beep.
It was like waking up after a dream. I'd woken up in a hospital plenty of times before, but that didn't mean I was used to the feeling. My head was spinning, and my eyelids felt like lead. I strained to open them, but they did nothing.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The next thing I tired was talking. If my eye lids felt like lead, then my lips were made of pure gold.³ Discouraged, I went back to my eyes.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The force I was exerting on my eyelids only seemed to produce more of a headache. Still, I continued. If I could make it through that wall, I could open my eyes. It surprised me that I could still remember what had happened in those dark depths of wherever I had been. Most dreams are forgotten after all.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
"She's waking up Edward." A high musical voice said from somewhere in front of me.
Edward?
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
Maybe I had died? Maybe that blinding white light had been heaven? Why else would Edward be here? But that meant Edward had died as well. Despite myself, I smiled. We were going to be together again, what did matter if we were dead or not.
…but he didn't love me anymore. My heart deflated at that reminder. Of course, what was I thinking? Even if I was in heaven, as was my angel, he wouldn't want to be near me anyway. He'd probably heard of my death and has come to scold me.
Beep, beep, beep.
Though that still didn't explain the beeping.
"Bella," another musical voice, this one not as high, called my name from beside me, this one easily recognizable.
With more strength than before, I tried to open my eyes, this time succeeding.
The lights were more blinding than those behind the crack. My eyes snapped back shut, and head swam in pain. After waiting for my head to stop hurting so much, I opened my eyes again. This time the light wasn't nearly as painful.
A few blinks later my eyes adjusted to the brightness. This certainly wasn't heaven, unless heaven was a hospital. My first instincts had been right as I stared up to the ceiling of what I assumed to be Forks General. But then why...?
"Bella."
Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep.
Quickly, far too quickly, my head snapped to my left. Pain shot through my sore body, causing a hiss of pain to escape my lips. The pain lessened however, when a cold hand was placed on my pounding forehead.
"Shush, don't move Bella, it'll only cause you more pain."
My eyes that had involuntarily closed at the pain, snapped open, faster than my head had snapped to the side.
My breath caught.
Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep.
It really was Edward. I wasn't dead, and Edward was here. But…that wasn't possible! Edward hated me; I was nothing to him, why would he be here? Then it occurred to me, he wasn't here. A small smile crept upon my lips at the obviousness of it all. I was hallucinating.
"Edward" chuckled next to me.
"Some things never change, do they?" His voice was so quiet, it was barely audible. He was so close though, that I could feel the chill of his breath against my ear.
I closed my eyes again, my smile growing. This was just like my other memory Edward, a figment of my imagination conjured up because of the severity of my condition, it had to be. My eyes opened slightly, just enough to look illusion Edward over.
He wasn't angry like the other one had been, his perfect lips curved slightly in a sad smile that didn't reach his coal black eyes. What's more this Edward seemed so much more tired, though vampires didn't need to sleep he seemed exhausted. Oh, how I wanted to touch him, if you could even touch a hallucination.
"What…happened…?" I asked, my dry and strained. Edward looked at me sternly, his answer hard and cold.
"We were hoping you could explain that to us."
My heart fell. He knew. I felt extremely dumb to think he wouldn't, especially since he had come from my mind. Wouldn't he know everything that I knew anyway? Still, I'd hoped he wouldn't know my mistake and therefore think any less of me. Apparently, that wasn't the case by the sound of disappointment in his voice.
"…you already know." My answer was quiet, but I knew he had heard it.
His face twisted in a strange mixture of anger and sadness. I'd been making Edward angry a lot lately.
"Bella, we need to know exactly why you did it."
I turned, slower this time to lessen the pain. The other musical voice had been Alice, and she too had the strange mixture of anger and sadness on her face. Also like Edward, her eyes were pitch black, though she didn't seem as exhausted as him she looked tired. Though I was surprised I'd also made an imaginary Alice in my hallucination, I was more surprised by what she was wearing. I'd always thought she could be a little too revealing in her outfits, though not nearly as much as Rosalie, I didn't think I could imagine an outfit as skimpy as this. As if catching me studying her outfit, Alice answered my unheard question.
"I came to see you in a hurry, didn't quite get to change."
Though I was still confused, I nodded. I hadn't expected myself to have a very good reason why she was dressed that way anyway, I'd never been very creative.
"Bella, please tell us what happened." Edward begged, and I had half a mind to answer him.
"How did I get here?" I asked instead.
"Your friend Jacob had been visiting, and he found you."
My heart fell when I heard Jacob's name, and I wanted to correct him when he said "friend". After all, Jacob wasn't my friend anymore, who'd want to be friends with me? Especially now that he thought I was suicidal. But if he found me then he saw me… My face turned redder than I thought possible at the idea of Jacob seeing me naked. Despite myself I couldn't stop from asking,
"Where is he?"
"He went to go check on Billy."
So was his excuse, more than likely he wanted to get as far away from me as possible. Before I could ask my next question, Alice answered me again.
"Charlie had to go into work. There was a large crash, and they need him there to short out all the after affects. He'd be here if he could."
I was actually surprised I imagined illusion Edward and illusion Alice saying all this. Maybe I was more creative than I had originally thought.
"Thanks hallucination," I said jokingly to myself. 'Edward's' eyes closed slightly in a glare.
"What do you mean by 'hallucination' Bella."
My smile grew larger, and I laughed lightly without meaning to.
"Bella, answer me."
"Well, it's not like you're actually here Edward. Why would you be?" I answered, as if explaining something obvious to a child.
"Bella—"
"You know you don't love me anymore," I cut him off. "I just wish you were here."
"Bella, we really are here. You're not imagining this." Alice was the one to speak this time. I rolled my eyes at her.
"Prove it."
Faster than I could stop it, Edward's lips were on mine. The kiss was soft, vaguely reminding me of our first kiss when he was testing his limits. My already swimming head felt much lighter on my shoulders. As much as I tried to control myself, my boundaries fell apart like always in his arms. Moving my lips slightly faster, Edward sped up to keep my speed. I wanted to move closer, to wrap my hands in his soft locks of hair, but my arm was dead weight against my side. Gasping, I was forced to pull away for much needed air. Edward however didn't need air, and his lips made a trail from my lips to my ear.
"Does that prove it?" As much as I wanted to say yes, I knew I couldn't.
"I have a VERY good imagination."
Edward growled in my ear, and sadly pulled away from my ear, though his body was still pressed against mine. His face was angry.
"What do I have to do to prove I'm real!" I stared at him, racking my brain to think of an answer.
Thankfully I didn't have to. At that moment, the doctor chose to walk in. To say I was surprised to see it was Carlisle is an understatement. There was no way I knew my condition, so…maybe they really were back?
Next to me Edward stiffened, obviously having a conversation with Charlie is his mind. I could feel a small growl growing in his chest, and instantly I began to get worried.◦
"Bella, I have some bad news." Carlisle paused briefly, as if trying to figure out what to say next. "It's a miracle you're still alive Bella, you lost almost 35% of your blood before that young man found you. Unfortunately, the baby wasn't so lucky."
¹ Taken from New Moon by Stephenie Meyer, i.e. it's copyrighted by her.
² Lol, if you're wondering where that came from, I just read the most FAWESOME Naruto fanfiction called Sticks and Stones by lunabasketcase. Even if you don't read Naruto, I recommend you go read it RIGHT NOW! So yeah, that goes to her XD
³ Yeah, gold is heavier than lead. Googled that baby ; P
THAT'S RIGHT, BELLA HAD BEEN PREGNANT.
I'm mean! XD
Sorry this is a week late!
This is actually draft 3 of this chap! For some reason I just couldn't figure out how to write it -_-
But here it is! Made it longer so be happy!
Also, in case you didn't get the "darkness" part, she's in a mini-coma, and that's what I think that's like. : D
REVIEW PEOPLE!!!!!!!!! I LOVE REVIEWERS!!!!!!!!!! (In a non-creepy way!)
Things I wanted to write, but I restrained myself from:
Dreams of Death:
When I ran into the invisible wall, I was more than shocked, I was pissed.
"FUCK! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?!" I screamed to myself, my hand clutching my nose who had taken the most damage. After figuring I was going to hell, if anywhere, anyway I decided I was gonna swear as much as I liked.
"WHO THE HELL BUILDS A WALL, AND PAINTS IT BLACK IN THE DARKNESS?! I swear to who ever built this place, I'm taking your head and stuffing it up your ass! …..if I can. If not I'm just suing you for WHIPLASH!"
Reason why not: umm…………