What Really Happened in Eragon?

Chapter 6: Ohh… Durza Got in TROUBLE!

…And you still sleep with a night light! How lame is that!

Eragon was outraged. "I do not! And at least I fall asleep counting sheep, not trying to eat them!"

They are very delicious! You wouldn't know, Mr. Afraid of the Dark, you're not a dragon!

"I sleep with lots of random inanimate objects, but I'm not ashamed of it!" said Brom, a faraway look in his eye. "I embrace my problems with open arms! I have learned to sleep with what life throws at me! Literally, once I slept with a spear this evil dude chucked at me once… I named him Britney Spears…"

Eragon and Saphira just stared as Brom gazed wistfully into nowhere.

"Ahem…" the author made a strange coughing noise that sounded strangely like, getthehellintherandsaveAryaori'llkillyou.

"Right. Sorry." Said Eragon, and he yelled at Saphira to move her lazy lizard butt down some more.

The author got really lazy too and didn't feel like getting all descriptive and such, so to make story short, idiot boy go in house, idiot boy find elf. Fun, Right? Yeah, right.

"No, Eragon! Go away!" cried Arya.

"You big meanie! You slack your butt off, you finally contact me when I'm miles away, and now I have to leave?!?!?" Eragon yelled. Then he paused for a moment, seemingly having a battle within himself. It looked like someone inside that big hot air sack won, because Eragon shrugged and walked towards Arya. "It's a good thing you're pretty," he said, untying the ropes binding her. Then he stopped. "Then again, you are 70…"

And so he went on, saying, "70…pretty…70…pretty…70…pretty…" over and over again. When Durza finally realized that one of his plans actually worked, Eragon was curled in a ball on the floor, muttering to himself, and Arya had given up reasoning with him completely.

"Yo."

No response.

"Yo!"

Still nothing.

"YO!"

Nada.

"ANSWER ME YO OR I"LL KILL YOU, YO!"

Goose eggs.

Than a rip in the space time continuum caused everyone except Durza and the author to freeze and not move or do anything or anything like that and stuffs.

"Yo! Wait one sec, Mr. Big Time Author Dude! Yo, like, 'goose eggs'? What is 'goose eggs' supposed to mean?"

"Goose eggs can be used, theoretically, in speech, to mean 'zero' or 'nothing'. First used in the nineteenth century, the-"

"Aw, come on dawg! You gotta go mess up a perfectly nice story by goin' 'round an' sayin' goose eggs this, goose eggs that to everybody ya' meet? Lame, yo!"

"You're not the author here, buddy, so if you don't like it, TOUGH NUBS!"

"Why am I even doin' this yo?"

"I'm fixing time-space now. Go be the Shade you were created to be! NOW!"

Then the space time continuum was fixed and everyone started moving again, and stuff.

Durza realized that obviously, words would not work with this one. So he took out his sword and made to chop off Eragon's head.

But Eragon jumped up so fast Durza sliced in thin air. I a flash, Eragon was behind Durza, brandishing Zar'Roc.

"HA! You all thought I was having a nervous breakdown, didn't you? Well, YOU'RE WRONG! HA! HA, I SAY TO YOU, HA!"

Eragon had a weird gleam in his eye Durza did not like.

Eragon jumped up and came crashing down with Zar'Roc ready to decapitate anything so unlucky as to be underneath it. Durza rolled to his left, and then said, "Bing! Bop! Zuopitty wap! Bada pa doo-da, bada doo-da!" Eragon was sort of curious as to what Durza was doing, so he stopped and watched as Durza wove a spell.

"… ewwie ewwie ewwie skada badoosh! Yo yo yo, budu budu! Yo yo yo, budu budu!" Background dancers walked out of a door on Durza's right. A DJ came out on his right. Eragon was really weirded out when Durza began to sing-rap-thing-… oh, you know what I mean.

"Yo, my name is Durz, and I'm you're man!

I'm superduper evil and I need a tan!

You run into me, an' chances are you'll die!

'Cuz I'll smash your face in just like a pie!

"dahdahdahdadadah!" sang the dancers

"I'm Durza!" sang Durza.

"dahdahdahdadadah!"

"Yo I work for the king; he's a mean old guy,

He's got me under his evil little eye!

To I try an' I try an' I try again,

I still gotta do his dirty work for 'im!"

"dahdahdahdadadah!"

"I'm Durza!"

"dahdahdahdadadah!"

"Yo I hate ma' job,

Yea' I'm workin' like a slob-

But I still gotta swear ma' loyalty

Yea' I'm Durza!"

"Whoop, whoop!"

"Yea' Durza!"

"Whoop, whoop!"

"Ahhhhh…"

Eragon's sword fell out of his hands and his eyebrows rose ten feet on his face.

"What the **** was that?!?!??!?" he asked

"Yes, Durza." Said a cold, dark voice. "What WAS that?" Durza gulped. He knew that voice. Slowly, Durza turned around.

"Your Majesty… Um, no offence?" he said from underneath a deep bow.

"DUUUUUUURRRRRZAAAAA!!!!!!" yelled King Galbatorix. "Come, here, young man," he said, ignoring Eragon. Reluctantly, Durza walked up to Galbatorix. He was yanked up sharply by the ear.

"Owwww, Your Highness! That hurts me!" said Durza in an incredibly whiny voice.

"I don't care. How dare you disrespect me! Now you go to your room, now mister!" said the king.

"Sire…"

"Now."

"Sire!"

"NOW!"

They proceeded to have a small spat in front of Eragon, who was reminded strongly of a middle aged woman quarreling with her badly behaved teenage daughter.

"MARCH!" said Galbatorix.

"No!" said Durza

Galbatorix lost all his patience and started spanking Durza. Durza screamed in pain.

Saphira… Now would be a good time to GET ME THE **** OUT OF HERE!

Hey, watch the language, buddy. I'm on my way.

Ten seconds later Saphira crashed through the ceiling. Galbatorix dropped Durza and dove into a doorway and vanished before any large rocks hit him. Durza however, was slightly dazed from his corporeal punishment and did not make it in time. He was crushed by a boulder. There was this weird thing happening to him as Eragon mounted Saphira and left, but they didn't pay much attention. Saphira was out of the building before Eragon could tell her that they left Arya in Gil'ead.

hey I know this chapter was really late, but as you all probably know, the site has been having technical difficulties and i couldn't log on. I am nearly done chapter 7 as of now, so you can definitely expect it today, too!