Disclaimer- Don't own Edward, Bella, ect…but I do own some twilight t-shirts XD

Warnings for this chap- Just a hint of language (I spoonful of swears make the medicine go down, makes the medicine go down!)

Songs for this chap- (I don't know why I chose these, but yeah…) Over my Head by The Fray and Crush by Cute Is What We Aim For

This chap is for:

The color black is mising (sorry, your name wouldn't come up the way you wrote it, it's so cool it just breaks XD)-

I'm glad you think I'm funny! …least someone does XD

cullencrazed2

Don't worry, I won't : D

Scrapmypieces

Ohhh, I told u some hints ; P

ilovejbfromtwilight

Read and thou shalt know!

Gothic Saku-chan

I like you, you're fateful XD

yesisalas

THANKS!!!

blackstargem

Thanks for the love, here's the update (I like this trade…)

Scarves

Hey, after writing all that depressing stuff, I had to laugh : D

YAY! 40+ Reviews! 30+ Favs! And 60+ Alerts!!! You RULE PEPOLES!!

THANKS TO ALL WHO FAVORITED OR ADDED IT TO THEIR STORY ALERT LIST!!!!

And so, the story begins right after Alice commands Bella to eat…

Chapter 8: Ignorance is Bliss

Edward

~*~

I've now realized

Just how frustrating it is

To know…but not know.

~*~

"Less chatting, more eating!" Alice said in a mocking tone, though there was a slight edge in the command. Reluctantly Bella picked up an apple out of the batch of food Alice had brought for her and took a small bite of it. She chewed the bite at an agonizingly slow pace causing a smile to tug at my lips. How I missed Bella's stubbornness. Less than four bites later she lowered the apple.

"There, happy?" I rolled my eyes at her obvious joke.

"Very funny love. That hardly counted as eating."

"But Edward, I'm really not hungry. Maybe later?" My eyes narrowed visibly as I realized that my angel was serious.

And it was like I was seeing her again for the first time. As I had realized earlier, but disregarded in favor of her more serious afflictions, Bella had lost a lot of weight seeing as her ribs were jetting beneath the unbelievably thin night gown. Now that she was awake, I could see her eyes were deeply sunken into her face. Her cheeks too were deeply sunken in her facial structure given her an overly sickly feeling. Though she'd always been pale and thin, it was easy to see her muscles and bones beneath the paper like skin as well as the veins running down her arms.

Something was very wrong, and I needed to see Carlisle, but Bella was still waiting for an answer. My instincts screamed for me to refuse, but she'd blown up once already today, twice if you counted her 'chat' with Alice, and if I mentioned my concern for her it was obvious her defenses would be on alert. Seeing no other option, I nodded just as reluctantly as Bella had been to eat the apple.

"Fine Bella, perhaps you need to go back to sleep." Bella's face fell and I could hear her heart speed up, the machine next to her beeping slightly.

"Do I have to?" Her voice was soft and pleading, begging for me to have mercy on her. From what I'd heard from her before I'd walked in it was obvious she was having nightmares, but I couldn't say that she didn't have to sleep. She'd have to face her fears eventually, humans needed to sleep.

But we don't. A small voice in the back of my head said, but I pushed the idea back into the far recess of my mind. I sighed.

"Yes love. You need all the rest you can get to get better. The nurses say that you can be discharged either tonight or tomorrow…though they believe you should stay a little longer than that, you're stable enough to go home."

The words that left my mouth were carefully worded as to not upset her again, and sadly that fact was painfully obvious from the look on my angel's face. The nurses had only admitted that Bella could be released as soon as Carlisle gave her a final physical and pronounced her stable enough to go home after much persuasion on my end. In reality both nurses had "highly recommended" that she was moved into the long term ward and given therapy as soon as possible. Bella's last reaction to therapy told me that wasn't an option as of yet, and I'd no choice to politely say that that wasn't going to happen.

That didn't deteriorate my resolve to get her help eventually however.

Bella gave a small nod, before falling back onto the mattress her feather light body not making a sound as it did. I forced myself not to cringe at the thought that she was that light.

"I have to go talk to Carlisle Bella, but I promise I'll be here when you wake up this time okay?" My voice was quiet and soothing and I felt as if I was speaking to a small child, but again I was on high alert not to upset her.

"Yeah, and even if he's not, I'll defiantly be here." Jacob added. As much as I wanted to strangle the pup for the fact he wasn't merely talking about staying by her bedside. Still, Bella nodded and drifted off to sleep because of his help. As I stood to leave, I heard the statement we'd all been refusing to say aloud.

"She's worse off than we thought isn't she?" Alice whispered from the other side of Bella's bed so quietly even I could barely hear it. I sighed for the second time in the last five minutes.

"That's what I'm going to find out." She nodded, and I took that as my cue that I was allowed to leave.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~CHEESE~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Forks hospital is nothing compared to some of the other hospitals Carlisle, and even I on occasion, had worked in. The small building was easy to navigate through and even at a normal human pace I found myself at Carlisle's office door in less than a minute. Out of habit, I knocked on the door and waited for a permission to enter though my hand itched to turn the worn brass doorknob.

"Come in Edward." I turned the knob and walked in, confused at how he knew it was me despite my serious cause.

"You always knock 7 inches above the doorknob, 4 inches to the right." Carlisle chuckled after answering my unasked question without looking up from the box he was now unpacking. "I'm pretty sure they wood's worn in that very spot."

What with Bella's condition, I knew that there was no way I could leave her again and the family, minus one of course, was thrilled to move back in. Apparently Esme and Jasper had already begun to bring some things from the Denali house back here and was the reason why they'd yet to see Bella. Of course I'd also told them to give her some space to adjust to us being back.

"But, I'm certain you didn't leave Bella just to ask if I needed help settling in." Carlisle stated seriously, putting down the picture frame of the family having a snowball fight, and staring at me with a hard gaze.

"No, I did not." An air of silence hung after my words as I gathered my thoughts and asked the simple question, "How bad is she?"

"I told you Edward, she lost—"

"Before the 'incident'." Carlisle sighed.

"She's…in bad shape Edward." My shoulders slumped, and I lowered myself into one of the nearby patient chairs letting my head fall into the palm of my hand. I'd known he was going to say this, but it was different hearing the words said aloud.

"…What's the damage?"

"She's 15 pounds underweight, highly emaciated, her hair has become extremely thin and she seems to have lost some hair. There's a very good chance she has--"

"She's anorexic." I finished his statement, feeling even more defeated than before. My surrogate father nodded sadly.

"It was highly likely that even if she'd hadn't lost so much blood that her baby wouldn't have survived another couple of weeks."

"But Carlisle, are you sure she has an eating disorder?" As obvious as the evidence was, I was begging for there to be some other reason for her physical state.

"Her father did say she was sick recently, but that couldn't result in this much weight loss. The only hope we have is that she wasn't intentionally trying to lose the weight, but…"

"That means there's something else bothering her so much that she hasn't even thought about feeding herself or she just didn't care about herself enough to eat." I finished his thought again in a soft groan.

In this case, which was better for Bella? Having an eating disorder or hating herself so much she didn't care if she lived or died? The eating disorder was easier to work with. She'd never eaten that much from the beginning, but the family grew accustomed to forcing her to eat and we'd continue to do so if that was the case. Perhaps she'd always had the illness, but because my family and I were there to force her to eat she didn't suffer from it as much? Just another thing to add to the list of ways I hurt her by leaving.

Then again, the second option was just as likely. She slit her wrists after all. Though Bella said she wasn't trying to kill herself, which points to her cutting and depression. That too would explain the lack of eating, a symptom of depression, but what was the cause of the depression? Me? Dog boy? Someone or something else? It probably wasn't the pup, which left me and the unknown. Then again, if she had anorexia nervosa that could lead to depression…

I sighed, and stood up ready to go back to my mentally ill angel.

"Thank you Carlisle."

"Edward," I stopped, mere inches from the door and turned to him, "No matter what's wrong with her, she needs to talk to someone. There's obviously something missing and though she refuses to go, you need to convince her it's the right choice. And even if she does open up to you, or anyone else, she'll still need psychiatric help."

I nodded, and then left without a word.

~*~*~*~**~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*~pressing buttons is fun!~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*

When I returned to the room Bella was still asleep, but it wasn't the quiet peaceful slumber she'd been in when I'd left. Now she tossed and turned, her frail body knotted in the bed sheets clinging to her body now covered in a thin layer of sweat. Her mouth was slightly open, small groans or whimpers coming from the small gap. In a blink of an eye, I was at her side, standing next to my sister and parallel from the mutt.

"What's wrong?"

"It's just another nightmare." Alice answered her voice in a hard whisper, telling me this wasn't just a nightmare. Suddenly a loud moan of pain came from my tortured angel, stopping our conversation.

"No, don't!" We all stood ridged and silent by her side.

"Please! Don't!" She was sobbing now, tears falling for her clenched eyes. My arms twitched to wipe them away, but Alice held it back.

"We need to see if she says anything that might help." I nodded reluctantly. It pained me to see my angel like this and not be able to comfort her in anyway. Suddenly her body relaxed slightly.

"Edward." Bella croaked her throat now dry from overuse. I smiled at the peaceful look that fell over her face. The look didn't last very long though.

"No! Edward! No! Please! I didn't mean to! I didn't want to! No! Please, don't! Not again, not again…" Bella sat straight up, gasping for air, making us all jump in surprise. Tears were still running down her eyes and small sobs broke through her gasps, as her eyes frantically searched the room, darting from one side to another, before they stopped on me.

Bella whimpered like an injured puppy, scooting back slightly and difficultly because of the sheets she was still tangled in until she ran into Jacob's chest. She flinched again, and scooted away until she hit the metal pole to the hospital bed. It was only then that she stopped, pulling her knees into her chest and gripping them with her thin arms. The entire time her eyes never left mine, and for the first time since waking she spoke.

"I'm sorry Edward, I didn't want to, I know I shouldn't have, I should've done something, I know he's right, I'm didn't mean to, I didn't know, I, I, I!" The words left her mouth in gush of words reminding me or a broken dam letting all the water behind it surge into the valley.

"Shush, Bella, Shush." She shook her head violently, her eyes focused on a spot on the bed sheet as she refused to look me in the eye anymore. "Please Bella, what are you talking about? The baby?" She shook her head again, then stopped, nodded, then shook her head again. "Someone else then?"

This time she didn't move. Instead she froze and slowly raised her head until we were looking eye to eye again. Her big brown eyes were opened wide and filled with pain and fear. Then she looked away again and began fingering the sheet she was still cocooned in.

"Bella," I persisted, speaking softly as if I were speaking to a guilty child who thought they were in trouble. "Bella, tell me sweetie."

"You'd get mad."

"I could never be mad at you." She shook her head.

"Yes you would, it was all my fault. I didn't listen." Tear began to fall from her eyes again. "I didn't listen and I was punished for it."

My eyes hardened, and I clenched my teeth in anger and frustration. Alice's hand which I'd long forgotten was still on my arm tightened to a point that I should've been worrying that she was going to break it. Across the bed the dog clenched and unclenched his fists repeatedly, and had I not been intent on finding out what Bella had to say, I'd have told him to leave.

"Punished in what way Bella?" I said through my still clenched teeth. Bella sobbed.

"I should've listened to you." She stopped. The heart monitor which had slowed down after her traumatic episode mere moments before began to beep loudly, slowly picking up speed.

"Bella, calm down." The machine continued to speed up and Bella was gasping for air. "Fuck!" I swore under my breath, as I pushed Alice out of the way and gripped Bella's shoulder. "Get Carlisle! Bella, you need to calm down, you're having a panic attack!"

Bella's eyes shot up to mine wide with terror. I surge of hope went through me hoping she'd calm down more, but that hope was slashed when she continued.

"I killed the baby!" She struggled with the words between gasps of air and throbbing sobs. The heart monitor behind me was racing, but she wasn't listening for my pleas to calm down. "It's all my fault!" At that last outburst her body jerked and began to spasm.

Luckily that's when Carlisle and a string of nurses came in.

"Edward! Move!" Without hesitation I moved out of the way letting Carlisle take charge, because as much as I wanted to help her myself we still needed to keep our cover. And so I stood helplessly on the far side of the room with my sister and the werewolf who felt just as helpless as I did, and I didn't even need Jasper's power to know it.

"Edward…" I looked over to my sister whose eyes were wide with shock and fear. I shook my head stiffly and turned back to my angel.

There was no way it could be what we thought might have happened…it just couldn't be.

YAY! It's out : P

Sorry, I wasn't in the mood for writing last weekend, don't know why, I just couldn't bring myself to do it T-T

For all those people who wanted to know "When/Is Bella going to tell them!?" Well, there you go!

Not really XD

Don't worry, next chap is the "reveal" : D

Also, I've actually been reading BOOKS instead of FANFIC O.o (shock and awe!)

Yup here's 3 good reads I've just read/am reading.

Cut by Patricia Mccormick (Wonder what this is about…?)

Eighth Grade Bites by Heather Brewer (Really funny/suspenseful quick read!)

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (Author of the "Gregor the Overlander Books") (It's addicting : D)

NOW SINCE YOU HAVE READ, YOU MUST REVIEW!!!

It's what keeps me going, and why I'm willing to get in trouble to write XD

Things I wanted to write, but I restrained myself from:

Ignorance is Bliss:

"She's…in bad shape Edward." My shoulders slumped, and I lowered myself into one of the nearby patient chairs letting my head fall into the palm of my hand. I'd known he was going to say this, but it was different hearing the words said aloud.

"…What's the damage?"

"Well I'm pretty sure there's a screw loose somewhere, because the engine's not working too good. The body defiantly needs a new repair job, there's dents where dents aren't suppose to be, and the best thing to do is just strip 'er down and start from there."

"…I was talking about Bella, Carlisle."

"I was too."

Reason why not:I'm not into metaphors very much, and not very serious neither : D