Myahahaha, yes, I updated quickly, but Poup is just way to much fun to write. AND SINCE I FORGOT TO MENTION, Poup is dedicated to TriggerHappyRetard! Why? Cause without her, this fanfic wouldn't exist, and I'd have one less fanfic to worry about.
DISCLAIMER: Math isn't fun. .o.
---------------fmaisnotownedbyayumielricdonthurtme--------
Ed was lying down on Roy's desk, staring at the ceiling. Roy was nowhere to be found. Ed sighed. Damn, it's boring not annoying Roy.
Luckily, Roy chose this moment to walk into his office. Oh, and about the whole, being eaten thing? Yeah, that's all in the past. He's fine now. Suuure, his um..-cough cough hack- is a wee bit smaller now, but he doesn't get any action besides peeing anyway, so it's all good.
"Ed, get out of my office!" Roy snapped.
"Are you still mad about me…eating you?" Ed asked curiously, chewing on the end of his braid in that cute, adorable way he always does things.
"Noo, of course not, I completely forgot about the whole thing." Roy said sarcastically.
"Oh, goody!" Ed jumped off his desk, landing neatly on Roy's foot. "Because…because…" He burst into tears. "I MISS MY DADDY, WOY!!" He wailed.
"The hell?!" Roy said, trying to ignore his throbbing foot. He also tried to ignore the 'Woy' thing.
The blonde nodded pitifully, embracing the older man. (Not like that, ya damn EdxRoy fans!) "EVEN THOUGH I HATED HIM FOR BEING A BASTARD WHO MADE MY MOMMY DIE AND DIDN'T COME TO HER FUNERAL AND MADE ME AND WITTLE BWOTHER DEPRESSED AND THEN SEEK HUMAN TRANSMUTATION TO BRING HER BACK AND IN THAT MAKING ME LOSE MY LIMBS AND AL'S BODY AND HE WAS A TIN CAN UNTIL HE MYSTERIOUSLY GOT HIS BODY BACK, I STILL MISS MY DADDY-KINS!!!!" He yelled through his tears. "MAKE IT BETTER WOY!! MAKE THE HURT GO AWAY! MAKE ME FEEL LOVED ALREADY BEFORE I START MAKING THE SHOW MORE DRASTICALLY ANGTSY THEN USUAL BY STARTING TO DO BAD THINGS TO MYSELF WOY, CAUSE THEHURT'STOOMUCHICAN'TTAKEITANYMOREEMOEMOWAAAAAAAH!!!" (DAMN, that's a couple of long-ass sentences. Thank u caps lock)
"Um…there, there?" Roy said awkwardly, patting Ed's shoulder.
Ed gasped, pulling away from Roy. He pointed a shaky finger at the Colonel, eyes wide. "You…you just tried to rape me, didn't you!?"
"What the-of course not!"
"You did, you did!!"
"Ed, that only happens in fanfiction, you know that!"
"HELP, HELP! ROY'S TRYING TO RAPE ME! ABUSE!!! SEXUAL HARRASMENT! HEEEEEEELP!"
"Ah, crap." Roy muttered, before being attacked by hundreds of Ed fangirls who hate EdxRoy.
"People, can't you just accept their love?" Eli asked above the shouts, riots and screams of torture. (Hi Eli! You've just become the EdxRoy spokeswoman, appearing randomly at these type of situations, yay!)
Ed watched them, his golden eyes looking extra wide and adorable looking as he munched on some popcorn. "This is so much better then pay-per-view."
After the mob decided that he was beat up and left and the smoke cleared, a beat up Colonel was left twitching on the ground in a pool of his own blood. Ed poked him innocently, sucking on the end of his braid. "Woy-san, you have to take me to lunch."
"B-boooooooooooobbbbbssss…" Roy groaned.
Ed pouted. "Woy-san!! I'm hungry!"
"…only if you stop calling me that."
"'Kay!!"
-
"Someone, kill me now…"
"It's funny how a man only thinks about the –beep-! You got a real big heart, but I'm looking atcha –beep-! Got a real big brain, but I'm looking atcha –beep-! Girl, it ain't no pain when I looking atcha-"
"I don't give a-keep looking at my –beep-! Cause it don't mean a thing if you're looking at my –beep-! Ha, I'mma do my thing while you playing with your –beep-! Ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha!"
"Ed, Al, get off the table!!" Roy hissed under his breath.
"But Woooooy-saaaan, I wanna finish the sooooong!" Ed whined.
"Yeah Woy-san, let us finish the song!" Al chimed in.
"Ed, Al, that's a freaking chick song you guys are singing." Roy answered gruffly.
"So? I'm not sexist!" Ed retorted. "Do you know? That I know? And I don't want to go, yeah!" He sang as Al did a very strange dance I can only describe if you've seen Zatch Bell.
"Only one, only one my hahaha! Hahaha! Only want, what they wan't but na-ahah, Na-ahah!" Ed continued.
"It's funny how a man only thinks about the –beep-! You got a real big heart, but I'm looking atcha –beep-! Got a real big brain, but I'm looking atcha –beep-! Girl, it ain't no pain when I looking atcha-" Al sang.
"Ugh, for the love of PORN, shut up!" Roy shouted.
Ed blinked. "But Woy-san, I don't like porn." "Yeah, me neither."
"Just…sing another song. Please." Roy sighed.
"O…kay…" Al looked at Ed and smiled. Ed smiled back.
"Ed? Whatcha gonna do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk?" Al sang.
"WHY?!"
"I'mma gonna get, get, get you drunk! Get you love-drunk off my hump!" Ed answered in song.
"Whatcha gonna do with all that ass? All that ass inside dem jeans?" Gasp, Al cursed! Or..did he?
"Imma gonna make, make, make you scream! Make you scream, make you scream!"
Getting into it, Ed and Al started doing the dance from the music video. Lot of the soldiers joined in, dancing on the floor while they danced on the tabletops. Like a musical!
"Cause of my hump! My hump, my hump, my hump! My hump, my hump, my hump! My lovely lady lumps! My lovely lady lumps, in the back and in the front! Check it out!" Ed sang at the top of his voice.
"I met a girl, down at the disco. She said hey, hey, hey, yeah let's go. I can be your baby and you can be my honey and let's spend time not money and mix your milk, with my cocoa puff! Milky milky cocoa, mix your milk with my cocoa puff! Milky milky, riiight!" Al sang, flirtasiously mixing milk and Cocoa Puffs cereal in a bowl while Ed did some dance kinda like a mix between hula hoping and belly dancing…yeah.
"Ohmygawd!! Al!" Roy yelled in astonishment.
"What?" Al halted in his Cocoa Puff mixing.
"Do you even know what the hell you're singing?!"
"About…eating…breakfast or something?"
Roy felt like sticking his head in a lawnmower. "No! It's about…about…" Roy's voice suddenly shrank, like he's been sucking on helium. Which is fun, I've done it before, and your voice goes all funny!
"About…?"
"Basically, sex." Riza said honestly from behind Roy.
Al's eyes went all huge. "It does?! Wow, Brother, did you know that?"
"Of course not, Al! How was I supposed to know that My humps was secretly a government song racked with subliminal messages to make people knock each other up?" Ed replied, sucking on his braid. I love making him do that!
"Um…right…so could you just…sing another song?" Roy asked.
The brothers shrugged. "Sure."
"You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel!" They sang, doing another strange dance obviously involving humping the air…yeah…don't ask me, I'm only writing them as I sees them…right through this window…
Roy was banging his head on the table. "Ow…ow…ow…"
Ed laughed. "We're only kidding with you Roy! We have a family friendly song to sing, right Al?"
"Right Brother!" Al replied happily.
And together, the both sang the mighty, random song that is Bla Bla Bla! Which, basically goes like this:
"A A BEN WAREM A BEN BEN WAREM BEN BEN BEN WAREM A WA TWO BEN BEN WAREM A BLA A BLA BEN WAREM A A BEN WAREM BEN BEN BEN WAREM A TWO BEN BEN!!!!!"
It's hip, it's funny, it's annoying and it's catchy! Roy was by now, screaming his lungs out before even a minute has passed.
The Elrics laughed again. "Don't worry Roy, we have the best song EVER!"
"Eeeeehhhh?"
"Vrais dar pleche dar numa numa i-ay!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
-
"Today's episode of Full Metal Alchemist was brought to you by the letter P!" The same girl from the commercial said, holding out a large piece of cardboard that said P.
"And guess what? P STANDS FOR POUP, MYAHAHA!" She cackled. Then she smiled and said "Hi, if you haven't realized already, I'm Ayumi! And guess what? The chapter's over, poo for you. Buuuut…
THE PYTHAGOREAN THEORUM ISH A2 PLUS B2 EQUALS C2, YAAAAAAAAAAY!"
-Owari
Damn, that was fun to write! Ending made no sense, but I wanted to show off what I learned in math a couple of weeks ago. Review!