And now, I present chapter 4 of Poup! Myahaha! This one goes out to AnimeAddict333, cause I borrowed her idea in Bucket o' Parodies to make this chapter. Oh, and I could really go for a corn muffin right now. Have I mentioned that I luuuurve corn muffins?

Disclaimer: If I were to say that I owned Full Metal Alchemist, I would be lying. And though I do like lying, I won't lie to my readers since I love them so much. X3

Just in case...

Roy

Elmo

Jean

Hughes

--------------------

Roy was sitting in his office, neglecting his paperwork as usual. A mini-tv was on his desk. It would seem that Roy was watching a workout video. Slightly moist girls were doing arobics in their tight leotards and whatnot. Now, if Roy was working out with them, it would be okay. But nooo, Roy was keeping his lazy ass right on his chair, watching the girls. How perverted.

"And jump! And jump! Workit girl!" Said the enthusiastic voice of the head workout person as she and her packup peoples jumped and squatted.

"Oh, I like the way you work it." Roy mumbled.

"The hell?"

"Ah, don't hurt me! Oh...Ed, it's you." Roy sighed, switching off the tv and cursed under his breath.

Ed blinked as he skipped into the office. "Wooooy, I have something for yoooouz"

Roy ignored Ed, looking for his pen. He failed to noticed the possessed look in Ed's eyes, the blank yet completely adorable expression on his face, the evil psycho smile on his lips, the thumb in his mouth (wat the??) and the bulge in his pants. Not gonna go on further then that, cause I fear my fangirl side will take over.

"What it is Ed." Roy said in an irratated tone.

"Weeeeeeell." Ed stuck his hand in his pants and searched around for something. Roy looked disturbed. Ed pulled out an Elmo doll thingy...well, that explains the bulge. And yeah...I know what you're thinking...you ALL want to be that Elmo doll.

Roy was staring at the Elmo doll, starting to feel sick. Just...how long was that in there for?

Ed patted Elmo on the head. "Here we go!" He smiled his smexy psycho smile at Roy, putting the Elmo on the desk. "You take care of him right?" He got all teary eyed. "They grow up so fast...don't they Roy..."

"...huh??"

"I'm gonna miss ya, buddy!" Ed huggled Elmo, then waved his napkin at Roy, saluted and toppled out a window.

Roy blinked again and shrugged. This hasn't been the first time Ed's fallen out of a window. And probably not his last. He glanced at the Elmo on his desk one last time before getting down to work...meaning he turned on the tv and watched girls work out again.

-

"Around and around we go, shall we stop? Who knows!" Yup, the workout girls were on the ground, spinning bicycle circles with their legs. Roy chuckled.

Elmo twitched.

Roy leaned closer to the screen, his cheeks dashed with red.

Elmo blinked and looked at him.

Roy didn't notice.

Elmo scooted itself next to him and watched with him.

Roy was still being a perverted.

"I sneak into houses and molest people while they are asleep!" Elmo stated.

Roy fell out of his chair. He stood up, staring at the Elmo doll. Did...did Elmo just talk?! Well, sure, they have fancy gadgets that make Elmo do that, but...molesting people?! What the crap!

"Nyehehehehehehe."

Okay..now Elmo's...laughing...weeeird.

"I am going to f-beep-ing kill you, muthaf-beep-!"

Holy...Isn't this a kid's toy??? Roy looked closely at Elmo.

Elmo bitched slapped him and flipped him off. "Shove that up your fat-ass, you stupid pile of bullshit!"

"Okay, that's it." Noone calls Roy fat and gets away with it! Oh, and a pile of bullshit but...really! Look at Roy's girlish figure and call him fat. Go on, do it!

After torching the readers that did call him fat, Roy faced the Elmo with a glare. He got ready to snap his fingers when...

"Nyehehehehe...missing something?" Elmo stood up, Roy's gloves on his scrawny red fingers. Roy gaped at him. Okay, time for help. He reached for the phone, dialing the toy help survice place thingy while Elmo pretended to squirt all over Roy...ewww, sexual immundo much.

"-click- Hello?"

"Uh, hi, is this...wait...2nd Luiteneant Havoc?!"

"Oh! Crap..."

"What the hell are you doing!?"

"Oh...um...you must be mistaken, my name is uh...Richardson...DeCaprio..."

"Ah, really? Sorry Richardson, I...hey, wait a minute!"

"Okay, okay, it's Jean. What's up?"

"Well, Ed just gave me his Elmo doll..."

"...huh??"

"Yeah, and it's kinda...acting up. Making all kinds of curses and gestures and really naughty stuff. How can you sell theses things to kids???"

"...what the crap are you talking about?"

"Ah, look." Roy held the phone to Elmo.

"What the f-beep-! I'm going to kill you! Nyehehe!"

"...Roy..."

"Isn't it weird? Wait, look-"

"Ohhh, you think you so smart? Well, f-beep- me!"

"..."

"See? It's using profanity! You heard it, right? Don't tell me I'm going crazy!"

"Uh...yeah, I heard it."

"Look Havoc, don't make me sue your ass off. This is some serious stuff!"

"Roy...that can't be our Elmo doll."

"It is-GAH! Ohmygawd, Elmo just smacked my ass!"

"Nice one, big boy!"

"EW!"

"I'mma gonna kill yer momma with a bloody axe! Nyehehe!"

"Ah! Jean, you hear that??"

"Yeah...uh, Sir?"

"What? Oh, wait, it's talking again."

"Shaddup Jackass! Nyehehe! I smoke crack! Ohhhh,"

"Havoc, Elmo's promoting drug use!!!!"

"Um...Sir? Okay, I'm letting you talk to the manager."

"Okay, just hurry."

"Nyeheheheeee!"

"Hello? How may I help you?"

"Hughes?!"

"Oh! Hi Roy!!"

"What the hell are you doing there!?"

"...I have a whole other life you don't know about Roy..."

"...anyway, are you manager?"

"Yes I am."

"I have like, this defective Elmo doll and it won't-"

"Wooooah Roy, what are you doing to said Elmo doll? Cause if you're doing something you really shouldn't...ya know, I know this GREAT place with people who have problems like you..."

"Hughes, what the hell do you think I'm doing to Elmo?!"

"As long as you use protection Roy..that's all I ask..."

"HUGHES!"

"Ahahha just joking, okay, go on."

"Okay, well Elmo is spitting out all these vulgar things and...demonic phrases and all, and I swear, I WILL sue your ass off!"

"What's Elmo saying?"

"Ahh, hold on."

"Ksfgsnpfd...aigandpfasdiofasdpohprdga-a.k.a. demonic noises-"

"Woah..."

"Yeah, and it's head is spinning...okay, I'm gonna try to get it to talk."

"Dsfgssfgbweg-you're a little man-whore, aren't you? Nyehehe!"

"Ooookay, Roy, are you sure you got it from us?"

"How the hell should I know, it's Ed's doll! More importantly, ELMO JUST CALLED ME A WHORE!"

"You smell like a camel's ass...ohhhhh,"

"What kinda toys are you people selling there!"

"W-w-well I know we sell-"

"I'm SO turning that place into a porno magazine place when I get through with you! This thing's scaring the hell outta me!"

"Die! Die! Dieee! Nyehehe!"

"Freaking wants me to die! How mean!"

"Do you know where Ed-"

"I will spit acid in your eyes and blind you! F-beep-er!!"

"Oh my gawd!"

"Elmo's gonna spit acid in my eyes and blind me! How will I see porn?! Help me Hughes!"

"I know, I heard! Crap!"

"Should I call the police or like, the FBI??"

"I...I don't know what to do!"

"What do you mean you don't know what to do! You're freaking manager!"

"Dood...I just walked in here and put on the uniform..I don't really work here."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS!?!?!?!?!"

"Ohhhh, I'm gonna give you gonorrhea!! Nyehehehe!"

"GAH! Hughes, Elmo wants to give me a sexually transmitted disease! That means he wants to rape me!-sobbing sounds-"

"...I have NEVER heard Elmo say that...I mean, he's talking in the 1st person now!"

"What the crap! Don't make me kill you...again!"

"I gotta gun! I'mma gonna shoot you now! NYEHEHEHE!"

"Hughes, he's threatening me with a gun!"

"Yeah, I heard but-"

"AAAH! HE'S GOT A GUN, HE'S GOT A GUN!"

"NYEHEHEHEHEHE!"

"Uh..."

HE'S GOT A GUN!

-BANG BANG BANG BANG BABABBANG-

"GYAAA! AAAAAAAGH!! NYAAAARRGH!"

"NYEHEHEHEHEHEHHEE!!!"

-BANGABANGABANGBANG BAAAAAAAAANG-

"YAAAAAAH! AAAAAAH!"

"NYEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHE!!!!!"

"GAH! Oof! ...erg..."

"NYEHEHE!-sounds of pants being taken off then some censored sounds-"

"Roy?! ROY! Oh gawd...I..-click-"

On an unrelated note, Winry's body was found strewn in pieces over Las Vegas. Ed cried for 5 minutes before finding a nickel and naming her Betty. Winry's blood spelled out: NYEHEHEHEHE!

----

Thank you AnimeAddict333!! Hope you liked this chapter! Please review!