Artemis Fowl's Graduation Speech:
"Esteemed Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to begin by informing you that I was forced to say this speech and I am not particularly concerned if any of you feel offended by what I am going to say. Overall, I learned nothing from this experience aside from the fact that counsellors know only minimal amount of psychology and that the general population of teenage boys, not including myself, obviously, are particularly unintelligent. I have nothing to thank this school or any of its pupils for and I do not care if you feel offended, as I said before. I am simply glad to be out of this hellhole that has no idea what caviar is."