It was an ordinary Fanfiction update day. Ayumi was neglecting her homework and Spanish project as usual and instead writing up a chapter of one of her favorite fanfictions. For some strange reason, the Ayumi Elric versions of the Full Metal Alchemist characters (-the only difference being that she has complete power over them-) lived in her house unseen to anyone she doesn't feel like having them seen.
Roy Mustang stomped over to Ayumi's desk. He did damn well know the 'No disrupting the author, or there's hell to pay' rule, but at the moment he didn't care.
Hearing him approach, Ayumi turned her head and glared at him, her eyes flashing red unnaturally. Even though that never happens to Ayumi's main OC that happens to have the same name of her, it happens to the authoress when she feels like it. "I'm writing." She growled simply.
"I don't care!" Roy growled back. Close by, Hughes and Havoc, who were gossiping close by the computer area about the newest Naruto episode, both gasped. Nobody doesn't care about fanfiction in Ayumi's house, that just...ain't right!
"Look, I'm sorry, but you promised that I wouldn't die in the last chapter, and I did!" Roy yelled.
"You did not! You're just assuming the worse because you're an IDIOT!" Ayumi roared back. Roy squeaked, taken aback by her sudden anger and shied away quickly. "Geez...someone's PMS-ing..." He whispered.
"I HEARD THAT!!!!" Ayumi yelled, kicking him out a window. "And I am not!"
---
Roy could see the light...
Yeah sure, technically, he saw the light every chapter, but it was usually a split second flash that forced a bunch of memories best left forgotten to pop up into his head from then on until the next chapter when he was alive again. This time, it was strangely different. It was more...well, pretty. Like how seeing the light should be; like a light at the end of a tunnel.
" Roy..."
Roy smiled. "Mom? Is that you?" He called out. He wasn't sure if his real mother was dead or not, but this is fanfiction, and the author could do anything she wants. A women appeared in the light, someone beautiful, all clad in white, yet strangely, horribly familiar.
"Hot Tamale!" Trisha squealed, running out in angel cosplay to glomp the Colonel. Roy screamed out a curse as she squeezed him in a death-hug. "Gah! This is Hell! I wanna liiiiiiive!"
Splash! Roy opened his eyes and coughed, wiping his face of all wetness. He stared at the blue sky, feeling confused. What happened? I coulda sworn I died.
"Brother; Daddy's awake!" Al called, running into Roy's side. "Had a nice nap, Daddy?"
"I'm not your father, because that would involve sleeping with your mother. And why the hell would I do that." Roy mumbled, sitting up.
"You mean you didn't? That's not what Mommy told us...hm..." Al pondered this for a moment. Roy completely ignored him to look around. It seemed like they were on an...island...Mustang gasped. "Oh, shit!"
"No, pee." Ed replied, crawling out from behind a bush. He stood up and zipped his pants up. Roy's eyes twitched with disgust. "Not you, ya nincompoop!"
"Oh," Ed sat down cross-legged next to Al. "...what's a nincompoop?"
"A stupid person with low intelligence, yet they happen to be a state alchemist in the military." Roy growled angrily, clambering to his feet. Ed blinked several times and watched an ant dance the polka. "...you mean you?" He asked.
"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF-biscuits." Roy finally sighed, avoiding the colorful curse word he was originally gonna say. Ed and Al looked at each other before springing up. "Guess where we are, Daddy?"
"I'm not your freaking dad!" Roy snapped. "But where are we? I hope Hawaii..."
"What's a ha-why-ee? Does it taste like chicken?" Al asked innocently. Roy slapped his forehead and groaned in frustration. "Just tell we where we are."
"We dunno!" Ed beamed. "But I found a convenient sign that said ' Plothole Island'."
"Plot...hole...oh crap, this has Ayumi written all over it." Roy shook his fist up at the sky. "Damn you Ayumi and your unoriginality! Damn you!" He stopped and blinked at himself. "So, guessing by the information I can gather from other roleplays and fanfics with this plot, we're trapped on a deserted island with no food, bathrooms, means of transportation, water, a restaurant, asylum or manga store. Not only that, but we're three guys who are all extremely sexy that any author can turn gay for these kind of situations. And! You two are idiots." He nodded. "Yep, we're doomed."
Al gasped. "OMG, we're trapped on an island!!!"
"Omg, really?!"
"Idiots!" Roy picked up a rock and was about to knock Al out with it, but instead, finding a better idea, smacked himself in the head with it and topped over unconscious.
Ed and Al blinked. "...is Daddy suicidal, Brother?"
"It makes sense. He probably has alot of off-screen Ishbalan war angst that we don't know about." He nodded. "Let's go find some food!"
"Okay!"
-
Ow...my head...what the hell ha- oh yeah, I hit myself with a rock...not the smartest idea I've had. Roy groaned and clutched his head, which was surprisingly not bleeding from the force he had whacked himself with. He sat up and looked to the left, seeing Ed and Al giggling as they sat on the ground with their eyes closed. "Um...I distinctly remember in the five seconds I had enough consciousness to hear you guys, that you said that you were looking for food."
"Oh, we found it! A whole lots!" Ed replied with another giggle, keeping his eyes closed. Roy blinked. "Really? Where is it?"
"It's really cool too. There's so many rare foods in this place..." Al searched his pocket blindly for a second, also refusing to open his eyes. "Behold! A pomato!!" He exclaimed, thrusting his fist forward. He wasn't holding onto anything.
Roy blinked. "A...what?"
"A pomato, an alchemic crossbred between a tomato and a potato! It's genius, and yummy!" Al pretended to chomp down on the imaginary pomato and chewed. "But is it a fruit or vegetable, Brother?"
"Neither. It's a chimera, duh." Ed replied wisely. Roy rolled his eyes. "Aren't you too old for make believe?"
"This isn't make believe, that's a real pomato. Maybe the shock of such a extraordinary scientific success is too much for your diminutive mind to fully absorb, Mustang." Ed smirked. Al clapped at his older brother's use of big words.
"Using big words against me, eh? Well...whatever. You suck, you stupid shrimp."
"I DO NOT BELONG IN COCKTAILS!" Ed roared, springing to his feet and making a gesture like he was holding a baseball bat.. Roy rolled his eyes again and started to walk away when Ed mimed that he had whacked his bat across Roy's head. Roy slumped to the ground unconscious, and all the readers just went "wtf?"
"Brother!" Al gasped, opening his eyes. Ed did the same and stared at Al. "What?"
"Your shoe's untied." Al pointed. Ed blinked and looked down. "But I have no shoelaces..."
"Exactly."
-
Roy woke up and blinked. "Did an imaginary bat just knock me out?"
"Yes."
"Damn, you're still here!" Roy got up and glared at Ed. "That hurt, you bastard!"
"So does looking at your face!" Ed laughed tauntingly. Al handed Roy an ice pack. "Thought you just wanted to treat that burn." He said with a smile.
"Ah, thanks." Roy took it and pressed it on the random burn he had on his hand. Ed gasped and suddenly looked behind him, noticing the rustling that had suddenly started and jumped behind Roy. "This is bad!"
"Wh-what is it, Brother?" Al squeaked, also jumping behind Roy. Roy mumbled something about not being a shield. "This means...we're not the only ones on the island." Ed said dramatically. The credits started rolling up, the perfect time for the viewer of the show to attack their television screaming, "No! Don't give me a cliffhanger now! What happened?!"
Hahahaha.
---
So the plot is that they're trapped on an island, huh? Nice...
Zomg, I got 200+ reviews! Yatta! Thanks to TenshiElric (wtf, you're no Elric!) for getting me the 200 n.n Tenshi, on your next review, you gotta tell me what you want your Poup chapter to be about, hehehe...
I update Poup and you review! We make beautiful music together!