Hiromasa frowned, pacing his chambers yet again. He did not know what to think. It had been several days, almost a week. He still had not even so much as written his friend a letter. Given, he had no idea which of the two he would have written his morning after letter to if he had written it. But he hadn't. He had not sent any letters to Seimei, even ones that weren't morning after poems. He had tried to write a letter or two, but ended up crumpling the paper up and throwing it into the fire. He was too confused. Too upset. Perhaps all too happy with how things went last time. But could happiness really make someone this irritable?

Hiromasa sighed, pausing in the middle of his floor, staring at his feet. He could hear his gentlewomen running around outside his room, aghast that he demanded them all leave the room until he calmed down.

He knew they blamed Seimei for this. Seimei was rather odd in his ways, living a life very different than the men of the capital. And his gentlewomen and serving men knew that he visited Seimei often. He could hear them whispering at night, thinking him asleep, about how Seimei was a bad influence for him, about how odd he had become since he began to visit the man. Hiromasa wondered if he also didn't blame Seimei for what had happened to him. It certainly would not have happened if it weren't for him getting to know Seimei, but was it Seimei's fault that it happened or his own?

He lashed out, kicking a cushion on the floor and sending it flying across the room into a screen. The screen swayed but steadied itself. Hiromasa cursed under his breath. If nothing else, he blamed Seimei for this! For all this anger and rage stemming from the confusion pent up inside him. The confusion was Seimei's fault. It wouldn't be if Seimei would have just been honest with him, instead of playing that cruel trick with the two of them.

"Hiromasa-sama! You mustn't throw things about as such! Demons wait for moments like these!" a female voice shouted from behind the screen he had knocked.

Hiromasa scowled. He didn't care right now. By Amaterasu let a hoard of demons come after him! He kicked another cushion, sending it flying at the same screen. So let it fall on her! The lady behind it screamed. For a moment he felt bad. But only a moment. Any feelings he had of shame soon gave way to the overwhelming anger and brought him back to the question; why?

Why! Why upon Izanagi and Izanami did he allow Mitsumushi in? Just to confuse him? Why would he have let Mitsumushi do that to him? And worse, why would he let her watch if it had been him and not her? Hiromasa growled, kicking his table. His foot stung from the blow but he began to stop around anyways. Curse Abe no Seimei for this! Curse him!

He sat on the floor with a thud, his energy run out. He hated being this confused. He could remember those touches so clear and vividly, and yet he couldn't remember if the hands were soft and small like a woman's or larger and rougher like a man's. But Seimei's hands… surely they were not rough. Surely they were smooth and gentle. He could almost feel them on his skin and cursed himself for letting these thoughts in again.

"Would Hiromasa-sama like me to come in and-"

The woman was cut off as Hiromasa threw a teacup at the screen as his answer (no). Surprisingly no scream of dismay followed. Well, of course not, it was his gentlewoman Aishou. She was the most level headed of his gentlewomen, the least likely to be rattled or scared. Sometimes he wondered how she ended up with her position as a gentlewoman and regretted she had not been born into a higher rank. She was smart and witty and could out-quote any man or woman and knew almost as many kanji as he did. And her poetry was stunning.

Hiromasa wasn't surprised when she walked in anyways, her long black hair trailing behind her.

"Perhaps Hiromasa-sama would like his shoulders massaged to help him relax," she suggested, her eyes trailing over his form. Hiromasa found himself praying that she couldn't see the erection he had managed to gain from thinking of his friend. If she did she gave no indication as she walked over and sat behind him, undoing the top of his hunting cloak and sliding the robes so they draped just off his shoulders.

Hiromasa felt himself both tense and then slowly untense beneath the woman's fingers as they rubbed over his shoulders, pressing against sensitive areas near his neck and collarbone. And then he couldn't help but wonder what Seimei's fingers would feel like there, and against his back where hers now were. His erection was only getting harder. Again he prayed that the woman wouldn't notice. She had been with him for years, serving him in close proximity, nearby even as he slept with the occasional lady visitor, but that did not mean that he wanted her to see him like this or would be okay with it! He tried to do something about it, up to and including imagining the emperor naked, but that did very little to help, because along with every thought came the thought of Seimei. It was maddening just how bad he wanted him even after a stunt such as that one he pulled!

"Hiromasa-sama, perhaps there is a better way in which I can help you relax?" she asked, her gaze remaining on him even as he turned around to stare at her, a bright red blush working its way across his face. Suddenly he felt like he had a woman just as odd as someone he would meet at Seimei's place in her complete, unabashed, forwardness. He missed normal life and normal women before he had met Seimei, the polar opposite of what he was thinking days ago. Before that day, when he was with her, before his humiliation with the Fujiwara's.

"If you don't mind me saying," Aishou began, cutting off his thoughts, "you have been building up too much sexual tension lately and have done nothing to relieve yourself of it. You would find yourself quite happier if you would…"

Hiromasa was about to snappily decline when he stopped to think. She was right, he had been building up too much sexual tension since that time with Seimei. Perhaps that was what his problem was, just hormones and too much tension. Perhaps all he needed was an easy, willing woman to soothe him and then he would be fine. Yes, that must be it! He looked at the woman and nodded.

Morning dawned and Hiromasa found himself in an odd predicament, not that he wasn't getting used to these lately. Aishou was still lying beside him, her bare back visible. He was both satisfied and yet not satisfied in the least! She had given him everything he could ever want physically, knowing when to touch where and the right words to say and yet… And yet he still longed for another. He should have had no reason to be dissatisfied with her, and all his sexual desire was gone for the moment, and yet he was still unhappy and unsatisfied. He could not figure it out. More likely, he refused to admit to himself that the answer was plain as day; he liked Seimei and even despite his cruel trick wanted him.

Hiromasa dressed, leaving the woman to sleep beside him. Normally he would be quite upset that she was not up by now. But she had been kind to him last night, sensitive to all his needs, and had quite literally worn herself out and pushed her limits in making the sex good for him, so he would let her sleep.

He wondered vaguely if she'd expect to wake to a morning after poem. Surely it wasn't needed since she was merely a gentlewoman and knew just as well as he did that this was casual and a one time thing but… it may be the proper thing to do, at least to thank her for what she did to and for him.

He sat down at his table with his brush, finding his cushions replaced before it. He would have been upset had they not been there, but he did wonder when they were brought back over and by whom. He did not let it bother him for long though, because he had to focus on this poem. He would write it himself, because Aishou would prefer something written by him and knew herself just how bad his poetry was.

The paper he chose was lilac. He had, over the many years she had served him, realized that this was the color that she preferred to wear the most. They had talked about it once in an argument over auspicious clothing to wear to a shrine they were visiting. In the end she won the argument, though only by saying that she was merely accompanying him there and not going to be in the shrine as he was. He scowled at the memory, knowing now that he should have insisted she too go in and pray with him. He could have won the argument that way. Still, he supposed, she was older, so it made sense that she won at the time.

As he placed his poem of gratitude by her head her eyes opened wide, staring at him. "Aishou," he spoke, but she cut him off, holding a finger up to his lips.

"If I may be so bold as to say, Hiromasa-sama, I am not the one you want. You should go after him already, it will work best that way."

All the words Hiromasa was going to say were caught in his throat, and all that escaped his lips was a sound similar to a squeak. The lady smiled at him.

"It's alright, Hiromasa-sama," she said soothingly. "The others haven't figured as much as I have, and I won't let them if you wish it to remain a secret. Still, I may be only a woman, but even to me it is clear that your feelings for him are strong, and I am the one here that has known you the longest. You should not wait in this matter or you will invite the spirits to yourself."

Hiromasa shook his head, trying to think of how to explain himself to the woman. "It's not that it is that easy," he finally spoke. "Seimei makes things… difficult. It is not my feelings for him driving me mad but he himself that is driving me mad."

The woman shook her head, her long black tresses shining beautifully in the light of the morning.

"You have been telling yourself you have no more than friendly feelings for him, Hiromasa-sama. You need to be honest with yourself before you can expect other people to be, especially Abe no Seimei."

With that he watched as she stood, wrapping her robes around her and leaving his room, his poem held delicately in her hand.

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A/N: Okay, so that was supposed to be longer (by about another 3,000 words), but i have a job interview and need to go get ready for that and wanted to post this first. Plus, I think this is also a good place for this chapter to stop. It's looking like there's going to be at least one or two more following chapters, but I'm getting the urge to make this a bit longer. We'll see. My "beta" (if she'll let me call her that) hasn't looked at this yet, so it's likely to have spelling and or grammar mistakes occasionally and may be changed with an edited version later. Still, I'm rather fond of the turnout.

Reviews please maybe? I like them...