Here you go loves! I pushed this out as best as I could without making it crap. I hope I got the angst right. I put enough of my own in there that it should be authentic at the least.

Mad love to slimjimjerky for helping me and to all the other awesome cats who reviewed!! I never expected my writing to be any good and to have some many people fav it. I'm super honored and blushing like a mad man!

Are you ready for the next installment? I hope you are.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING NOT IN BOLD. COPYRIGHT STEPHENIE MEYER AND LITTLE, BROWN AND COMPANY. PURELY FOR ENTERTAINMENT AND LOVE!

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The anxiety was growing inside of me as she twitched into full consciousness. It was closing my throat making it impossible to talk and even breathe.

You can do this Edward. You can handle any problem and defeat any evil for Bella. Just tell her everything and it will be all right in the end. Coaching myself was the only thing I could do. I was at the complete mercy of the angel's wrath. I would have done anything for her, and I still would. God I hope that counts for something.

"Oh" she gasped as she wrenched her eyelids back quickly. Those perfect brown pools assessed me for half a moment before she hid them from me. After a moment of thought she looked at me again. I paused waiting for something to happen.

"Did I frighten you?" I asked anxiously. I began to wonder if it was such a smart idea surprising her like this. I thought she would have expected me to be here. Oh God, she thought I would leave her again didn't she?

"Oh crap," she croaked. Yes, she believed that.

"What's wrong Bella?" With my lighting quick vision I checked her over and evaluated through layers of clothing that I hadn't bruised her in the night. Maybe she really didn't want me here.

"I'm dead right? I did drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie." She moaned but didn't look away from me. She made no move to push me away. Interesting.

"You're not dead" I couldn't help but frown at her. After doing everything in my power and my family's power to keep her alive, she better not start thinking about killing herself. Then again, I do have a plan to follow her shortly. Or perhaps she wished she were dead instead of here with me.

Yes Edward. Sit here and make plans on how to off yourself instead of just trying to convince her of the truth. My mind was big enough to have room to chastise myself at a moment like this. There was even room to chastise me for wasting time chastising. It might have been half a Bella heart beat for this to appear in my mind, but that was time nonetheless.

"Then why am I not waking up?" she challenged me, bringing me back to reality. There was that golden spunk that enticed me so.

"You are awake Bella." Saying her name was like talking to an actual god. I always thought that she was a gift, no a blessing, from a higher power to torture me into madness. No mischievous angel, Edward I had to remind myself time and time again.

"Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. If I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake…"

Did she want to be dead? Did she really not want me with her so badly that the only answer for my existence is that she had died and gone to Hell? Wait…who's Jake?

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare. But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?" my face automatically formed a grim smile. I knew my words had more truth in them than I wanted. Being a cynic was never an easy job especially with my beautiful Bella.

"Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me" she grimaced.

Wait…she must have hit her head, or I did. Why would she be acting like this if she didn't want me here? After everything that I have put her through could she really want me still? No Edward, don't trust a hope. Hope is for fools. The only thing that matters is Bella and the truth.

Her eyes bounced away from me as if trying to prove to herself that I was here and that she was awake. It burnt a little not having her eyes on my face. It burnt a little more not being able to look into her eyes after all this time.

"Did all of that really happen then?" she asked as her eyes darted back to mine.

"That depends. If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then yes." Was there something else that could have happened? She did have some vibrant dreams last night involving me. What did I do to her in her dreams? I couldn't stand to think of myself hurting her in her deepest thoughts. What kind of a horrible monster am I?

"How strange. I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?" her voice was light and slightly ironic. It was a good sound to hear again, even if it would only last the night, or the sentence.

"Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're no coherent." Part of me wanted to chuckle because it felt like such a natural thing around her, only this wasn't the time for humor. But I couldn't hold my eyes from rolling at her words.

"I'm not tired anymore. What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?" Bella talked as if she were handling pleasant business. With all the lies that she has had to tell because of me, it doesn't surprise me that she would get her fact straight first, before pushing me away.

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours." She stretched under me and it sent a shiver down my back having her move beneath me. More of those obscure human feelings filled my body, but I couldn't decide on what they were and I didn't really care at this moment.

"Charlie?" she queried. Not exactly a discussion I wanted to have right now, but we'd better not jump head first into the part where she tells me to leave her forever. No, I would like to put that off for a few hours. A few years would be better, but beggars can't be choosers.

"Sleeping. You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window…but still the intent was clear." It was those funny technicalities that made a vampire's life infinitely easier.

"Charlie banned you from the house?" Her disbelief was surprising. Her eyes looked murderous and I couldn't be sure that it wasn't directed at me.

"Did you expect anything else?" Judging from his thoughts I got off terribly easy, but I didn't exactly want to tell Bella that her father wanted to put a few into my back, to put it rashly. That would be a discussion that would upset her one way or another and I hated it when Bella was upset.

"What's the story?"

"What do you mean?" I asked surprised by her question, praying that she wasn't asking for my excuses just yet.

"What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for…how long was I gone anyway?" Of course, the one thing that I didn't figure out while she was asleep is the most important thing. Well, important to everyone who isn't in the room. You're a blithering fool Edward. You're only proving to make life more complicated for her… again.

"Just three days. Actually I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing." I didn't need to let her in on the chastisement in my head. It isn't something that I would want any lady to hear, especially the one I love.

"Fabulous." Her sarcasm was like a waterfall at the end of a stream, peaceful, cool, and interesting.

"Well maybe Alice will come up with something." I hoped just as much as she did that my spiky sister had something up her sleeve. I didn't see a vision of what Bella would tell her father, mostly because I wasn't paying attention to anyone's existence other than Bella's.

"So, what have you been doing, up until three days ago?" My body stiffened just the tiniest bit knowing that this is the beginning of the end. Just tell her the truth.

"Nothing terribly exciting." That wasn't the whole truth Edward. All of it out now!

"Of course not." She made the most peculiar frustrated face. I don't think that I have ever seen it on her before.

"Why are you making that face?" It intrigued me to see her doing something different. But once again, this was hardly the time for studying her.

"Well…if you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up." What an obscure thing to say and think. What a Bella thing to say and think.

"If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?" The whole truth now.

"Nightmare!" I'm not sure what look was on my face but I was certain of my assessment of her. "Maybe, if you tell me," she clarified.

"I was…hunting." That is so very clearly not the whole truth! This isn't the time to be protecting her from you. Your stupid half lies are no better than the true lies you told her almost a year ago!

"Is that the best you can do? That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake." She always knew how to see around me.

"I wasn't hunting for food…I was actually trying my hand at…tracking. I'm not very good at it." I was trying to protect her from myself. Bella had accepted that I have killed people shortly after we properly met, but I don't know if she can handle the thought of me killing again. Even if I were killing a vampire who deserved death more than me. Okay, deserved death as much as me.

"What were you tracking?" Tell the truth!

"Nothing of consequence." Moron.

"I don't understand." I didn't want her to understand. I was enough of a monster in her eyes, that I can't handle being more of one. I know the truth will come out eventually; I just don't want to be the one to say it. Victoria deserves everything that I give her and more, but Bella shouldn't have to live with the thought of knowing that somewhere out in the world I was torturing and killing a sentient being.

But there was no better time than now for the truth. Here I go, into the flames of my sweetest angel's wrath…

"I…I owe you and apology. No of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I though it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now—she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him—that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there. Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told Alice—what she saw herself—when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of werewolves, immature, volatile, the worst think out there besides Victoria herself. Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for--" my voice was almost vampire speed when she stopped me. If I could cry, I would be. Saying all my thoughts out loud was a relief so strong that it was a pain. My empty chest cracked under the pressure of my still heart. The agony was choking me and covering every surface of my body. I could see the pain in her eyes as I spoke, and it grew greater and greater. I knew that just talking about it would hurt her, but it had to be said. She had to understand me before she left me.

"Stop." She paused and looked deep into my eyes. My God, this is it. All my reasoning meant nothing to her. I deserve what she does to me, for I have done so much worse to her. I'll leave her alone after this. I'll go and live far away from everyone in the world…only after I deal with Victoria. Once she is gone I will disappear with the wind. I can't handle being around anything that reminds me of Bella. I have felt this pain once before, maybe I can fend it off better this time. I love you Bella, I love you!

"Edward, this has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this…this guilt…rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happened to me here. None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life is for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and not your fault. I know it's your…your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible—think of Esme and Carlisle and--" this time she was about to break down into tears.

What in the world was this girl saying now! Was she trying to say that I didn't love her and that I'm not responsible for everything I did to her? I'm a better liar than I thought I was but that only makes this worse. She must be so confused. There is no way that I can hold the truth back now. Only that will set us free.

"Isabella Marie Swan. Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me because I felt guilty?" Saying her mane had the same effect as fireworks exploding in my body. The force of a tidal wave washed through me.

"Didn't you?" she looked very, very confused now.

"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend." So much more than you can comprehend my precious Bella. Guilt poured from every word I said away from her.

"Then…what are you saying? I don't understand."

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I though you were dead. Even if I had no hand in your death, even if it wasn't my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful—I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds? The odds… The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again." His mistakes were child's play compare to mine. Mine could have killed the woman I love, myself, her father, my family, and anyone else who came in the way of the evil fates. Almost all of the truth is out now, what could she possibly think of me? I haven't even gotten to the groveling yet.

"But I still don't understand. That's my whole point. So what?" she said still very confused.

Gasp!! So what??

Check back soon for even more. I hope this is good for you guys!

I stopped it at this point to get it out there for you to judge.

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Love you loves~ Jingles for the Storm