This has been buzzing around my head all day…hope you enjoy it!

Usual Disclaimers apply!

Escapologist

"Well. That didn't go particularly well, did it?"

"Thank you, Watson. When I need someone to state the obvious, I will take Lestrade with me."

I grimaced, and struggled against the bonds which bound me both to an iron railing and to Holmes. "Blast…" I cursed, as I hurt my hand on a rusty nail.

I have to say, that it had gone extremely badly from the first. We had entered the lair of a particularly violent criminal to find him and a gang waiting for us. It seems our informant was rather a double agent. We had been restrained, bound, and the criminal had left - vowing to come back later to finish us off. Pretty much as usual, then.

Holmes tried to manoeuvre himself to reach a knife or some such he had secreted (probably in the sole of his boot!), but it was impossible. In the end, he sat back and sighed. He saw the look on my face, and said "Look, this is not my fault."

"Oh, yes it is. No, he says, don't worry, we'll not need the Yard tonight. This will be one of the cases solved by my good self. There is no way Sinclair could know we were coming…"

"We will be fine. We don't need Lestrade."

"What do you propose to do? Wrench the iron railing off the wall? Somehow get down the stairs, and then hop through the streets of London, tied together, until we reach Baker Street?"

"Of course not!"

"Then a suggestion, please!"

Holmes' face lit, and then he launched into a rather complicated plan of escape, which involved me twisting and turning in ways that it is not possible for a human body to twist and turn, and would involve me dislocating my shoulder, elbow and fingers, and most likely, would also involve the surgical removal of various parts of my anatomy to make my upper body more 'stream-lined'. I found myself staring at him in disbelief. He finished, noticed my expression, and said "What?"

"What? Holmes, I know your knowledge of anatomy is not complete, but surely you must see that that 'plan', as it were, is impossible?"

"Why?"

"Holmes, I do not bend that way!"

"Well, I am sure you could try!"

"Holmes, I am a doctor, not a double-jointed, mutated escapologist. Either you try it, or think of something else!"