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I don't know why I am standing in an Adult Video store. But I am.
"Madison?" I question, as my eyes watch a very creepy man in a trench coat pick up five different movies and bring them to the counter.
"Yeah." She says distractedly, a movie in her hand.
"Uh, why are we here?" I feel as if it is a valid question.
"Well, this girl at work was talking about this place, and she said to check it out. So you know, I was curious. So, we're here."
I stand in one spot next to her, my eyes looking around until they see a red curtain to a back room. I do not even want to know what is going on in there.
"Right. So if this girl told you to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, you'd do it." I spit out sarcastically.
"Maybe." Madison answers, picking up a new video.
"I can't believe you work at Hooters." I snicker from behind her. This comment makes her turn around and give me a death glare.
"It's part-time. And I make good money. And I get free food. And hey, isn't Hooters like your favorite place." She says evenly.
I roll my eyes. "Touché." I chuckle. "But seriously, can we get out of here, this place is starting to creep me out. I feel a disease coming on."
"Yeah, I don't want any of this crap anyway."
I follow Madison out of that hell-hole and just as we exit the door, I see a short girl with short blonde hair walk by. Her eyes meet mine and she smiles at me.
"Hey Jamie." I grin at her.
"Hi Ashley." She says cheerily. Then her eyes go up to where Adult Video is plastered in big letters on the banner outside of the store I just came out of. I follow her eyes and realize why she's giving me such a quizzical look.
"Oh, I, no, we-" I stutter but Madison cuts me off.
"Hi, I'm Madison. I dragged Ashley in here with me." She says, giving Jamie a smile. "So, you're Jamie, huh? Ashley's student right. I've heard a lot about you."
Jamie gives a nervous smile. "Um, I hope they were good things."
I chuckle. "Definitely."
"Good." Jamie smiles. "Well, I have to go. I'll see you later Ashley. Nice to meet you Madison." She gives a little wave and walks away.
Madison and I make our way down the street. Even behind her sunglasses, I feel her staring at me.
"What?" I ask.
"She was cute. Like, really cute."
"I know. She's nice." I say evenly. Because of course I know she's cute. I noticed the first time I ever saw her.
"She has a crush on you." Madison states with a smirk.
"What? No she doesn't."
Madison snorts. "She so does. She got all flustered and shit. I'll see you later Ashley." Madison mimics Jamie's words.
"Well, she will see me later." I retort.
"Come on, she's adorable. And it's like that whole, student-teacher crush thing going on."
I shake my head. "Whatever."
"Fine. Be lame. I think we should go out tonight. And I think you're coming." She says to me.
I sigh. "Alright. How about R-"
"No." Madison cuts me off. "You know I love you Davies. But I can't go to Rush with you again. I'm straight, I need straight guys."
I chuckle, remembering last time. "Yeah, that's only fair I guess. Last time you did get hit on pretty bad."
"Well, I am hot. I mean, that girl was pretty hot, if I were gay I'd totally tap that." She says rather seriously.
I laugh. "You're an ass."
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Getting ready, I am a little bit more excited to go out than I was before. I haven't really gone out in a while, and I think I need it. I absentmindedly put my iPod on shuffle, as I look though my closet for something to wear. The first chords of the guitar come through my speakers fluidly and my head looks back at the iPod. City and Colour's Hello, I'm in Delaware keeps playing and my mind keeps wandering.
"What do you mean you don't know how?" I asked Spencer as she sat on my bed, tapping her fingers against the comforter.
"I don't know how to slow dance." She repeated.
"Spence. You can't not know how to slow dance. That's like, impossible." I said, looking at her from my desk.
"Well, I'm telling you I can't." I could see she was getting flustered.
"Didn't you slow dance at like middle school dances? Isn't that what they're for."
"I was shy, I sat on the bleachers." She said in an angry voice.
"Okay, okay. Here." I said and chuckled. I pressed play on my remote to the stereo and soft guitar chords spilled out, filling the room with City and Colour's Hello I'm in Delaware. I stood in the middle of the room. "Come on."
"What?" Spencer said, standing up.
"I'm gunna show you. Here, I'll be the guy." I said and I saw her smirk. "Shut up Spencer."
She walked towards me and I put my hands on her hips. And told her to put her hands around my neck. I started to move my feet back and forth. "This is stupid." She murmured.
"Yeah, well, you're stupid for not realizing how easy it is." I said back. But it was hard, because this should have felt weird. I was standing in the middle of my room with my best friend, just slow dancing with her. But it didn't. It didn't and it really should have. It felt comfortable.
I pulled Spencer closer to me, so her head was by my shoulder and her body was almost right up against mine. My heart was beating fast and I was nervous. She fit perfectly against me.
"Alright, well, there you go." I said abruptly, letting go of her as the song ended. I almost pushed her off me and went back to my desk.
"Well that was dumb." She said dejectedly as she sat back on my bed.
"Told you." My voice cracked.
And so we went to the dance that night. And I sat with some friends in the bleachers as Spencer danced with this kid who had had a crush on her forever. His hands looked too rough to be on her delicate figure. And he was too tall, her neck was straining to reach up to his shoulder. I wanted to go over there and push him out of the way and take over. She fit so much better with me.
And I was mad that he was dancing with her. She was my best friend. But I pushed those thoughts out of my head, not understanding them. I shrugged and talked to my friends.
I was young. I didn't get it.
When Spencer finally came back over, she had a slight frown on her face.
"What's wrong?" I chuckled as she plopped down next to me. "Didn't enjoy your dance?"
Spencer shrugged. "Not really. I think I would have rather danced with you." She laughed lightly and looked at me.
I swallowed, not knowing what to say. Because I wished she had danced with me, too. "Well, I am a good dancer." I replied.
"Next one?" She asked and nudged my shoulder with hers.
"Yeah." I smiled back.
But there never was a next one. The dance ended and I continually wondered when I would get to dance with Spencer again.
The skirt I am wearing is uncomfortable as I sit outside waiting for Madison. I wish I had worn pants. I am about to go upstairs quickly and change when I see Madison round the corner, heading right towards me.
"Ready?" She says, when she gets me.
"Yup, let's go." I say and follow her lead.
And it's been so hard
Walking around New York City at night is such a rush. There are people everywhere. It's not like being confined to a place where the streets are quiet at night. It's noisy. It's busy. People are going places. They're going out to eat. They're going to get drinks. They're going to get laid.
The city never sleeps, and it's true. Taxis run up and down the streets, honking at people crossing the street even though that orange hand is telling them not to. With the slight breeze, and the openness of the city, I feel good. I feel better than I have in a while. I want to take a mental snap shot of all the lights and the people.
We end up at some random club that Madison's co-workers, boyfriend recommended to her. Madison gets recommended a lot of things. Madison knows a lot of people. The second I met her, I knew she was that girl in high school. The one that always knew where all the parties were. The one that talked to everyone. She was a bitch, but those girls often are. She was that girl that always had something to say.
She still is that girl, just slightly older.
I like it here already. The room is glowing orange and while it's dark, it's not pitch black. I've been to some sketchy clubs. The bar stretches long against the wall, and the stools have leather cushions on them, inviting you to sit down. Take a load off. The bartenders are good-looking. Both guys and girls. And they can do those cool tricks while they make your drink. They're bobbing their heads to the music and playing around.
"Corona." I say to a burly guy with muscles popping out of his polo. He hands me my beer and winks at me. I give him a tip.
"Gin and tonic." Madison says, smiling to the guy. He winks at her too. "How you doing champ?" Madison says to me as we sip our drinks. And by sip I mean drink quickly.
I nod my head. "Good."
"Yeah? Good." Madison says and shoots me a smile. She lives for nights like this, dancing, drinking, the people. "Let's dance my friend." And she pulls my arm towards the dance floor.
Madison is a good dancer and I can never keep up with her. We laugh as she does some lame-ass moves. We get more drinks and I start to feel more at ease.
"I'm gunna get another beer." I yell into her ear.
She nods. "I'm gunna get another that." She says, her eyes pointing to a guy against the wall. He's got jet black hair, a nice defined jaw-line, and a smirk on his face that says I'm the shit. I laugh and give her a nudge towards him.
"Corona?" My friend the bartender asks me, smiling slightly.
"You know it." I laugh as he reaches to pop the cap and put a lovely lime in the top. The lingering of lime on the opening of the bottle stings my lips harshly, but in a good way.
So much time so, far apart
I put my back to the bar and bob my head to the music, tap my foot lightly. I look into the dancing crowd and see Madison dancing quite provocatively with that guy. I smile to myself and scan the rest of the people. My eyes pass over a head of blonde hair, they go over her, but then they betray me and go back. That head of blonde hair is dancing with a head of dark brown, straight hair and my eyebrows furrow in confusion.
Maybe I'm drunker than I thought.
The dark brown hair comes towards me and smiles lightly when her brown eyes meet mine. In contrast, I frown.
"Hey Ashley." Carmen says lightly, getting two beers from the bartender. "Fancy seeing you here."
"Hey Carmen. How's it going." I answer back, my eyes watching the two beers in her hand.
She bobs her head. "Good. Who are you here with?" She asks, looking around.
"Oh, a friend." I say truthfully.
"Carmen! What-" The blonde starts to yell something else besides that horrible name, but she stops when she sees me. She's obviously surprised and I smirk at her reaction.
She walks the night
"Hi Spencer." I say tightly.
"Hey. Wow, I can't believe you're here." She says, taking the beer Carmen is offering her. I watch it pass between them and I have the sudden urge to grab it and smash it to the ground, so no one can drink it.
"Yeah." I say.
"Hey, I'm gunna go to the bathroom babe. I'll be right back." Carmen says. She kisses Spencer's cheek and walks away. My eyes linger on the place she kissed Spencer and I shake my head and look away.
"How are you?" Spencer asks, standing next to me.
"I'm go-" I start to say my mundane answer but am interrupted when Madison trots up next to me.
"Ashley! What the fuck are you doing." She says. Her eyes then go to Spencer and back to me.
"Hi, I'm Madison. You know Ashley?" She says, looking Spencer up and down. She looks at her blonde hair and I see her trying to figure out who this girl is.
"Yeah." Spencer glances at me. I give her a smile. "I'm Spencer."
Madison shakes Spencer's hand and I see the light bulb go off in her head. "Spencer." She tries out the name. Madison gives me a look.
Madison has never met Spencer before. All she knows is that this girl used to be, well, I guess is, my best friend. My best friend that I might possibly be in love with. My best friend who has a girlfriend that I really dislike for no reason other than she gets to be with Spencer and I don't. Madison knows everything because I told Madison everything. And now, she has a face to the name and a picture perfect idea of the entire situation.
"Nice to meet you, Spencer. Ashley speaks highly of you." Madison says, smirking.
Spencer meets my eyes, I see them glint. And I see a flash of green in them. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part. "Oh yeah? Um, how did you guys meet?"
I open my mouth to speak but Madison gets there first. "Ashley cut me in line in the grocery store."
"No, you cut me." I correct her.
"Oh right, I always confuse that part. Anyway, I was in a rush to get to my boyfriends house for dinner so I thought I'd just cut this girl. But she put up a fight."
"You were in the fifteen-or-less line with a cart full of shit." I say evenly, giving her a look but smiling at the memory.
"Whatever." Madison chuckles.
I see Spencer's face relax at the word boyfriend. And I see her watch me and Madison for signs of touching or intimacy. There are none. She thinks she's subtle but she's not. She forgets that I know her too well. Even in this dimly lit club.
Spencer laughs. "That's pretty funny."
I laugh too. "Yeah, I thought so too."
"So who are you here with, Spencer?" Madison asks, ordering another gin and tonic.
"Oh, I'm here with-"
"Me." Carmen says, appearing behind Spencer. "Hi, I'm Carmen."
How many hearts will die tonight?
"Madison." Madison gives Carmen a look and shrugs, sipping her drink.
Carmen drags Spencer off back to the dance floor while Spencer gives me smile. I let out a breath I had been holding during that whole encounter and turn around towards the bar. Knowing myself well enough to know I can't watch them dance together. I wait for Madison to say something.
"She's gorgeous." Madison finally says after a minute, not looking at me.
"I know." I breathe out. "I'm very aware."
"If it's any consolation, that Carmen chick has nothing on you."
I smile at Madison. "Thanks Madison."
Madison chuckles throatily. "So that's her, huh."
"That's her." I answer. I chug down the rest of my beer.
I keep myself by the bar for a while, even after Madison bribes me with sex to come dance with her. She ends up dancing with that guy again and I drink down a beer that has a number that I just cannot remember at this moment.
"Hey." Spencer's voice says from behind me after a while.
I spin my stool around to look at her. She's flushed from dancing, sweat on the back of her neck, her shirt clinging to her in wonderful places. I force myself to stop checking her out.
"Hey." I say back.
And will things have changed?
"Um, you wanna dance?" She asks me.
"You're telling me you know how to dance?" I answer smartly. I see Spencer smile a familiar smile.
"Yes, Ash." She smirks. My eyes blink heavily when she says Ash and just like that we fall easily back into us again. It's never hard to. It's always easier to fall back into it than to fall out of it. Easier and less painful.
"Sure." I say. "But where's Car-"
"Come on, I want to dance with my friend." She says easily and takes my hand, pulling me to the dance floor.
We fall into an easy rhythm, still not close enough for it to really mean anything. But when I am pushed by some random guy into Spencer, we get that closeness without having to do it ourselves. I go to pull back but she puts her arms around my neck, steadying me. I take a deep breath and ring my arms lightly around her waist.
"Since when are you such a dancer?" I bump my lips to her ear to ask.
I hear Spencer chuckle. "I don't know. Recently."
"Ah." I say.
Eventually, we pull apart and go back to the bar.
"Ash, you wanna head out?" Madison asks me when she meets me and Spencer back at the bar.
I nod. "Sure." I don't want to leave Spencer, but I know that Carmen will be back any minute and I don't want to ruin my night with that. I want to leave it in this wonderfully good place. With my skin tingling and my mouth smiling.
"Hey." I grab Spencer's arm to get her attention. "Do you wanna get lunch sometime this week?" I don't know why I ask her. Probably because I want to get lunch with her sometime this week.
Spencer smiles wide at me. "I'd love to."
Her wide smiles does things to my heart that my mind cannot rationally explain. "I'll call you." I yell back at her as Madison takes my hand and leads me to the door.
"Nice to meet you, Spencer." Madison yells with a wave over her shoulder.
Madison chuckles as we get out of the door.
"What?" I turn to her with a smile on my face.
Madison shakes her head and grins. "I know you always told me you wanted her. But you never mentioned that she wants you just as much."
And it's been so hard,
So much time so far apart.
She walks the night,
How many hearts will die tonight?
And will things have changed?
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Note: Song is Hello, I'm in Delaware by City and Colour.