:) Enjoy!

"It's Spencer." She says quietly.

I hit the button for her to come up before she's even done talking. I wait the long, short minutes for the knock at my door and when I open it, Spencer is there. Just standing there looking right at me.

Have you ever just known that no words are needed? That a moment, this moment you find yourself experiencing would be totally ruined if there were words involved? That in this instance, actions speak louder than words.

Actions speak louder than words.

Spencer steps forward into my apartment and I meet her lips with mine, her mouth on mine, her body against mine. Her hands under my t-shirt, my hands in her gorgeous blonde hair. Her hot hands are tracing my equally hot abs and stomach. I move my own from her hair to cup her face in that gentle but oh-so rough way. I'm burning with fire and passion and all that I've ever desired. Spencer spins us around so she effectively kicks the door closed and pushes me softly up against the wall. We have still not broken our kiss. It's not sloppy and rushed, it's slow and passionate and so much more intense than I ever thought anything could ever be.

My back is against the wall and Spencer's warm body is touching mine everywhere. I pull her face impossibly closer and feel her tongue trace my lips and I don't even think a second about letting her in. I moan audibly into her inviting mouth as her tongue caresses mine. And I moan even louder and more roughly when her mouth meets the sensitive skin on my neck. All teeth and tongue and lips, all over. Spencer's lips are wet and warm as they trail up and down, on both sides. Tasting as much as the can. Biting as much as they can.

There are no words spoken as we make-out our way into my bedroom and I don't waste precious time closing my door, which is totally obsolete in this moment. I push her jacket off her shoulders with my hands, run them down her arms, and find the hem of her shirt, urging it upwards. And just as quickly, I find my shirt off of my body as well. Her magic hands find my ass and I grunt when she pulls me into her thigh. Into her body.

Our bodies meet the soft sheets of my bed in unison and we get lost in soft strokes and rough touches, loud moans and piercing screams, flashing colors and clenched hands, hot bodies and burning hearts.

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I wake up and it's dark because my shades are closed. I groan and roll over to my other side. I immediately feel how deliciously sore my body is as I move it. And I remember what happened last night. This morning. I reach my arm across the bed and come into contact with cold sheets.

I move my aching body up to rest against my headboard and see that I am alone in my room. I see a white piece of paper on the pillow next to mine.

Ashley- I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye. I have an early class that I can't miss. Call me later? –Spencer

I'm not really sure what to make of it. So I put it back gently in it's place and decide to have a cup of coffee before analyzing Spencer's note.

I pad my way into the kitchen, opening blinds as I go to let the sun in. I get the coffee going and grab my phone to dial a familiar number.

"Hello?" a groggy, hung-over voice says.

"You were right Madison." I say into my cell, smiling a bit as I watch the coffee drip.

"What? Ashley, it's early."

"Spencer came back." I say simply, twirling a packet of sugar in my hand.

"I'll be right over. I just have to put clothes on." And she hangs up. I cringe at the thought of why Madison might not be wearing any clothes.

About fifteen minutes later I let Madison inside my apartment and she's smirking like the know-it-all bitch she is. I hand her a cup of coffee and we sit down at the table.

"I told you." She finally says, pouring in some milk.

I shrug. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you." I chuckle.

"Christ, nice mark." Madison says with another smirk, tilting her head to look at my neck. I place my hand on my neck and find a very large, deep indent there. And I'm sure there are more other places. Places she can't see. "So."

I take a breathe. "So, she came back at like, three o'clock in the morning. And, you know…" I trailed off, knowing Madison would get the point.

"Just like that?" She asks curiously. "You just had sex, that's it, you didn't like talk or anything?"

I shake my head. "Um, not really. It just- happened."

Madison gives me a funny look. "Where is she now?" Madison slings her eyes towards my bedroom.

"She had an early class. She left this." I show her the note Spencer left on my pillow. Her pillow.

Madison reads the note over. Twice. Three times. "What do you think?" I ask her.

"Hmmm. Well, it's not an awkward note. Not like- 'thanks for the fuck, see ya.' But it's not totally mushy, there's no heart by her name or yours. Although she asked you to call her later. That's good. The fact that she even left a note is good." Madison reads it over again. "I'd say it's a safe, unsure note. Hopeful, though."

"Oh yeah? Is that what you're concluding?" I smirk.

"That is my conclusion. What do you think?"

I sigh and take a long sip of coffee. "I don't know. All I know is that it was amazing, and as wrong as it was, it just, felt so right."

"Aaaand, she has a girlfriend." Madison says gently.

"And she has a girlfriend." I breathe out. "So, how was your night?"

Madison smiles. "Good. You remember that hot piece of man from the club the other week?"

I chuckle. "I do."

"Well, he's not only good at dancing, but other things."

"Gross." I laugh, getting up to put my cup in the sink.

"Do you ever wish you could just, go back? Like, pick one moment in time and choose to totally re-do it?" Spencer asked me, lying sideways on my bed.

"Of course." I answered calmly. "I kind of think everyone does."

We were laying on my bed one night. Just talking. We did that a lot. It was one of the things I had truly cherished about our friendship. That we didn't have to really be actually doing anything. Sure, we went out and stuff a lot. To parties. To eat. To coffee. To hang with our other friends. But these moments, just the two of us, were part of the reason I felt myself falling hard for my best friend.

"What about people who say they have no regrets?" Spencer said, yawning slightly.

I adjusted my arm under my pillow. "They're full of shit." I simply said.

Spencer chuckled and I felt the mattress move a tiny bit. "You think so?"

"Definitely. There's always something someone wishes they could change. Even if it's something small." I shrugged. "Why, what would you change?" I asked her, honestly curious.

"I don't know." Spencer thought for a second, her eyebrows close together. "I don't know if this is something I would change, but I kind of wish I never had sex with a guy."

"Gross." I said, laughing at her. "But, that's an experience, you know. And it wasn't bad." I said, because I knew it wasn't, she'd told me about it long ago, long before she ever realized she was gay.

Spencer shook her head. "No, it wasn't. I wonder why I didn't realize I was gay then."

"I'm a gold star Spence, through and through. And just because I knew I was gay after even kissing a guy, that's not for everyone, everyone's different."

"I wish I was a gold star." Spencer said dreamily.

I chuckled at how cute she was. I calmed down and we just laid for a while. "Ashley?"

"Yes Spencer." I smiled.

"I had sex with Carmen."

My smile promptly dropped from my face like a bomb from a fighter pilot. It was gone. I closed my eyes quickly and then opened them, trying not reveal just how much those five words were breaking my heart. Spencer had been going out with Carmen for about two weeks. And my opinion for the girl had drastically changed. Before, I tolerated her friend who had a blatant crush on my best friend, but now that they were going out it sickened me to think about how Carmen could hold Spencer's hand, kiss her on the lips, touch her in all the ways I so desperately wanted to. I did the whole best friend I'm so happy for you bit along with the whole best friend If you hurt my best friend I'll rip your boobs off bit.

I knew Spencer wanted to talk to her best friend about her girlfriend. She had asked me for advice. I complied. She had talked happily about how cute Carmen had been to her. I listened. And I knew that this day would come, where Spencer would want to tell me she shared this intimate act with someone. Someone who was not me. But I was selfish for feeling hurt, really. Because I never made a move. I let her go into Carmen's arms without a fight, without any of my own loving words, without so much as a hint.

I took a deep, silent breath. "Oh yeah? Congratulations Spencer. You're no longer a lesbian virgin." I tried my best to sound playful.

Spencer laughed lightly and even in the dim room I saw her blush. "Thanks. You don't think that's too soon, right? Or late?"

"You're ready whenever you're ready, Spence."

"I was ready." She responded confidently.

I was trying to erase the frown on my face. "Good for you then." I knew I was supposed to ask the question. You know, the question the best friend asks when they're own best friend has sex with another person for the time. I didn't want to ask the question, but I could basically hear it hanging in the air.

"How was it?" I asked tentatively.

Spencer and I never were shy about talking about sex and stuff like that. There was nothing that we couldn't talk about. But for me, this felt so different. Like I was exposing her unwillingly and I couldn't stop it. When it came down to the pure, facts of the situation, I wished two things. One, that I didn't have to know about this. And more importantly, two, that it was me that she was with. Me that showed her how much I adored her, loved her, wanted her to feel safe. I wanted her to feel safe in my arms, not Carmen's.

"It was…really good. It was wonderful, so much better than anything I have ever experienced." Spencer said slowly, quietly.

I smiled gently at her. And as much as I hated this, and as much as it totally tore me apart, there was that small purely friend piece of me that was happy for my best friend.

"Good. I'd have to kick that chick's ass if she fucked it up for you." I told her protectively.

Spencer snorted and hit my arm. She turned serious again. "You know you're my best friend Ash, nothing changes that." She said strongly.

I nodded. "I know."

But I lied, I didn't know. I couldn't be sure and it was making my heart ache that I couldn't be sure. Maybe it was an illusion, Spencer slipping from my grasp. Maybe I was delusional, but that's what I felt like.

And so the drifting started.

I started to visit Spencer at school less. I couldn't be around her and Carmen. Now that I knew. I knew. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I promptly moved myself to the city and threw myself into the New York City life. I made myself busy. When Spencer called me, I called her back days later. We got lunch sometimes. But she never came over. I met Madison and cherished having a new friend to do things with. Someone I could make new memories with. Memories that didn't make me want to let my eyes tear up and have to wipe them angrily from my face.

I became bitter.

It wasn't too hard. Spencer was insanely busy with school. All the work and the clubs and organizations she belonged to. I was busy with trying to move on, busy with drifting.

And so the drifting continued.