" Chuck, " his name was nothing more than a breath on my lips. He was so close, I could feel his heart pounding against my breast.

" What are you doing up here ? I was worried about you."

He let me go, stepping away from me after I got my feet under me. " Why are you here ? I don't want to see you ?"

His eyes darkened again and a jolt of pain flashed across his face. Then he turned away from me, heading back towards the door.

" Why can't you just stay away from me ?" I asked, more to stop him than to get an answer.

But he did stop. He stopped and turned back to me with an evil glint in his eye. " If that's what you really want, then that's what I'll do." He moved closer until he was invading my personal space again. I thought he was going to touch me but he didn't. " Are you sure you really want me to stay away from you though ?"

I wanted to scream yes into his face. I wanted to run from him. But of course, I couldn't do that. Couldn't make my legs or my mouth work.

" Don't touch me." I did managed finally.

" I'm not." He answered. And he was right, he still wasn't touching me though there was barely an inch of space between us. I involuntarily snaked my tongue out to wet my suddenly dry lips and his eyes followed the movement carefully. " But obviously you want me to."

" I don't want you to. I don't ever want you to touch me again." I lied but he easily saw through it.

" You're lips are saying no..." He trailed off as his gaze grew far away and distant. Then he swallowed and pulled back. " But you're eyes are saying just the opposite."

I clenched my betraying body parts closed and took a deep breath. " I just want to be alone."

He raised a steady hand and held it close to my check, close but still not touching. " It doesn't have to be this way." He muttered. " All we have to do is give in and stop fighting whatever this is between us."

I shook my head, almost violently, and he had to pull his hand away to keep me from slamming into it. " I can't do that. I have to fight this. It's the only thing I can do."

" Why ? Why do you have to keep fighting when we are obviously so good together."

My head was swimming. I couldn't make since of his words. But something in me told me to keep resisting him, to keep fighting. It was my only chance for survival.

" What about the girl downstairs ? You two looked pretty good together, too." I answered in way of changing the subject.

Of course it didn't work. Of course it was completely the wrong thing to say. Of course it was just the perfect step-up for him to say something amazing that I could feel all the way to my toes.

But somehow I still wasn't prepared when he opened his mouth to speak. " She's just the stand-in, Blair. You know that. You've ruined me. There will never be anybody else that can hold a candle to you. I'll never want anyone else the way I want you. Never."

I gulped and tried to back away, but in my inebriated state all I managed was to stumble. And once again his arm was there to steady me.

" And yet here you are, not even a full month after out latest ' Get out of my life' moment, with a quick replacement." I answered. I wasn't sure I even understood what I was saying, but I knew what I wanted to say. It just didn't seem to be coming out of my mouth the way I intended it to. Everything was all jumbled and hard to articulate.

" What's really bothering you ? Is that I replaced you or that I did it so quickly ?" He asked.

" Both !" I bellowed without thinking about my answer.

He grabbed me and pulled me into his chest. " I could never replace you."

Then he was kissing me and my head really was swimming. I couldn't figure out the difference between up and down. Right or wrong. My entire world collapsed as I did what I wanted to earlier and buried one hand in his hair and the other in his lapel. The feel of his arms around me again had to be sinful, it was too good not to be wrong.

And it was. The thought occurred to me as his tongue brushed over mine. This was so wrong. I couldn't let him do this to me again. I couldn't let him drag me down with him. I wanted to. More than anything in the world, I wanted to let him drag me where ever he wanted to take me.

But I couldn't do it. I was a surviver. It was what I did. And my instinct was screaming at me to run, to get away, as far away as I could.

I yanked away from him and turned, tangling my feet in my dress again and stumbling for the third time in less than an hour. Long dresses and booze, not a good combination. When I faltered, once again he was there, grabbing my arm, holding my upright, catching me before I fell. Just like before.

This time, however, I flung his hand off, causing me to completely lose my balance and land with a thump right on my ass.

Nice one, Waldorf. Real smooth.

I looked up at his face and he was clearly trying to hide his amusement at my antics. Wow, even better. He was struggling to keep from laughing at me. " Don't you dare !" I warned him. " I've seen you much worse off than this."

He stepped back and the amusement was gone suddenly. " Maybe, but its expected of me. On you, drunk just looks ridiculous."

" I'm not drunk !" I demanded and even I could hear the slur in my testament that spoke to the contrary.

" Okay, " He laughed. " Then what is the matter with you ? Normally you are one of the most graceful women I've ever seen."

" I'm just..." I searched my thoughts, trying to come up with something good. But found nothing. So I struggled to my feet and planted my hands on my hips. " Fuck you."

" Wow, that was eloquent." He smiled.

" Just leave me alone." I spat.

His smile widened and he dipped his head. " As you wish."

Then he turned to go, but stopped after a few steps and spun back towards me. " You might consider covering yourself though. The breeze is up here is quite chilly."

I didn't understand what he meant until he disappeared into the stairwell. Then I looked down and found, to my horror, that the dreaded wardrobe malfunction had indeed occurred. My left boob was sticking entirely out of my bodice.

After tucking myself in, I plopped myself down on the cold concrete of the roof and downed the rest of the bottle in just a few short gulps.

That was where Nate found me.

" Blair," My name drew my attention to the shadow of the stairwell and I squinted as I tried to make out who was calling to me.

He stepped out of the shadows looking every bit as poised and beautiful as he always did. His classic Archibald features crinkled into a smile as he stepped closer. His sandy blond, perfect hair swayed in the light breeze that had descended upon the city. His broad square shoulders shook lightly as he took me in, complete with empty vodka bottle laying on its side at my feet.

" Are you okay ? Someone said they saw you coming this way." He informed me casually as he came to settle beside me.

I shifted enough to rest my head on his shoulder and his arm came around my waist. " Let me guess who that ' someone' was." I muttered, dejectedly.

He shrugged. " He was worried about you."

" Great, now I have his pity, too. That's wonderful."

He turned his head slightly so he could see my face. " Who is pitying you ?"

" Dan and apparently Chuck."

" Dan is pitying you ? That's ridiculous. Why would he pity you ?"

" He was being so nice to me. I couldn't figure it out at first, but then it suddenly dawned on me." I felt the tears falling to my check. " No one has ever looked at me like that before. It was horrible."

He squeezed my waist. " I'm sure you were just reading more into it than there was." He assured me. "I bet he still hates you as much as he always has."

I chuckled quietly. " Did you get to meet her ? Is she nice ?"

His eyebrows raised at first then settled as he caught my meaning. " You mean Tiffanie. She's about normal for him. Nothing special. I wouldn't worry if I were you."

" I'm not worried. I'm so over him." I informed him firmly.

He nudged the vodka bottle with the toe of his leather shoe. " Of course you are."

I cried harder and buried my face in his shoulder. " I've never felt like this before. Breaking up with someone has never felt this bad before."

He shifted and brushed my hair away from my shoulder. " Thanks a lot."

I realized too late what I had said and how it would inevitably make him feel and I hid my face in my hands. " I'm sorry. That didn't come out the way I meant it. Of course, it hurt when we broke up."

He took my hands from my face and gave me a smile. " It's okay. I understand. We were never right for each other. You and Chuck are different."

" There's never even really been a Chuck and I. We always just circle around each other. We fight and jab and scratch and bite, but we've never been together. Not like you and I were." I told him, talking more to myself than him.

He pulled me in closer and squeezed me. " Okay, that's all true. But maybe you and Chuck aren't you and I. I'm not sure the two of you can ever be like we were. It isn't who you are. All the scratching and biting and fighting IS who you are." He smiled down at me. " More importantly, it's what both of you needs. It's what keeps you going. I would have bored you to death within a year."

I laughed. " Maybe that's true. But this is too much. I can't keep doing this to myself. It's killing me. It's not good for either of us."

" Maybe that's true, too. But maybe you're just going through a rough patch. You know with his father dying and Yale bearing down on you." He offered.

I sat up straighter and huffed. " Don't you get it. When that's over, it'll just be something else. Life is full of things that test you. We just failed this test."

He turned to me and grabbed my shoulders. " You only failed because you let yourself. You didn't fail, you gave up. And I have never known you to give up on anything before in your life."

" It's too late." I shuddered and shook my head vehemently. " It's over. He's already moved on anyway."

" Moved on ? With Tiffanie ?" He bellowed. " You are serious ? He dumped her. Walked her right out of the party and deposited her in a cab when he got back downstairs." I stopped abruptly and looked into his face.

" He did ?"

He nodded. " He told me once, right after his father's wedding that he loved you. He has never said that about anyone else in his life. Never. I wasn't even sure he was serious at first. But I've watched him. Believe me, I know Chuck Bass better than anyone else in the world. I've seen parts of him that no one else has. He loves you. The question is, do you love him ?"

" Of course I love him. The question is, do I love him enough ?"

He turned me until my back was settled against his chest and his chin rested on my shoulder. " Do you?"

" I thought so. I really did. But I guess I was wrong." I sighed.

" It's going to be okay, Blair. Everything's going to work out."

I just couldn't make myself believe him.