This chapter's a bit short, but it's the flashback that's definitely the most important part.
Hope you enjoy :)

"What the hell?" I say by accident. It just comes out of my mouth.

"Yeah. It's me." Carmen says roughly, her hands straight down at her sides.

"Uh." I'm not sure what to say. This isn't going to be a fun time.

"Hello Ashley. How are you?" She asks in a mocking way, her eyebrows scrunched together in anger.

"Uh." That's all I got.

"Hmm. I bet you're pretty good, right? Stealing people's girlfriends is always an ego booster."

I let out a breath and look into some scary-ass steel-grey eyes. "Look, Carmen. I don't wanna fight with you."

Carmen rolls her eyes. "I knew you always had a thing for her, Ashley. It was so obvious. And I knew she had a thing for you too. She always fucking talked about you."

"She did?" I ask, trying to hide the smile on my face.

Carmen gives me a glare.

"We were together for almost two years! That's a long time, are you aware of how long that is?"

"Yeah, well, I've known Spencer for, like, way longer than two years." Yes, that's what I say. I wish I were better at intimidating people, like one of those people that just looks at you and you cower in a corner. I feel like maybe I once had the potential to be that person but I never filled it out. Maybe another version of me, in another time, is an intimidating Ashley Davies. But this one is kind of a baby.

"I love Spencer. I was, I was gunna ask her to marry me." Carmen says, lowering her voice.

Oh Christ.

"I, what?" My mind does not have the ability to wrap itself around this statement.

"Yeah." Carmen shuffles her feet but her gaze stays hard on me. "You know, not now, but eventually.

I am so incredibly terrified to ask this next question. "Um, does Spencer, did she know that?"

If Spencer did know this information, then at least she knew and she turned it down. The option was there but she didn't want to take it. But if she didn't know, I am going to feel a ton of guilt on my shoulders piled on top of the guilt that is already there.

"I used to bring it up sometimes but Spencer just turned it into a joke. I just thought she thought we're too young. But now it's totally obvious she was just waiting. For you." Carmen says, her eyes burning into mine.

We were at the park. Spencer and I went there sometimes late at night. During the day, it was filled with the laughing and footsteps of little kids playing Hide and Seek and Tag and Don't Touch The Lava. You know, the one where the woodchips are lava and if you step on them you're out? It's fun, and it never gets old. But at night, the park was peaceful, a bit creepy, but peaceful.

Spencer was swinging on a swing just a few feet away from where I was on the monkey bars. Even though I was sixteen years old, monkey bars would always be the best and coolest thing in the park. In the world.

I couldn't help but notice how perfect Spencer looked on that swing. And by perfect, I mean literally perfect, her golden hair swaying back and forth with each movement, illuminated by the full moon. I had decided long ago that she was definitely the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Even when we were younger, and Spencer had dorky glasses and braces and was slightly awkward. Not fully grown into her long limbs and taller than a lot of the boys. I thought she was adorable.

And I was proved correct, because when we got older Spencer grew quickly out of the awkward stage. And I was not the only one to notice. She went from being an adorable kid to a totally gorgeous teenager.

I was still in my tomboy stage. One that I, for the most part, never fully grew out of. I hated dresses and skirts and anything with a heel. I didn't get why being comfortable was such a huge crime. But apparently, in high school, it was. And when I got made fun of by some girls in our class, Spencer told me she thought I was way prettier than they would ever be and that they were jealous. She said that if I were a boy, I would be the hottest boy in the school and probably go out with the head cheerleader. Ironic, right? I told her that I would want her to be my girlfriend and that I hated cheerleaders.

"Ash?" Spencer said from the swings. She was going dangerously high.

"Spencer be careful." I warned her, hanging from the cold bars. It was a little chilly out and I wished I had brought a jacket.

"What do you think your wedding will be like?"

I thought for a second. Wondering if I should lie and say it'll be great with the man of my dreams. Or tell her that I'm not really into boys. At all. I knew I was gay. But I never told Spencer, or anyone really.

I decided to go for neutral ground. "I don't think I wanna get married." I told her as I swung to the next bar.

"Really?" She asked, slowing her swing slightly.

"Yeah. But I know what your wedding will be like. You're gunna marry some stupid jock and have sappy music playing everywhere." I snickered.

"No I'm not!" Spencer yelled, a laugh in her outburst. "I'm gunna marry someone I love. And I think it will be a small ceremony." Spencer said dreamily.

"Can I come to your wedding?" I asked her, dropping form the bars and wiping the woodchips off my pants.

"Of course. You can be the flower girl."

"Psssh. Yeah right." I scoffed and sat down in the swing next to her.

"Yeah, I guess Glen can do that." Spencer giggled. "But, why don't you wanna get married?"

I dug my boot into the dirt below the swing. "I dunno. I just never really pictured myself doing that whole thing." It was true. I hadn't. Not the kind of wedding Spencer was picturing, at least.

"Oh." Spencer looked thoughtful, and then she turned her head to me. "Could I…ask you a question?"

I nodded my head. "Sure." I answered. And at that moment I knew, I just knew what she was going to ask me. And my palms started to sweat, my fingers fidgeted around the metal of the swing. My face got hot. My boots kicked at some woodchips. I knew Spencer would want to hear an explanation as to why I always turned down guys who asked me out and why I never had any crushes. Well, none that I told her about.

"Are you gay?" She asked me, curiously. Her tone was pure wonder. There was nothing there that told me anything besides that fact that she just wanted to know.

I sighed. "Yeah, I'm gay." I told her honestly.

"That's cool." Spencer answered with a smile on her face, starting momentum to swing again. "So, do you think that girl Keri is as hot as all the guys think?"

I chuckled. "No way. She's got a weird nose."

"That's what I thought too!" Spencer exclaimed, shaking her head. "Guys are so stupid."

"Duh." I laughed, starting to swing myself.

"So, you don't even wanna marry a girl?" Spencer asked, again, curiously.

It didn't feel weird talking to her like this. She had been my best friend for a while. And I thought that maybe whenever I came out to her it would get strange. But it never did.

I shrugged at her question, honestly not knowing. "I never really thought about it."

"Hmmm. Well, how about, if we're both not married by the time we're, like, 47 then we get married to each other." Spencer proposed with a cute little laugh.

"Why 47?" I asked with a tilted smile.

Spencer shrugged. "I dunno. I like the random number."

"Yeah, okay." I told her.

And for a while, I could not wait to turn 47.

"Look Carmen. I'm sorry, honestly. And I'm sorry you got hurt." I say, taking myself out of my daze. "But I'm in love with Spencer. That's pretty much all there is to it."

"Yeah?" Carmen replies with venom. "So am I. I know she'll come back to me because I was always there for her Ashley. I never left her."

And with that, Carmen slams my door closed behind her, leaving me feeling somewhere between scared shit-less and disgusted with myself.