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Not even five minutes after Carmen left me standing bewildered at my door, Spencer comes right back through it with a look of pure confusion on her face. They must have met half way through, it is not possible that they missed each other. My brain hurts. This is way too much in such a short time span. I never realized that getting what I wanted would be so complicated. I mentally berate myself for thinking that anything could come easily.

Spencer immediately wraps her arms around me and that action allows me to calm down for a short moment.

"Why was she here?" Spencer asks into my ear, giving it a small kiss.

"Mmmmuu." That is what comes out of my mouth.

I hear Spencer chuckle as she grabs my hand and leads us over to my couch. I lean myself down and Spencer curls up right on top of me. My eyes are closed and I feel her continually run her fingers through my hair.

"Ash." She says softly, trying to get my attention. I hear the grin in the way she says my name.

"She's angry." I tell her slowly.

"I know."

"She's scary."

Spencer tilts her lips up. "She can be, um, a little intense." I cringe slightly at her words. I know she doesn't mean them how I'm thinking but still, I hate it. "She can really get in your face about things. Why'd you let her up?" Spencer wonders.

"She said she was the pizza man." I say, realizing how dumb my words sound.

Spencer's face looks angry now. "She did, seriously?"

"What?" I ask her as I slip my hands under her shirt. I don't mean anything by it, I just want to feel her skin. It's comforting. My fingers like it.

Spencer sighs. "We had a fight a couple weeks ago and I wouldn't let her in my dorm. She said she was the pizza guy and well, she wasn't."

"That's so stupid." I spit out angrily, like a pubescent, pissed off little girl.

Spencer laughs lightly. "I know."

"What were you fighting about?" I ask, partially knowing the answer and feeling conceited about it.

Spencer cocks her eyebrow at me. "You know it was about you. We were starting to hang out again, you know. And she didn't like it, she didn't want me to see you at all. I guess maybe she was rightfully worried." Spencer chuckles. "But that was before anything happened with us."

"Spence?" I ask timidly. I have to ask her this question. I have to know. "Did you tell her that, does she know that you cheated on her with me?"

Spencer doesn't flinch she just keeps looking at me. "Yeah I told her."

"Oh."

"She wasn't as mad about that as she was about me breaking up with her. I think she almost expected that to happen, the first part, not the breaking up." She says slowly.

"Really?" I ask, curious.

"Yeah." Spencer pauses. "She cheated on me once." Spencer rushes out hurriedly.

I immediately get up from my lying down position and stand in front of the couch where Spencer is now sitting. "Excuse me, what?"

Spencer's eyes lock on mine and she just nods.

I feel blood rush to my face and head. My hands clench at my sides. "What. Why didn't you tell me?" I ask desperately.

"It was a really long time ago, I, it was with her ex-girlfriend, she was drunk. I didn't tell you because, I don't know, I just…" She trails off and I frown. Because I know why she didn't tell me. She didn't tell me because I was too fucking busy drifting away from her, trying to get rid of her. "It happened so fast, we didn't even break up because she told me right away and I forgave her."

"I'm gunna rip her hair out of her head." I say through gritted teeth.

Spencer stands up in front of me. "I think it's too late for that baby."

My eyes snap back to her and the anger drains momentarily. A smile comes over my face. "You called me baby." I announce to her with a tilted head.

Spencer rolls her eyes at me but I see the blush. "I've always wanted to see what it would feel like."

I step towards her and whisper. "How'd it feel?"

She pulls me to her by my belt loops. "Really, really good."

I give her a soft kiss before I continue talking. "I'm still gunna saw her feet off."

"Ashley." Spencer smiles. "I don't think what we did was any better. I always felt like she expected me to get back at her for that."

"What?" I ask, searching her eyes.

Blue eyes widen and Spencer realizes I took her words the wrong way. "Oh my God, no, Ash, that's not what I was doing. You know that right? You know I've loved you forever, right?"

I just nod and smile. I do know and it feels wonderful to know that. Spencer's hands run up my arms and thread through my curls. "You're my world." She says softly.

"You're mine too." I feel quite cheesy.

"What else did she say?" Spencer asks, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

I really don't want to talk about Carmen anymore, but I do want to get everything out in the open. I don't want to hold anything inside me anymore. I want Spencer to know everything Carmen said, because the feeling of having it to myself is making me sick to my stomach. And Spencer deserves to know.

"She said, she- was gunna." The words are literally not coming out of mouth, and Spencer's curious expression just makes me feel even shittier. "She said she was gunna ask you to marry her one day." I say, all jumbled together.

Spencer looks down then back up into my eyes. "I know."

My breathing is coming out in nervous puffs. "You do?"

Spencer nods. "Yeah, she always used to talk about it you know, but I would always make it into a joke or something. I never saw myself marrying her." Spencer's hand drifts down my neck and she watches it make its burning path. "It's not even about you Ash. I just knew I wouldn't end up with her like that." Her eyes drift back to my brown ones. "As bad as it sounds, Carmen was like, a comfort, she felt secure. I loved her, I did. But I was never in love with her. Like I am with you." She finishes quietly.

I have no words for her, because I don't know what to say. I feel so much right now that I don't even know what to do. "I don't even know what to say." I tell her with a wide smile.

"Then don't say anything." Spencer mumbles into my mouth before she kisses me. And it's not a rough bathroom kiss or a tender kitchen kiss. It's a kiss full of total and complete love. Love that I know is felt by both of us. That alone makes it the most wonderful kiss.

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"Why didn't you tell me?" Kyla asks me with a sad puppy look on her face.

I lean against her kitchen counter, sipping a soda. "I'm sorry Ky. I was scared, I thought maybe if I said anything then it wouldn't be true, or it would get even more messed up."

My half-sister's eyes soften as she pours a mug of coffee. "It's okay. But you know I don't like being out of the loop."

I chuckle. "I know."

"So are you guys official?" Glen asks, walking into the kitchen.

I smile. "Yeah, I think so."

"Alright, well you know I like you Ashley, but I have to say this." He looks painfully serious. "If you hurt my sister then I will hunt you down and we'll have problems."

I try my best not to snicker or roll my eyes. "Alright Glen."

"Good. I didn't like Carmen anyway, so I'm happy for you." He says with a shrug, leaving his tough older brother façade behind.

"Really?"

"She was happy with Carmen." Kyla pipes in and my eyes glance to her. "But not like she was whenever she was with you. You could tell."

"True, and Carmen kinda scared me." Glen admits apprehensively. "I told her I'd beat her ass down with a broom if she hurt Spencer. Be thankful I didn't say that to you."

I snort. "Thanks Glen."

He nods. "You know, it's weird with a gay sister, I'm never sure if I'm allowed to really threaten her girlfriend. With a boyfriend I could just be like 'oh, I'll punch your face in.' But with a girl I feel like that might get me thrown in jail or something."

I laugh and Kyla giggles, giving her goofy boyfriend a loving glance. "He's s romantic." Kyla says in a mock dream-like tone. She gives him a peck on the lips and continues to shuffle around the kitchen.

The nervousness I had felt when Carmen first threatened me has slowly started to dissipate. I know that Spencer loves me and of course she knows I would do anything for her. But there is still that small, pessimistic part of me that thinks maybe Carmen will come through with her words. They have a romantic history together. Carmen was Spencer's first and that fills me with sadness and nervousness at the same time. Because I wish I were Spencer's first. And because I'm nervous Carmen will somehow get her back.

But what Spencer told me eased me. It made my heart turn to putty even more for her and I know what she said was sincere.

"You wanna stay for dinner, Ash?" Kyla asks me.

I smile. "Sure."

"I can't believe your mom's wedding is next week." Glen says to us.

I sigh. "I just can't wait until it's over."

"Well at least this time you'll have a date you actually like." Kyla says to me with a smirk.

"Come on babe. We're going to be late." Kelly said to me as she hurriedly gathered her things by my door.

"I'm coming." I yelled in annoyance.

I hated the word babe. It is like a watered down version of baby. I just feel like, I don't know, it reminded me of the pig. I never called Kelly an affectionate name like that. I just called her by her name because I could never bring myself to say anything else.

Part of me was happy to be with Kelly at this time, so I would have a date for this monstrosity that my mother called a wedding. It was spur of the moment, no planning. But with her connections, she made it happen. On the other hand though, I wish I were just going alone. And I felt guilty thinking that. I had been trying for a month or so to get myself to really, really like Kelly, to even love her and tell her. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It made me sick to my stomach every time I thought about it. So I kept our relationship more casual than was necessary. She was good to me and I just wasn't going down that two-way street.

"Ready?" She asked, grinning at me with her purse in her hand.

She did look pretty. Her dirty-blonde hair up, and her small body in a simple dress. I nodded, took her hand, and let her lead me down the steps.

"Congratulations mom." I gave her a small kiss on the cheek along with my mundane words as a wedding gift.

"Thanks dear." She responded, looking over my shoulder for someone probably more important.

"Wanna go now?" I asked Kelly who was standing next to me.

"Ashley, we have to go to the reception." She said, squeezing my hand in hers. I shrugged. And then I saw Spencer and Carmen come congratulate my mother and my stomach hit the floor.

Spencer hadn't been going out with Carmen for very long, a couple of month or so. But already, I had started to separate myself. I saw her less and less. Especially after she had told me they had sex. My eyes locked on Spencer's and I saw her smile slightly. I squeezed Kelly's hand tighter, trying to remind myself that I was pretending to be happy. Kelly knew nothing about Spencer. She had no idea who she was because I never brought her up.

"Hey Ashley." Spencer said to me as she walked over with Carmen attached to her hand.

"Hey Spencer, Carmen." I said, nodding to them. I felt oddly out of place. "Um, thanks for coming."

"Well, your mom likes me a lot for some reason." Spencer chuckled. Her eyes then went to Kelly by my side, flickered to our hands, and back to me.

Being in an area with Spencer made me sometimes forget that there were other people present. The exception to that rule came when Carmen gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Oh, this is Kelly. Kelly, this is Spencer and her- Carmen." I felt bile rise to my throat when I almost introduced Carmen as Spencer's girlfriend, even though that is exactly what she was.

"Good to see you Ashley." Carmen said with a smile on her face. If I had paid more attention to her, if I hadn't been focused on the way Spencer's collarbone jutted out from her dress, or if I hadn't been trying to dull out the feel of Kelly's hand rubbing mine softly, I would have noticed the smugness that tainted her smile.

"Yeah, you too." I gave her a fake smile.

We all chatted for a little bit. Kelly made them laugh, which didn't surprise me because she was likeable to everyone else except me, apparently. I was too busy feeling bitter to let her in.

I felt extremely bad, I felt like an asshole. I was dragging Kelly along in this dead-end relationship and it wasn't fair to her. It was obvious my heart wasn't in it. So soon after, I broke up with her. Hoping that maybe next time I would be able to go one of my mother's weddings with someone I loved.

"So Glen, you gunna wear that pink tuxedo again?" I ask him at the table with a laugh.

Glen snorts. "No way, I think your mom will definitely spear me with a salad fork if I did that again."

"I think you looked cute." Kyla smiles adoringly at him.

"Good thing, you were the only one." I mutter and Kyla throws a roll at my head.

"Only a real man wears pink." Glen says strongly, puffing out his chest.

"Oh, so why were you wearing it, honey?" Kyla turns to say to him, a smirk on his face.

Glen rolls his eyes. "Girls are so mean."