Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z or Harry Potter. Isn't this an imaginative sounding disclaimer.
Brenman: Here's another episode of The Kakarott Zone. Enjoy!
Your sitting in your living room, covered in sweat and paint. You have decided to move on and painted your bedroom a nice soothing taupe. You figured out that as long as the puke green walls were left you would always be reminded of your stolen polka dots, and your back stabbing imaginary friend Gary. You flick the television on to watch the latest episode of the Kakarott Zone.
The last few minutes of the news is playing, it seems that Mr. Satan's latest box office hit has reached a record number of sales on it's opening weekend. The movie in question, Hercule Potter and the Chamber of Satan's was apparently an enchanting story about a young Mr. Satan, portrayed by Videl wearing a fake chin, who is whisked off to a magical school and a grand and wholly original, and in no way plagiarized, adventure. The screen fades to black and you wiggle your way deeper into the couch and wait for the excitement to begin.
Vegeta walks on to the screen, "Welcome. I am Vegeta no Ouji, and you have just entered a place where everyone is obsessed with balls, and where two-hundred and ninety-one episodes sounds like a nice round number. You have just entered the Kakarott Zone. Today's story is about a certain slimy evil lizard who for some reason, has been invited to learn at a magical school. This is a story I like to call, Phone Pranks and Popsicles.
-- Phone Pranks and Popsicles --
It was a normal day on board King Colds Death Star mrk 7. The Colds were like your average family. Their was papa Cold, the eleven year old lord Freeza and his older brother Cooler.
King Cold was sitting in their seventies style retro shag carpeted living room. The large alien was busy reading the newspaper when the telephone rang. He reached over and picked it up off the side table. "Hello King Cold here."
"Hi, this is the Saiyan appliance service, and we were wondering if your refrigerator was running."
"No, I'm afraid not, my dear wife died years ago." King cold said sadly before hanging up.
-- Meanwhile Thousands of Miles Away --
King Vegeta slammed the phone down angrily, "Dammit, we'll never be able to prank those morons."
-- Back on the Death Star --
King Cold was about to go back to reading his newspaper when his youngest son Freeza came running into the room, "Look Papa. A letter came for me. It's from this place called Hogwarts on planet earth." Freeza quickly blurted out from excitement as he held up a frozen solid owl.
King Cold looked at the frozen creature, "Can we eat it."
"No. I don't think so, it has Freeza burn." The young lord said before blasting it to a crisp with an energy attack.
King Cold slapped himself in the face, "Bad pun Freeza. Bad pun."
-- Commercial Break --
Secret Condoms: strong enough for a man, but made for a shemale.
-- Back to the story --
Freeza found himself stepping off a long red train onto a crowded train platform. He looked around himself at all the other young people. Oddly enough no one seemed to be paying him any attention despite the fact that he looked like something that escaped from an experimental research lab, or that container everyone's afraid to open. You know. The one that's been in your refrigerator since before you were born.
Freeza saw a large man come walking down the platform calling all the "firs' years" to him. Freeza thought to himself, judging by his shady beard and his large size, he was probably going to take the first years and eat them. So naturally Freeza decided to tag along and watch the show. He was very disappointed when they were shoved into some old boats, propelled across a lake and then handed over to a woman who didn't look like she was going to be eating anything besides porridge.
Freeza found himself eying the other students in the group before he spotted a spiky black haired kid come walking up to him. "Hey aren't you Freeza?" the kid asked.
"That's lord Freeza to you." The Ice-jin spat out. "Who are you?"
"I'm Gohan, this is my crossover get lost." He said harshly. "Don't you know. I'm the only one that's allowed to be in a Harry Potter crossover."
"You've had your turn," Freeza said just above a whisper, "let someone else have a chance."
"Fine, but one more thing. Why are you my age? Shouldn't you be dead, or at the very least Middle aged?" Gohan asked.
Freeza shrugged nonchalantly, "Let's just chalk it up to AU."
"Works for me." Gohan said and then just walked off to go speak with some other black haired kid.
Freeza continued to watch the kids around him until the old hag came back and ushered them into a large dinning hall. She led them towards a stool with an old patched up hat on it. After she made some speech that Freeza barely listened to the hat sang some catchy tune that Freeza found himself tapping his foot to. Once the song finished the old woman began calling off names and the kids in the group were being sorted into the four tables the other students sat at.
Soon enough the old woman called the name, "Cold, Freeza."
Freeza stood up and walked casually towards the hat, but before he could get with in twenty feet of the thing it seemed to jump up into the air and scream out in a high pitched squeal of fear as it bolted out of the room while screaming something about pure evil and Slytherin. The whole room watched in awe as Freeza shrugged his shoulders and waltzed off to sit at the far table.
-- The End --
"I hope you enjoyed today's story." Vegeta said with poorly concealed anger, "Tune in next time for another episode of the Kakarott Zone. Damn I hate that guy." The screen fades to black as Vegeta disappears from the screen in a fit of anger and you turn your T.V. off. You jump off your couch and throw your jacket on. Maybe you'll go see that movie they were talking about earlier.
Brenman: Review. I mean it. You better review or I'll get mad. Do you know what I do to people that I'm mad at? Absolutely nothing.