This does not mean I might not be gone for four weeks. I have not been given any more information about this trip. My teachers are currently looking over everything I have worked with since I started, and deciding if I am good enough to be sent to England. It is very annoying to not know, but I don't think I am going to go.
Anyway, next chapter. Thank you all for your reviews, I love you!

Underneath her hands, the blinds rustled restlessly as she pulled them up, and watched the brown grass that was still as dead as the day before. She didn't let her eyes settle anywhere until she found her, the little angel full of life. Leslie, a blond beauty with two teeth missing, throwing the leaves up in the air, letting them fall down over her. It was a joy so simple that she could feel it growing in her stomach, like a flower fighting through concrete, blossoming in the polluted air.

To open the window was so easy that she wondered what had stopped her for so long, a physical obstacle made so much harder by her mind. The air was too cold still, but as it circled around her it didn't bother her. Inside her she was still as cold as this air. It didn't matter how much she put on her, it didn't matter how many days she laid under covers. But there inside of her, was the scary feeling that she thought had died, but was now fighting for another breath, it was faith and dreams.

She turned around and walked out of the bedroom, her feet bare and cold against the wooden floor, but she did not mind, it was a part of her everyday life now, and she would not let it stop her.

As she came into the living room she spotted Dana outside with Leslie, and they hugged each other in spontaneous happiness. This was something that she was so close to having, this relationship with her own child, but it was pulled away from her with not enough grief.

She picked up a doll from the couch. It was dressed in the clothes Leslie had when she was a baby. Leslie carried this doll around when she was home, always having it pressed against her chest. With a sigh she put it back on the couch, trying to remember if she was this attached to a doll when she was a child, but she had no memory of it.

---

It had been a while, but she needed this, she told herself as she pulled into an empty parking space. She needed to do this, and maybe she was too demanding and clingy, but she deserved something like this. For the past months she had thought about him, thought back at the moment they'd spent in the hospital room after she had lost her baby. The memory scared her, because something bigger had been lying underneath it all. In the rearview mirror she saw herself, her blonde hair that had grown long and had needed to be cut for a long time now, big eyes with black circles under them, and her skin too tight. With a sigh she looked away, there in the mirror was no beauty anymore, and inside she didn't harbor the same emotions anymore. She had changed so much and it scared her, and she hoped he could bring her back again, bring back the one she was before all of this.

She exited her car and walked towards the hospital. For the first time in years she walked through the lobby to get in, not arriving through the ER. She juggled the keys in her hand, listening to her steps, trying to concentrate on that instead of everything that looked just like it did when she left. Someone familiar stopped next to her while she waited for the elevator to arrive, but she couldn't place his face, so she assumed he wasn't anyone she was supposed to remember.

Heading up to his office was slightly eerie, she had made this trip so many times before in another lifetime. Her mission had been completely different then. The time that had passed had changed her so much.

The familiar man stepped off at the same floor as her and walked in front of her in the direction of House's office. There it was suddenly - his office.

It was only glass separating them now, and as she put her hand on the glass door and opened it. There he was, in the same room. It felt surreal, standing there in his office again. He did not have the same chair and the desk was different, but other than that, everything was exactly the same.

"Cameron," he greeted with raised eyebrows, clearly very surprised by her very unexpected visit. All she had to give him was a smile that she timidly offered while she sat down opposite him. The past months had not changed him at all. The weathered look was from the years she had been absent, playing happy in a bubble. His eyes were grey in the dim light and she felt strangely comfortable when he scanned her like an x-ray. She was his puzzle, just like when he scribbled symptoms down on the whiteboard, he memorized everything about her to later pull out and try to fix. There were obvious signs of trauma, but he could not understand in what context.

"What brings you here this fine day?" The silence that followed was expected and he simply leaned forward without missing a beat and picked up his coffee cup. "Coffee is yummy," he told her as he sipped it slowly. "And you're not getting any," he said smugly. Her eyebrows knitted in confusion as to why she would not get any coffee. "You have to be able to speak to drink coffee. Actually, you need to be full grown too, so no can do."

She could not help the smile that found itself on her face, she had forgotten the humour he could find in most situations, forgotten that he could make her smile. He watched her carefully as she smiled. It surprised him; this one was a smile of actual amusement. It made him glad that she was smiling again.

From the office next to him he could see the surprised glances of his fellows as he extended his hand in a gesture for her to sit down. This would be fun, he thought to himself. He would be able to answer the question of what had happened to Cameron and he would confuse his fellows at the same time.

(

The dress fluttered around her feet, making a plastic sound. It was too much fabric and she was sure she would fall halfway down the aisle. It seemed a bit pointless going through all of this a second time, but he had not been through this process.

She looked up as the doors opened in front of her, her eyes sought out his and instantaneously, it all felt right. He smiled at her and she took the first step forward.

)

She watched him as he stood up from his chair and walked around his desk, towards the glass that separated his office from the shared office his fellows had. When she had been a fellow, she had wondered if she would ever have her own office, leading her own department. Back then it seemed impossible and now, it was.

He knocked on the wall, gaining the attention of his fellows as they glanced up. One of them was the man she saw by the elevator. The man from the elevator seemed very displeased by House knocking on the window, pointing them all out of the room.

"Clinic, all of you, now," he ordered, staring at them as they slowly stood up from their chairs, dragging their feet behind them as they walked towards the elevators. "You should see them when our patients flat line. They're slower than the slowest snail then!" He barked a fake laugh then stopped abruptly and quickly walked towards his chair again. She watched him in mild amusement, with a silent smirk on her face. It still seemed odd to her, smiling. After such a long time were smiling seemed like a crime, the liberty was almost too good.

She suddenly felt the urge to tell him that he was doing fine, that he had not crashed and burned yet as she had expected. When she was a fellow, working under him, she had thought he would make it much longer in life. Even though only a few years had passed and there were several more to go through before she could easily say that he made it out alright, he had survived much longer than she'd expected.

This was her chance to speak. She knew that and she wanted more than anything to open her mouth and let the words spill, like they had such a long time ago, such a short time ago.

She opened her mouth with the intention to speak, but she could not form the words. Instead of words, she felt fear running through her veins, paralyzing everything inside of her. Her heart sped up and she knew that it would be a futile attempt to speak, because the fear that Charlie would find out was much greater than the will to speak.

She stood up instead and he watched her in surprise as she stormed out of his office, down the corridor and down the stairs. She ran because if she stood still she knew she knew the fear would catch her, that she would fall to the ground and shake uncontrollably. The last time she had run was ages ago, long before she married again, about the same time she met her husband. When she reached her car her breathing was ragged, she could hardly get enough air into her lungs. Before the tremors in her body intensified, she pushed her key into the lock of the old car, and opened the door as quickly as she could.

In the safety of her car, with her hands pressing down on the wheel, her breathing shallow and her body protesting, her whole body started trembling in fear. It felt as if her heart was pounding its way out of her chest. The fear bringing back memories she had tried so hard to forget. Her whole body hurt, and it was all because she wanted to speak only a few words.

In his office, House was left watching her as she ran down the hallway. Her movements shouted panic as they were all over the place, leaving doctors and patients dodging her as she tried to get out as quickly as possible. It confused him, how she one minute seemed almost carefree, and the next she seemed to be running for her life.

He slumped down further in his chair and promised himself he was definitely going to figure this one out.