OK, I'm back. Not much to say here, I just want to write this chapter. I'm getting Gohma to do the disclaimer! Might as well recongize some bosses.

Gohma: this strange person doesn't own Zelda.

Chapter 5: Aging!

Me: So, Link, Navi and I, the greatest narrator ever, headed off towards Hyrule Castle Market. Once we were by the drawbridge, a horse went running riderlessly past, and Impa and Zelda were chasing after it. I went and managed to grab the ocarina off her as she went. Then Ganondorf rode up. Link tried to be brave... No, he didn't. He went and jumped into the moat as Ganondorf stared down at me, the narrator.

Ganondorf: I want you to write my life history!

Me: I told him no, that I was busy acting as narrator slash partial heroine. He laughed at me, so I threw Navi at his horse. Navi distracted the horse by cursing at it while it tried to eat her, and I picked up a rock and threw it at Ganondorf. It hit him in the forehead.

Ganondorf: Ow! I want my Mommy!

Me: Then he rode off, cursing me and the stupid fairy kid I was travelling with. I went and fished Link out of the moat, sighing. I held onto the ocarina of time instead of giving it to him. I told him he was puny and weak and that his fairy ocarina was good enough for him. I lead him to the Temple of Time. I forced Navi to put the stones where they were supposed to go, while Link sucked on the fancy red carpet. I told him to knock it off, but he didn't. Then I played the time song and the chamber opened. Link and I both ran forward for the master sword, but I got my fingers around it first. Mostly because Link tripped, then crawled up the few stairs there were. I pulled the sword out, and we were frozen in time for 7 years. ME, the narrator/part time heroine! Anyways, seven years later, we were released but the light sage Rauru appeared. He farted right off the bat.

Rauru: Whew, excuse me. Anyway, you two are the hero and heroine of time.

Link: What does that mean?

Rauru: it means you two are responsible for Hyrule and if it gets turned to dust.

Link: Oh. Do we get any vacation time?

Rauru: No, you don't have a paycheck either. And your not garanteed success.

Me: I would put the rest of Rauru's endless blabber, but there wwas way too much. We just had to go from temple to temple across Hyrule and beat the dangers. Not hard. Well, very hard if your Link. Me? Not so much. I was trained to kill enemies to be the narrator for this. Anyway, we had to go back to the Kokiri Forest for the first temple. I groaned, because I hated that place. He told us we would need a special item to even get into the temple, but that he couldn't help us at all because of his flatuence. Nice old fart, eh? Whatever. He released us at last, and Link realized something at last: 7 years of no bathroom. So, he just pulled down his tights and took a leak in the Temple of Time. Nice. I told him I wasn't coming back here ever again, and that I was now both openly disgusted with him, and utterly humilated.

Link: What's there to be humilated about?

Me: I told him that I was humilated because the man I had to save the world with was taking a leak in a sacred place. Humilation enough.

Link: I couldn't hold it.

Me: I told him right, that I thought it was just a plan to disgust me. I told him, too, that because he did that, I was going to be the one to carry the master sword.

Link: Why can't I?

Me: I confessed then, and admitted to him that I was afraid he was going to use it as a sex toy at an inappropriate time. He finished up then, and for that I was glad. We left the temple, and I told him we should go back to Kakariko Village. Next chapter: chapter 6: The Forest Temple and Shiek