Title: The Day In The Life....

Author: Ryu-ookami

Rating: Teen

Summary: This is a series of short snapshots in the life of Ryu Shinigami – Warrior Adventurer Extraordinaire

Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright to Guild Wars, although I do own multiple copies of the game, and I make no monetary profit from the creation and distribution of this story.

Notes: This is a parody. Be ready to expect gratuitous violence to occur on a regular basis. I have also, where possible, asked the creators of their characters permission to use their characters. Also, and this is greatly important, a HUGE thank you goes to Shi-koi for beta reading this for me and correcting the huge number of mistakes I often make. :)

Notes two : This takes place just before certain parts of chapter two.

Chapter Three

Ryu strolled down the waterfront and watched as all the riff raff dove out of his way before he then stopped as he realised that all the other adventurers that had been following him - begging him to help their parties in their adventures, as they were doomed to failure with out him along - had vanished.

Ryu slowly turned around. It was the smell that hit him first, the awful stench, the foul vomit-inducing smell that would have caused anyone less godlike than Ryu to uncontrollable and forcefully regurgitate anything that they had ingested in the past twenty four hours.

Ryu took another look. There, standing less than 20 yards away, was a disgusting, unwashed, dirt encrusted, 12 foot high yeti. However the stench wasn't coming from the yeti. Indeed, compared to the smell from his companion, the yeti could be classed as being almost sweet smelling.

Looking down at the yeti's companion Ryu smiled. Maybe this would be easier than Ryu had first thought. Not that anything was ever difficult for the godly being that was Ryu Shinigami, but there, stood next to the yeti, was Naru Skiveheart, dressed in rusty red amour and holding a half empty, cracked, smoking jug of alcohol, or whatever passed for alcohol in whatever dive Naru had scraped enough gold to enter.

Ripper growled besides Ryu. There in front of him was the biggest pile of walking meat he had ever seen. Unfortunately there was a foul stench from the small insignificant pile of human flesh that stood next to it that was enough to put even Ripper off his food. A fact that Ripper was not best pleased with.

Ryu laughed. So it looked like the rumors that he had been hunting down about Naru's location were true. It did indeed seem to be that Naru was currently being paid to have a sexual relationship with a yeti's chief's son's chief dishwasher.

Naru Skiveheart looked across at the being who was surely a god descended to be among mere mortals and shivered in fear of her pathetic mortal soul. Slowly, unnoticed by Naru, a warm yellow liquid trickled down Naru's leg as she decided that even with a yeti by her side that Ryu and Ripper were to much for her to handle. Realising even in her half drunken stupor that it was better to live another day rather than die there, Naru turned and ran.

After a short interlude at which point the events in chapter two happen...

Much much later...

Naru walked through the door. Whilst not looking particular pleasant, she had at least tried to clean herself up and while not being particularly clean at least she didn't want to make people thirty feet away want to vomit.

Naru looked around the room, there in the corner of the chamber were Ryu and Ripper. Apart from them the tavern was empty excluding, of course, a bartender who was white, pale and shaking, and barely able to clean the clay flagon in his hands without dropping it.

The only other person in the whole bar was a dancer on the stage wearing an outfit of various almost transparent shimmering veils. The banner above the bars rudimentary stage said exotic dancer, but she was sat there looking bored out of her skull cleaning a lethal looking voltic wand whilst at her feet was a flame artifact of some description that looked like it had seen better days.

"Naru get over here and sit down," Ryu bellowed at Naru.

Naru quickly did as she was told.

"Listen, I've got a job to do and the people whom I have allowed the honour of letting them give me money have begged that I take you and several others along."

Naru – who glanced up from the ale stains that she had been considering licking to get some alcohol into her system - looked shocked.

"If you follow orders, I can get your amour cleaned up, your weapons back and some food, but screw this up and there won't be enough of you left to make a meat sandwich for Ripper here. Understand?"

Naru nodded in wonderment realising that this supreme deific being in front of her was offering her another chance at life. One that she immediately realised she had to grab with both hands. So, after pleading loyalty to the being in front of her, she pledged her pitiful life to his service.

Ryu looked at Naru shaking his head, "No, you're not good enough to be considered one of my hirelings, so for the duration of this job, if any one asks you'll be taking orders from your superior Ripper here."

Ripper growled and then for a second an evil gleam appeared in his eye.

Naru just shook with fear but agreed.

Ryu threw his now empty flagon at the bartender and yelled, "OI YOU! FOOD AND DRINK NOW!"

The bartender hurried off to comply, placing two plates of food on the table and two flagons of ale besides them.

Ryu stared at Naru as Naru slowly poured her ale onto the floor. "I'll have a flagon of clean water, thanks."

Ryu just slowly nodded and then grabbed hold of the bartender. "What's up with the entertainment?" he asked.

"Oh she's finally paid off her bill but now doesn't know what to do," the bartender responded.

"Call her over."

"Um, I'm not sure thats a good ewk....-" he bartender squeaked.

"You seem to be under the impression that I was requesting you call her over. Do I look like the sort of person that asks for things?"

The bartender slowly shook his head and in a barely audio voice squeaked out, "Lola! Over here, now girl, quickly!"

The girl bound over energetically and introduced herself. "Hi! My names Kyi...just Kyi, and when I grow up I want to be a real Ele!"

Ryu looked Lola over, wondering exactly what was hidden under the shimmering veils besides the wand and focus before realising that they had a spare space in the party and that a relatively unknown wouldn't cost that much to hire.

"You want to earn yourself some gold by adventuring?"

Kyi nodded her head up and down rapidly in a manner very reminiscent of a hydra.

"Oh yes please! Please let me come with you! I'm such a newbie that I'm barely able to walk and talk with out tripping over my own feet!"

Ryu nodded at the obvious statement that the young wannabe elementalist had made.

Coming soon the discovery of the She-man