Title: The Day In The Life....

Author: Ryu-ookami

Rating: Teen

Summary: This is a series of short snapshots in the life of Ryu Shinigami – Warrior Adventurer Extraordinaire

Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright to Guild Wars, although I do own multiple copies of the game, and I make no monetary profit from the creation and distribution of this story.

Notes: This is a parody. Be ready to expect gratuitous violence to occur on a regular basis. I have also, where possible, asked the creators of their characters permission to use their characters. Also, and this is greatly important, a HUGE thank you goes to Shi-koi for beta reading this for me and correcting the huge number of mistakes I often make. :)

Notes : be warned in this chapter there is much implied gayness

Chapter Four

Ryu, Ripper, Naru and Kyi watched as their target was kicked out of yet another shop.

They had been in Ascalon for the past three days after having traveled for several weeks to get there. They had followed rumours, half truths and the like and they had finally found the monk in one of the stranger parts of Ascalon.

All four watched in amazement and with amused expressions, after all it wasn't every day you got to see a bald headed monk expelled from a lingerie shop for non-payment of HIS bills. Then for the party it got even more amusing, for as the bald monk was thrown backwards the dusty pink dress he was wearing fell over his head, revealing to all and sundry the vibrant pink stocking and suspenders set he was wearing, to say nothing of the shocking pink knickers with butterflies plastered all over them and what suspiciously looked like a matching pink corset.

The party had yet to actually approach the monk. They had intended to on the first day but after seeing him kicked out of one shop they had paused and, realising how amusing it was since that time, they and several others had just taken to following the monk for the amusement of seeing him thrown out of the other shops he frequented.

The monk got up pleading that he needed just one more week and that he would pay off his bills but that he just had to have the new sheer pink stockings in the windows as they would go perfectly with his pink whiptail devourer hide high heel boots and his pink tartan mini skirt.

Realizing that he had an audience the monk dusted himself down and looked at the now gathering crowd with apprehension.

Someone from within the crowd threw what looked remarkably like a rotten tomato at the monk, barely missing him.

"Please, there's no need for that. Let's all be friends and be nice to one another and happily skip through the flowers," the pink monk exclaimed.

Two members of the crowd who seemed to have been drinking picked up a couple of nearby sticks and went to take a step forward threateningly. Ryu decided that enough was enough, even if the monk was a little odd he didn't deserve being harmed that badly.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Ryu said in a reasonably loud tone of voice.

"Oh no? Why not? What are you going to do to stop us?" One of the toughs exclaimed, the alcohol stopping him from seeing the magnificence that was Ryu.

"Me, nothing at all, but do you really want to catch what he has?"

The crowd took a couple of steps back.

"Catch? What do you mean catch?"

"Well, look at him, have you ever seen someone that looked like that, dressed like that and acted like that who wasn't ill?"

The crowd took several more steps backs.

"And after all, whatever he has, who's to say it's not catching..."

There was a silence, then the sound of stones and sticks being dropped was followed by a mass exodus of the crowd down a nearby alley.

The monk walked over, brushing dust from his fuschia staff which he had recovered from the ground. Smiling, he approached them.

Ripper sniffed at the approaching monk and then snorted. The monk smelt like he had been dipped in a vat of honey and then covered in cheap tacky perfume. Ripper decided there and then that if it was a matter of eating the monk or starving that he would rather starve than eat anything that smelt like this monk did.

"Hello I'm the pink monk, helper of the weak and the newbish, and nominated wearer of the pink corset as chosen by the order of the gayish monks. I'm also the five times winner of Mr Gay Ascalon and I'm also very proud to be Mr December in this years Naked Gay Charr Calender available at all good merchants for just a few gold coins," the monk proclaimed with a wink, "but remember, it was cold up there and shrinkages do happen," he added with a girlish giggle.

The entire party shuddered at the images that those few sentence brought to mind. Ryu suddenly realised that he might not have been that far from the truth when he had announced the monks possibly illness.

Kyi stepped forward. "Hi! My names Kyi, unless I'm doing my exotic dancer routine then it's Lola. I love your outfit!"

The monk looked apprehensively at the chatting hyperactive elementalist that suddenly filled his field of vision.

"And this is Naru and this is Ripper and this is Ryu," she continued in an excited manner much like a two year old on a sugar high.

The monk gulped. "The Ripper? The Ryu?"

"Yep, yep, you bet, yep!" The elementalist continued blithely.

The monk fell to the ground and started banging his head on the ground whilst chanting, "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy," over and over again.

Ryu shook his head, this was always happening. Some religious nut saw Ryu and thought that their God had descended or ascended from Hell or Heaven, depending on the beliefs of the monk, and had come to visit them, bringing eternal damnation or salvation with him.

Ryu looked at the monk and then gestured for Naru to get him up, Naru promptly nudged the monk with her foot.

The monk looked up at Naru. "I'm sorry, I seemed to have a funny turn were we talking?"

Naru pointed at Ryu. The monk followed Naru's gaze and looked at Ryu once more before falling to the floor and banging his head and starting to chant all over again.

Ryu sighed it looked like it was going to be a long long day.

Much later...

"I'm not worthy," thud, "I'm not worthy," thud, "I'm not worthy," thud.

"Kyi, go get some food and drink for us, this looks like its going to take a while," Ryu ordered the young elementalist.

Much much much later...

"I'm not worthy," thud, "I'm not worthy," thud, "I'm not worthy," thud.

Sometime the following day...

Thud, "Iz nozzzzzzz wotzh," thud...then silence.

Naru nudged the now unconscious monk and looked at Ryu. "Master, I think he's finally finished."

Ryu looked at Naru, who seemed to be suffering from some form of personality disorder, since Ryu had paid a monk to place an enchantment on the fallen warrior to cure her of her addiction to alcohol.

Of course Ryu hadn't told any one he was doing this, for three reasons. The first being that he hadn't wanted anyone to know about it. The second was because technically the enchantment was detrimental to the recipients health and thirdly because it was pointed out as a plot hole to the author who is trying to cover his back.

Since that enchantment had been cast Naru had become a sycophant fawning all over Ryu.

Ryu looked at the now bruised and battered monk. Considering the unconscious form at his feet for a while he finally said, "Pick him up, the mission stated that he had to come along not that he had to be conscious."

"So where to now boss? Huh? Huh? Huh? YEP, YEP where to now? That's the question, isn't it? Yep yep yep." Kyi spewed out in fits and bursts.

Ryu just sighed, this mission was starting to be more trouble than it was worth. Ryu looked down at the list he held in his hand. Next was to find was Hitomi Kyoko and there was only one place he was going to be. Ryu shook his head, he hated where he had to go next but it was the logical place for the elementalist-librarian to be.

"Raisu Palace, we're off to the the Imperial library at Raisu Palace and god help them if they try to make me Emperor again," Ryu proclaimed before stalking off, annoyance at the irritations that were other lesser beings apparent in every stride.

Coming soon Rippers ABC of reading...