Title: The Day In The Life....

Author: Ryu-ookami

Rating: Teen

Summary: This is a series of short snapshots in the life of Ryu Shinigami – Warrior Adventurer Extraordinaire

Disclaimer: I do not own the copyright to Guild Wars, although I do own multiple copies of the game, and I make no monetary profit from the creation and distribution of this story.

Notes: This is a parody. Be ready to expect gratuitous violence to occur on a regular basis. I have also, where possible, asked the creators of their characters permission to use their characters. Also, and this is greatly important, a HUGE thank you goes to Shi-koi for beta reading this for me and correcting the huge number of mistakes I often make. :)

Story Notes : The date in this story is given as AE (after exodus) which is how the dates are compiled within the game.

Chapter Five

Ryu spat over the side of the ship as it pulled into Bejunkan Pier, he hated this place and its pathetic people. The last time he had been here they had tried to depose of their emperor and declare him their new God-King and supreme ruler. Suffice to say he had left shortly after and hadn't bothered returning since.

Ryu was distracted from his musings by a groan coming from down near his feet. Ryu looked down it appeared that the pink monk was starting to recover consciousness again. As he he had done so many times on this trip, Ryu drew back his foot before kicking the pink monk in the jaw sending him back into unconsciousness again.

"Night night monky monk," Kyi whispered before giggling and returning to her recently discovered new favorite pastime, which consisted of watching all the topless sailors climb the rigging, whilst drooling over the images that flashed through her mind consisting of herself, the sailors and half a dozen jars of honey.

Ryu left her to her drooling, remembering the first three days of their trip.

Flashback to the first three days of the trip...

"Ryu....?"

"What, Kyi?"

"Are we there yet?"

"No Kyi, we will be there shortly."

There was a silence for a period of about ten seconds and then a hyperactive voice broke the quiet.

"Ryu?"

"What Kyi?"

"Are we there now?"

"No Kyi."

There was silence for another ten seconds or so.

"Are we there yet?"

"No Kyi."

After three days of this Ryu had considered throwing the hyperactive annoyance overboard. Then one of the sailors had introduced her to the sugary substance called honey and she had discovered the game she was now playing.

End of flashback...

There was another groan this time from the other side of Ryu. Ryu glanced down and half managed to hide the smirk that appeared on his face, after all who would have known that raptors were able to suffer sea sickness. Though, since being sick, Ripper had made it blatantly clear that the moment they were all on dry land some one was going to suffer for the shameless loss of his dignity.

Looking over at the other member of the party Ryu noticed that Naru was once again polishing her sword and shield. Skiveheart was starting to be a cause of concern to the sailors and they had very politely requested that Ryu keep an eye on her. Apparently sitting in one place polishing your sword and shield and naming them Deidre and Dorothy whilst murmuring endearments to them such as:

"Dorothy, who's a good little shield? Yes, you are. Yes you are."

...and:

"Deidre, who's the sharpest little sword in the world? You are, oh yes you are."

...and even worse:

"I love you Dorothy. Oh don't get jealous Deidre. I love you too..."

After he had watched this for a few times Ryu had quickly come to the conclusion that there were some things he didn't want to know. He also wondered if Naru had always been this strange or if the lack of alcohol had started to effect her mental state.

Ryu glanced back over the side of the ship. He watched as the ship's gangway was lowered and, looking beyond the gangway Ryu, spied the coach that he had ordered be readied for him and the others for when they arrived.

A little while later after a coach trip in which nothing much happened...

Ryu stared at the gates to Raisu Palace. It looked like the current emperor was into ostentatious displays - if the solid gold forty foot high gates were anything to go by.

In the five minutes that they had been waiting, he had already had to stop Naru from trying to carve a big chunk out of the gate three times. Kyi on the other hand had just taken to singing to herself as she stared at her reflections in the highly polished gates.

Unfortunately the constant murmurings of, "I see one Kyi - giggle giggle. I see two Kyis - giggle giggle. I see three Kyis – muhahaha!" was starting to get irritating.

Quite frankly, the only member of the party apart from Ripper that wasn't starting to give Ryu a headache was The Pink Monk, and that was only because Ryu had knocked him unconscious again shortly after the coach trip had begun.

Kyi interrupted Ryu's contemplation by exclaiming, "Someone's coming!"

Ryu looked up and watched as a balding, overweight man, started to open the gates by pulling a lever. Kyi looked at the man, then at the pink monk, then at the man, then at the pink monk, then she looked at Ryu. "Um..um..."

Ryu sighed. "They're identical twin brothers Kyi, or they were until that one," he pointed at the man at the other side of the gates, "got so fat."

"Fat? Fat? I'm not fat. I'm just big boned and anyway, it's not fat, it's relaxed muscle."

"Yep and your brother's not gay, he just has an interesting take on male bonding," Ryu continued, "besides I've been requested to take you along on my current quest."

"Hi, I'm Kyi and that's Ryu and Ripper and Naru! Glad to have you in the party!" Kyi exclaimed while hopping up and down.

"Well, I'm sorry but that's out of the question I have too much to do here. Why, just the other day we had a selection of recently discovered manuscripts that date from 675AE that I have to document," the fat balding man stated.

"Hitomi," Ryu started, "these manuscripts...would they be a yellowish parchment with reddish writing?" he asked.

"Yes, of course," Hitomi responded, "all manuscripts from that age are."

"And were they tied with a black ribbon that had gold thread running though it?" Ryu continued questioning, ignoring the interruption.

"How did you know that? The information that we found them hasn't even been released yet let alone what they look like!" Hitomi exclaimed in a breathless kind of voice.

In answer Ryu just gestured at a point past Hitomi where it seemed that Ripper had decided that ripping priceless ancient documents up would be a good way to regain his dignity.

There was a loud thud as Hitomi hit the floor unconscious in a dead faint.

Kyi looked at the pink monk and then at the balding pudgy man beside him. "Ohhh," she exclaimed, "now I see the family resemblance!"

Ryu exhaled loudly. He had a headache now and he knew that with the addition of Hitomi to the party it was only going to get worse. Pausing for a moment, Ryu nodded to himself in thought before picking both Hitomi and the pink monk up and throwing one over each of his shoulders before walking back towards the waiting coach.

Kyi looked at Naru. Naru looked at Kyi. Kyi looked back at Naru. Naru looked at Dorothy and Deidre. Nodding to each other both Kyi and Naru raced back to the coach.

A short time later...

Ryu sat glaring over at Naru. During the three hours that Hitomi had been out cold Naru had begged and pleaded to be allowed to explain to Hitomi why he had to join the party, after the first few hours Ryu had agreed purely because he couldn't be bothered to deal with Naru or Hitomi. It was a decision that he was now coming to regret as he stared over at Naru and Hitomi's table listening to their conversation with every more growing disbelief.

"So you see Hitomi, you either come with us or you'll regret it," Naru stated.

Hitomi looked at Naru. "And you do realise that if I do regret it that you'll regret it more, don't you?" Hitomi asked.

Kyi made a mark on the floor with a piece of chalk she was holding whilst she sat at Ryu's feet.

"Maybe, but if i have to involve the Sisterhood of Original Daughters of the Shiverpeaks then I will." Naru said pointedly.

Kyi made yet another mark on the floor

Hitomi's face started turning red. "S.O.D.S? You think I'm scared of S.O.D.S.? If S.O.D.S came after me, then I'd leave note that the Temple Warriors of Tahnakai Sanctuary should be sent after them."

Kyi made a slightly larger mark on the floor.

Naru stared. "You'd send T.W.A.T.S after me? If you do that it means war. It would also leave me with no choice but to go the final stage, in which I'd have to involve the Brutal Order of Balthazar's Sisterhood."

"Yes, but if you involve B.O.O.B.S then I would also have to go to the final stage. I would have no choice but to call on the Assassins and Ritualists of Slavers Exile."

Kyi made another mark on the floor, grinned, and then nodded to herself.

Naru shivered. "You'd...you'd really call in A.R.S.E?" she whispered.

Hitomi nodded.

Naru looked down at the table. "But if you do that I'd be dead." Naru stood up. "Do you know how long its taken me to put this character together? If you call in A.R.S.E I'd have to start all over again and I've only just maxed out this characters Wisdom track," Naru continued.

"Tough," Hitomi said confidently, "It says right here on page XXCIVV that I can call in A.R.S.E as long as I roll a 12 or more on a D20 if the village or city we are in contains at least one pig and one sheep within its boundaries."

Ryu suddenly realised that he might have had the totally wrong idea as to what was going on over at their table. Crossing quickly over, he looked down at the pieces of paper, dice and little toy soldier like figures that covered the surface.

Games. They were playing bloody games.

Kyi suddenly squealed, stopping Ryu from doing anything too violent to the pair.

"Look, it's a horsey!" She proclaimed, pointing at her drawing on the floor.

Ryu groaned and hung his head. "I'm going to bed." He signaled to the inn keeper. "Do you have any larger mugs than these?" Ryu asked whilst pointing at the mug that was sat on the table he had just left.

"No, Oh Mighty Ryu, those are the largest mugs we have," the innkeeper whispered, awe stricken that someone as supremely awesome as Ryu had deigned to speak to such a lowly pathetic pile of hydra dung as himself.

Ryu considered the various members of the party, and shook his head. "In that case, send a barrel of whatever your strongest ale is up to my room." Ryu inspected his reluctantly chosen traveling companions, he had a feeling that things were soon to get a whole lot worse.

Ryu groaned again, shaking his head. He headed to bed, after all how much worse could it get? He was already traveling with a hyper-active flame-wielding wannabe elementalist, a recovering delusional washed up warrior, a transsexual gender-confused lace wearing monk and now he had added a pudgy balding book obsessed rulebook waving librarian.

Ryu sighed again and wondered away to bed.

TBC

Coming soon! The return of an old flame.