Uhm... I kinda forgot where I was going with the garlic plant mission. Sorry, I've been very busy with school work lately and couldn't think of a resolution for the story when I got stuck a few months back. I don't like discontinuing fics, though, so I will keep writing this.

So, I hope no one minds if I change the storyline from Chapter Seven onwards. I already renamed the current Chapter Eight to Chapter X. If my muses will it and they help me remember later on where that one was going, I'll write it out, but for the time being, let's stick with the soap opera in the hot springs.

Since it's against the rules to post an entire chapter that is filled only with Author's Notes, I present to you this little filler while I work out the rest of the story, okay? Thanks so much for sticking with me. I sincerely hope you enjoy this one.

The Man In Your Dreams

Filler Chapter : Into the Mind of the Joker

Haruki is straight as an arrow.

It is impossible for him to fall for another man. There is absolutely no, not in this lifetime, never in a million years, no frigging way that he could be attracted to a man. Not even an effeminate man like Kazuki.

In fact, Haruki's so straight that when he eats hotdogs, he bites them in the middle.

A man being attracted to another man—no matter how pretty that other man could be—is completely against the laws of nature. Men went with women, boys went with girls, therefore the Bloody Joker could only go with someone who had natural breasts and not extra extremities in between their legs.

He scanned the room and his eyes landed on the buxom blonde informant. Rather, his eyes landed on the buxom blonde informant's rather deep cleavage. That's right! He was attracted to Hevn and those beautiful, creamy, more than a handful...

< < TOING! > >

Houston, we have lift off! That's good. Haruki wasn't losing his touch. He then remembered where he was. The redhead nervously looked around the room to see if his little "reaction" was noticed.

Hevn wasn't looking, good.

But Paul is, Haruki gulped when he noted the suspicious eyebrow cocked at him. Better be more discreet next time. Better think of something to calm myself down.

Haruki's gaze landed on the Beast Master sitting beside him. Okay, Shido. Let's picture Shido's beast master form...

Down... down... almost there...

...in a teeny-weeny yellow polka-dot bikini!

The thought was a sacrilege to bikinis everywhere, in Haruki's mind. But, that should do the trick.

The former Volts lieutenant felt himself lose a little respect for his dear friend. But, Shido was doing him a big favor without even knowing it. And it did the trick. He was back at his ground state, so to speak.

See? Haruki is straight. He's so straight that he doesn't lick or suck popsicles, he bites them.

Now, to double check, another test subject is needed. Haruki's gaze landed on Natsumi. Hmmm... Natsumi's wide expressive eyes and cute kissable lips. Natsumi's slender, dancer-like figure. And let's not forget those killer legs of hers...

< < TOING! > >

Hahah! Haruki saluted the loveliness of Natsumi with a standing ovation. Two out of two! He glanced around again to see if anyone noticed his little homage to Honky Tonk's waitress. Natsumi was naturally oblivious, but Paul and Hevn weren't.

Both were giving him warning looks. He could almost read their minds by the way they were glaring at him and Haruki could take a hint.

And since it was so effective, Haruki used the same method to get his little man in line. Think of Shido in a bikini until all weapons are properly holstered and removed from their attack position.

See? Haruki is straight. He's so straight that if he were a woman, he'd become a lesbian.

He was finally comforted that could not be attracted in anyway to Kazuki.

Oh yeah, Kazuki. The reason why they were all gathered there. He glanced over to where the string master was sitting. There was the beautiful brunette with lips, a little puffy from the force of his kiss with Ban, slightly parted. His slender chest rose and fell quickly, in pace with his breathing. His almost iridescent ivory skin was flushed pink at the cheeks.

< < TOING! > >

Oh! Crap! NONONONONONONONO! He could not be having that kind of reaction because of another man.

Quick! Think of Shido in a bikini! Haruki ordered himself. Shidoinabikini! Shidoinabikini!

Over and over, Haruki played his mantra in his head. Shidoinabikini. Shidoinabikini.

"Damn. Even Shido's looking sexy in that bikini," Haruki grumbled when his old method didn't work.

He was just about to search for a new way to get himself "settled" when he heard a choking sound from Shido who was beside him.

Oh shit, did I say that out loud? Did Shido hear?

Haruki looked over at Shido who was watching him warily while slowly inching away.

Damn that Shido's bat-like hearing.

Haruki sighed. See? Haruki is straight. He's so straight that he's looped right back to gay.

Author's Notes:

Uhh... the "He's so straight" sentences are quotes I heard from various TV shows and movies. Another sad attempt of mine at humor. If you don't understand "Toing", do me a favor and don't ask.

I hope I made you crack a smile!

I'm going to finish this fic soon, I promise!

-paris