45 THINGS TO DO TO EXTREMELY ANNOY EDWARD CULLEN
1 Steal all his CDs and open up a music store, include all his musical intruments and his highly expensive music system, then when no one buys the symphonies donate them to a rest home.
2 After accomplishing #1 laugh and wave your newly accuired money bags in his face and dance around his now-empty room.
3 Tell him that Bella fell off a very high building and that Jasper drank all her blood and is now lying in the streets drunken because he has been deprived off human blood for so long.
4 Tell Bella that if she falls off said building that Edward will be forced to change her, place Jasper below her, then push.
5 Say the elves did it whenever you are confronted for annoying actions, you may also say that the flying spider monkeys must be up to trouble again.
6 Pour itching powder into Rosalie's lingerie drawer and blame it on Edward.
7 Steal Jasper's banana, leaving a ransom note signed by Ace the Apple, in Edward's handwriting. (see first chapter)
8 Tell Emmett all Edward and Bella's dirty little secrets.
9 One of the said secrets is that he is alone with Bella in her room everynight.
10 Donate his grand piano to the crash-test-dummy business and watch as they ram a car into it, then think about it all the time to provoke Edward.
11 Tell Bella that the Volturi are coming for her, then give her a note in Aro's hand saying her life will end soon, then think about it, Edward will hunt you down. Should be fun.
12 Force Jasper to make friends with the werewolves, he will like them so much that he will hang out with them all the time, fogging up Alice's vision, blame it on Edward.
13 Think about changing Bella yourself, hoping Edward will pick a fight with you.
14 Beat him at said fight.
15 Hide Bella in the woods and tell Edward and the rest of the family that there is a treasure hunt, leave clues describing Bella's traits and hide them all over the forest.
16 When you hide Bella for said treasure hunt, plant Jacob next to her, he will try to seduce her and they will be kissing very passionately when Edward finds her.
17 Laugh evilly because you know that Jacob is with Bella on said treasure hunt, fogging up Alice's vision so no one can find her.
18 Convince Rosalie that if she kills Bella her perfect life will go back to normal.
19 Slip poison into Bella's soda, forcing Edward to change her or she will die.
20 Just before his wedding, pour mud all over everything, tell him that you let a muddy pig in the house because it was addressed to him and Bella as a wedding present, then run away from Alice, who will be steaming mad and very willing to kill you.
21 Steal the carved wolf on Bella's charm bracelet and tell her that Edward took it and gave it to Jacob with a note in her handwriting saying she never wants to see him again.
22 Laugh at her face after you have performed #21
23 Lock Bella alone in a cage with a crazed bloodthirsty vampire, provoke Edward.
24 Call Edward weird nicknames such as, Edwardo, Edweirdo, Edweena, Edwenis, Eddie, Ed, and/or Edwombat.
25 Call him Edward Masen, instead of Cullen.
26 Tell him you had an ex-boyfriend called Edward Masen, then laugh when he says he's never had you as a girlfriend, then proceed to remind him that his father's name was Edward Masen too.
27 Laugh at his face after performing #26
28 Repeat #26 but instead of telling the story to Edward proceed to tell the rest of his family and Bella, then laugh at their faces.
29 Cut holes in all of Rosalie and Alice's shirts, then their bras will be exposed, blame it on Edward.
30 Make a music tape of Bella screaming in pain and play it over and over in Edward's room, then when he is devastated that he couldn't get to her in time tell him that she is fine and downstairs.
31 Run as fast as you can away from him after making sure #30 has been accomplished.
32 Teach the entire family the Soulja Boy, and continue to perform it in front of him around 300 times until he is on his knees begging you to stop, then do it 500 more times laughing the entire time you do.
33 Crash his Volvo, then when he buys another more faster car, crash that too.
34 Blare the song Sexy Back from his room and when he enters Bella will be strapped to a chair, make sure she is wearing clothes, you want to annoy him, not die.
35 (continued from #34) make sure Jacob is in the room when Edward enters, then laugh and laugh and laugh as Jacob runs to the treaty line, he will dance all up and down the treaty line and Edward won't be able to hit him at all.
36 Run away when Bella tells Edward it is all your fault.
37 When Edward claims he has all the CDs in the world tell him that you have some in your room, laugh when he says he wasn't speaking in literal terms, laugh and say you knew that then lock your room so he can't retrieve the CDs you stole.
38 Tell him you have a mountain lion pie for him then shove a pumpkin pie down his throat instead, laugh when he realizes there is no meat or blood in the pie at all. Then run away as fast as you can.
39 Perform #38 on Bella except telling her you have a pumpkin pie, then shove a mountain lion pie down her throat, laugh masochistically as Edward tries to kill you, then run to Bermuda where he won't be able to find you.
40 Play Edwards piano with your toes, making sure all the fungus from your toes gets stuck between the keys
42 Skip the number 41, then have Edward read this list, when he gets to 42 he will be extremely annoyed that there is no 41
43 Speak in one word sentences in front of him.
44 Teach Bella some offensive vampire jokes, have her say them to you while you are recording it. Then put it on a loudspeaker all over the Cullen's house, laugh until your eyes pop out.
45 Tell Edward that Bella has dyed her hair blonde, then put make-up on Rosalie making her look like Bella, when Edward realizes that the girl he is kissing and holding is not Bella run from him.
46 When Emmett finds out about #45 run from him too, except tell him that Rosalie dyed her hair brown, then make Bella look like Rosalie, run from both Edward and Emmett, they will be annoyed by both #45 and #46
THANK YOU FOR READING, I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS!
REVIEW OR I WILL NOT CONTINUE, THAT'S A PROMISE.
Tweedlebugqueen